What exactly is the "blue pill" solution to solving a deadbedroom?

GridReXX · 2024-07-05T16:51:50+00:00

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EulenWatcher · 2024-07-05T17:19:44+00:00

I don't think there's one solution for everyone as it depends on the reason for the deadbedroom. Assuming that we aren't talking about any irreversible health issues common advice is:

Check a LL partner's health, especially their hormone levels.
Sport sometimes helps one's libido levels.
Both partners should try prioritizing their appearance and health. It helps if a HL partner is well groomed and has a nice body, it also helps a LL partner to have confidence needed to relax and get into the mood.
Communicate and figure out whether there's any resentment on a LL part that has killed their libido. If it's something manageable, partners should address the underlying issue. They can try couple counseling. Sometimes it's just too late though.
Making sure that a LL has enough energy and time to actually get any sexual desire. It might be impossible for some time if we're talking about a postpartum woman, a woman taking care of multiple small kids etc.
Prioritizing non-sexual touch and romance.
Scheduling things can help, especially if it's a couple with kids, busy schedules etc. It gives a LL time to "get into the mood".
Overall, if one of the partners isn't really interested in resolving the issue, the other can't force it. Sometimes breaking up is the only solution.

backstabber81 · 2024-07-05T18:27:52+00:00

I think the Red Pill solution for men doesn't really take into account the possible causes of a dead bedroom, that only works if your partner has lost physical attraction to you, but there are more possible causes that are not always up to the man's control:

Is my partner stressed, depressed, sick or on medication? Those can drastically affect libido
Does my partner feel attractive? Are they struggling with body image issues?
Are we spending enough quality time and going on dates, or are we more like roommates?
Does my partner get enough work / life balance to have the time and energy to be intimate?
Is our communication good? Does my partner know I'm not satisfied with the current affair of things?

Those are just some things to consider, people who start out attracted to each other normally have healthy sex lives, but those can go to sh*t due to external factors sometimes. It takes commitment from both partners to work on solving a DB.

If your partner says they're not in the mood but then refuse to elaborate or don't do anything try to fix it / address the cause, there's not much that can be done other than accepting the new status quo or moving on to a relationship where your needs are met.

wtknight · 2024-07-05T17:12:34+00:00

Couples therapy. Therapy is always the Blue Pill solution.

RoninOnBananaLeaves · 2024-07-05T17:32:16+00:00

Discuss the problem with your wife/gf
Get a health checkup for both. There could be a billion medical conditions causing it.
Then use your brain to decide the best course of action.

Breaking up, working out, treatment for hormonal imbalances are all viable solutions, but that depends on whether you know what the problem is.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-07-05T16:52:47+00:00

If talking about things and trying to change things up doesn’t work, and she still just can’t get her body aroused, and if sex is important for you, what you should do is divorce.

We don’t just support divorce for unhappy women. Men should also divorce from marriages that don’t satisfy them.

There was a dude here last time we had this conversation and he was saying “I wouldn’t divorce, I’d just cheat on her. If she divorces me, that’s her own fault.”

It really helps explain why women file for divorce more often. If seems many men will just stay in a shitty relationship because they’d rather be shitty than single.

Novadina · 2024-07-05T17:00:09+00:00

Really depends on the cause of a dead bedroom. Is it because someone has gotten fat and unattractive? Then they might try to change their diet and work out. Is it because someone is too stressed out and busy to be able to relax? Then maybe the other partner needs to pick up some slack, or the stressed out person needs to change jobs or there needs to be some other change to address the issue. Is it because aging and changing hormones or ED? Maybe there is a medical solution or there needs to be better care of their health. Is it because of too much porn consuming all his sexual energy and he has none left for his wife? Maybe he should quit porn. Is it because someone isn’t in love anymore? Maybe a divorce is in order. Is someone unhappy? Maybe therapy can help sort it out.

SaBahRub · 2024-07-05T17:17:29+00:00

Communicate, then either compromise, fix it, accept it or break up

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-07-05T16:50:37+00:00

9 times out of 10 the problem is some issues that get left unsaid and it builds resentment. Talk it out before it gets there

The other things could be medical. Talk it out and discuss it

Or just not prioritizing “together time”. Talk it out and plan it

Talk it out. Make time for each other and communicate. It’s not complicated, people just get to busy or don’t want to have hard conversations so they don’t open up to who is supposed to be your favorite person.

Almost every time I’ve seen a couple take the time to work through the issues, they end up getting things back to normal

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gunkinthewine · 2024-07-05T20:13:39+00:00

“DB occurs because of man’s lack of attractiveness” is not always the case. Work-life imbalance, stress, lack of time (e.g., kids being around), mental or health issues can also lead to dead-bedrooms.

Probably the most Bluepill solution is open communication. In an ideal relationship, where both parties are initially attracted to each other and not asexual, communicating your needs and issues, being understanding, and supportive can go a long way. As others have mentioned, getting a health check and therapy can help too.

But Bluepill doesn’t discard the advice to “try to be more attractive to her/him.” If attraction loss is the only cause of my dead-bedroom, it’s my responsibility to pull myself together. Maybe I’ve put on some weight or haven’t been keeping up with my hygiene like before, or maybe we need more nonsexual romantic intimacy. These are things one can definitely work on.

The theoretical path should be:

Communicate and identify issues.
If possible, work on these issues.
If needed, get external help (medical or therapy).
If you cannot resolve the issues and sex is important to you, or your partner isn’t attracted to you, consider divorce.

DBerwick · 2024-07-05T21:28:00+00:00

The redpill solution here isn't the worst, but it's shortsighted and doesn't actually address the issues. it succeeds by fluke.

First, address hormonal issues. Increase in stress csn tank libido, job burnout, sleep deprivation, diet or new medications. Unless it's specifically a coping strategy, most individuals don't get aroused under stress, and the experiencing is rarely fulfilling when it is.

If the above factors aren't playing a role, it has more to do with the relationship. Loss of respect, trust, and intimacy are the big factors here. The redpill solution actually succeeds in the first factor: we have more respect for someone who takes care of themselves and asserts their needs. Likewise, one element of trust is one's ability to provide for us in a relationship -- if you're a flake and a failure, you're not getting anyone riled up. This goes beyond trusting someone's honesty (although that is one part of it), it's being able to count on them to be consistent, despite setbacks and circumstances. If they've gotten to the point of wondering if you'll manage, you're already on death's door.

Lastly is intimacy, which arises out of trust. The ability for your partner to completely let their guard down around you. This means they have nothing they need to or want to hide. Resentment is a poison to this and healthy communication is the antidote. If your partner doesn't have all their cards on the table, you're not going to win.

In a nutshell:

Be the best version of yourself (because you deserve your own respect; not just to get laid)
Be that version so consistently that your partner feels safe from the world because of you
Within that safety, ensure your partner feels emotionally safe and care-free WITH you.

Communication is essential at every step just so you understand what your partner is looking for at every layer. No need to build muscle (step 1) when your partner's more concerned with your bad breath. Providing financially (step 2) may not matter if your partner is a high-earner, while being the one who always jumps at the little problems that arise (handiwork, getting the kids to a field trip, arranging holiday plans, whatever) could be more valued. Knowing how to ask questions (step 3) might be more valuable than knowing how to offer solutions.

Healthy relationships don't suffer from dead bedrooms (barring the stress/hormone-related issues) or cheating.

Normalize-polyamory · 2024-07-06T00:15:40+00:00

It appears that the red pill hypothesis here could be an oversimplification. First off, the premise of this question is that the bedroom is dead because the women doesn’t want to have sex where a bedroom could be dead if a man doesn’t want to have sex. Making yourself more attractive is great, but different people see different things as attractive, and getting jacked may attract most women but for some women, muscular strength may have little to nothing to do with if she wants to have sex.

There are a million different reasons why desire for sex is lacking and assuming that it’s because someone isn’t attractive enough may contribute to the problem. Talk to your partner and communicate why one doesn’t want to have sex. Communicate your needs. Seeing a couples therapist or sex therapist may be helpful.

But sexual attraction has been demonstrated in studies to decline naturally in couples. Some couples solve this by breaking up over and over again I.e. serial monogamy. But it’s not necessary to give up the emotional connection in order to experience new relationship energy again. Non monogamy is an entirely appropriate solution if the couple has the level of emotional maturity and education for it.

Title	What exactly is the "blue pill" solution to solving a deadbedroom?
Author	castironskilletset
Upvotes	8
Comments	81
Date	July 5, 2024 4:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dw2fuz/what_exactly_is_the_blue_pill_solution_to_solving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-exactly-is-the-blue-pill-solution-to-solving.1523357 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523357

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