Why do women keep getting into situationships?

saraimarsena · 2026-07-07T04:12:37+00:00

i’m ngl , the only situationship i’ve found myself in was with an ex who desperately wanted to be in a relationship while i was wishy washy about cutting him off. he bought me expensive gifts but also treated me poorly, and i had low self esteem.

so i won’t say its always a girl who wants a relationship with a guy who doesn’t, even if sure, thats often the case.

i’ve also had friends who enjoy the loose fun of being in a relationship, but dont want to be totally tied down. non committal types probably can enjoy situationships quite a lot. there’s also an underlying fear of being alone for some people.

Tylikcat · 2026-07-07T04:40:02+00:00

It happens. It takes a certain amount of discipline to look at someone you're really into and realize "They're just not that into me," and leave them.

I've mostly been on the other side of it - a lot of times I had some casual fling with a guy. And we talked it through beforehand, usually, and agreed on no strings. But then he caught feelings and wanted a relationship, and I just wasn't that into him. And sometimes he swore up and down that he was fine being friends with benefits (and I do emphasize the friends there, not just the fucking) but it became clear that he really wasn't. I tried to gentle extricate myself from those things as soon as I was pretty sure that was what was up.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-07-07T04:19:03+00:00

Being honest? Most of women have been told that men hate commitment and that it's so uncool to want a label.

I find that this has gotten much worse as both sides avoid the "what are we" conversation. Because they don't want to look uncool or they're scared of confrontation.

The only solution is that we need to stop caring about what's cool and have the courage to have difficult conversations.

If a man says he doesn't want to put a label on it? Take it as a no he doesn't want a relationship. Not a maybe.

I knew a girl who avoided the conversation and just started calling him BF and seeing his reaction. If he didn't protest he would be onboard.

Yeah it didn't work out well.

The people who it keeps happening to are generally: - prefer the situationship to being single. Even if they would ideally want more - people who wanted casual and caught feelings. Now they feel like they can't progress because they did agree to casual - people who are bad at serious conversations and would rather ignore the issue until it reaches critical mass

Take your pick.

In my experience there are more women who claim they want more but get stuck in situationships

But I've seen a lot of men who claim they "don't want commitment" but get angry and hurt when the girl breaks it off because she wanted something more.

One guy got angry because she started seeing another guy. They weren't exclusive because he didn't like labels. I don't know what he was expecting.

Afraid_Fondant_7903 · 2026-07-07T04:24:20+00:00

i wanted them they didn’t want me and i just assumed they were going to commit eventually. (this happened 2 times) haven’t dated since because this emotionally wrecked me and has made me closed off to future connections

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-07-07T04:32:22+00:00

Hope.

A lot of women have been taught that love will change things. That love will make the person commit eventually.

IcyTrapezium · 2026-07-07T04:00:36+00:00

For men and women: Insecurity. Secure people aren’t afraid of clarifying a relationship.

This doesn’t apply to situationships where the participants are happy. Some people like the “will they won’t they” dynamic because it can be thrilling in its own way.

chalkandapples · 2026-07-07T06:00:44+00:00

Young people lack communication skills, don't know themselves or what they want well, don't have enough life experience to read other people well, and often don't know how to hold a boundary well. Having very high self esteem, like from supportive parents, can help with some of that, but a lot of it still just comes from being young and dumb.

Relationship dynamics are changing rapidly. Traditional dating paths give you some type of expectation and assurance in how things will turn out. As people veer off of traditional paths, they need to fend for themselves and negotiate the rules of their relationships independently without traditional expectations, and can't rely on the "standard rules" or the certainty that comes with traditional dating. I would be surprised if young people didn't end up in situations where one or both people misunderstands the current rules of the relationship.

emmarie1023 · 2026-07-07T13:03:20+00:00

Women are taught (either directly or indirectly) from a young age not to scare off men by wanting too much too soon. If you go into a first date with a guy talking about commitment it will come off as too intense. So they play the “I’m chill” game, thinking “as he gets to know me more he will want to commit to me”. There are also a lot of men who are very good at making women feel loved and special in the moment that they’re together and women mistake this as potential for commitment. The problem is as they spend time with this person they get more and more attached, so when it comes to the point that they realize this guy will never commit to them, it’s much harder to walk away. Add to that the psychological attachment of intermittent reinforcement and it really can feel like the highs and lows of drug addiction.

NotAllTheCake · 2026-07-07T04:28:59+00:00

Why do men lie and keep dating women who want relationships when they should be finding and dating women who also don't want commitment?

chamomilecloud · 2026-07-07T04:27:53+00:00

The sex is fun, non-committal, maybe she thought she wanted something casual but turns out she wanted more, maybe to the guy she’s not worth going exclusive for. Maybe she herself knew it wasn’t a good relationship to be in but was too passive to exit or fully commit. Lots of reasons.

I don’t know for sure tho, I’ve never personally experienced this. I’ve only had LTRs and simps. And to be honest my friends in situationships had varying reasons for being in one.

AutoModerator · 2026-07-07T03:52:01+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

RelativeCondition915 · 2026-07-08T06:29:36+00:00

I have commitment issues, but I also enjoy sex.

A lot of men still want to "win" the arrangement, however, and bring up emotional complications to their partners. (And me. Sigh. Ironically, this just leads them "losing" the situation harder.)

JollyBowler2510 · 2026-07-08T19:41:47+00:00

My only situationship was with a girl, and I stayed because I liked her so much, and there was promises of "maybe someday." I'm not going to lie, I think me not believing I deserved better at the time had me stuck, but also, it was the first time I fell for anyone.

Honestly, it can be a lot of different for each person. Promises of more, manipulation, low self-esteem. Many different situations honestly.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-07-07T05:42:54+00:00

Haven’t been in a Situationship, but have been in one of those it’s complicated situations. Because the other person makes it seem like you’re dating, but after a while, it’s very clear that the situation is not progressing anywhere. Also, the other person act like an emotional wreck once you end things.

This is typically a problem I have heard, from gay men to straight women, where guys want a casual person to act like their romantic partner. And it hurts their ego extremely bad once you treat them as casually as they treat others.

AchingAmy · 2026-07-07T04:04:18+00:00

I think it's because of choice and liberal feminism promoting the idea that hooking up and whatnot is empowering to women, so a lot of women think they want to do casual due to that messaging... then they catch feelings and are left in the dust (so much for empowering them...)

love_in_october · 2026-07-07T07:14:53+00:00

They just get stuck at particular relationship milestone. They like that person and don't want to leave, and it's not like people don't progress into relationships after being in situationships for a bit. And sometimes women are the people causing the holdups.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2026-07-08T01:25:00+00:00

You're talking about a very specific type of situationship -- one where a woman who wants commitment dates a noncommital man. It's definitely a thing, but I think the prevalence of this is pretty wildly overstated. That does seem to be the most common gender configuration but I've seen the woman be the noncommital one and I've also seen gay people do it. It definitely seems to be a young person problem, though. I heard about it/saw it semi-regularly in my early twenties and very rarely since, so I don't think there are that many women who "keep" having situationships.

There are also a lot of situationships where both people are pretty fine with it and you just don't hear about those as much because no one is complaining. Some people prefer a friendlier FWB arrangement with occasional dates and a little more emotional intimacy. Some people just consider the situationship a normal stage in the dating process and don't feel used/cheated if things never progress.

I had a lovely chill situationship in my mid-twenties. I was fresh off my first big adult breakup and not ready for anything serious. It was like having half a boyfriend, which was exactly the amount of boyfriend I wanted at the time.

Lysa_Bell · 2026-07-07T06:13:09+00:00

I have been in two situationships. The first one lasted almost a decade. I crushed really hard on her when I was like 18. She triggered my protector response and I was insanely attracted to her. She was in a dead end relationship when we met. She cheated on her gf with me for a while. When she broke it off with her gf I thought "now we can become a couple". She said she needed more time. I was incredibly patient while we were still best friends and me fucking her brain out. She never reciprocated but I loved making her cum. That was so much fun for me that I was completely satisfied with that. During our situationships she randomly had other relationships with other people and everytime it crushed me but I pretended it didnt. At some point I took a break from our situationship and went no-contact with her. After about a year we reconnected. As friends. We became best friends. We even lived together as roommates in college. I also had other relationships and flings going on. On of my relationships ended because I cheated with her on my ex gf. At that point my feelings for everyone were just gone. Then we returned to just being friends again. Years later I went no contact with her because I didn't even feel the protector and provider intinct for her anymore and I didn't feel like I wanted to continue to being used for that. It was one of her most obvious patterns that she leeched onto other people and had them take care of her.

The second situationship was a bit more clear cut. Dude wanted a dom. And he kept getting me drunk while I was at my lowest so I would peg him and dom him. It was an interesting sexual experience but he was clear he didn't want anything committed and I was at a really dark place already. So I texted him that I am done and didn't want to see him again. He is dead now. I saw his parents post on his IG an open invitation to his funeral. I didn't go.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-07-07T04:32:25+00:00

The only "situationships" I have personally experienced were during the early stages of courting where I was prepared to name the thing and make a commitment and they (generally due to a lack of sex as a first problem) were often playing games, being vague, randomly not communicating, doing the hot and cold thing, etc.

As for why I was tolerant of it...well, yes, I did fancy them. I also tended to know them so their behavior seemed to make a lot of sense based on what I knew, and yes, I did think they would change their minds. And, for the record, in all cases I was correct. Problematically, it typically took them watching me leave for them to realize they didn't want to lose me. And outside of my husband, I had no forgiveness for this and told them to get lost mostly because unlike him, they refused to own up to the bullshit they'd put me through.

I can't say these situations ever persisted for longer than perhaps 6 months and none of that included consistent "dating" nor was I exclusively tied down to them. I entertained other options.

It hasn't been my experience, I suppose, that the man is getting what he wants either. And, in my experience, it was always the men who came crawling back ready to be serious.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the other things you listed could apply to some women out there, but I honestly think most of this is pretty part and parcel to a courting ritual in anxious generations obsessed with their freedom. Couples either figure it out or they don't and sometimes they get stuck into living for the hope of it.

Personally, I give hope 6 months max and then take it out back and give it the Old Yeller treatment. I think people would do well to follow this, but, some enjoy the ride more than I ever did.

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2026-07-07T05:10:10+00:00

They don’t. But they give it up to lock down a guy that wouldn’t normally be interested or keep him interested.

Title	Why do women keep getting into situationships?
Author	FinnAgain12
Upvotes	22
Comments	152
Date	July 7, 2026 3:52 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1upju77/why_do_women_keep_getting_into_situationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-keep-getting-into-situationships.1584429 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584429

Comments