Why does having "issues" cause women to be promiscuous?

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-06-07T22:51:14+00:00

There are a lot of reasons behind this, but people who have suffered from childhood sexual abuse often develop hypersexuality* as a coping mechanism to "take control" back. There is also validation that comes from being sexually desirable.

But also, some people with abuse trauma become closed off to sexuality and don't engage in sex. So their trauma isn't a guarantee that they will be promiscuous.

eefr · 2023-06-07T22:32:42+00:00

There are all sorts of reasons why people (of any gender) make the sexual decisions they do.

Some people use sex as a coping mechanism; others are just enjoying themselves and exploring their sexuality.

Conversely, some people avoid having sex because it brings up trauma; others don't have sex because they are asexual or they just haven't found the right person yet.

I don't think you can really make a lot of broad generalizations about people's life experiences and general well-being based solely on how many people they've had sex with.

And I'd caution you against drawing any conclusions about large groups of people from a sample of two.

saraimarsena · 2023-06-07T22:31:22+00:00

it’s about validation at the end of the day, validation you didn’t get as a child from the first and most important man in your life.

doesn’t lead every woman to become promiscuous tho, for example, my sister and i, despite both having shitty relationships w our father. even between the two of us our issues manifest in different ways.

Barneysparky · 2023-06-07T22:17:59+00:00

Why does issues lead to any sort of unwanted unproductive disorder?

NoTea4448 · 2023-06-08T02:00:41+00:00

My brother in Christ, why would you ever interact with such godawful people?

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-06-07T23:48:10+00:00

It seems to be correlated, but there are promiscuous women who don’t have any more “issues” than most people, and women with “issues” who aren’t promiscuous. Some women are seeking validation, or it can even be a form of self-harm. But some women just have higher sex drives and don’t want a relationship at the moment, just like men. It’s just less common for women.

JumboJetz · 2023-06-08T00:51:59+00:00

OP I think you should try and have a direct conversation that the insults are bothersome to you from these 2 women.

They sound like on some level they like you but saying no woman ever would want you is pretty cruel.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-06-07T22:21:01+00:00

They have casual hook ups because it's someone validating their person in the moment. They can't love themselves or see their worth as a person and use sex and temporary attention to fill that emotional void.

AdOpen432 · 2023-06-07T22:23:47+00:00

Its self worth problems, they think that filling a void of validation with hook ups is gonna fix their issues but i have self worth problems and "daddy issues" and im a virgin lol.

Momitar · 2023-06-08T00:54:59+00:00

You’re looking for a simplistic answer to a complicated question . There is a lot of research available regarding the correlation between adverse childhood experiences and promiscuity. If you look into adverse childhood experiences and how that manifests later in life you’ll find that if someone going through that has enough outside support they are more likely to be less effected in the long term. If a person is raised without any outside support and is left to deal with whatever the in house conditions are on their own, they are more likely to develop maladaptive behaviors. Promiscuity being one of them.

A lot of women, in this instance, are using sex and the attention that comes with it as a way of supporting their self esteem. “Oh he will have sex with me so he must like me” and it feels good to be wanted and liked even if it just a short term thing. “I must be a worthwhile person”. If that feeling was lacking when she was younger it isn’t surprising she’s cultivating it in later years. If a woman wasn’t raised with positive male role models or loved appropriately by them, she doesn’t know what a good example of love looks like and will use sex as a way of feeling love. A woman who grew up in an incestous household will have had no way of learning how to separate love and sex. They are the same to her. Hypersexuality is often the result. This woman uses sex as a way of expressing her affection and how much she likes you. She might not have many inhibitors to sex because that has just always been a part of her life. It’s just “normal” to have sex with someone as a means of communicating feelings.

There are a lot of people who come out of these situations and grow into, what we would consider, “normal” healthy adults. But many don’t. Promiscuity is just one more self medicating tool that is used even if drugs and alcohol aren’t. (But often are involved.)

Boys are also effected, terribly, by ACE too but since the question was framed in a female context I’m going to leave it at that.

Edited: I got the impression, based off what OP wrote, that he’s seeking answers beyond the “women like to have sex too” level. There is nothing inherently wrong with women wanting, desiring, or seeking sex.

begayallday · 2023-06-07T23:16:23+00:00

So, it’s not really about “male approval”. The men could literally be anyone, and they’re basically interchangeable and disposable for the most part. For me it was basically about wanting to have control over my own life and sexuality rather than someone else deciding for me. It did go to an unhealthy place for a while (not the sex itself, but the fact that I was taking a lot of risks that I shouldn’t have). For whatever it’s worth though, a few of the men I hooked up with turned into solid friendships that continued even when we were no longer sexually involved. Having people who cared about me as a human being was a big help in my recovery process, and I do value those men significantly.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-06-07T22:22:03+00:00

A lack of inhibitions often translates to promiscuity. It’s only negative if it hurts them in some way. Adults are capable of having safe casual sex. It’s a personal choice, doesn’t matter if others approve.

Is it a surprise that some people are hornier and less inhibited than others?

AutoModerator · 2023-06-07T22:10:31+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-06-08T08:20:10+00:00

Being in emotional pain often leads humans to seek out intense and risky experiences. You've no doubt seen men who drive fast cars, motorbikes, do petty crime and get into fights etc. Random poorly screened men are without doubt intense and sometimes dangerous experiences for women.

Being in emotional pain also often leads to humans bunkering down and avoiding risk. You just don't notice as much the women who bunker down because they aren't giving out strong vibes of being potentially available for sex. They don't come up to you at work and talk about sex.

SnooFoxes6034 · 2023-06-08T11:52:40+00:00

Because they want attention and in their brains they think/feel the only way to feel loved/admired/wanted is by sleeping with men. Because that’s when they get validation. They’re trying to fill the void they have from lack of real healthy love by getting it in the worst possible way. And I’d argue that most young women due to the lack of emotional intelligence they either figure it out later in their late 20s, even later, or worse, never.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-06-08T14:24:44+00:00

The same reason having "issues" causes men to be promiscuous. In short, it doesn't. It gives people a really good excuse not to deal with their mental health, through.

vikavidadievna · 2023-06-08T00:44:33+00:00

well i’m not at the level of the girls in this posts but i have “issues” as you call them. i guess to offer insight i can share bc it’s hurtful to read the way some people here discuss women’s trauma. excuse me if at any points it becomes a pity party.

i’ll add context, obviously my childhood was not great, my parents were abusive, we were immigrants, did not have the most money. being traumatized causes me to always feel like i’m moving through fog, for many years i was never exactly sure what was going on which made it very easy to take advantage of me. people can obviously tell when a girl is sort of dazed and vulnerable and not entirely perceiving her surroundings. this lead to more traumatic incidents, i wasn’t all there, people could tell and it made me look vulnerable so i was taken advantage of.

frankly i was an easy target, and with repeated abuse my own feelings and sensations became warped. small things would trigger me and deeply upset me, i was suicidal and self destructive, i knew i was irrational but i couldn’t control my emotions and because of that i could not trust my perceptions.

trauma made me hyper vigilant, i was so focused on small details that i missed large ones bc i just always felt like i was being hunted for sport. i was so on edge all the time that i became unable to detect when i was actually scared or on edge bc i was scared all the time.

because i was not a reliable narrator i couldn’t trust if the signals i was picking up as good or bad were real or just part of my paranoia. i didn’t have any normal relationships to refer back to, i didn’t know what normal people treated each other like, what was acceptable to tolerate and what wasn’t. i thought a lot of things were okay that weren’t bc i was so used to being hurt by others that i was conditioned to believe pain or being violated were normal. i didnt realize i was being harmed until it already was happening.

plus obviously, eating and sleeping got all messed up, i was so disoriented and scared and confused that i was unable to evaluate situations before it was too late and in turn i was so angry. i was furious at people who hurt me but most of all at myself for being too stupid to ever know what was going on. i did cope on and off with drugs and alcohol.

the force of habit is strong, if you’re trained to remain on autopilot after a parent hits you, your body responds the same way to other incidents. the body remembers everything, it’s almost like an involuntary muscle memory. when you no longer trust your body you trust nothing and that can do terrible things to yourself and those around you.

my abuse was not so severe that i spiraled completely or lost self awareness despite my lack of cognitive functions and judgement. i’ve put myself into bad situations and done things that are unsafe and that i shouldn’t be doing but i’ve had good friends, people looking out for me, and the ability to take care of myself.

it is very painful for me to read when people discuss women who’ve been abused or hurt or who’ve been promiscuous as a result of that abuse as being ruined or cruel or permanently altered. or to think of these women as villains or tainted or public toilets or whatever else bc of events that they cannot control.

it’s especially hurtful to see purity and virginity idolized bc not everyone is fortunate enough to keep those parts of themselves sacred.

it takes a lot of work not to be resentful of the men saying those things or jealous of women who’ve been blissfully unaware of the suffering the world can give them, but that’s why i’m telling you this now, so that maybe people can be instilled with a greater sense of sympathy and understanding.

NakedStreets · 2023-06-07T22:39:30+00:00

Maybe there’s another common denominator here besides issues and promiscuity…

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-06-07T22:19:00+00:00

Hmm... maybe meet more than 2 women before making sweeping generalizations.

Everybody has issues.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-06-07T22:36:44+00:00

She asked me how often i have hook ups with girls.

I told her never. And she looked surprised and I told her Ive never had a hook up before. She asked me if I have tried tinder and i admitted i have had it for years with 0 matches.

🤣For future reference, never admit this.

FlexodusPrime · 2023-06-08T05:48:53+00:00

Having "issues" aren't the cause of promiscuity, they are the excuse

veloron2008 · 2023-06-08T15:42:13+00:00

The path of perversion is a very easy path for women. It's better to steer clear of the dregs of humanity. Leave them to wallow in self sabotage and destruction. It's their choice.

I advise men (and women) to be their best self and associate with like minded folks.

itdoesnotmatterlolol · 2023-06-08T13:58:33+00:00

Women are feeling based, so if they feel you hurt them then they can easily rationalize hurting you through promiscuity. They justify it through emotion. All women cheat. This is why having strong boundaries and bring better than any other man she can attract is important. The only thing keeping women loyal is to be better then her in every conceivable way and being so good that she has no option but to follow in the trail you make blazing ahead of her.

pagan6990 · 2023-06-08T02:31:31+00:00

From first hand anecdotal evidence the women I dated they told me they were sexually abused fell into two categories- 1)lot of hang ups and very bad in bed with serious mental health issues 2)complete freaks and awesome in bed with serious mental health issues.

Doesn’t seem to be any in-between with them.

On a side note the women I’ve dated that has not been sexual abused may also have hang-ups (if raised in a religious environment) or not and can be bad to great in bed. Though the best sex I’ve ever had has been with the complete freaks. This is also what my male friends have found to be the case too.

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-06-08T03:41:15+00:00

I don't have a lot of partners but I'm not a virgin either

I'm 34 with.like 20 partners

I have very good parents but I was bullied from 6 to 17 in my small town, including for health issues I have planned to kill myself a few times and I mutilated myself.

My first bf raped me. I was up for sex and we had done it for 2 months already. That time it was hurting, I asked him to stop, pushed him, he never did

Then I went through a bunch of abusive relationships, bullying made me feel like I was not worth much so I thought a man looking at me was special and I shouldn't complain

After years of abuse I wasn't stable, so I'd drive normal dudes away

I wanted to take control of my sexuality and have a lot of sex to erase sexual abuse. Doesn't work, obviously

I ended up with assholes, being target of npd

So there's a point you just want to have fun and not become their victim again

Hypersexuality is an addiction like to any substance

eye_fuck · 2023-06-08T07:51:52+00:00

This sub

Ilovecats_38 · 2023-06-08T14:40:13+00:00

Some women with issues such as “daddy-issues” are promiscuous because they look to find confidence and value through that. They are looking for male validation because they didn’t have that male figure in their lives. While on the hand of sa, some women who were assaulted become promiscuous as a way of taking back their bodies and their sexuality.

Afruca-tangeri · 2023-06-09T05:14:05+00:00

You can be promiscuous without being damaged. Like you can enjoy drugs from time to time without a bad childhood.

However, like drugs sex can be a (insert psychological mechanism) to cope with trauma and mental health struggles etc

Afruca-tangeri · 2023-06-09T05:19:00+00:00

I think the majority can attest that casual sex is validation beyond anything else.

I genuinely think that it’s as simple as it’s just a strategy of attaining validation.

Validation is complimentary of a healthy self esteem. When you have nome it can replace it entirely.

Source: was a man whore until I found someone that helped me heal my relationship with myself

asofiro_ · 2023-06-09T10:48:00+00:00

Addiction or promiscuity is often the result of trauma, a way of coping. Plus, we are all sort of addicted to all sorts of things. Sometimes they become addicted to the being in the cycle of re-trauma.

A lot of women also have friends who just reinforce their world view and spit back platitudes at them. I wish this wasn't the case.

I dated a lot more women in the past year. I was doing that in an attempt to fix my past relationship trauma. It wasn't healthy. Most of the women I dated were doing this too. That's why I stepped out of the dating game.

anon2k19 · 2023-06-10T00:34:15+00:00

I was raised by a Narc mother, emotionally unavailable father. It can really fck you up…..I wouldn’t necessarily call myself promiscuous but when I have had hookups I can explain why. I was always seeking love but those few hookups came down to the fact that I was just taking any little bit of “intimacy” I could get. There were yrs where I just wanted to be held, I used to crave cuddling. I held out for yrs and yrs, didn’t really engage in that lifestyle but everyone who’d try and talk just wanted to have sex. It’s funny cuz you’re a prude if you don’t hook up but you’re a whore if you hook up? Women get blamed and shamed no matter what…

After some time I didn’t even crave cuddling anymore…now it just feels icky to be touched by just* anyone in that way or even sex.

Now this hasn’t necessarily changed, the majority of guys are only interested in sex or that’s their primary motivation but I’ve worked on my issues. That’s what it was for me though and honestly probably can apply to a lot of women. When you really just want love and men just see women as sex objects, and you’re incredibly broken and lonely, sometimes you’ll just give in because that’s the only thing that will hold their attention…ultimately those aren’t even the type of people that you should be seeking any love from but it happens when you feel that level of loneliness.

So yes I had a very unloving emotionally abusive childhood but I don’t think that was the direct reason for my few hookups that I otherwise wouldn’t have done but it was the reason for my loneliness and when you combine loneliness with a generation of guys who live on apps to hook up, it might result in some “promiscuity”. I didn’t seek these ppl out btw but it was mostly if I met someone irl instead of it being a dating situation, it would just go in the other direction.

anon2k19 · 2023-06-10T00:42:05+00:00

Does this mean men sleep around because they have issues?

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-06-07T23:25:12+00:00

You think women are higher value than men instead of thinking we are equals?

No wonder those women walk all over you. Letting a young whore and a older whore talk down to you like trash then letting them use you for emotional support is quite something

Seek help

Unnecessary-Training · 2023-06-08T05:28:49+00:00

Validation.

Title	Why does having "issues" cause women to be promiscuous?
Author	Iamslightlysad
Upvotes	15
Comments	88
Date	June 7, 2023 10:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/143qoxg/why_does_having_issues_cause_women_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-having-issues-cause-women-to-be.1221587 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221587

Comments