What's your response to this shit test? "You're not going to murder me are you?"

AlmostEasy89 · 2022-08-14T15:59:01+00:00

Definitely don't use that line. I'd use some tact here. A big rule of texting is to not fuck it up. That line is fairly corny. That's what dudes want to hear and think, not women.

"Naw I gave that up for lent this year"

Or better yet, you get ahead of it so they can't even put you in that position. It is a common one to hear for anyone. It is not rude at all, you're a fucking internet stranger. Stop looking at shit tests as a personal offense and look at them as a survival mechanism. There are fucking crazy people out there who small women are completely defenseless against. If a guy responds like a psycho to that they can avoid that situation completely by shit testing. If a girl doesn't shit test you ever, I might be actually wary of that person.

"Ok we can meet at x,y,z location.. but just to be sure you're not gonna steal my liver for the black market are you?"

Having a good response is one thing, but flipping the script before they can put that power play on you is a 2+2=7 kind of situation. Your power never even dips there.

BoofBass · 2022-08-14T19:16:52+00:00

That response is fucking 🤮

runaround_fruitcop · 2022-08-14T15:47:09+00:00

I'm 90% sure they mean it as a joke..... That you may be taking too much to heart

OpBoxx · 2022-08-14T18:02:11+00:00

Only got this once, and I passed it by saying:

"No I only do that on Thursdays."

putcoolusernamehere · 2022-08-14T16:50:49+00:00

This happened to me on a date recently (she was worried about kidnapping more than murder). I think meeting a girl through cold approach tends to lead to them having understandable concerns about their safety. There’s really not much you can do about it other than do things to make them comfortable (stay in public/populated areas, ask if she’s comfortable with you driving, etc).

pharm4karma · 2022-08-14T17:14:21+00:00

There are times to make edgy sarcasm and times to straight defuse the situation. I'd go with the latter on this one.

Read the room. She's expressing some insecurity about meeting up.

You could try to turn it on them with something like,

"No, why? Do you have any crazy ex-boyfriends I should know about?"

But I wouldn't go much farther than that

Handle-me-timber · 2022-08-14T17:23:37+00:00

Depends if the police investigations cool down first.

If you go straight for a sexual joke like that you will probably come off as lacking empathy.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-08-14T18:33:27+00:00

I would respond by saying; you must’ve been on some really bad dates with some really bad guys.

Funny_Extension5610 · 2022-08-14T22:42:21+00:00

Not until we’re married and there’s a life insurance policy involved

Psuedo_Pixie · 2022-08-14T18:39:35+00:00

You seem to understand that this kind of comment comes from a place of anxiety/fear, so why does it strike you as rude? It’s not personal. Almost any woman who is alone with a man she does not know will feel uneasy and vulnerable.

Making a sexual joke in this scenario is…not good. But being funny is fine. I might just turn it around, like, “No, but wait - are you going to murder ME?” Keep it light and build trust.

inaparalleluniverse1 · 2022-08-14T18:07:45+00:00

“Do you normally go that type of guy?”

baddog992 · 2022-08-14T19:01:25+00:00

Never had this happen on a date but did have this happen on a one night stand before sex. I was upfront with her friend. She wanted to make sure I wasn't just telling her friend lies. I even showed her my driver's license to prove I was who I said I was. We ended up having sex that night. I didn't take it as a shit test. She was looking out for her friend.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2022-08-15T00:07:30+00:00

Absolutely do not use that line. This is my go to response, haven't gotten a negative reaction from it yet.

"Well I usually don't kill people till the third date, so you're good for now". Obviously say this in a jokey, lighthearted way. And then the girl either just laughs or continues with the joke and you can riff on that. Typical agree and amplify.

thatoneblacknerd · 2022-08-15T00:44:33+00:00

how angry you are + that dogshit response tells me everything i need to know about you 😭

appmanga · 2022-08-14T16:10:12+00:00

Don't take this is an opportunity to be a wiseass. This isn't a "shit test"; it's a semi-serious attempt to judge if she can trust you, and trust is the key.

Simply say "No. You'll never have to worry about that".

Kundalini-Electric · 2022-08-14T18:54:08+00:00

If you get that every date then maybe you need to look at yourself lol

Fate-in-haze · 2022-08-14T15:44:38+00:00

Just say "I haven't decided yet".

cadetgusv · 2022-08-14T16:11:24+00:00

Well what did you have in mind?

me__satan · 2022-08-14T19:46:08+00:00

Never escalate on a shit test, you can exaggerate on this one or if you feel a little perplexed by the tone of this test, just use the best line "I dont know how to respond to that one, Can we talk normally?"

hermitnerd1 · 2022-08-15T02:41:40+00:00

I get that sometimes, I think it’s just the girl knowing that it’s a possibility in the back of her head, so I just say I was going to ask you the same thing!

Broad-Ambition-4755 · 2022-08-15T04:36:38+00:00

let me check my schedule

focus_flow69 · 2022-08-14T16:30:17+00:00

Oh shit, you foiled my plan.

Don't worry, I'm definitely not going to murder you. I ain't the serial killer type.

Alarming_Ad8005 · 2022-08-14T18:15:59+00:00

Girl: "you're not going to murder me, are you?

Me sharpening machete: "let's see how the night goes." Begs the question of why there's never a third date

Illustrious-Cat7767 · 2022-08-14T15:49:19+00:00

'No won't, I was just thinking of locking you up in the cellar'

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2022-08-14T17:52:56+00:00

“Depends how annoying you are” lol

generaltso81 · 2022-08-14T16:52:57+00:00

It's just way too much effort and the mess is impossible to clean. Do you know how hard it is to bury a body?

Starving_Vampires · 2022-08-15T01:02:53+00:00

"I would but I forgot my chainsaw at home"

great_account · 2022-08-14T17:22:51+00:00

"Depends if your kidneys are a match"

_LuisFernandez_ · 2022-08-14T18:11:18+00:00

not a shit test but it’s simple: the only thing im gonna murder is our date

or your pussy if it’s sexual

jbird32275 · 2022-08-14T18:18:24+00:00

No, I'm going to keep you alive. Playful smile

numotsu28 · 2022-08-14T18:57:38+00:00

"you? No!! Your pussy, definitely!!!"

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-08-14T19:42:43+00:00

None of these are the right answers. If I were you, I'd be extremely offended and tell her. Ask her who does she think you are. Why would she ask you a question like this, that you feel hurt and offended and for her to take it back. You want women apologizing to you. Once they have apologized to you 10 times (for different things), then you've got them for sure.

poly_nerdy_panda · 2022-08-14T18:11:32+00:00

send her your ID and just say google me if you want, you can now have a website with all these cool facts about you and fake articles ... lol jk that was on How i met your mother tho lol

LifelesswithLime · 2022-08-14T18:27:05+00:00

I swear to god i would never. (Send) 45 seconds later Youre not gonna murder me right??

peduxe · 2022-08-14T18:33:21+00:00

If the shit test is too weird I always act indifferent like I just misheard what was said and switch topic ASAP.

sometimes you don’t have to say nothing, facial expressions will tell all that needs to be said, don’t overcomplicate in giving a response.

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-08-14T18:43:08+00:00

Ddcups · 2022-08-14T18:48:32+00:00

Yeah just say ‘maybe’ and grin or make a joke of it. I’d she invited you for dinner just say ‘it depends how the spaghetti (or whatever food) turns out.’

opex100 · 2022-08-14T19:02:27+00:00

It’s sarcasm, you reply back with sarcasm. Maybe go with “yes, if I like you” or “I only kill the boring ones” or “I was gonna ask you the same thing!”

Calamity__Bane · 2022-08-14T19:18:06+00:00

“Haha nah!”

epimpstyle · 2022-08-14T19:22:42+00:00

I guess Mystery invented this term but you as a man, you must make the difference between a "shit test" and a joke. From my point of view, maybe 99% of "shit tests" are teasing sentences, if you are in that stage where a girl is telling you a shit test, you are on the right path.

BTW.... from my point of view, it is a joke but it looks like you think it is a "shit test", can you realize that it doesn't matter what you answer? I will treat it as a joke but you as a shit test... the conclusion is the same... it doesn't matter (be happy that you are on the right path).

incognito3107 · 2022-08-14T19:50:13+00:00

Cool answer, usually there is no bad thought behind such question. They are just playing around if the situation seems suspicious. I wonder why you get this every date :) You probably would like to provide her with some comfort - "Nah, I have more interesting plans in motion".

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2022-08-14T19:57:19+00:00

When presented with a shit test or other absurdity from a woman amplify it and make it more absurd.

Note: sounds like you realize this, but for other dudes out there - a woman's greatest fear is being murdered by a man. Appreciate this and do your damndest to make her feel safe and you will be rewarded for your efforts.

"No... I'm already wanted by the law for exposing myself to a blind person...I don't need anymore heat right now!"

Kapi19 · 2022-08-14T20:00:06+00:00

Only if you won't laugh from my jokes
or
Nah, now it's time for some holiday time
or
Holy shit, I'm exposed! But let's face it, I gave the performance of lifetime.
or
Not today. I'm in good mood
or
You know what? I'll let it slip

I would not play it in direct way, see how waves will align, to my bidding or not. If not, I'll quickly assume if it's worth it, worth challenging or if I really want something more or just wanted a one-shotter phrase or half-shotter phrase.
And of course the confidence and right look can buy you everything (with emphasis on "can")

Really go with the flow man. The best responses to shit tests/jokes/provocations/, my best counters were instinctual and when I was relax or/and purposefully a little psycho
If you're not felling it, maybe she's not suited for you for that night or some more long-term scenario, depending on your goal.

Mysterious_Context27 · 2022-08-14T20:00:32+00:00

Regardless if they don’t find you attractive no matter what you answer they will think you’re creepy

GLight3 · 2022-08-14T20:04:00+00:00

This one can either be a joke or come from a place of apprehension. I would diffuse by making a joke but then also comforting her after, like "but we can meet up here if you're more comfortable with that."

For God's sake don't make it sexual. You'll either sound like an actual murderer or a 13 year old.

Ruizzus · 2022-08-14T20:38:36+00:00

I just say I was about to ask you the same thing…then Segway into something about a serial killer documentary

2022-08-14T20:40:25+00:00

"lol no"

SexxyMoeFoe · 2022-08-14T20:45:28+00:00

Any idea why you get asked this so often? Are you asking women over to your place as a first date? Or maybe suggesting somewhere that you think is fine but can be seen as scary for someone who doesn't know you?

Southofsouth · 2022-08-14T20:46:35+00:00

“You are not a crazy hoarder cat lady are you?”

GlitteringPause8 · 2022-08-14T21:12:23+00:00

It’s not really rude (nor is it a test) when it’s a genuine concern for a lot of women. Obviously no guy is going to be like “oh yeah meant to tell you that I’m a murderer” but a woman expressing an actual fear isn’t “rude”. You’re just a dick. Have some empathy.

likelyilllike · 2022-08-14T21:17:11+00:00

It is not written in my bio that i am hitman...

cucumbersundae · 2022-08-14T21:25:34+00:00

Me murder you…i got low iron miss you could easily take me down /:

literallyou · 2022-08-14T21:29:25+00:00

Just reply "why, are you planning on murdering me?"

Dont think too much, it is not a test. Also dont stress on that section or she will get nervous, just play it cool and change topic

neversleeps212 · 2022-08-14T21:44:32+00:00

That isn’t a shit test because there’s (a). Some actual validity to it and (b). It’s easy enough to dismiss as not being applicable to you.

A shit test would be if you had a group picture in your profile and she said something like, “wow, your friends are really hot.”

RepressedPotential · 2022-08-14T21:50:20+00:00

I usually just say, “how do I know you aren’t the murderer 🤨”

alxq1 · 2022-08-14T22:51:14+00:00

Say it’s your cooling-off period. All serial killers have one.

But seriously as a woman I’d ask that. If you’re gonna kill me at least lie to me nicely before. Helps with my anxiety.

Snoo-20788 · 2022-08-14T22:52:53+00:00

The only answer to a shit test is to not feed the insecurity or ambivalence.

I've never had women ask me these types of questions, but if one did, I'd just tell her: "you know what forget it, I don't think this is going to work".

kensei_ocelot · 2022-08-14T23:07:12+00:00

"Why? Are guys constantly trying to murder you? You must be annoying as hell"

ftdrain · 2022-08-14T23:08:48+00:00

I always agree and amplify in a playful tone, works everytime

5_7pickup · 2022-08-14T23:15:25+00:00

no i'm just going to sell one of your kidneys

Lateresita · 2022-08-15T00:20:21+00:00

Haha I would laugh at that response- but why are they even asking that?

CombatPunk88 · 2022-08-15T00:36:08+00:00

"No but if that's you're into then I can keep an open mind."

Why_am_I_LikeThis27 · 2022-08-15T00:53:40+00:00

What's a shit test? Beyond stool collection for the ol Labratory.

Delicatestatesmen · 2022-08-15T01:50:37+00:00

wow what a weird response

WannaSeeTrustIssues · 2022-08-15T05:50:31+00:00

"Haven't decided yet "

bandsupjay · 2022-08-15T07:09:33+00:00

bandsupjay · 2022-08-15T07:10:07+00:00

That line is cringe as shit. Maybe youre getting that because the girl likes you but you’re too serious.

Title	What's your response to this shit test? "You're not going to murder me are you?"
Author	dangercat415
Upvotes	28
Comments	98
Date	August 14, 2022 3:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wo9ani/whats_your_response_to_this_shit_test_youre_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-your-response-to-this-shit-test-youre-not.1252067 https://theredarchive.com/post/1252067

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