Does anyone else find bars and nightclubs super awkward because nobody seems to go alone.

GroundLittle4469 · 2020-12-07T12:12:04+00:00

If a girl is with her friends, I don’t think that should be an automatic shut down. You can’t flirt with a girl if she’s not alone?

Captain_w00t · 2020-12-07T12:24:22+00:00

I did never care too much. I went solo to several bar and clubs just to have fun. 90% of the times I got approached by someone (mostly women, but also friendly men) during the night.

I don’t have too many single friends or eager to go dancing, so I had to go solo most of the times. With time, I built a social circle made of DJs, PRs and people who enjoys clubbing.

It took some months and the first times it felt awkward for the reasons you listed, BUT if you focus on having genuine fun, it doesn’t matter too much and it’s the same reason why people approached me. If you look carefully, on the dance floor everyone is “alone” (except few cases), so when you dance nobody cares if you came alone or with friends: you’re just one dude dancing and having fun, and it makes you much more attractive than people that comes with friends.

Edit: addendum.

In general, the bigger the group, the better for your chances.

That said, I’d avoid to hit on girls with males around, because you’ll never know the potential reaction they could have toward you, especially in a context where alcohol and party drugs are somewhat “normal”. Instead, you could befriend some male and get introduced to his group, so that half the work is done by him.

If groups (2+, but 3+ is better) are made of females only, you could approach the together in a playful way. On the dance floor they’ll dance in circle, if you’re a decent dancer and have decent vibes, you can just dance with them. It has an high risk of rejection, but it might work if done right. Otherwise just dance by your own near them and make some quick eye contact, then follow the flow, whatever happens.

Edit 2, since many users keep asking the same questions:

I'm average look (I'd say 5-7), 180cm tall for 65-68 kg, neither skinny or jacked. Not a male top-model, just to clarify.

JakeTheAndroid · 2020-12-07T15:05:02+00:00

bars/clubs are your best bet to speedrun learning how to interact with women.

going alone is great, it pushes you to get out of your comfort zone and get used to talking with strangers.

but going out to have FUN with your boys is where the magic happens. you don't rely on anyone else to have fun, you just know you are your wing(or group or friends) are going to have fun all night and if someone wants to join you, that's cool.

you need to look at like your playground rather than it being some sort of test you need to pass.

to be honest though, looking back, nothing really GREAT ever came out of all the time i spent going out at night. maybe for some they would up meeting the right person, i'm just not a drinker nor do i enjoy being "social" most of the time.

Mariposa_Flor · 2020-12-07T13:26:42+00:00

They’re with their friends for fun and for safety. Just flirt with them anyway. What does it matter if theyre out with friends?

Ze_S_Z · 2020-12-07T15:32:17+00:00

do you have friends to go with? Its kind of a red flag for a guy to go alone and hit on women. Much easier if she sees you're a normal sociable guy with a few friends having a good time (and that those friends aren't only men) and not a psychopathic murderur.

Girls being with their friends does NOT make them inaccessible. You NOT being with anyone COULD make YOU inaccessible.

"But i don't have friends that want to go clubbing". Go solo first, but don't only hit on girls. Try to just genuinely make friends at the bars and clubs. Join their social circles. When they go next they will call you up and viola, now you have a group of people.

saim_19 · 2020-12-07T13:16:52+00:00

So what I do is start dancing and start dancing with the girls I am attracted to. Just have fun that is what clubs are for people wil start joining you.

When I started going to the club I was always searching for girls and when it wasn't a good night I would be down afterwards. These days I go out dancing my ass off, just letting go. People start to join me and we just have fun. I even get to talk to girls then.

With the second part I can't help cause that is where I freeze up. I don't know if I should invite the girl to my house or ask her number or shit like that.

But for me the most important part is having fun people are attracted to people who have fun and let go.

Brainless-Wonder · 2020-12-07T15:25:26+00:00

I personally don’t care. I’ll show up to a bar alone if I want. Because I live in a bougie area where that’s not normal, people will ask questions about where your friends are, but I honestly enjoy my alone time among strangers so I don’t really need friends to go out.

Going out solo is often when the most interesting stuff happens because your friends aren’t there to drag down the experience if they’re not as adventurous or keen on meeting other people as you are. You now have zero obligations for anyone else as to where your night can go, use that to your advantage.

revente · 2020-12-07T14:02:22+00:00

For the most time i've used to go solo, maybe after predrinking a bit with some married friends. And yeah bars are a bad spot. But clubs, especially the big ones, or ones positioned in clusters of multiple venues were cool.

Just approach the girl you like. Some will want to dance or talk with you and others will reject you. Normal stuff.

MrSlippery92 · 2020-12-07T15:18:15+00:00

Bars are awesome for making friends.

When it’s obvious you’re there to have fun & have zero agenda of “picking up chicks”, people will open up to you. I’ve been in bars with the boys & having such a blast that women will approach us. I’ve had a few occasions of girls even straight up asking for my ig or number as they’re leaving the club. Grab a buddy, pregame by drinking & listening to music/playing CoD/whatever puts you in a great mood, head to the bar or club, and then just continue having fun. As soon as you have an agenda, people will detect it.

As for taking women home, girls don’t like to look slutty so it’s important to connect with them one on one. If she’s there with another friend, it’s unlikely she’ll separate unless her friend is talking to your friend, you invite the other girl along, or they’re in a group and the other girl can just stay with them. A lot of times if the logistics are bad, just grab their IG & say “Let’s hang this week.”

average-otaku-girl · 2020-12-07T21:53:34+00:00

girls dont really go to clubs on their own because its quite dangerous

McPoyal · 2020-12-07T22:21:13+00:00

A) start with high energy.

B). Approach the group.

C). Make a joke or silly observation to THE WHOLE group

D) shift your attention to your target for a second

E) ask everyone how do they know each other?

F) leave, unless they're eating it up.

G) come back and address the group, try and isolate the target...hey lete go have a drink or hey you gotta see this cool thing I found over there

H) go for a smooch

I). Try and get them to leave with you to another club, or make plans to go to something else in the near future.

J) get her digits or social media.

K). Try and bring her to your place after that.

Oor you can invite the whole group over to your house....keep building things with the girl...and then meet again solo some other time.

J_Lamsauce · 2020-12-08T07:55:00+00:00

Do not go clubbing with the sole intent of trying to get laid. You're also there to have fun, feel the atmosphere, dance to the music, have drinks. Show the girls you're having a fun time and if you're going solo then form a group that you use as your comfort group ( this can be a group of dudes). Then you can switch back and forth between approaching and going back to your friends. As Heath Ledger in the Casanova movie puts it : " Be the flame not the moth"

Kryptic_Knight · 2020-12-08T22:48:26+00:00

For women, its an attention thing. They love having guys ogle them, they also get the secondary bonus of turning guys down, and don't get it twisted, these sluts love saying "no", the feeling of superiority is loved by all personality types. Still, don't let that stop you. Use the bars/nightclubs to network and develop/mature your social skills. Most men can't talk to other men, let alone women, work on the gift of gab.

The goal is to be agenda-less. Don't go there wanting to crush pussy, go there wanting work on yourself, and creating a social gathering built around you. At some point before the pandemic hit, I was getting free shots from the owner at a local lounge, and knew every bouncer's name and family fucking history. To them the party was waiting for me to happen.

So remember, be without agenda, be awesome(find something to talk about that included a talent or skill of your own) and be gone. You aren't there for anyone but yourself. Whores are the byproduct of being a great mean, not the finish line.

putcoolusernamehere · 2020-12-07T22:19:36+00:00

Yes. This is part of the reason why I daygame instead of night game. However, learning how to talk to girls in groups is a valuable skill and one I'm planning to learn when I get back to gaming once I get the Covid vaccine.

placidrage · 2020-12-08T04:22:33+00:00

Liquid courage and people you’re comfortable around. Want to do something alone, go on a date.

heythereitsemily · 2020-12-08T05:03:40+00:00

When girls are in a group and you see one you like, don’t think of it as entering the group and asking that girl out. Enter the group and chat with everyone and have a good time. Only focus in on that girl once you’re a part of the group. You’re not going straight in for the kill, you’re just hanging out with some new people.

noldi123 · 2020-12-08T05:40:16+00:00

There's a lot of value in this thread! I think if going out, you have to constantly be moving around and talking to different people and building your social momentum. Talk, get IG's, move to other groups, etc.

Josephjlu · 2020-12-07T15:03:34+00:00

Remember, people go to bars to drink and clubs to dance. If you are going there alone there's no reason to feel out of place if you have those intentions.

auphotographer33 · 2020-12-07T16:06:34+00:00

Looking to meet women? Two words. HOBBY LOBBY

dasanman69 · 2020-12-07T19:34:54+00:00

On one of my solo trips to a club I saw an absolutely beautiful woman with a group of girls and one guy. I went up to the guy and asked "who is she, is she your girl?" he laughed "no, she's my sister....but she's married" I said "that's fine, I would love talk to her, so please introduce me". He introduced her and I had a great conversation with the best and most interesting (woman love that compliment) looking woman in the club that night.

kevisazombie · 2020-12-07T21:18:07+00:00

Where are all you people that you are still going to nightclubs and bars? where I am at everything has been shut down for 6 months for covid.

jamnik808 · 2020-12-07T21:19:44+00:00

This. I hate going to anything alone and when I do manage to go alone and meet people I have nothing in common or really anything interesting to say.

r_m_castro · 2020-12-07T22:29:06+00:00

Great question op!

Whenever I watch a movie and see someone flerting in a bar for example, I think to myself this would never happen in real life. People always go to bars (or clubs) with their friends.

anon1234226 · 2020-12-07T22:35:33+00:00

I never got any girls at bars or clubs or picked up any girls in public. Whenever I tried to get girls I would get rejected. I’m in a pretty serious relationship right now and before my current girlfriend I’ve had a few real girlfriends and plenty of flings. They all just kinda fell in my lap through minding my own business and taking care of myself as my main priority for a long time.

rockyroad25 · 2020-12-07T22:47:11+00:00

First few nights and just go talk to lots of random people. Don't try to hit on girl groups. Just be friendly with them. Get shots with them. Get food after the bars with them. Get their fb/ig. Do this a few times. And you will become friends with a decent number of groups. Now go out with this group and start flirting with new girls from other groups. These new girls will see that you have a group with a lot of girls. Increases your social status. Keep repeating this over and over! And soon enough you won't have problems talking to random people in the bars. Also one big thing - a bar/club is meant to be a social place where people are supposed to meet other people. If some girl doesn't respond well to you trying to be friendly with her, then it's her problem. Go out and have fun!

2020-12-08T03:18:32+00:00

I literally came here from a thread on r/askwomen about how not to get date raped while at a club so... girls go together to look out for each other. Your best bet is to go with a bunch of guys too or make your move anyway. Probably get a number because, with a lot of groups, the rule is to leave with who you came with for safety

the_quietestmouse · 2020-12-08T04:44:35+00:00

I actually go to clubs and bars by myself since it usually leads to people trying to swoop me into their groupings. I figured out a while back that I was always going to be down to party with myself so it’s not important to wait for a party to get started around you. As a single person though, I can guarantee that I’ll never go home with someone else who showed up single after a first meeting. That’s just me though.

intensely_human · 2020-12-08T15:55:37+00:00

A little off topic but ... all this stuff is theoretical for when the pandemic ends right? We’re not actually going out to clubs right now are we?

ilikebigtitsnnipples · 2020-12-13T13:25:03+00:00

Girls get separated. if the bar or club is shoulder to shoulder how it should be for ideal night game then it's usually a free for all super easy. Yeah two sets suck solo and are almost always going nowhere, but bigger groups are a lot better cause if one chick branches off it's not that noticible and the more people there are they might assume someone else in the group knows you.

watergunexpert · 2020-12-07T20:16:15+00:00

I don't talk with girls in the club, i let the dancing do the talking instead!

hanniundnanni08 · 2020-12-07T18:36:07+00:00

Catch the women on their way to the loo. Not all will go in groups so can be a good time to chat them up!

Frovens · 2020-12-08T00:30:48+00:00

You must open the group and DHV first, then once you are included in the set, there is no problem to talk to the target

sneakernerd · 2020-12-08T01:37:57+00:00

honestly the key to avoiding the awkwardness of being alone is to go to the dance floor and just enjoy yourself. if you’ve got the right energy, look presentable and have decent dancing skills, women will take notice. If I’m alone at a bar, I don’t stay around very long because that can get awkward very fast haha.

bikitizd0g7 · 2020-12-07T15:19:59+00:00

Nowadays it is nobody goes period

2020-12-07T16:42:45+00:00

Both your questions: you need to go up to the woman and then once you think she is interested then you need to isolate her. Once you isolate then you extract her.

ThenIJizzedInMyPants · 2020-12-07T16:55:31+00:00

Does no one read the sidebar material, or any of the PUA books out there? Mystery Method talked about this 10+ years ago: "Beautiful women are never alone, always in groups".

There are strategies to deal with women with groups because frankly it's the rule, not the exception unless you're daygaming. Get a pdf of MM or a more recent version "Magic Bullets" by Savoy for a good grounding in how to handle this.

gowatchanimefgt · 2020-12-07T18:10:38+00:00

Yea going clubbing alone or “solo” as some of you like to call it, is just weird you stick out like a sore thumb trust me. I’ve seen dudes that club by themselves and you kinda feel bad for them but at the same time don’t want to talk to them coz they most likely won’t fit the vibe of your group or they could just be really weird in general. Dont just follow a group if they were friendly to you for a moment, they will be thinking “how the Fuck do we get rid of this guy” but don’t wanna be mean.

nibbleskat · 2020-12-08T01:21:25+00:00

I used to DD (be the safe driver) for my cousin when he'd go to clubs so I could have one drink at the beginning of the night and the rest sober. I would legitimately get hit on so much but because I knew they were all inebriated I couldn't really get a feel for their vibes so I would turn them down.

On a side note I danced with a hot chick in the bathroom that told me to "Stay beautiful wallflower!" and I'll never forget that.

Can't wait for stuff to open back up so I can go again with more experience and no cousin to ruin my night lol

thisiscarcosa · 2020-12-08T04:43:24+00:00

If you go to a nightclub on your own with the sole intent of talking to girls, you ARE creepy as fuck - whether you like it or not. It’s not a good look at all, and it’s a big red flag I’m not suprised they won’t go home with u lol - haven’t u got friends to go out with?

alexdiezg · 2020-12-07T15:36:23+00:00

I find it awkward because I'm sober and can't see myself going alone. I'd much rather go with a group of friends so that I can blend in with them and their drinking and have fun that way.

KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy · 2020-12-07T16:21:34+00:00

No. I'm totally comfortable stag.

Just-Drew-It · 2020-12-07T17:36:29+00:00

Friday happy hour is the time to go. Bars will eventually switch over to weekend mode, but there is a period where its a combination of both after work and night out folks. Great time to meet people.

Boxgineer111 · 2020-12-07T18:11:49+00:00

Yeah, "awkward" was the exact word in my mind. Wherever I look, I see couples! One advice is to befriend the alpha male of the group (AMOG) and then you can have easy access to girls. Single girls or guys might tag along with couples after all.

A-constant-beat · 2020-12-07T18:23:49+00:00

Flirt/talk with the group of women and they will introduce you to the one they think you are the most compatible with.

JuanOnOne · 2020-12-07T18:33:48+00:00

You engage the entire group. Not just the person you are interested in.

77tuoemtae · 2020-12-07T18:42:40+00:00

They aint the same anymore

Dukeofalphars · 2020-12-07T19:00:33+00:00

Ahh if she is with a guy don’t approach if she is with her girls ahh go talk with them and make sure to include all of them in the conversation then if things seem to be okay take the girl out of there onto maybe the dance floor and chat with her

Dukeofalphars · 2020-12-07T19:01:25+00:00

And going to the club on your own is a little bit though but it would be okay after a while

rawbface · 2020-12-07T19:02:15+00:00

No one goes alone because no one should go alone, least of all you. You're showing up with no social proof whatsoever, and potentially telegraphing your intent from a mile away.

It can't be avoided sometimes, people cancel, or you don't have the right friend group yet. It happens. When it does, you should not go exclusively seeking out girls who are alone. That is severely restricting your prospects - it's a hail mary. And it's putting the cart before the horse.

Go to the groups of people. Make friends first, both guys and girls. Any pickup behavior that would get condemned by a girl's friends is most likely cringey, needy behavior to begin with. Use them to calibrate.

Or you can be the creepy weirdo in the corner by himself waiting to swoop in on any girl who walks in by herself.

bls65 · 2020-12-07T19:09:13+00:00

That is the way bars and nightclubs have always been and people have managed to hook up and date in that environment from the beginning of time.

If she is into you she will make herself available to talk. If she wants to go home with you she will make that happen too. I have had girls ask if I would mind giving them a ride later because their friends want to take off. Usually, this only happens after you have met a couple of times at the club. Seduction and dating are a long ball game, you have to be willing to put the time and effort in.

If you are going alone and trying to single girls out you run the risk of looking like that creepy guy at the bar. Girls are attracted to guys who have a social game, and if you look like you're having a great time they want to see what you're all about.

We all find it awkward at times, just don't let it stop you and it will get easier with time.

Mrs_PlayfulPrimal · 2020-12-07T19:51:34+00:00

Usually the only guys I slept with from bars and clubs were bouncers and bartenders. They played the long game and weren't desperate to get me into bed by the end of the night. They asked me out on dates for that week after the club night. And after the dates a sexual relationship would start.

Only three guys trying to hookup were able to almost take me home because they were low pressure and super nice. But two of them still turned me off when I got to their place and I left before anything happened. One started talking about his belief that the devil is real in a Denny's, and I found out he was from the same mega church my parents went to (arousal dead). And the other guy when I was walking back with him to his hotel during Comicon (an extra slutty time of the year for me), literally said when we got there

"Wow, so you'll just go back to a hotel room with a guy and don't know anything about him. That's kinda dumb."

So I left after that two sentence lecture while he was trying to say he "didn't mean it like that."

Edit: so if she's down to go home with you don't f*ck it up. Stick to neutral topics.

Psychological-Cow711 · 2020-12-07T19:53:46+00:00

Check out what she’s been drinking. Check to see if she’s with a bf or if the dudes there are just friends. You can approach one of the friends and ask about the girl your interested in. Order her drink for her when she goes to the bar. Or get a waitress to bring a drink to her table. There’s endless possibilities depending on your confidence.

Sirregenaldpooppypot · 2020-12-07T20:23:21+00:00

I can dance and have my best success in game at the club. However even when I am not alone, it’s still annoying and nerve wrecking to be surrounded by chaos in general. People constantly bumping into you. Meat heads who aren’t even security staring at you. Gay dudes staring at you. It’s hard to hear everyone and your usually to uptight and sober when you first arrive.

I use strategies to get myself out of my head while I am there and self amuse. Then usually I’m meeting new people in no time and it’s all good.

I love going for fast make outs, usually one or two a night when I go out. That doesn’t always end in a pull. I usually have good wing men that help me a lot with that. Still the girl I want can slip away often but I’ll still have her number.

WoohooRobot · 2020-12-07T20:40:13+00:00

I’ve enjoy going out on my own. When you say nightclubs are super awkward, you do realize it’s your own bias opinion and it’s the mental attitude that has to be worked. Go try to enjoy your own company.

OGWarlock · 2020-12-08T00:23:53+00:00

I used to feel like this. Then, after going to a few socially-distanced outdoor parties/DJ sets and meeting a few people, I learned that those are exactly the kinds of places people go to in order to meet other people, so the fear of showing up went away.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still awkward and nervous around other people in social settings, especially attractive women, but at least I'm not scared to go out alone anymore. And those other things I'm making progress on as a result of that liberation.

prettydirtyboy · 2020-12-08T00:46:56+00:00

For approaching girls with their friends me personally I’ll usually just single one out, doesn’t mean she’s the one I’m choosing but she’s probably the most approachable. Now if I’m keeping my options open I’m gonna talk to the one I single out but then start involving her friends in jokes and funny banter. If everything is going smooth I start isolating the one I want in conversation, more intimate not easily interruptible conversation. Having friends that aren’t afraid to approach women helps to easily keep girlfriends busy.

Girls with guys, more often I wouldn’t approach them cause it’s easier to assume that’s her boyfriend so it makes more sense to always have the highest chance of success. Especially with all the other women around not with other guys. Assuming we know this isn’t her boyfriend though, I might actually approach the guy (pause) and try to befriend him plus gauge where he stands with the lady. That could lead to easily involving her into the interaction and he might end up wingmaning you on spot if he’s not an orbiter

anonymouscausefuckU · 2020-12-08T02:08:15+00:00

The key is to try and get the attention of her while group. This is easier if you’re with friends, as you can combine groups for the night. Very ideal if you’re with a guy squad and she’s with a girl squad. It’s usually a lot of fun for everyone that way!

Fretsurgeon · 2020-12-08T02:12:28+00:00

A group means that they have support which is cool. They are liked by people and have friends. That is attractive. A group is also a good opportunity to network. Guys or girls. Not to take advantage of them but find an in and get to the drinks and conversation. Then BOOM! You might have your heart set on a certain person but you never know what might happen. Might gain a new friend for life. Might find the love of your life. Might just say hello and goodbye. Either way you spoke up. Offer a round for everyone or for the particular candidate and see where it goes. Just don't go broke doing it lol. Good luck!

Ntx_skarface · 2020-12-08T13:15:05+00:00

I actually find easier to talk to a group than a girl alone (if she has not shown interest by eye contact or smiling). 1 or 2 girls are harder if you go alone cold approaching than a group of 3 or more. A girl alone may feel mothe treathened by a cold aproach and 2 girls my feel that you are inveding a private conversation.

The key is to akwolege the whole group especially with guys on it. Chit chat with the most friendly ones in the group, figure what are the "public" conversations or interaction and avoid the "private" conversations. So in a group of 6 (2 guys and 4 girls) 1 guy ad 1 girl are having a conversation and the other 4 are talking having shots, the first is private and you avoid them, and the other is public and you can join.
Anyway i sometimes have my own group of friends to come back and if i find 2 or 3 funny girls i introduce one to another.
Wach the dinamics of the people around, who looks forward to have fun and meet people, who is bored cause their other 2 friends are in a conversation and is not interested.
When alone i sometimes find another lone guy or a group or guys and lead them in an expedition to meet women.

ShouldIBuyACardigan · 2020-12-09T08:16:27+00:00

yeah, unfortunately, some people here have a disconnect with reality and somehow, outright, deny your experience. Like, co'mon, at least not pretend you don't understand the point of the question.

To answer your question, many people, I would go on a limb to say the majority of people, go to bars to wind down or hang out with their own friends. We used to have after-work hours with co-workers in a bar and never I saw a guy approaching any of my coworkers or try to single her out and talk to her. It is super weird for random people to talk to each other in a bar (here on the west coast). I am sure you would scare off a few women who just go there to relax and talk with friends. The key is that if you want to go down to the cold approach route, you should come to term that you cannot keep everyone happy. You should just be polite and do your best. How others will perceive your approach is outside your control. One girl might be highly anxious socially and your approach may make her freeze or panick. So is it going to make you stop approaching women altogether? Your choice. Yeah, but the key is that you cannot keep everyone happy. There is also at least one feminist who will try to make a scene. So what?! you are not responsible for how trolls gonna react to your approach. People are weird. The key is be confident and do you best.

Marcoscondit · 2020-12-16T14:56:01+00:00

I used to think this but had girls approach me and feel exited after I told them I went alone because my friends didn’t want to go out but I did

Zangief89 · 2022-05-03T16:59:39+00:00

Checkout a game on Amazon called chickenshit, next time go out and play that game and it will change everything

Title	Does anyone else find bars and nightclubs super awkward because nobody seems to go alone.
Author	turbulentside1
Upvotes	706
Comments	263
Date	December 7, 2020 12:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/k8fj4d/does_anyone_else_find_bars_and_nightclubs_super/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-anyone-else-find-bars-and-nightclubs-super.1428340 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428340

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