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[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 189 points190 points191 points 4 years ago (39 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, this sounds like a social skills/calibration issue.
If you continually get the "I have a boyfriend" feedback you're definitely not calibrating your approaches. You're not making them feel comfortable or attracted before you escalate, or you escalate straight off the bat.
If you're consistently getting bad results, it's something that you need to fix, rather than everyone else being the problem.
Once you calibrate things will be much better!
[–]victorhugogime 23 points24 points25 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Even then, maybe the demographics of those venues is accomodating for couples so he ends up meeting a lot of stupid men who takes their girlfriends to a club LOL,
Jokes apart, there was a bar i liked to go when i was still dating that was very nightlife-ish but was filled with couples, absolute dogshit place to find singles, but the venue is incredible and if you didn't mind getting a few i have a boyfriend's to your face, i imagine it would be marvelous, i obviously don't go there anymore without a date, else i get moody
[–]Toptunov 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Everything else good but why is taking your girlfriend out to a club stupid?
[–]victorhugogime 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Because at least here most men don't respect silver rings very much and micro and full on cheating is kind of rampant, most guys also have less than trustworthy GFs, so in this enviroment it is kind of asking to get cucked live
[–]mattgk39 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I can’t downvote this enough. If you can’t trust your girlfriend to behave respectfully to you and your relationship when you go to a club together then she shouldn’t be your girlfriend.
[–]Toptunov -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I didn't know this and it's bit hard to believe. But thanks for the information!
Edit: a bit
[–]victorhugogime 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
It might be a small chance but, people 100% will pass their hands in your GF but "accidentally", since music everywhere is very vulgar she will be dancing some pretty vulgar stuff if she decides too, you need to basically escort her 24/7 else other guys will approach, sometimes even i did on mistake, sometimes the guy went to the bathroom and i would talk to his girl, some nerves of steel are required especially if it's packed because you could get smacked before security notices, its brootal
[–]bruce_maximo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Lmaoooooo. Carrry pepper spray
[–]victorhugogime 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The moment you turn around it's another guy already, the only way to stop people doing that to your gf is standing behind her, and probably getting your ass smacked too, since there are gay men and even single girls, who will do this too,
Not much different than that video of the girl with red lipsticks kissing a bunch of mens backs and marking their shirts with red lipstick, and just running away giggling, if a random girl did that to me and tried to run she would be pummeled imediately, that is harrassment too,
I think the worse are lesbian woman, because they 100% get away with it, it is disgusting because it is really hard to kick a girl out especially if she isn't drunk, shameful display really
[–]bruce_maximo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree but feminist would say anything. As long as it looks like a man and has had glasses they will want to condemn him. Men get no pass for any mistakes. Bouncers beat up guys all the time. But I never seen a woman get thrown out or beat up
[–]victorhugogime 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly since i know a little bit of law, family is full of law majors, i when i see a girl like that i just accuse them of crime and tell the bouncer that if they don't do anything i'm suing the place, a friend records the whole thing, works every time,
[–]bruce_maximo1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Nice, I will use it. Abut I probably need to record it lol
[–]mrpodo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
I think my problem is that I treat every interaction as if it's a form of escalation, even if it isn't. That leads me into getting way too nervous.
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Your interaction should be seeking to establish rapport - I.e. "vibe". You can escalate but ONLY if you're establishing comfort first. Honestly you should be going in with the mindset to have a fun time rather than sex. Your presence should add some benefit. A little nervousness is OK, once you can keep approaching and having fun!
[–]mrpodo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. Honestly I'm probably way more uncomfortable when approaching than who I approach lol
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Okay can you provide some details
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
If you're looking for a script there is none. Go towards situations that you're feeling fun and genuinely interested in. Women you're genuinely attracted to for a SPECIFIC reason. Make them smile and laugh. Tease them. Have fun and make sure they're having fun
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Just because I'm asking for a few details doesn't mean I'm asking for a script. You're saying there's a "right way" and a "vibe" but refusing to give any detail. Those things don't add up.
"Make sure they're having fun" is way too open ended and useless to be a tip. It's not like I'm not trying to do that. And you're going to refuse to say anything you do, either because you don't feel like it, or you just can't explain
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
People identify with emotions rather than words. The point of approach is to cultivate a particular positive emotion and spread it to others (women). I cracked jokes about food, the length of an entry line, how long it's taking me to get drinks, etc. It's what I'm feeling at the moment that i can draw them into that they can ALSO identify with
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's not like you can immediately jump from those things to kissing her
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree, but I've moved multiple times from introduction to make out in less than 5 minutes
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And how did you do it?
What did the whole process look like?
Also... let's wrap that around to the top. How do I change my social skills and calibrate my style to reflect that? What are some of the things you did?
Observation. What is her body language saying to you? What is her tone of voice talking to you? Is she making strong eye contact or nervous and fidgety and not comfortable in the conversation? Point out something in the bar/ club as an excuse to make physical contact. Does she lean forward or lean away?
Finally, if someone is obviously uncomfortable, tje best thing to do is just leave, not plow ahead. When I get obvious signals of disinterest I leave. However the majority of times when just having a covo I'll have mainly indicators of interest because she's having a good time, laughing , etc.
Ok thank you
[+]Mundane-Currency5088 -9 points-8 points-7 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I treat every interaction like I'm bored and want to be entertained. But I'm a woman so men just kinda fall into my lap even when I'm am sincerely not looking.
[–]mrpodo 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I'm not exactly entertaining
[–]cutanddried 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Really shit personality
[+]Mundane-Currency5088 -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It was a joke. You know humor?
[–]cutanddried 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Double shit personality
[–]LandscapeClear1630 -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Disgusting.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol why? If I'm out to have a good time shouldn't I get to have a good time?
[–]daddysgotanew -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If only his face was better the calibration would be better LOL
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
How do you calibrate your approaches? Are people in r/seduction allergic to giving good advice or any amount of detail?
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Calibration is simply observing what went wrong and trying something different. Watching other successful approaches and changing your approach. Watching body language and approach based on that. Too many guys go in with one approach. Calibration Is about observation, learning and change
What kinds of approaches are successful for you?
Simple, authentic approaches where I notice something interesting and unique about the person.
Other than that- approaches where the woman is physically attracted to me.
You just say that? Do you crack jokes? I've noticed unique and interesting things about a lot of people who ended up rejecting me.
How do you tell they're physically attracted to you?
[–]ikeepon 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This.
[–]TTV-DontEvnTrip 212 points213 points214 points 4 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
The fact you are “angry” is the problem with your approaches. You need to be having a good time regardless of how your responses are. People can sense your intentions and you may be coming out thirsty or trying too hard instead of being naturally happy and trying to get to know someone. Take a step back and be honest why are you going out? If it’s just to meet women and not have fun you would be better off staying online and setting up dates savings money and time.
[–]unknownasj 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Yup, OP is going out with the intention of looking for women (desperate and needy approach). Go out instead with the intent of having fun and watch what happens. You need to pull in a social interaction where people hang with you cause you are fun to be around then the women swoon in hive minded. You can't force it, it will never work. When I went out it was to have fun and women just gathered around. They only like guys who have a plan even when it's to go to different places.
[–]Madgamerz22 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This right here. I'm trying to break out of this mindset because I'm chasing women away myself. Not bad looking just have the wrong mentality.
[–]unknownasj 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea I can imagine. I was the same way and it took a long good while for me to start shifting my thinking and not just approaching just cause I want to as it always seemed to fail. I realized girls are like cats, gotta pull them in as crazy as it sounds. It's better this way. It's a more natural approach without being forceful. There is no other choice because of the amount of other dudes doing the same thing and girls get use to it. You do the opposite and she will be drawn to you because you are different from them.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Explain why/how that works please
[–]unknownasj 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
How it works. It's similar to say a celebrity showing up at an event and he has social proof that's he's a man of value. If you go to an event and say you make a good amount of friends and they sell you as this cool person by being around you. Women will want to be around you too cause of your value of social proof by the guys. Unfortunately this is how women's minds work, it's hard to explain unless I was a women. But it just works in a sense to give you a sense of value amongst those you are surrounded with. The world mostly revolves around this, think how social media works in this same factor with followers. You have a good following at a particular setting, women will want to know who you are.
It starts tho with being cool with some of the dudes in that environment. It comes off less desperate. The only reason women know you are desperate is because they dealt with numerous approaches from dudes probably using the same lingo. You have to switch it up.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for providing more details than literally anyone else I've ever talked to in this sub.
This doesn't get me any closer to actually "calibrating" but I appreciate your answer
[–]unknownasj 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Understandable, I've been in your shoes before and making sure to help calibrate the ideal way of approach can garner more success. It's an approach without an approach. You gonna approach by attracting them in. Much more chance of succeeding
Okay don't start spouting that stuff too please
[–]unknownasj 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Nah I won't lol, it's not much of my lingo
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sweet thanks
[+]daddysgotanew -37 points-36 points-35 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No they can’t “sense” shit. Most of society lives paycheck to paycheck, has no education and finances depreciating assets for 7 years. People are not super mind readers, they’re idiots in general.
[–]ZepperV2 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah thats literally why we have the 80/20 rule. Women are more in tune with social dynamics than us. Before I always wondered what was wrong with my interactions. Looking back I didn’t have my inner game dialed in and I did little things that pointed that out. One girl even told me I was a bit off.
The initial interactions were great. However, after a while they’d notice that I really don’t believe in myself. Even Neil Strauss pointed this out in his book.
[–]ymoushkz 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How’d you get better?
[–]ZepperV2 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Baby steps towards where I’m at now and even then I’m still working on it. Bit by bit I would take care of my biggest insecurities. I think that was effectively the foundation for my shaky self esteem/inner game. Took me a good several years. Good thing I started when I was around 15, I was and still am very introspective.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hence the being attracted to fun people...
[+]SDdude81 -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You need to be having a good time regardless of how your responses are
How is that even possible?
Are you some kind of monk who does not get upset if he repeatedly fails what he wants to do?
would be better off staying online
OLD is shit for any men who isn't really good looking.
[–]WizardSenpai 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
women don't have sex with men because he wants to fuck and said the magic words. women have sex with men because she she believes she'll have a good time and it feels like her idea. dont seek sex, seek a good time, sex comes naturally between two people enjoying themselves.
[+]SDdude81 -10 points-9 points-8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think you replied to the wrong post. You're answering questions I didn't ask.
[–]Mundane-Currency5088 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Except this is exactly the advice you need to solve the problem.
[–]Live-Ad-6309 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is probably a calibration issue. I'd guess your game is too obvious and heavy handed for your venue. You have to start small then escalate an interaction. Trying to start from too high a point of investment scares girls away.
This is why trial, analysis, adjustment and error is important. Instead of trial an error alone. If 10 approaches add badly. You need to look into your strategy, and tweak it. Then keep tweaking until things start to work.
What do you mean by "start small"?
Also what kinds of tweaks did you have to make?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
So either you can't, or you refuse, to answer what kinds of tweaks you had to make. Lol sorry that's such a hard thing to answer.
I wish people who could give this kind of advice were the ones giving this kind of advice
[–]Lifesgoodman96 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
As always, I suggest that you take a look at how you feel about yourself deep down and go from there. What's your self-talk like? Deep down, do you really feel worthy of the company of beautiful women or do you simply tell yourself that before your approach without actually believing it? Are you totally OK with the idea of being alone?
Women are particularly perceptive so they will pick up on any mannerisms or behaviors that suggest that you're needy or that you don't feel worthy of their company.
Look at what has been happening (what seems like a lack of success but actually isn't. It's part of your growth. You need feedback in order to identify things that need improvement) from a constructive, positive perspective. Identify any limiting beliefs, realize that they aren't true, throw them out, and then replace all of them with empowering beliefs about yourself. Contemplate all of the awesome characteristics you possess which any woman would want in a man and tell yourself how awesome you are until you genuinely believe it.
Stop taking your approaches so seriously. You have time. Just be patient, have fun with them, be thankful for the feedback you get and keep improving. You're an amazing guy that any woman would want to have but you probably haven't realized it yet.
[–]balthazardous 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I could upvote this comment several times.
HOW do you change your beliefs
[–]Lifesgoodman96 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
As simple as it sounds, all you have to do is realize and accept that as a free human being you have the luxury of being able to decide who you want to be...and then chose to change. You can chose to adopt/ identify with empowering beliefs which instill positive emotions in you and make your life better or negative ones which make you feel like shit.
When you feel a negative emotion you identify the negative belief that triggered it (Ask yourself "What do I believe about this situation or circumstance that is making me feel bad?"), then you throw it away, replace it with the opposite belief, and finally you embody the person who accepts as true that opposite belief.
For example, Say a man believes the following things about himself: "I am socially awkward around attractive women", "I am not an attractive man", "Picking up women is extremely difficult for me". Those beliefs are hindering his success with women (not something he wants), so he simply tosses them in the trash can and embraces these instead: "I am an extremely charismatic man who women love talking to", "I am so sexually attractive. Women want to be around me and have sex with me", "I am naturally good at seduction. I am calm, collected and charismatic. Women lust for my attention". He starts to identify himself with these things by imagining himself as already being that man and he starts behaving accordingly. It helps to repeat the affirmations (recognizing them as a better, more truthful representation of you than the limiting ones) until they feel natural. I promise that if you do this you will be successful. It doesn't matter what aspect of yourself you wish to change. You are the ultimate authority of your life.
Look at Tony Robbins', Neville Goddard's or any other high profile self-development teacher/coach's work. They talk about states. States is all it is.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Just lie to myself in the mirror until I actually believe it?
Also... if I tell myself I'm sexually attractive, it's not gonna stop me from getting rejected when girls don't find me sexually attractive
[–]Lifesgoodman96 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
You wouldn't be lying to yourself. Humans are not static...they can change. There are countless stories of people who change their entire lives by simply changing their self-concept.
I am not saying that every single woman you meet will want to sleep with you..but just think about it from a "more logical" perspective. If you genuinely felt that you were a desirable man, would your confidence not go up? People would have to treat you differently.
We've all heard and seen verifiable accounts of men whom we would consider not attractive at all getting highly attractive women. They're fat and ugly, so how is it possible that they pull such a woman? They are confident in themselves and their desirability, that's how!
By the way, and possibly most importantly, if you are expecting rejection then you don't truly believe in yourself. If you believed in yourself you wouldn't expect rejection. If you are expecting rejection the woman will probably sense it and reject you. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Will expecting rejection or not expecting rejection change any of the outcomes? I've gotten rejected no matter what I do. I've had times I really thought things were gonna work out... and I got rejected. Not really a self-fulfilling prophecy in reverse, and no way to explain that away.
So how did you convince yourself that you were sexually attractive? You literally just told yourself that in the mirror every morning and it just clicked? How long did it take?
And how do you know for sure that the fat and ugly people pulled those women because they were confident in their desirability? It's not that fact, it's how it showed through.
It's not as easy as you want to pretend it is.
[–]Lifesgoodman96 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Obviously I didn't go into the nuances of how they view themselves haha. Surely they were confident in whatever attributes they personally had, be it charm, humor, confidence itself, intelligence. Whatever attributes you choose to poses is dependant upon your own preferences. Those were simply a few examples to get the point across.
I wasn't suggesting that the results of a change in state will yield immediate results. It may take a little bit of time for the changes to fully manifest in your experience depending on the intensity in which you yield to the new state. Often times we become very attached to a particular identity because it is comfortable and it takes time to detach ourselves from it. If you were still getting rejected then you didn't fully embody the state.
I suggest consuming some of Neville Goddard's content (there are lots of audiobooks and recordings of his lectures on youtube. Brian Scott reads a lot of his books on his channel...I recommend starting there) as he explains this stuff much more eloquently and in much more depth than I can. His teachings sound very biblical and they are, but not in the "traditional" Christian sense. It has nothing to do with giving your life to Jesus and everything to do with making powerful changes within yourself.
Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz is another great read that discusses the same thing but in a different, less biblical way. I couldn't suggest that book enough.
[–]prevalent_bear 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"I am an extremely charismatic man who women love talking to", "I am so sexually attractive. Women want to be around me and have sex with me", "I am naturally good at seduction. I am calm, collected and charismatic. Women lust for my attention"
dude that's so delusional
maybe like 10% of men can think this without it being totally disconnected from reality
[–]Lifesgoodman96 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's your personal belief...
Everybody is delusional. I think you are delusional, you think I am delusional...who is right? Oh, right, we both are according to our own beliefs.
Think of all of the people throughout history who's aspirations and ideas were considered delusional yet actually ended up either being made real by them (various technologies, businesses, physical feats, etc) or proved to be true in their own lifetimes or sometime afterwards.
realize that they aren't true
what if they are true lmao
you can't just be delusional all the time, reality will make itself clear
if you're ugly short autist, then thinking it or not thinking it, won't change a thing, because at the end of the day, that's what you are
Think however you want. You're subject to whatever limits you impose upon yourself. It's a law of consciousness. When you decide that you're tired of living life as a victim you have nothing to lose by trying out my advice. It has worked for me and countless others...it most certainly will work for you also if you apply it.
[–]Shadowxerian 32 points33 points34 points 4 years ago* (19 children) | Copy Link
TbH most of the seduction and approaching techniques and tips are complete BS, so basically just forget all that shit. The only things that matter are your personality and your looks.
You could be be Chris Hemsworth in Thor good-looking and still get the same results, if you come of as a creepy, insecure, desperate, angry, etc person.
Get self-development books/audiobooks/yt videos.
The steps to success for you are easy:
Be a fucking nice human-being to be around. Love and respect yourself, try to be a better version of yourself everyday, stand your ground if need be but be kind and respectful to others. Basically radiate positive vibes and be happy with living for ever alone.
If you are happy with yourself and living forever alone, you won't act aggressive, desperate, entitiled, creepy, etc towards your prefered gender and people who get to know you will realize that you are decent to be a round. Most people no matter their gender can sense if sb is BSing them or just an unpleasent person to be around.
Never bother people while doing sth important:Whether you are asking for a date, trying to make friends or whatever just don't interrupt ppl, while they are doing sth important or they will be too annoyed to even give you the benifit of the doubt.
Except a fucking stop or no and learn how it can be said to understand every version of NO.Nothing is more unattractive, then a desperate, aggressive, creepy person, who can't accept no. No matter the gender. It puts men, women, non-binary folks who engage in behaviour like this into the potential sexual abuser-category.
Go out and engage with people, but also respect everyone boundaries and move on without impacting your self-worth. Only go for people you think that will either make greater partners, ONS, or friends. Know your goals in beforehand and be happy with an undesireable outcome.
6: Find activities, which you enjoy and maybe chat up people there. This way you can meet people who have similar interests, which already takes alot of bad vibes away.
[–]SDdude81 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
If you are happy with yourself and living forever alone,
What is this nonsense?
Nobody comfortable being forever alone would even come to this sub for help.
[–]leafhog 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
It seems like a paradox, but he is right.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
No he's really not. And the reason it's paradoxical is because it's impossible. To stop being desperate I'd need to give up.
[–]leafhog 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’ve been where you are. It isn’t impossible. You have to disconnect and keep your expectations low early on. That means not caring if you are rejected.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What did your approaches look like?
[–]leafhog 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Said hi and tried to start a conversation. If I got a hint of rejection I moved on and didn’t look back.
It took me about two years of detaching emotionally when I first met women before I met my wife. I actually thought she rejected me twice the first night and started to move on but she turned it around by coming on to me.
I didn’t figure out how to hit on women successfully until my mid twenties.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And you won't share any of the things you said/did because... reasons.
Even though you agreed with shadow when he said "the steps to success are easy".
If they were easy, you'd be able to explain them.
[–]leafhog 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My secret is shared above. You have to not care about being rejected. Women will reject you for a million reasons unrelated to you. You have to learn how to disconnect emotionally early on. You have to figure out how to like yourself enough that you are okay being alone.
I also started assuming that every woman I talked to was interested in me. But that is just a confidence hack. Fake it ‘til you make it. And I moved on fast once I got a whiff of rejection. If a woman wasn’t will to even make small talk — if she is that unfriendly — then I want nothing to do with her. Move on and try to talk to someone else. I never had a secret script or tricks. I just talked to them like they were people and if they didn’t treat me like a person I found someone else.
Don’t get me wrong, it was still hard. But if I went in with the fear of rejection and looked at them with sad puppy dog eyes that said “please be nice to me” it would be really off putting.
[–]Shadowxerian 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
The secret to any relationship (friends, F+. ONS, long-term-partner, colleagues,etc) is that you need to better your own mental state to a point, where you you are comfortable living forever alone.
Why would anybody be with you and enjoy your company, if you can't even enjoy your own life and are miserable once you are alone? You being not mentally-well will impact the people surrounding you and what is going to happen is that you will drag all the deadweight of useless people with you and all your friends, family and the truly good people are going to leave as soon as they realize you are a lost cause.
Nobody is going to stay with you just for money, looks, etc.
So either you are going to pull yourself up and be somebody people actually want to stick around or you are just damned to being a lonely, miserable person. This usually only ends in three-ways.
If you can't love yourself and feel worthy of attention, then why should anybody else want to?
You are not entitled to anyone's love but your own. Yes your family should do so, but often enough it isn't the case. You had no choice in being born, but you have a choice in who you surround yourself with and how you want to live your life.
Yes almost all people long for companionship, sex, etc but even that will never make you truly happy, unless you are happy being alone and love yourself.
If your goal is to find a LTR and stay with that person forever, then you have to offer more than just looks, money, a good dick, etc. You need to show people that you can meet all their needs for quality of sex, stable income, attractiveness, personality and character, a drive to be a better person everyday as well as being genuinely happy with yourself.
Another human-being in your life isn't there to entertain you and become happy.
You need to truly love yourself and be happy with yourself and if you aren't then do whatever it takes to be this person, bcs nothing will ever be able to fill this void and no amount of hook-ups,etc will change the fact that unless you would want to live with yourself, nobody else will ever want to.
The biggest problem with any seduction thing is that unless you are truly happy most of them will not work and even if you are lucky not a single one of them will keep ppl around.
A fantasy analogy to this would be self-repairing and cleaning cars.
So you have 1 driver( your potential partner) and that one has to choose between two cars.
The first car is a beaten-down piece of shit, that is dirty as can be, has no interior and looks like it is going to break in 5 minutes.
the second one is clean, polished, will ask the driver for it's prefered music taste and temperature and remember those little things forever, it has a nice interior, keeps it's engine in pristine condition and will always go for the small upgrades in his car life. This car doesn't care what others think about it and would be a happy car either way.
The third car is looks nice but has no personality and except for looking clean will never do anything to improve itself.
Be honest if those fantasy cars, where a person, who would you choose? I will always choose number two.
You need to move forward in life, while being the best person you can be and actually enjoy life. Don't change for anybody and with no goal other than bettering yourself for your own good.
And again nobody is entitled to anyones love or affection. You are born alone and will die alone. Unless you realize that you need to want to be the best possible human being you can be, no one will ever want to stick around with you until you die. You will never find meaningful realitionships. Even if they waste a moment on you, they will leave.
Nobody wants to waste their life living with someone that doesn't love themselves and therefore isn't really a partner but rather a burden.
[–]SDdude81 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I disagree. Humans are not meant to be happy alone. We are a pair bonding species.
[–]Shadowxerian 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
The meaning of a relationship is to walk the road, that is called life together. You can only do this, if all the basic requirements for a relationship are fullfilled and both of you are happy and confident in your lives.
As soon as one is unhappy for an extended period of time, your relationship is going to sour and fail. This is why you need to be happy on your own, so once you find your perfect partner you will stay together for as long as the road is going to take you.
Ideally your perfect relationship is a mixture of frequent and high-quality sex, both of your characters and personalities being happy alone and overjoyed together, as well as having your best friend as a partner.
Sure you can ONS as an attractive person but even then it won't amount to anything meaningful. The more happy and confident you are with yourself, the more you will radiate this aura of happiness, confidence and attraction to strangers.
In addition once you accomplish being comfortable and happy alone, you are going to be more attractive to other people. People can sense if a potential partner is miserable or not.
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I fully agree with what you are saying, but I tjink it's unrealistic for ppl to be comfortable being alone forever. Fotever is absolute and endless, and 99% absolutely are NOT ok with that. Forcing yourself to believe that is counterproductive. The mere thought of the possibility of that is crippling for many people.
Instead, simply strive to being comfortable, happy and content with being alone in the moment. You still have ambitions and hope to end up with someone and find companionship, but whether that happens immediately now or sometime in the future doesn't matter because you are comfortable being alone in the short term moment. This mindset is much more positive and conducive, especially once you do find someone.
Maybe because I prefer more positice and optimistic mindset, there absolutely are people who will stick with you till death even if somewhere along the way you lose yourself and stop loving yourself and stop bettering yourself. Life presents many challenges and sometimes we progress and sometimes we regress. If they love you, they will help you and support you to be who you need to be. That's what true love is and it absolutely exists, you just have to work and cultivate over years of dedication and work. It's not something that you magically find.
[–]Shadowxerian 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do what works for you best. I am currently on my own path to self-improvement and maybe it is different for me, since I enjoy being alone as much as being with other people. Honestly I even need my me-time to recalibrate.
The reason why I phrased it this is that it can be along time till you find your perfect partner, you want to spend your life with.
I went through all phase of being-attractive on the outside, fat , etc and currently am working on myself. While I had loads of female attention, when I was fit, it literally didn't amount to anything but meaningless sex. While it was better then masturbation, it still is equally as meaningless.
I also had hook-ups while being fat and poor student, however since I hated myself and was not happy with myself, I would drive people away. Friends,F+, potential long-term relationships etc
You need to be happy with yourself or you will not attract the right people and will forever feel miserable.
A relationship will not make you not miserable and self-loathing unless you are deeply happy and in love with yourself.
[–]focus_flow69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No I agree with what you are saying and have gone thru similar experiences. I too also really enjoy my alone time. And my perspective perhaps used to be more like yours and I was in a similar place in life to you. But for me, I came across the love of my life from a cold approach and we've been very happy together. It's made me see things on the other side and realize the cynicism about girls and inner game sometimes isn't as helpful for others, especially those who reallt struggle with self esteem issues already. However long it takes for you to meet someone, it will happen eventually as long as you put forth effort to better yourself and be happy within
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is brilliant and deserves more love.
[–]greenlight144000 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s impossible to be happy living forever alone.
[–]Jintoad1970 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Facts. I don't know why people spew that bs
I would say the techniques are good to know. However inner game is much more important like you pointed out.
[–]Equivalent_Current_3 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What if you have done all that and still come up empty?
[–]TheTruth221 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
how many approaches u made so far
[–]Nearby_Silver_8466[S] 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
50-70
[–]Kobe_curry24 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The bar game is always tuff but I also would say you can only take one women home at the end of the night I try to focus on groups of threes and bring one other guy with you that’s solid ,once you spark interest focus on one girl that night almost like she’s your GF and you have better results that first comment is spot on tho
[–]Impressive_Sport_713 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
20 a week gets you experience. +50 a week gets you results
•It takes dozens upon dozens of approaches to get numbers consistently
•It takes hundreds upon hundreds of approaches to get dates consistenty
You have unrealistic expectations. You been lied to by guys who dont approach. And even in all your comments youre still being lied
Nothings wrong with your game. People here have NEVER approached!!! Otherwise they wouldnt say 50-70 is terrible with no results. Its actually normal. Real gamers know this
Logic: It takes about 10 approaches for a number. 50% will reply. At 70 approaches, that's 7 numbers; 4 reply. Now. May it be possible that it wont guarantee a date? YES!!
But do ppl here know that? Noooo cuz they're stupid. And toxic to then think you're the problem. Logic says otherwise
How do you even get to that many approaches in a week? Not doubting you but that is an insane number. Also how big of a city are you in?
I ask because I work 50 to 60 hours a week and spend most evenings working out or doing house chores. I climb 2 day a week and that allows me to meet people. I also go out on friday nights to a local pub for trivia with friends. Weekends I am usually pursuing hobbies or working around the house.
What sort of life do you live that allows you to even meet 50+ single girls a week?
[–]putcoolusernamehere -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s still a really small sample to draw conclusions from.
[+]alikebabay -35 points-34 points-33 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Lol. 50-70 in three month? That is a good weekly number, not THREE month number. Do you analyse your approaches in the evening? Give yourself feedback?
[–]king_wizard_rob 51 points52 points53 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I approach 0 women lol, he goes 50-70 per week. That's like a full time job bruuu
[–]Nearby_Silver_8466[S] 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’ve been writing detailed field reports once a month, I’m not trying to make excuses but my current schedule makes it hard for me to be in social environments. I’m also working on my career while doing this
[–]alikebabay 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good. All I am saying is you are doing fine. Some guys need about a 1000 approaches before they get anywhere.
[–]kellykebab 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Terrifying.
[–]siowuKvPefQNaz 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Those are rookie numbers
[–]MattPruga 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
how does your approach look like? I noticed it's very easy to fall into the needy fram when approaching.
It's crucial you stand your ground, you offer value as a man, stay calm, don't be clingy, and for fucks sake, act normal! Don't be cheesy, don't use pickup lines.
"Hi, I don't know you but I think we should get to know eachother" , ask a few basic questions about her, tell her you like something on her (clothing, necklace, ring, NOT her body or other genetic things). "Hey, I have to go but I'll take your whatsapp and send you a cool little message and we'll see what happens."
Hug her and leave, keep a smile on your face, again, don't be creepy
What do your messages look like afterward?
[–]MattPruga 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
i send her a "hi😀" and continue from there
What after that?
See it's not as simple as you want to make it out to be
[–]MattPruga 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"How do you drive a car?" - Start by sitting in the car, tuck you seatbelt, check your mirrors, or don't, just start the car.
Point is, it is simple, use logic. You can't expect for me to explain a whole interaction. It's not the same, women are people. We are all different and do things differently.
You go up to her, you say hi, introduce, check for interest signals, ask basic stuff (where she's from, what she does, don't overdo this). Tease her, lightly touch her if she gives you interest. Stay calm, don't enter interview mode, you are a man and you are valuable, don't get fidgety.
Stay in for a bit and say :"Hey, my friends are waiting for me, do you have whatsapp?" She's much more likely to say yes here, after which you just say "Ok, I'll take your number, shoot you a text and we'll go from there. Unlike going for the number straight away, she will more likely reject you that way. Putting her in a "yes loop" makes her feel like it's not a big deal.
Same goes for asking them out. You firstly ask "Do you know this cafe?" (Yes) , "You like drinking wine?" (Yes), "Alright, wine on tuesday, deal?". She's much more likely to say (Yes) again.
When you turn the ignition, it's not a 50/50 chance the engine starts. And if the engine doesn't start, it's very well-documented what the known causes are. I can do a Google search for how to flood the engine of my '06 Civic.
Thank you though! I didn't know that trick and it sounds like a good way to make you seem more valuable.
You still put in "go from there" like that's meaningful at all
[–]alexmaycovid 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How do you look? What about your style?
[–]ResponsibilityKey427 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Lol I love how this sub ignores this
This sub is pretty useless and vague ngl
[–]bruce_maximo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If haven’t Weinstein can get laid and marry a Model. Most of us can. Feminism and metoo has fucked up the minds of woman. I know from my highschool athelete days. If a a girls find you attractive, you can make multiple mistakes, be awkward and she will still Like you. If shit fizzles that fast, she wasn’t into you like that. Maybe was lonely or some shit 😆
[–]ArtOfGame 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's about your inner game. It's about what intuition you have. how do you approach her? what do you tell her? Can you keep eye contact with her?
[–]atomant88 13 points14 points15 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Work on your social skills bro.
[–]Nearby_Silver_8466[S] 21 points22 points23 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
One day at a time, just venting. It’s taking too long
[–]atomant88 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Make sure you're actively experimenting and stepping out of your comfort zone. The same approach will gield mostly the same results.
Be more/less outgoing
More/less funny
More/less sexual
More/less cocky
Keep trying new things. See what works for you
[–]Markyy47 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
50 to 70 is nothing my man go up to 300 to 400 rejections before complaining! I’m being harsh so you wake up get your shit together and take a break and come back into dating when you cooldown I’m a man and I and see how desperate you are, now imagine how much more women see that ?
Edit: human being in my humble opinion aren’t meant to be alone we are very social just look at diverse aspects of our day to day lives! We almost always encounter people!
[–]Nearby_Silver_8466[S] 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I hear you, my main thing is I want to get better and also don’t want to develop resentment. Im emotional so constant rejections have been getting to me. But maybe a break would be beneficial
[–]Markyy47 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Im also very in touch with my emotions, however when I felt like everything is going wrong I take a break. My mental health is more important than trying to get a gf. Take a step back breath, go do activities you love and hangout with friends and family. When you feel like you’re read for the next rounds of rejection then go back into dating and repeat! It’s hard not to feel resentful when you try a lot and always show genuine interest, I get that! However just like us women can’t choose who they’re attracted to and whom not, if you keep this in mind it should help with getting rid of negative thoughts.
I known you probably don’t want to hear this but being single also has a lot to offer and you realize that once you’re in a relationship! Just a few things for you to think about! I believe you’re a good person that wants to improve so don’t be resentful and always be true to yourself and don’t change in any way only because you want to impress a woman! I believe in you OP
[–]Dodechaedron 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ever heard about stoicism?
[–]Jintoad1970 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So your approaching up to 300 women? In the same city?
[–]Markyy47 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well you don’t go up to a woman straight up and drop the Bomb! You get to know the through friends, work, uni, perhaps even high school and yes I’m pretty sure I have talked and approached in the sense of stating my intentions yes to at least 300! You get rejected a lot that’s normal any man who goes out and actively engages in dating will tell you the same I believe! Because every time you approach a woman it’s a spark that only happens in your dreams or fairytales !
Edit: if your city has more than 300k inhabitants that’s not very hard btw and it’s not like in one month over 3 to 4 years
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
it sounds like the women you meet have a lack of desire for you .. i posted about this check my profile page ..
[–]CompetitionFair7686 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well what do you say to the girls, what do they say back, what do you say after that?
Can you share it like this:
You: Hey nice to meet you, what’s your name”
Her: It’s x and you
You: It’s Z bla bla bla
Her: bla bla bla
Basically this will allow us to give you feedback based on the conversation you have with them before you ask for their number or something
[–]putcoolusernamehere 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Being angry is probably hurting a lot of your approaches.
I won’t lie and say I don’t occasionally get upset when an approach goes poorly, but you can’t just be constantly in a state of anger at women that you’re not getting results. Daygame is a long-run activity that you will have to weather substantial variance to find success in. There will be weeks with every girl looks at you like a creep for approaching. There will be weeks where you get a lot of numbers and they all flake. But then there will also be weeks where you get several good numbers and go on good dates. It’s a numbers game.
[–]MiltDrinker 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t just approach. Participate in some kind of social club or group and start doing some scg too. This is the most important thing for your inner game. Try apps like Meetup to find cool regular events and become a regular at one you like. Go often and meet some people who are 1- super down to be your friend 2- a really good vibe. Uplift you. Are there for you
Once u have a strong circle of friends that take care of your “inner game”, you will have MUCH more confidence when talking to girls
Then slowly start meeting people who have good social circles.
Spend quality one on one time w people who are (available + good vibe + have a social circle) and you will start getting invited to parties w hot girls in them. These are all warm approaches for you to do (dont go direct pls, go friendly and see if they sexualize on you first).
You can still daygame/nightgame to get laid fast. But scg is the healthiest form of game
[–]MiltDrinker 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Scg = social circle game
[–]Hornyonion 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Start approaching women as if you would approach a girl you are not interested in. Think about how you react to your female cousin or this ugly coworker.
Do you ask things in a specific sexual way?
Do you make puppy eyes, change tone of voice, start shaking etc?
No.
You just ask them directly what you want to ask.
[–]Jintoad1970 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Does that work?
You don’t want to know how I talk to my friends and coworkers. Shot is pretty raw lol. Hey you ugly b***h, you going to lunch soon? I’m pretty sure police will Be callled on me if I used this approach 😂
[–]HorusCok 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Chances are you are not paying any attention to the queues given off by women. If she hasn't at least shot you an "I'm open to be approached" eye contact. your just some dude that is interrupting her evening.
[–]mojojojo2069 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All I can say is suddenly bfs disappear or not get mentioned if they into you. So take it as a quick win because you saved time.
[–]FlatDistance5 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How many approaches have you done if you did 500-1000 then yea maybe you need major tweaks
But if you did less than 100 than guy, you haven’t approached enough
Are you only nightgaming or are you daygaming as well?
I think we need an example of your approaches to see where your fucking up, if your fucking up really.
What’s your opener
Are you conversational and vibing with the girl Did you close with intent on going on a date?
We need what a typical conversation and approach looks like. Then we can hit you with adjustments
[–]freespirit1963TJ 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Have you ever thought that you are trying too hard? Could it be that you are subconsciously projecting an aura that makes it seem like you're shopping for something? I read many posts on this thread and it seems as though there are a number of people who approach this with a sense of desperation.
[–]pepepoopoo567890 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Something about you or your approach seems to be unattractive, change up what you do and your results will change.
[–]Sandvicheater 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm live in LA like you OP and women's standards are muuuccchhh higher. LA is the highest cost of living in the country and your finances are just as important to a girl as much as your looks. If your place is in the middle of the ghetto Compton and your car is some 1992 Honda accord, your chances with girls 8+ is an ice cube chance in hell.
[–]bruce_maximo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! Too many stupid fools think being yourself get you laid. I rather rent a lambo for a weekend and smash about 3 guys future ex girlfriends lol. He can plan a future with her after I busy inside her. Some of these girls are some evil that they may make you eat her out after the event so the boyfriend swallows the evidence . Fucked up world. 🤣🤣🙂
[–]SilentJoe008 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Watch opening mastery todd V He discusses this issue clearly
[–]epimpstyle 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Todd is selling a product, he is a vendor... he will never tell the truth. You can not follow the advice of a YouTuber who makes money from such material, for him as a vendor it is good if approaching a girl looks like a hidden science that is available only if you purchase his product.
[–]SilentJoe008 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No one will teach you anything in life for free And thats his old content free on youtube
[–]Kobe_curry24 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Todd V is very good him and the bald headed dude
[–]norwegiandoggo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Persistence without insight leads to the same outcome
[–]Jintoad1970 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What do you look like? What race are you? Do you smile?
Your experiencing a negative feedback loop and I've been through it too. The only way out of it is to start having a positive feedback loop aka consistent success with women.
[–]Equivalent_Current_3 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
How can you start having a positive feedback loop.
Since November when I started to try to get a date again (took some time off) I have been rejected maybe 50 times. All of whom were receptive and flirty up to the point I asked for contacts, a date, etc. At which point they turn cold and reject me.
I am tall, white and approachable/attractive.
[–]Jintoad1970 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What are you saying to these women? How are your social skills?
I have a good friend group and make new friends/ acquaintances easily. So I would assume that I have good social skills. I am being approachable to girls and flirty. I often time make a connection and go from there.
last friday I was at a friends pub. After single handily winning trivia, I chatted with a girl who asked me how I know so much. So we ended up chatting for several hours. She was rather flirty and what people would call desperate. I offered her my contacts and asked her for a coffee date. then she laughed and said "I cant believe you fell for that. Did you really think I was into you that way?"
Generally I can be flirty and friendly and things are going well until I ask for a date at which point girls say "I just dont see you that way, you will make a great husband though and make any girl super happy"
[–]daddysgotanew -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re not good looking enough. Most of us aren’t. Learn to make peace with it. Confidence and personality is a farce, it doesn’t make any difference no matter what delusional blue pillers on here tell you.
[–]rich_god -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Nothing to do with luck. It seems you are not following the first two steps of seduction which are : 1. Approach from a place of fullness (basically, have fun on your own) and 2. Make them feel comfortable. Nobody is "not interested" in just meeting someone that is fun and in abundance mindset, and having a boyfriend is irrelevant (a good answer being "good for you ! Is he here so I could meet him ?"). It seems you're not genuinely trying to meet and connect with people, you're having an agenda and expectations, which women can usually feel and is repulsive.
[–]ResponsibilityKey427 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol no one can tell you have an abundance mindset.
What ppl see are looks, status, wealth.
[+]epicpillowcase -17 points-16 points-15 points 4 years ago (32 children) | Copy Link
🙄 Don’t cold approach women. We don’t like it.
It doesn’t matter how you look.
[–]tehdox 11 points12 points13 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
What’s the sample size for your opinion? You and your friends?
[+]epicpillowcase -17 points-16 points-15 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Myself and every woman I know personally, as well as any woman asked about this on reddit threads on the subject.
Just don’t.
[–]tehdox 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There wouldn’t be a subreddit for this if it didn’t work.
[–]epicpillowcase -5 points-4 points-3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol, the vast majority of posts I’ve seen in this sub are from men who have drunk the Neil Strauss kool-aid and hope it will work.
[–]Nearby_Silver_8466[S] 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I will never stop cold approaching but I will take your advice on making my life as “interesting” as possible.
[–]gaz0o2 4 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
lol you are the type of woman that shouldnt be going out at all. You only add negativity to the world and seems you have no general knowledge of how life has worked or works. Go back to your fake instagram profile so you can get some likes and feel better about yourself.
[–]epicpillowcase 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m not on Instagram, I hate how fake it is.
Feel free to tell me who I am so you can keep deluding yourself that women fit neatly into stereotypes.
[–]eszibit 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This is exactly why guys laugh when women give dating advice
[–]tehdox 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Women like this are bitter coz no one with good game approaches them.
[–]epicpillowcase -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There is no such thing as “good game” because any woman who isn’t a complete idiot can see what you’re doing.
[–]tehdox 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for proving my point
[–]epicpillowcase -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol
[–]eszibit 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good game doesn't meant lying and acting like a fool. But if a good looking guy that is charming and makes you laugh comes up and talks to you and you're bitch about it, maybe he's not the problem?
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've made many friends, and had several girlfriends from cold approach.
[–]iluvreddit 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you know how many women have slept with me and fallen in love after a cold approach? You’re delusional if you think it never works. Most approaches are cold, the chances of being introduced to a beautiful single woman by friends are slim and now we’re discouraged from sleeping with co-workers.
[–]Nearby_Silver_8466[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
How do I meet women then?
[–]gaz0o24 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Rule no1. dont listen to women on how to pick up women.
[–]epicpillowcase 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Live your life via hobbies and interests. Make friends with women with no other agenda. I guarantee you will have more success over time if you treat women you meet as people and not potential targets for dating or fucking.
My male friends are respectful and as such, I would introduce them to other friends.
Be an interesting person. Working out and having your own place is not that.
[–]TheCaribbeanRedditor 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cold approach doesn't mean that you're disrespectful. I've made several female friends through cold approach.
Men should be interesting people AND have to confidence to cold approach someone who's attractive that they need to talk to to.find out IF they want to take things further
[–]SocialKing_ 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So, do you go up and approach men?
[–]epicpillowcase -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, because I know that being cold approached doesn’t feel good to me so I’m not doing it to someone else.
If you’re hoping for a gendered “gotcha” moment, you’re looking in the wrong place. I date all genders and if I meet someone socially and like them, I will ask them out, regardless of gender.
[–]SDdude81 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Why are you on this sub?
[–]epicpillowcase 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No idea
Saw this thread on the homepage, was annoyed enough to respond 🤷♀️
[–]SDdude81 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I wasn't aware this sub appeared on the main page. I had to search for it.
Just to be clear, the main purpose of this sub is to help men meet women for dating and/or sex.
I’m aware. And is full of terrible advice from and to people who are one step away from being incels and think Neil Strauss can save them.
It wouldn’t bother me if so much of it wasn’t centred around assuming women are stupid. I laughed in the face of the first dude who negged me and would do it again. It’s intellectually insulting.
And you know what? I have no problem with men appropriately and respectfully asking me if I would like to have sex. It’s honest. None of this bullshit is necessary.
[–]SDdude81 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m aware. And is full of terrible advice
Then post your advice.
Telling people what not to do is easy. Any one can say, "don't approach women." That's not advice.
And you know what? I have no problem with men appropriately and respectfully asking me if I would like to have sex. It’s honest
And would you say yes?
Honestly I feel that if I approached one hundred women in a variety of situations If they would like to have sex with me, I'd get 100 no's, some more strongly worded than others.
I saw your other post about making friends with women, and that doesn't work either. I really wish friendship led to dating but it just doesn't.
[–]epicpillowcase 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have said yes, and I have said no. All depends on the context, situation and how it was communicated. But if it’s respectful and honest, it’s never offended me. None of those dudes approached me in the mall. That would offend me. I’m there minding my own business, shopping.
I posted my advice upthread.
[–]vardarac 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We I don’t like it.
Ok, fair enough. Wear your headphones and keep your face stuffed in a book. If I see someone I'm curious about I'm going to say hi. I hope that's all right with you 🥺
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Cold approaching is low-value and last-resort. Women like familiarity and we are more receptive to men we already know from an existing circle, rather than strangers - online or off.
Cold approaching is low-value and last-resort
Hot take.
[–]IronCapable -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try online dating.
[–]EthicalSeduction 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why not change up the way you are approaching to see if a different approach style works better if you or if maybe you blend approach elements to find a better for for you. If you are doing a direct approach, maybe try indirect flirting methods to help them lower their guard. Changing things up may help.
[–]epimpstyle 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Rejection is part of the game, learn how to step over and continue your life as if nothing happened.
Watch a rejection compilation here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TsiusjJVzc
[–]offinthewoods10 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Change your strategy, I don’t know what your bars are like but where I am the lines to get drinks can be pretty long. While waiting in line I like to just strike up random conversations, I don’t really need to get anything out of the conversation except my own amusement.
Intentions are also a big thing that you don’t really think about. Hypothetically, if you are out with friends and someone is trying to sell you the Bible, you’re gonna be annoyed. If they strike up a conversation, everything is normal, then later it comes up that they sell bibles. Even if you are not interested in buying one it was still an enjoyable for both parties.
[–]ZoeticLark 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a bit esoteric, but I found Human Design helpful in understanding why somethings i tried so hard for worked out less and less and others came so easy...when i learned to let go in the right way and use my gut instincts more, things have been getting easier. You can find your Rave Chart for free online and plenty of videos out there explaining it. Some of it gets really specific about bonding strategies and how it is best for each us to enter into relationships. I've read quite a few charts for fun at this point, and I will tell you, most of the time, the whole point of any of this is to learn to be in your self in the most authentic way. It can reveal what your relational talents are and give you some cautions about what not to do with your energy when interacting with others. It can be really eye opening narrative and possibly shed light on our worst barriers and resistance in life, if you have the time to deep dive into it.
[–]LandscapeClear1630 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How are your subcomms tho?
[–]Woujo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are probably being needy and pushy. I approach all the time and I never get "I have a bf." If a girl is saying "I have a bf" that means you have made it extremely clear you want to fuck her right away and she is just looking for an out. An approach should be a fun, casual thing and you should not even be discussing relationship shit until you have been vibing for a while.
[–]kphoenix137 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cold approach is very hard. I respect the balls you have to do it. I prefer warm approach as it's always netted me good results. Your bad luck may be a result of either bad game or bad looks, or a combination of both. Game can be improved endlessly, looks can be improved by how you dress, hitting the gym, and grooming. If you're sure that you've improved enough in both categories and you're still having no luck, maybe it's time to lower your standards. Sometimes life is a b.tch.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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