Does anyone hate dating single dads?

fireforestfairy · 2020-12-25T09:54:13+00:00

I'm from Hong Kong. Women dating single dads is not unheard of but I don't know if it is as common as in the West.

Anyway, dating single dads with kids who are still minors suck and I don't think this changes regardless of where you are from. Many of these men expect you to care for their kids as if they were your own biological kids. Meanwhile, the biological mom will hate you for doing that. Most women do not like the idea of going through pregnancy and childbirth only for their kids to bond with another women. The ones who are more mean will be passive-aggressive towards the stepmon. Even the more understanding biological moms are uncomfortable with their kids being too close with their stepmoms. Stepmothers are hence in a conflicted position where the dad wants them to bond with their kids yet their biological moms don't want that.

Davina33 · 2020-12-25T09:25:49+00:00

I suppose as a child free woman this is par for the course. I don't date single dads full stop. That includes men with adult children as usually grandchildren come along and I'm expected to care for them, no thanks. However, single dads do not like this and impose themselves on me. I've been called all kinds of names, had men lie a bit having children and even had a man being his 5 year old boy on our first date. He said he was also child free. I like children but in small doses. Single mothers get ripped all of the time but at least they don't lump all of the childcare on the childfree parent I like single dads. As a woman I get given a much harder time because "all women like and want children". 🙄

galian84 · 2020-12-25T15:16:20+00:00

I don’t mind a divorced man, depending on how long ago the divorce was, if he still is in contact with the ex, and the circumstances that led to the divorce.

Single dads though? No way. Either they want a free nanny, they’ll never have time for you, and you’ll be last on their priority list, and they’re usually cheap with you. I dated one for 7 years and he bragged about being a “part-time dad” and that he got to have his son around for all the fun times. He just wanted a son to carry on his “LeGaCy” and to have a little buddy, without doing the day to day work. I’ll never do it again.

His ex-wife remarried, and one day, I heard his son call his stepdad “Dad”. My ex turned white and got so pissed. Made me chuckle a little...like well, this guy is around everyday for your kid, and you’re not.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-12-25T09:07:42+00:00

I agree. I don't want someone else's kids.

Above all else I don't want to watch men be shitty fathers, which they usually are. Watching them ignore or feed trash to their child tells me everything I need to know about him. "This is my mini me, my world, my son." feeds him canned food or frozen burritos every single day Yeah dude, you must love your child SOOOO much. 🙄🙄🙄

Hedy__Lamarr · 2020-12-25T15:21:17+00:00

As a single mother, I don't immediately write off single dads. But I am ruthless in culling them from my dating pool. If anything strikes me as fishy or weird in the way they talk about their kids or themselves, I go with my gut instinct. I can't really explain it because it is gut instinct. Pictures on their OLD with their kids? No. Constantly talks about how much they care about their kids? No. But there is no formula to it.

If I ever seriously date a single dad the biggest test (beyond all the tests of a dating any man) will be how soon he tries to introduce me to his children. If it's before the 6 month mark of *serious* dating (not starting from a first date), I'd consider that a big red flag. I'm not auditioning to be his kids' mother. A man who truly cares about his kids knows that constantly introducing them to new mommy figures is stressful on the kids. It also riles up their biological mother. You can bet the biological mother is already super pissed at any new s/o because it's already a constant revolving door that is negatively impacting her children.

If children experience divorce, having a new s/o introduced is often times just as (if not more) stressful than the divorce on children. If he doesn't think it's a big deal, he doesn't give a shit about his kids. Even if I never meet his kids, a man who doesn't care about his own children is someone I have no desire to know, much less date. And often times the men who will give lip service all day about how much their kids mean to them are the same ones whose actions show that the only person they think about is themselves.

Being a "good dad" is often used to try to gain brownie points with others. Just another example of LVM trying to make the bare minimum look like a high standard. It's performative parenting.

2020-12-25T13:21:11+00:00

Usually the single mom is actually single, and the single dad has a slew of women (including his mom) raising the kids.

Cognitivedecadence · 2020-12-25T08:43:37+00:00

If he puts me first he’s a bad dad. If he puts his kid first I have to accept being his #2 priority. (I know technically we are our own #1 priorities, you know what I mean)

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-12-25T09:19:11+00:00

[deleted]

Pasdepromesses · 2020-12-25T09:37:07+00:00

I think single moms are fine most of the time. They actually do all the child care and child raising. I can understand why childfree men wouldn’t want to date them, but it’s 1000% less problematic than a single dad.

Single dads are most of the time deadbeat dads or ‘fun biweekly weekend dads’. If they have 50/50 custody, most of them did it for the money and they try to offload the actual caretaking to their new gf (been there). I fell out of love with one of my ex bf’s when I saw how he treated his son and favoured his daughter. It broke my heart. I made sure the boys life got better and helped him as good as a could, but it’s a sad thing that his dad needed my ultimatums to actually give his son the bare minimum. And this was a 47 year old finance professional at one of the big 5’s. He knew better.

Edit: also, don’t date older men 😆

purasangria · 2020-12-25T15:32:24+00:00

I don't date men with young kids. Their ex will always be more important than you, and they put you last behind Jesus, their kids, the ex, their family, their friends. You're there to fulfill the wife role, not to get the best of him.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2020-12-25T15:39:41+00:00

I will never date a single dad. I'm too tired now to ever have my own children. I've already been used for sex and got nothing out of it. It would be ridiculous to raise a different man's children. I've already provided the uncomfortable bad sex, I'm not going to provide the childcare, and still get nothing out of it for me.

Davina33 · 2020-12-25T17:24:16+00:00

Im In America and I have tried dating single/divorced dads. I thought at the time it would be fine to date someone with kids. Lesson learned. In my experience every man I dated with kids hated being a parent. They didn’t like their kids and have no investment in being a parent.

They used pictures of them with their kids on dating apps and acted like they loved their kids. But once they found out I didn’t want them they said “oh I didn’t want mine it was my ex that wanted them” or “my kids are assholes.”

Smh If they didn’t want them then why did they have them???? This is so infuriating and irresponsible. You should never bring a life into the world when you aren’t ready to be a parent. They absolutely HATE their ex and blame her for everything. When they have the kids for a weekend they expect me to babysit and don’t understand why I won’t. Smh 🤦🏼‍♀️

veniphyl · 2020-12-25T13:01:41+00:00

I'm Asian, living in Europe. Women (usually younger) here date and get married to single dads, not uncommon at all. As for me, I would feel ashamed if I did that, just my thing. With my profile, I can do much better. What would I tell people? ..oh, he has a child but he is perfect in every other ways.. NO. I don't want people to see me as desperate.

Cool-Fill9819 · 2020-12-25T17:13:53+00:00

Yep. Would never date them, and have always been opposed to my friends dating them. I wasn't wrong, because the ones that were once dating them are not anymore. Today they have their own partners (within their age range) and child-less.

This reminds me of Yosef Aborady, one of the guys in Claire's season of the Bachelorette who literally had the audacity to tell Claire to "grow up;" and that she was old and no one wanted her. This guy was a single dad, go figure. LOL

souredskittles · 2020-12-25T09:50:57+00:00

Yup it’s a no no for me too. Huge red flag in my 20s.

Example-Opposite · 2020-12-25T17:03:17+00:00

I can understand if someone wants to date a single dad if they want kids but are unable to have kids themselves, nothing wrong with that.

But personally it’s a red flag as well. I don’t want kids myself so why would I raise someone else’s? Plus I want to be with someone who dedicates time to me and makes me a priority.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2020-12-25T17:33:01+00:00

I’ve dated a few single Dads and I think they’re just like the other men I date, except they have less free time. Some of them are awful, some of them are fine. I’ve been ghosted by a single Dad, and in a different relationship with a different single Dad I was the one too end it. One single Dad just wanted to hook up and have fun, another was ready to get serious very quickly and told me he wanted to “love me when I’m 90.”

I will say, in general, they do seem more emotionally available than guys without kids. Like, willing to talk about pretty much anything. I find that refreshing.

Edit to add: to be clear, I’ve only dated RESPONSIBLE and INVOLVED single dads, who split custody, have an extra bedroom for their child, etc. I haven’t ever dated a “baby daddy” and one time a guy I was talking to told me his kids live in another country and I ended things on the phone without even meeting him.

nyclaurco · 2020-12-25T17:40:23+00:00

if only they put the amount of effort into their marriages/relationships with their ex ~baby mamas~ as they did with their online dating profiles. yeah, i wouldn’t fall for them. a year into the relationship or even less, you’re already going to be pressured into being a free babysitter. something like 5% of previously married men in their 40s remarry. you’ll be playing step mommy and maid for a guy who is in constant contact with his ex and won’t fork over a ring. not to mention the more superficial reasons, which would be far less time for him to plan fun, high effort dates and activities for the two of you. he’s too busy taking mckenna to soccer practice and helping jeremy with his science project... as he should! his kids should be his main focus. that’s what people scream at single moms, god forbid they try to get back out there again. next!

2020-12-25T12:22:16+00:00

Oh no, I don't need single dads

frogchickenhorse · 2020-12-25T19:02:08+00:00

I’ve briefly dated a single dad, that guy made me very sad how he treated his daughter.

I spoke to a single dad for a week as well

Both times have brought up memories from my childhood, parents split up when I was 10, of lonely and neglected dad weekends. And my run run reaction kicks in.

juliet-elia · 2020-12-25T12:51:53+00:00

It's your preference, as long as you say it respectfully. You're not obligated to not dencline a date when you find out he's a single parent. I would decline too, simply for the fact that I loathe raising children as a whole and can't be longer around them than 3 hours straight during a family reunion.

TheDaughterOfFlynn · 2020-12-25T13:43:36+00:00

Since I’m only 19, yes dating a single dad would be very weird for me lol

DallasM19 · 2020-12-25T11:36:45+00:00

I was a stepmom in my early 20s. I don't recommend. The ONLY time I asked to not have the kids was a day after I was blindsided by my father's death. I had only met him for the very first time a few months prior. I was... Frozen. I offered to be sent to a hotel in lieu of them not coming. Neither request was honoured. I never asked for anything from my ex and therefore this request was absolutely valid and fair.

Their mom would ruin my birthday and Christmas every year. Upon drop off, if I was in the car, we had to park across the street to pick up or drop off. Her pettiness and hate for me trumped her child's safety.

She had a full time live in nanny, who was supposed to follow the kids, but she didn't allow this. She even sent the dog, who was malnourished and not spayed (just my opinion, but this is cruel to force an elderly dog to go through a heat. If you're not going to breed, fix your damn dogs).

I'd have three kids and three dogs and no help.

I was allowed to cook, clean, come up with any and all activities or outings. Was I allowed to discipline? Nope. I suggested the eldest (almost 9 by the time I left) learn his properly wipe his butt and learn how to make his bed and I was met with loads of vitriol and a threat from their mom that she is going to call FACS (Canadian cps). The eldest would often sh*t himself for attention, hurt animals for fun and he constantly wet the bed. Do you guys know what these are early signs of....🙃?

I had never met their mom, despite asking a ton of times. I thought maybe if she met me she'd stop bullying me via proxy through the kids. Every time they'd come to ur house they'd usually proclaim "Mumma hates you" "Mumma hates (my name)." "Mumma thinks you're ugly hahah". Their dad didn't correct this because I guess he hated me too.

Many moons later, I met an amazing guy who would go to his exes place on Tuesday and Thursday nights and then have his boys every other weekend. She found out we were seeing each other and began stalking my Instagram. She then would not come home until 1am knowing that her ex had to be up at 5am for work (she doesn't work and probably never will and got a car, house, and a ton of alimony and CS). He figured she'd come home at 6 or 7 and she never did. He'd cancel plans with me, since she wouldn't come home during those visitation evenings and he would vent to me very early on ("she's mad that she's not getting a range rover in the settlement"). I had to take care of myself, and tell him it wasn't going to work since she has already shown she isn't mentally or emotionally stable enough to handle her ex dating and I don't need a strange woman attempting to manipulate my life/stalk me.

I also find that single dad's are bitter about the money they are court appointed to give and are too broke to date and only give us the bare minimum while providing for a woman who has him by the purse-strings. Usually these men just see all women as gold diggers. But they'd be fine with us paying all the bills and watching their kids for free.

PinkBlair99 · 2020-12-25T16:45:50+00:00

I don’t know, it’s not something I would ever do. I’m 41. 😂

planethoneyy · 2020-12-25T17:13:56+00:00

Yeah Issa no. I recently recovered from extreme pickmeism and not knowing any better so I dated a guy with two very young kids despite not having any myself. Granted there was a lot of other red flags I chose to ignore, he decided to run back to his baby mama after we broke up. Never again.

SayNad · 2020-12-25T18:00:31+00:00

Hell no, they expect you to fully take care of their children because "WOMAN LIKE KIDS AND BABIES SO THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF MINE!!!" bullshit.

At least single moms won't expect anything from you, they just need help this one time because they really are wayy past their limits and they are being all sorry and feeling awful about it. And will be thankful to you foreverrr.

Single dads ain't even taking care of their kids most of the time - or totally overwhelmed from taking care of ONE kid and expect you to pity his "struggle".

Listen Carl, I do feel sympathy for struggling single parents. But not when you are being an absolute whiny baby about it. You brought the kid to this world, so fucking take responsibility for your actions Goddamit.

moonartemis1989 · 2020-12-25T14:33:51+00:00

The eldest son who was 9 , was a psychopath? . I'm sorry I didn't understand what you meant by that very genuinely asking.

NotYourBizThrowAway · 2020-12-26T01:55:19+00:00

Kids is a non-negotiable for me! I was born/raised in the U.S

randomgirlimok · 2020-12-27T21:20:14+00:00

I would never date a guy with kids. I’m childfree. When my dad got divorced from my mom, he moved his new GF in to take care of me. She was awful and abusive but he really didn’t care, he was just looking for a live in nanny/bangmaid and I imagine most of these single dads are too. I’m not signing up to raise someone else’s kid

t3ddi · 2021-02-18T05:35:31+00:00

Just a thought. Seeing as they are raised to not really be in touch with their emotions, many man lack the self reflective capability/emotional language and intelligence necessary to recognize that they need therapy, let alone voluntarily go to therapy and process their pain. I very much doubt that many single dads have truly reflected on why they have become single dads and have also processed that experience to a high enough degree, in actual therapy, to be worth entertaining them.

misszazie · 2020-12-25T14:55:11+00:00

This is going to be against the grain, but please hear me out.

I had to have a full hysto this year. It sucks, but here I am. I always wanted to be a mom, and raise young children.

Adoption is definitely an option, and a good one. And meeting a single dad doesn't excuse any of the requirements I have for a partner. His kids aren't bonus points to overlook his flaws.

But I hope some of you could understand why I wouldn't mind him having kids if everything else checks out.

Does anyone hate dating single dads?

Comments

1 - kids

2 - the ex (she might even be #1 or ahead of the kids)

3 - ex’s new family

4 - ex’s extended family

5 - Maybe you, but we all know that stepmothers have all the responsibility of being a parent to the step kids with none of the responsibility. Just check out the Step Parents subreddit. Full of women who have hitched their wagon to a stepdad that never prioritises them.

Title	Does anyone hate dating single dads?
Author	janatztxcxxx
Upvotes	187
Comments	104
Date	December 25, 2020 8:29 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kjvtmi/does_anyone_hate_dating_single_dads/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/does-anyone-hate-dating-single-dads.349946 https://theredarchive.com/post/349946