Should men chase women?

theactionisthejuice_ · 2021-09-27T05:48:47+00:00

I'm willing make the first move, or even the first couple, but I have to get back what I give in enthusiasm pretty quick. If I have to chase her, she's either playing games or isn't that interested but likes the attention.

cypherprince · 2021-09-27T08:04:26+00:00

I do not chase anymore. All that energy was expended in college from the ages of 18-23. I'm tired. These days I straight up just accidentally end up ghosting my matches because I forgot to respond.

KirthWGersen · 2021-09-27T05:48:54+00:00

I generally see two negative situations when men chase:

The guy chases, invests too much too early, and ends up being used.
Lovebombing. The guy chases at first, then after she is hooked, ends up using her.

In my experience, relationships work better when they both take it nice and relaxed at first and allow their affection to gradually develop as they get to know one another (and what they each want) over time.

HumanNumber348 · 2021-09-27T08:03:00+00:00

Women wanting to be chased while not contributing shit to the relationship themselves is toxic femininity.

hardlander · 2021-09-27T10:05:12+00:00

My theory is that chasing women only works on a very specific type of woman that wants attention, on the rest it doesn't work much. Also I think that women that seek attention are seen as attention whores because among women to been seen as a high value target is to get attention from men without having to do things that indicate they're looking for attention, yet on the polar opposite side a man who plays into this giving attention and constantly chasing is seen as a simp which the male equivalent of an attention whore.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-09-27T06:03:24+00:00

One thing my mother always told me when I was younger was not to chase women. I always listened. I stopped with my last relationship and it was a 6 year disaster.

No one should chase anyone. Two people who are into each other express interest in a healthy way. They desire each other. They come together with ease. Anything outside of that is a power struggle.

Don’t force anything, EVER.

YveisGrey · 2021-09-27T22:14:40+00:00

Trying to make relationships between men and women one of “equals” is why so many people are single and or failing at relationships. There’s no equality in sight when it comes to hetero relationships. Women bear all the brunt of reproduction and are the limiting factor in reproduction that’s why men chase and women are selective. It’s that simple. If men collectively take the approach of not chasing many won’t get any relationships ever if women are left to chase men they will only go after certain small caliber of men. That’s the reason dating is the way it is it’s not like we just made up these mating rituals at random.

NockerJoe · 2021-09-27T05:42:46+00:00

I keep referring back to that graph about where people meet and yeah, the drop in work and school meeting and the rise in club and app meeting means that if you don't click the first time two people meet it probably isn't going to happen. Which means as a man the current meta is to try to make something happen within the first couple of times you meet someone, otherwise you'll probably never see that person again.

KJ1017 · 2021-09-27T07:59:17+00:00

Chasing and courtship imply that a woman is more valuable than a man.

I’m not jumping through hoops and dancing for a woman’s amusement just to “prove” I’m worth their time.

We are equals. I’m just as valuable as they are. I deserve effort. I make the first move sometimes, and if they don’t make the second no other moves will be made.

The lack of them making the second move is a dead giveaway that they think their time/effort/energy/money is worth more than yours, which is a red flag.

Two people who are interested in each other need to show that they’re both interested, plain and simple.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-09-27T15:28:15+00:00

Never chase a woman.

VastlyVainVanity · 2021-09-27T13:32:52+00:00

I'm of the opinion that men should see themselves as the prize as much as women. The idea that women are a "prize to be conquered" is very outdated to me.

So no one should really "chase" imo. Just be the best you can be and mutually interested people should signal to each other their interest.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-09-28T02:21:58+00:00

If you chase someone they run away.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-09-28T04:43:49+00:00

I don't chase. Women wanted equality and wanted to be left in peace, so that's exactly what I did. Not gonna expose myself to ridicule to give some girl an ego boost.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-09-27T07:10:38+00:00

No, never chase women. If you convince yourself that you want them less than they want you, they will start chasing you. Now this doesn't mean stay at home and hope a naked woman materializes in your living room. You still need to go out and socialize but you are not the one jumping through hoops. If they want you, they have to jump through your hoops.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-27T06:39:09+00:00

Yes but only at night and while wearing a Michael Myers Halloween costume.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-09-27T10:29:28+00:00

Men should usually initiate. But if a woman wants to, it's great. I think the downsides to a woman initiating are vastly overrated. It's just more a matter of initiating is harder and riskier, women don't have to, so most women won't.

As for 'chasing', it really depends what that means. It also depends on the social context. I think that in today's world, most men should not actively chase. There was a time when women would be much more likely to play hard to get with men they actually found attractive. Chasing was part of the game. These days, if a woman plays hard to get, she usually ain't playin'. It generally means she has judged you unfuckable.

It's pretty hard to change an unfuckable verdict with persistence. A one-way ticket to the FriendZone is one of the better results, and a harassment accusation and restraining order are some of the worse results.

To persist when you have met more than the normal token resistance means that you have a lot of self-awareness. You have to have a pretty good idea of why your advances were not initially welcome and how future advances might change things. If you were not attractive enough and she was out of your league, there is little that persisting can do. Maybe you could show her you are some super star musician or other high status thing she missed, but 99% of the time there's nothing you can do.

But if you are pretty sure she is in your league and you were drunk or said stupid shit the first time, then a second try might be worth it. But you have to be a lot more subtle the second or third time as you do not want to come across as a harasser.

ashpr0ulx · 2021-09-27T09:07:56+00:00

i like when men make the first move. from there both people should be equal effort participants.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-09-27T06:40:57+00:00

More than likely man are going to make the first move, makes sense when you say the word Chase I'm thinking either persistence on one woman or spending a significant chunk of time effort and resources trying to get laid, I wouldn't recommend either one at least on a scale a 1 to 10 no more than like a 4 on either one lol, you don't want to be Steve Urkel trying to get Laura Winslow in the first scenario, and you don't want to do you like Brock from Pokemon in the second lol

Pilling_it · 2021-09-27T16:56:47+00:00

I look for signals, send some myself.

I'm fine "initiating" (this term is a joke), but I assume that if a woman is interested, she's going to make it easier for me. So feigning disinterest result in me moving on 100% of the time, regardless of other signs of interest.

I know I missed opportunities because of it, but rewarding this kind of behavior is a big fat no for me.

Rosifer433d · 2021-09-27T17:30:12+00:00

When I was young I have pursued women. Lesson learned, if a woman isn't pursuing me, then she isn't attracted to me.

Key-Progress-8873 · 2021-09-27T21:49:52+00:00

Sadly a lot of the women who actually enjoy the experience of being chased by a man are incredibly fickle and emotionally immature. They love leading men on, only to boost their own self esteem and then either reject him or continue feigning interest in order to use him for validation and favors. Men don't really get good at identifying women who are like this until they get burned at least once, or see a friend who was burned like that.

Cuntwaffe2 · 2021-09-27T09:08:57+00:00

I don't think men should chase. I think they should initiate.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-09-27T13:38:22+00:00

Sure, men should chase women ... if the women being chased have indicated they want to be chased.

Chasing women who aren't sexually attracted to them - that's what men should not do.

Hoopy223 · 2021-09-27T15:12:28+00:00

Sounds like an aging narcissist. Out on a date with a guy and complaining that guys don’t chase anymore.

And a lawyer too? Run for your life lmao.

Jakes1967 · 2021-09-27T05:52:15+00:00

So, I was on a date last night with a beautiful lawyer who’s 4 years older than me.

Age is relevant in these scenarios.

We discussed dating, and she brought how she doesn’t particularly feel that men chase women anymore.

In today's world, chasing = harassment, thus extremely problematic.

That got me thinking: I personally don’t chase. I find it kind of immature honestly.

Hence the age thing

Which led me to looking up divorce rates. People divorce for a plethora of reasons, and this is just speculation, but if 51% of women file for divorce, and 49% of men file for divorce, it’s safe to say that 100% of these relationships failed because the other person wasn’t happy with their partner.

Statistically 80 to 90% of divorces are filed by women, so... You are 100% correct, relationships fail for numerous reasons, but lack of trying would be my guess for the majority.

But what percentage of those relationships started with chasing the partner to validate that they were worth the other’s time?

In today's world, few. Some of my army buddies did the chasing thing and most are still married today.

What’s the correlation between chasing and value? I don’t think it’s really consistent. To me, all it shows is someone’s inability to see their worth, and stop chasing someone who also is unable to value them.

True, but dating used to be a much more competitive activity, as the pools were so much small.

TLDR: should men chase women

No

gimpgirl555 · 2021-09-27T07:18:12+00:00

So, I was on a date last night with a beautiful lawyer who’s 4 years older than me. We discussed dating, and she brought how she doesn’t particularly feel that men chase women anymore.

They just don't chase her. If you're hot then men will chase you.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-09-27T15:59:07+00:00

Men should initiate. Ask a woman on a date. Make the first move. If that’s what she meant then I agree. I don’t want to be “chased, pestered, annoyed, stalked”.

junk_mail_haver · 2021-09-27T05:47:08+00:00

If you are chasing, it means someone else is being chased, and probably they are in mortal danger? Sounds caveman-ish.

Come back to 21^st century.

Slipthe · 2021-09-27T05:44:07+00:00

Only if you want that woman in your life.

If you don't feel that strongly, then you can let her go.

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chalkandapples · 2021-09-27T07:08:24+00:00

It’s ok for either side to make an effort to get the other one to like you, especially if they didn’t notice you before. It’s ok to put in more effort too depending on the situation. But you need to learn to read the room and know when it feels like a one sided relationship and stop at a reasonable place. It’s ok to put in more effort to get the other person to notice and get to know you deeper, but if they already know you deeper and still doesn’t like you back unless you put in an unreasonable amount of effort, they just don’t like you that much and you should let go.

Moldy_Gecko · 2021-09-27T07:26:09+00:00

I think, if people value each other, then you should both be chasing each other. Men can do this by being persistent (at least it works for me) and women can show their attraction by cooking or physicality. But they both shouldn't be giving it up asap because firstly, yhey should value themselves. That's how the chase starts.

Pannecookers5 · 2021-09-27T07:33:26+00:00

looking at society the way it is. Yes.

In an ideal society, no but you should be able to.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-09-27T08:01:03+00:00

What is chasing?

Is messaging first chasing? Then i chase women and have been chased.

Is initiating texts chasing? Then i chase women and I've been chased.

Is putting in effort i.e. planning cute dates or making the other person a meal chasing? Then i chase women and have been chased.

Is initiating sex chasing? Then i chase women and have been chased.

Its kinda hard to define accurately. If you're doing all these things without reciprocation on either end then there's a problem.

If you're doing these things with strong positive responses then i see no problem.

michael1962-01 · 2021-09-27T08:48:45+00:00

Women who chase me are on the waitimg line to fwb....

Women i chase are way to ltr.....

wtknight · 2021-09-27T13:24:24+00:00

I think that there’s a difference between actively showing interest and simping. Men should do the former and not the latter.

Master-Edward-3 · 2021-09-27T13:34:03+00:00

Women and men like sex equally and each other equally (so I or we’ve heard) why is there a chase for one and not the other?

abaxeron · 2021-09-27T19:14:12+00:00

All personal and collective benefits that might have existed in chasing women in the past, are currently completely under women's control. Chasing a woman makes as much sense as chasing a random person on the street hoping that they'll allow you to spend a night in their house and use their shower and domestic appliances.

2021-09-27T21:20:35+00:00

Depends on what you mean by chase. Men typically make the first move, but chase to me seems to imply some sort of persistence. At some point if a man spends too much time showing interest for one woman he may simply notice another woman where he showed minuscule interest in comparison but was immediately rewarded.

A woman who complains about not being chased is probably not showing much or any interest while at the same time not really being that much better than all other women who show interest more easily.

Men should not keep chasing the same woman without good reason. At worst that's a #metoo case waiting to happen, at best it's just a waste of time when there are other women of equal or higher who would pay off sooner.

Notsonewguy7 · 2021-09-27T21:37:13+00:00

I think there needs to be some distinction made between initiating which I think some people confuse with chasing and chasing which to me is continuing to pursue a relationship even though there are presented difficulties.

I've stated here before and in the real world atruism that doesn't necessarily have to apply to everything but generally it does:

"nothing social that takes effort is ever worth as much as something that comes easily"

Late_Language1908 · 2021-09-27T23:45:40+00:00

I think people often miss the nuance between "chasing" and approaching. I've done over thousands of approaches in my life (did lots of day game while traveling) and I can tell you one thing....

There's a lot of women I approached that would have been down for me that I straight up rejected right after, they were insufferable.

JUST because you approached her doesn't mean you have to chase her. I can go into a best buy look at a TV, ask the store clerk about the TV BUT decide not to buy the TV.

There's a major diff between chasing & initiating.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-09-27T23:53:09+00:00

As a man, if you want a woman you have to chase her. Because if you don’t, someone else will.

Women are feminine, their entire biological imperative is to look pretty and attract their best mate. Hypergamy is their nature, and if you don’t compete for her affection you will never sustain a relationship with a neurotypical woman.

Allblackallamerican · 2021-09-28T00:47:51+00:00

Should men chase women?

No. It rarely works.

WretchdFlesh_Redeemd · 2021-09-28T02:06:13+00:00

Absolutely not.

Men chase championships, women chase champions.

Queue the shrieking feminists but this is a woman’s nature and a mans duty.

As a man, your priority should be your mission and a woman a compliment to your life, not the priority. Don’t believe me? Try to live it and see what happens.

just_a_place · 2021-09-28T05:00:57+00:00

I don't care if I "should," I chase women because I want to.

nonedat · 2021-09-28T12:08:08+00:00

So, I was on a date last night with a beautiful lawyer who’s 4 years older than me

You're winning, my man! TRP and FDS BTFO!

HOLYREGIME · 2021-09-28T14:08:42+00:00

I was on a date last night with a beautiful lawyer who’s 4 years older than me. We discussed dating, and she brought how she doesn’t particularly feel that men chase women anymore

She’s post wall. SHE isn’t being chased anymore. Guys aren’t hounding her, guys aren’t approaching, guys aren’t dming like they use to.

PopRevolutionary1475 · 2021-09-28T16:41:15+00:00

Never chase a woman.

It will frustrate you.

iamthemovie1992 · 2021-09-28T17:58:44+00:00

Doesn’t matter if they should or shouldn’t, because it happens anyway. Until most men have more options than women, it will always be.

No-Statistician1362 · 2021-09-28T19:13:06+00:00

No, they shouldn't.

Dagenius1 · 2021-09-28T19:19:53+00:00

I always pursued but I don’t chase. I’m going to approach you. I’m going to ask you for your phone number and I’m going to ask you out. In a pursuit a woman will also let you know that she is interested in you as you are doing the pursuing. When you are chasing, she generally isn’t as interested as you are

Don’t chase em guys/girls….replace them.

jimjimmy112233445566 · 2021-09-28T19:50:46+00:00

No, chasing is fucking pathetic

M_LaSalle · 2021-09-28T20:42:30+00:00

Men should attract women, and if the fellow is unattractive, chasing likely won't avail him. But maybe OP was imprecise in the use of the word "chase", and meant "approach" or "approach with the intent of a possible relationship."

I suppose that one possible answer is that whether a fellow should chase will be a function of what he wants, the effort he's willing to put in, his expectations of success, and what he's willing to settle for. My answer is that if you want a woman you must likely approach them, as they aren't likely to approach you. It may depend on why a man is "chasing" them. If he is chasing them for sex, well, sex is nice if you can get it. If he is chasing them in search of a wife, then he is acting more on hope than on reason. I can't recommend wifing any woman up these days as marriage leads to divorce. But that is his choice to make.

chadharnav · 2021-09-29T22:49:50+00:00

I don’t chase, I don’t ask twice

69ingbasedcoomer420 · 2021-10-01T19:50:35+00:00

TLDR answer: No, and especially no past 25

champagneandcode · 2021-09-28T00:51:57+00:00

There's a beautiful ying and yang when a man chases and a woman receives. It's a cycle. He chases and she warmly receives and entices in a way that encourages him to chase more. When she receives and softly shows him "he's on the right track" it's because her values, personality etc match with what he's looking for – it doesn't feel like a fruitless "chase". It feels like he's working hard to know and keep something of value.

Title	Should men chase women?
Author	Remarkable_Tree_1703
Upvotes	17
Comments	103
Date	September 27, 2021 5:39 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pwapoh/should_men_chase_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-men-chase-women.1074033 https://theredarchive.com/post/1074033

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