Men who are virgins late in life are red flags.

Asizella · 2021-10-21T06:51:01+00:00

I'm curious about whether you two had talked about porn usage before this or if it never came up. Porn usage is so ubiquitous and easy to lie about, really makes me dread trying to date men again.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-10-21T04:13:54+00:00

They will also be burning up with resentment and an inferiority complex, two of the most important things to avoid in men.

aluriaphin · 2021-10-21T04:15:54+00:00

What happened next? Did you leave right away? Confront him? Text him again? Very curious to hear the rest of the story!

bleda_princezna · 2021-10-21T04:56:54+00:00

Yes, yes and yes. Couple years ago, I was seeing a guy who apparently lost his virginity reaching his thirties. I didn't really care, but now I know it's a red flag. Dude had issues keeping it up. I didn't even have to snoop though... He was willing to show me what porn he has on his computer, he was so proud about having it, like wtf.

I didn't need to see what messed up things he's into, the fact his computer is full of porn was enough info for me to know I'm in a bad situation. 👍

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-10-21T08:45:31+00:00

I'd like to extend this to guys who had trouble with girls when they were younger, or what I like to call, "ugly duckling syndrome".

They've usually had years to gather up all their resentment and you can bet your ass they'll take it out on any woman who'll give them the time of day.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-10-21T06:47:20+00:00

Queen’s response you’ve shown! If there was one valid reason for him to be a virgin at that age (asexual, long term life goal to become a priest, impotence 🤷🏼‍♀️) he wouldn’t have ended up naked in bed with you in the first place. It could only be social skills issues (not interested in seeking a relationship or not able to successfully form a bond with a woman even if he wanted to).

Another red flag for me is if a guy has never had a long term committed relationship.

NotMyRealName814 · 2021-10-21T13:06:43+00:00

Depending on their financial situations a lot of men like the one described by OP may have only slept with sex workers. So I don't think being a virgin at a later age is the only thing to be watchful about. There are many men who could have had enough sex with prostitutes that they could seem reasonably experienced. The one common thread between all these types of men with be copious porn usage. That's the giant waving red flag to be aware of.

missdanielleyy · 2021-10-21T16:02:07+00:00

I think the exception to this is if they're a virgin due to religious reasons (like wanting to wait for marriage). But yes, I do agree that if they're not religious and still a virgin at that age, it's a red flag.

entpgirl415 · 2021-10-21T14:50:55+00:00

It’s so wild to me that LVM are like this!! My ex was a LVM and I knew he liked porn bc he told me that he watches it (I dated him before FDS lol) and he still had a regular working dick and would always say he prefers real women to porn. It blows my mind that there are men out there that can’t get hard when a woman they are into or find attractive is hooking up with them!!!!! Thanks for the insight. I thought being a virgin at 30 for a man might be something admirable like he didn’t find the one yet or something, but coming from your perspective I’m thinking about it all differently now!!

ironglaciers · 2021-10-22T02:57:51+00:00

Honestly porn usage in men scares me. I feel like he's going to think of porn women and not me, and then expect me to be like them, and I just do not want to do most of that. So depressing .

arnezuara · 2021-10-21T04:26:48+00:00

That’s disgusting. Relatively young, yet with all these issues. I hope that he is now blocked and deleted.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-10-21T16:43:37+00:00

It’s a whole thing. Age of first sexual encounter keeps raising for men. Let it! It doesn’t do women any favors if these men start having sex.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-10-21T13:09:42+00:00

always check the package before taking your panties off. I don't even make a move on clothes and check. if they are small, limp or something else is wrong - boy bye!

hensbanex · 2021-10-21T14:42:20+00:00

that’s wild! my fiancé was a virgin when we first slept together (early 20s), and there was absolutely no issues with performance at all, like I cannot understand these men who ruin their bodies with death grip and then take it out on women for agreeing to sleep with them. like what? you can always tell a pr0n addict from ED… (my partner stopped watching it in his teens and never got to the point of being addicted, so these men do exist out there, don’t let scrotes project!)

LucyStar3 · 2021-10-21T07:04:53+00:00

Hmm...not sure I agree with this one. Also, it's a cultural thing too. And I've seen some amazing people focus on financial stability in the first decade after getting a job, so they focus more on themselves and less on relationships (both genders).

Edit: I just meant that I disagree with this being generalized as a red flag.

frostedgemstone · 2021-10-21T18:00:15+00:00

Yeah the reasons for men vs women to be virgins later life are extremely different.. sex does not cause pain or discomfort for men no matter what whereas it does for women, women are more susceptible to stds, etc. so I agree it’s a red flag in guys

Sewud · 2021-10-22T06:39:40+00:00

Combine a man who is physically incapable of having sex with a man who sees women as nothing but sex objects and you get a late bloomer. I talked to some in-cels online and they all turned out to have a penis deformity or micropenis. I felt like that was the whole unspoken truth of their community. The other thing is these late bloomers are usually lower effort than other men and then are shocked to get lesser results.

cookiemonstergirls · 2021-10-23T17:42:15+00:00

Yikes. Dating as a straight woman is literally a night mare. Almost all the young men my age have porn addictions. Worse of all they are not ashamed they think that its normal. There is a suprisingly large number of young men early 20s with ED. Its awful and literally a perversion of nature.

Vaahla · 2021-10-22T13:24:44+00:00

Even if he doesn’t have a nasty problem I’m still not going to date a virgin.

I’m fucking over ‘teaching’ men how to be decent lovers. Fucking figure it out, literally. I’m all for giving directions to the finish line but it’s not my responsibility to teach him how to be sexually affectionate with a woman.

My expectations are pretty damn low at this point, I like kissing and touching, don’t treat me like an object, don’t hurt me intentionally, and we’ll figure the rest out together. It’s not rocket science.

Independence_BR · 2021-10-21T21:45:49+00:00

Okay that's really a weird story.

If a man is still virgin at 30+ it is a red flag, period. "I wasn't the type of person to judge someone for that" was a big mistake on your part. Also, for a man to even confess that they're a virgin at that stage in his life is also a red flag - being too truthful is almost as damaging as being a damn liar.

Virgin males - especially >30 y.o. should be avoided for various reasons, from the direct ones - they can't satisfy you and to do the bare minimum they'll still have to be taught - and the less obvious ones - as to the "why" they are still virgins, and that may include mental/physical issues which more often than not may be irreconciliable with life with a woman (e.g. micropenis/impotence).

Other than that - being a virgin isn't correlated to masturbation. Non-virgins can be and often are much more porn addicted. Don't believe for an instant that because a man has sex he doesn't watch porn.

TL DR: Being virgin above 30y.o. is a red flag, but not necessarily because of porn.

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Leolikesme · 2021-11-03T07:45:00+00:00

This was my life.

I got with my ex when I was 24 and he was 36. I was the first woman he'd been with who was not a sex worker. Young me thought oh well, he's just a 'shy guy' and he had 'urges'.

I thought that me, with all my love for him and our great sex life, blah blah would 'heal' him and this was something confined to his youth and lack of experience with women. Nope. I married a porn sick depraved loser. My stupid naiviety, youthful hopefulness and lack of knowledge about this issue made me not even see this red flag.

Even dumber of me was I thought it was a great sex life. Maybe it was for a year? And looking back was it? The sex was tepid and detatched always. I didn't even know better.

My ex got through to 36 without being with a woman who was not a sex worker because he had porn to fall back on.

Title	Men who are virgins late in life are red flags.
Author	dembar126
Upvotes	695
Comments	58
Date	October 21, 2021 3:31 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qcij20/men_who_are_virgins_late_in_life_are_red_flags/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-who-are-virgins-late-in-life-are-red-flags.1082699 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082699

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