People of PPD who settled or were settled for by their partner how has or how did it go for you?

ToughAnswers · 2021-12-08T01:09:07+00:00

were settled for by their partner

How would they know lol real life isn't like Reddit where people go around magically overhearing these conversations at exactly the right moment

CimZim · 2021-12-08T01:21:08+00:00

...which definition of "settled" are you using?

The one where each person acknowledges there's probably a 10/10 partner for them out there somewhere, but it's unrealistic to keep searching for them when you already have a 8/10 partner and you're happy with what ya got? (Bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.)

Or the one where at least one person is not at all happy with their current partner, subtly keeps an eye out for a "better" woman/man, and they really think they could have a far superior partner but fucked up in getting them for some reason? (Bitter discontent.)

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-12-08T01:22:24+00:00

I didn't feel I was settling when I met my now fiancee, even when we understood deep down I was way above her "league" so to speak. She was a quite beautiful girl to me, she was nice, generous and kind, the most loving girl I've ever met. Even then she struggled a lot with her insecurities, specially when it came about my sexual past and my exes. I started to hide some information about girls I had dated and things would blow up when she figured out the IGs of some of the girls and saw pictures of them or things like that.

One day we talked things down and she understood their insecurities were just that, insecurities, and we make some arrangments to start getting over them together, she started dressing better and making her hair, using make up, eating right and working out a lot.

She's stunningly hot now and our life as a couple has improved a lot.

So while I never thought I was settling I must admit things are ten times better now for both of us. I wouldn't dare to ask to her if she thought I was settling for her, but I think she did at some point.

creekcrystall · 2021-12-08T01:53:57+00:00

Lolololol if you want to know just look at how big infidelity subs are on here. Last I checked, Ashley Madison (cheating dating app) had 80 million users. Settling never works out at the end for the majority

PreparationWorried33 · 2021-12-08T02:48:11+00:00

The one time I tried it. It didn’t go well. It was my first relationship and I didn’t think I could do any better because I was convinced I was hideous due to bullying. He was nice enough, so I just went with him but I wasn’t attracted to him at all and we didn’t really have much in common. The whole time in the relationship I felt like I had imposter syndrome and sex was painful because I wasn’t really aroused by him and only doing it cause he would beg me to. The feeling of imposter syndrome, crappy sex and guilt over not feeling the same way as he felt about me finally go to an unmanageable point and I broke things off. That relationship taught me a valuable lesson about myself. It’s better for me to be single than be with someone I don’t like much and am not attracted to.

lemurianelf · 2021-12-08T03:58:32+00:00

Given my husband proposed to me after knowing each other long distance for 9 months and is sponsoring me for immigration to the USA (its awful), I'd wager I was worth the hassle. And yes he's very successful with women.

As for me, I settled because I always wanted a very ambitious man and he's not. But he's amazing in every other way. Waiting for some perfect imaginary prince or princess is childish.

sine120 · 2021-12-08T01:10:16+00:00

I'm not sure how many people will openly admit to or even know they are being settled for. PPD also probably is a sparse demographic to ask about people who have settled down in general.

chalkandapples · 2021-12-08T02:25:15+00:00

How would I know if my partner settled for me?

ruboyuri · 2021-12-08T06:40:29+00:00

It’s not a big deal, people. We can’t all be astronauts, buy ponies, and fuck supermodels. This is neither rare nor an injustice

Specialist-Action-33 · 2021-12-08T10:35:55+00:00

I don't think anyone will full outright admit they settled for their partner directly to them. But if you want to believe that you were settled for would be a different thing. I felt for a while I was settled for because I was seen as someone who was inexperienced with relationships but was on my way to success at age 25 when I met my wife who was a year older. Apparently my wife lived a lifestyle through her parents that went from rich to poor, became a single mom twice...and then I came along.

Was I settled for? Maybe...highly believe so. If she had met me before her life changes, would she have still been interested in me? I highly doubt it. Have we learned to appreciate and love eachother the last decade? Yes. Has my doubts changed since the beginning? Yes, but will always still be there.

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-12-08T02:14:12+00:00

I settled for looks which I think is settling for a guy since we don't care about achievements. Though she is very successful in terms of career trajectory. There is a lot of security and they treat me way better even though I'm not ambitious at all. At the same time it can be boring. I could never find the balance. I have gotten very beautiful women before but I can't lock them down so it is what it is.

Ppdebateismental · 2021-12-08T02:39:11+00:00

Ugh. Welp today is the day I seem to copypasta my own responses to other threads.
In my opinion we settle on a partner or settle for being single. Both are valid options, but make no mistake, both are “settling”. There is no soul mate, no perfect match. How can there be? Even if you delude yourself into thinking you have found perfection, you will change, and he will change.

I have a pretty damn good husband, he wasn’t perfect when we married and neither was I. We haven’t become less flawed at time has gone by either. He’s definitely good enough and in my book, WAY better than being single. Don’t get me wrong. If you can’t find good enough, or better than single, than you can settle on single, which won’t be perfect either.

How much of the toxicity in the modern dating world is because people are constantly, compulsively comparing themselves to the people around them?

This absolutely extends to what if, ….or what could been ….or what was. If your relationship is good, stop obsessing like a neurotic nut job about if you are settling or being settled for.

LotBuilder · 2021-12-08T08:02:37+00:00

Yes. I got married young. She was very beautiful and very fun at times. She and her family hid her mental illness from me. I knew she wasn’t very smart, mean to say but it’s a fact. I have a 150 iQ. It’s hard to treat someone as an equal and give them equal input when there is a huge intelligence gap. Once again, thats mean to say but it’s factual. It wasn’t as clear when we were kids but as you grow yo and have kids it gets more challenging.

My advice is to wait until you are 28-30 to get married so you know what the final product is like, getting married too young you are still going off potential.

Fit-Photograph1646 · 2021-12-08T01:45:23+00:00

I settled sort of (actually feel lucky to have found a great girl) but she is most certainly not my looks match and she's all in for me training her to look like Tila Tequila by the end of 22.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-12-08T04:42:22+00:00

"Settling" is for middle age Karens and FDSists who drink boxed wine and are bitter about their string of failed relationships.

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Bandit174 · 2021-12-08T01:26:14+00:00

Probably not many. This sub is pretty feast or famine, the users are either forever alone types like yours truly or they're life if like an all you can fuck buffet with high value attractive partners.

sarkington · 2021-12-08T01:34:02+00:00

Very well

Orange_Paisley · 2021-12-08T02:35:43+00:00

I didn’t so much settle as I did allow myself to be won over - I didn’t expect or want a serious relationship. After 4 years together we had to acknowledge that it was, whether we wanted it or not. Now it’s 9 years and we’re pretty content.

PM_ME_ZED_BARA · 2021-12-08T03:17:05+00:00

In a way, I settle for my current boyfriend in terms of look. I rate him 8 but he could be 9 if he puts more effort into diet and workout. Before him, I had hooked up with and dated 9-10 look-wise. I also had wilder and more kinky sex with previous partners because my boyfriend is less adventurous in that way.

The thing is though I am happier than I have ever been. I was not interested in a serious relationship before meeting him but he changed that. His personality, his character and his values match well with and complement me. I don’t regret “settling” with him.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2021-12-08T05:16:09+00:00

It's pretty straightforward, except for what you define as "settling". Is it that you partner isn't quite literally perfect for you, or is settling something more along the lines of compromising on what previously was a hard line that you had as a standard.

IcarusKiki · 2021-12-08T15:47:21+00:00

I swear to god the whole concept of “settling” is made up by narcissists or robots who seriously believe you cant love and be attracted to someone who is mathematically less conventionally attractive than someone else you dated in the past. Like you guys know that most people dont actively compare and size up every aspect of their partner to make sure they are better than the previous and that people are usually too different to compare? Like you can be in love multiple times and theres no quantifying the feelings because its different every time.

Insidious-Sid · 2021-12-08T16:40:33+00:00

I'm an average dude.

Didn't every woman settle for me?

Title	People of PPD who settled or were settled for by their partner how has or how did it go for you?
Author	Even-Kiwi-9164
Upvotes	12
Comments	111
Date	December 8, 2021 1:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rbekh1/people_of_ppd_who_settled_or_were_settled_for_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/people-of-ppd-who-settled-or-were-settled-for-by.1088053 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088053

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