[Q4W] How would you edit Sheryl Sandberg's advice to women about seeking a life partner?

CimZim · 2021-12-21T14:34:12+00:00

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is to date carefully. There are many types of men...the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. Do not marry them, and especially for the crazy and bad ones, stay far, FAR away. Do your absolute best to never involve yourself with men who are harmful to your mental or physical well-being. The things that make the bad boys sexy (for some of you) do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated, emotionally supporting, caring towards her man and his health, as well as ambitious. Someone who values fairness and wants to do his share in the home and work, just as you want to do yours. These men exist and, trust me, nothing is sexier or creates a better relationship foundation.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-12-21T15:08:50+00:00

My advice would be: Don’t even bother dating someone who doesn’t want an equal partner and doesn’t treat you well. And don’t think for one second that just because a guy isn’t a “bad boy, a cool boy, a commitment-phobic boy, or a crazy boy,” that he sees you as an equal and will value you. Look at all the “nice guys” here who view women as a commodity and want anything but an equal partner. So yeah, my advice would be to avoid the types of guys she lists, but never think a guy being boring or ugly or surface-level nice means he’s worth dating or marrying, either.

Demasii · 2021-12-21T14:45:49+00:00

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is that it should be easy in the beginning. Be crazy about each other! If you are struggling to get along and the man doesn't want to take you off the market immediately than don't waste your time on him. Things will get worse as the relationship progress.

Find a man that values you for the unique combination of traits you have. Be careful if he isn't coming across genuine. He might be saying things that he thinks you want to hear instead of actually believing in what he is saying. Not everyone is smart and funny. That's ok.

You should be opinionated in the relationship. Have a voice! Don't hold back. As you grow old, you will lose your filter. You can't keep up a facade forever. You can't hide yourself. Be fair and have him see who you are in the beginning.

HumanNumber348 · 2021-12-21T18:10:17+00:00

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date

👍

IcarusKiki · 2021-12-21T19:05:52+00:00

I have never heard of her but she must be an idiot to think this is groundbreaking advice

NarniaFox · 2021-12-21T14:33:24+00:00

Decide what and who you're looking for, what your long-term plans are, what you want right now and how these two things go along with each other. Look at yourself. Who are you? Who you get on with? Do you really want to get married? Have kids? If you do, would you marry yourself? Are you a good partner?

When you figure these things out, think what kind of a partner your dream man/woman seeks and check whether you pass. If not, either improve yourself or reconsider your standards and repeat the cycle. If you have history of bad relationships, you probably should take a break and go on therapy.

To put it short: figure out what you want and how you can get it.

shygirl449 · 2021-12-21T14:35:56+00:00

Don't date everyone, bad advice. Just date good people, it ain't that hard figuring out who's good and who's bad. Get to know them and use evidence to determine whether they're trustworthy.

rolurk · 2021-12-21T16:03:58+00:00

Are dudes still hung up on this? I have heard plenty of fathers give the same advice to their sons.

LetsDelveIntoIt1 · 2021-12-21T16:46:49+00:00

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.

BEFORE looking for a life partner, my advice to women is to KNOW YOURSELF AND THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WANT BY DATING A RANGE OF MEN YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE, BE THEY the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, BUT NOT THE CRAZY BOYS. INTROSPECT ON THE COMMONALITIES THAT DREW YOU TO THESE DIFFERENT TYPES OF BOYS (GOOD COMMONALITIES) AND ON THE COMMONALITIES THAT ULTIMATELY MADE THESE RELATIONSHIPS FAIL (BAD COMMONALITIES). When YOU ARE FULLY READY to settle down, find someone who HAS THE GOOD COMMONALITIES BUT NOT THE BAD COMMONALITIES, and someone who wants an equal partner. ~~Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious.~~ Someone who values fairness and ~~expects or, even better,~~ wants to do his share in the home. SOMEONE WHO SHARES A COMMON VISION OF THE FUTURE AND SHARED VALUES WITH YOU. These men exist BUT MAY BE HARDER TO FIND, BUT ~~and,~~ trust me, ~~over time, nothing is sexier~~ THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT.

wtknight · 2021-12-21T23:43:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CrazyBaby8891 · 2021-12-22T01:54:21+00:00

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is ~~^{date all of them:}~~ avoid
the bad boys~~^{, the cool boys,}~~ and the commitment-phobic boys.~~^{, the crazy}~~
~~^{boys. But d}~~ Do not date ~~^marry~~ them. They ~~^{things that make the bad boys sexy}~~ do
not make ~~^them~~ good husbands., and if you choose to date it should be for discernment of potential future marriage (but don't rush things either!) ~~^{When it comes time to settle down,}~~ If you are serious about marriage as a life goal then you should prioritize mutual love, chastity, passion, and commitment and find ~~^someone~~ the right gentleman for you who wants an equal partner and shares your core values in this regard. Someone who ~~^{thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious.}~~ will accept and love you for who you are while also helping you improve your soul. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home and is willing to be flexible if an initial plan for household setup (negotiating who works outside the home, etc.) isn't working out as anticipated. Someone who will put you first and give his entire self to you in full fidelity for the rest of his life as the result of having fallen in love with you. These men exist and, trust me, ~~^{over time,}~~ nothing is sexier. Remember to hold yourself to all of these same standards, because a happy healthy relationship and subsequent marriage take both spouses to thrive.

CFinCanada · 2021-12-21T14:31:27+00:00

I would say it's not accurate. Women aren't trying to date any of those guys. They're just trying to date men they consider very good-looking, whose personality types may be any or all of those things. They want to end up with kind and egalitarian and successful types, who also may or may not be something: very good-looking.

AquaChip · 2021-12-21T14:20:39+00:00

I wouldn’t edit any of it. It’s good advice. I suggest everyone sow their wild oats before getting married.

Let’s get one thing straight. It’s only controversial because men want to do it too but a lot of them can’t. They want fuck the exciting reckless girls, the hot bitchy girls, the obsessive desperate girls who will rip their clothes off the second they see them. Then they want to settle down with a level-headed, pretty, mother-type who will tolerate the BS and take care of their children. Men have no problem ignoring the homely girls in their teens and 20s and seeking them back out in order to marry them.

moosemc · 2021-12-21T15:28:06+00:00

PPD is renowned for it's women who are particularly attune to dating and relationship dynamics through their varied and intricate experience and knowledge of subreddits such as r/RedPillWomen, r/FemaleDatingStrategy, r/deadbedrooms, r/relationship_advice, r/AmITheAsshole, r/outside, r/onlyfansadvice, r/sexworkersupport etc.

Now, you know that's just not true. It's hilarious, but there's no truth in that.

wtknight · 2021-12-21T22:37:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Altruistic_Wafer4398 · 2021-12-22T21:56:13+00:00

I would only edit the first part, don’t waste time dating men with obvious red flags! You will only hurt yourself when the commitment-phobic, crazy and bad boys break your heart and destroy your trust.

Instead I’d say follow your heart and date the boy who you believe is good at the time. Then when red flags appear or the relationship isn’t working don’t hesitate to leave. Take with you the lessons you learnt from that relationship and never repeat the same mistakes. You can only truely know what you want from a man and a partner by actually being in a relationship. When you find the person that doesn’t make you want to leave allow yourself to trust and stay.

LadyDye_ · 2021-12-29T08:02:01+00:00

She's right. Ideally you should cast a wide net when dating but some people get stuck in a pattern or stick with one type.

wtknight · 2021-12-21T14:44:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Atlas-B-Shruggin · 2021-12-21T14:43:21+00:00

why does anyone care what that dumb hole said a decade ago

TomorrowsWar · 2021-12-21T15:09:30+00:00

A lot of people miss the obvious lesson in this part of the text that she does talk about in the book. When you’re dating, let go of perfectionism up front. Think long term but enjoy the present. She says date all these guys because the fact is that, like it or not, you will date all of them in some form. Mostly without realizing it.

You are drawn to people for many reasons and many of us have our judgment clouded by feelings of love, especially at first. But don’t marry the first person you have feelings for. Loving someone doesn’t make them special. It doesn’t make them worth your future. Understand them and determine who they are and who they are to you. If they’re a bad boy, commitmentphobe, Peter Pan, crazy, those things will reveal themselves if it is not immediately obvious. Do not stay in denial of what someone’s character is!

Leave them even if you love them, I’d argue you eventually will have to leave them anyway if what you want is an equal relationship. It’s okay to be with the wrong person, but once you realize they’re the wrong guy, go. The relationship will fall apart. love is not enough. They have to be a good person and a good person to you. You should want someone who sees you as an equal, who sees you and women as good, because otherwise he will never trust or believe in you.

If he hates women it will always be in his nature to make an exception for you if he wants to be with you. And that is a fragile glass house you do not want to live in.

undersupervixen · 2021-12-21T17:39:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ChildhoodTop2283 · 2021-12-21T18:23:18+00:00

I don't think it's bad advice.

Women (and men) should date around until they discover what they want and find good chemistry.

Chemistry + your set of values = marriage material.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2021-12-21T21:46:10+00:00

There is nothing to adjust, this is how most women date and it's actually good advice if the woman can pull it off. She gets to have her fun fukking hot guys in her youth and later in life gets the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and minivan.

evanstown21 · 2021-12-21T14:30:00+00:00

Basically the real point I think is that it’s important for you to be sure of what you want and what you don’t want. Don’t date just to date, but your bad dates and failed relationships should be seen as learning experiences and should help you better appreciate the person you really do fall in love with. This is true for men and women. I know that my partner appreciates me and cherishes me in part because he already knows what he does not want. Having some experience is important in giving you perspective

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-12-21T14:54:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Ruben_the_Fish · 2021-12-21T15:46:09+00:00

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is pick whomever you like. Accept that people are all flawed dogs and find the man who best fits with your damage.

funlightmandarin · 2021-12-21T15:51:23+00:00

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is to save your time, don't bother dating anyone but the best match for your common goals. There's not much difference between the men once you're exclusive, so don't bother with a less than optimal match. Don't bother trying to force a connection where there are none. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.

VanillaSkyPie · 2021-12-21T14:28:14+00:00

Gross. I don’t see why one needs to date all of them to find one that wants an equal partner. I agree on trying to find that but not on this method at all. If you do end up dating all of them, do it because that’s just what you want to do, the connection between those two things is just not there.

So in essence: if you want to sample everything, do it because you really want to, but if you’re pretty sure long-term you want a man who respects you and not a bunch of short term flings, then there’s no point in doing that. Or something like that, I am not very artistic in words. lol. Maybe even more succinctly: find out what you want most as an individual and act accordingly.

wtknight · 2021-12-21T16:30:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2021-12-21T14:05:16+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

wtknight · 2021-12-21T17:34:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	[Q4W] How would you edit Sheryl Sandberg's advice to women about seeking a life partner?
Author	undersupervixen
Upvotes	11
Comments	172
Date	December 21, 2021 2:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rlfdj3/q4w_how_would_you_edit_sheryl_sandbergs_advice_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-how-would-you-edit-sheryl-sandbergs-advice-to.1091367 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091367

Comments