Q4WOMEN: has a man ever lied to about wanting commitment just to get sex? Tell your story

SignalThanks6766 · 2022-07-08T10:30:06+00:00

Never. Any guy I had sex with prior to commitment, I had sex with in full knowledge he owed me nothing.

This includes my current partner who I had fooled around with prior to even going on a date.

funlightmandarin · 2022-07-08T11:02:12+00:00

Nah, in my experience men have been eager to commit at their own volition.

houstongradengineer · 2022-07-08T11:01:59+00:00

I got dumped my junior year in HS by a boy because I wouldn't escalate physically fast enough for him.

Hard to say if he was "lying" about wanting to just see me. I mean, obviously there was someone else, but maybe he would have made it work with me in a different world. It's hard to tell. I'm just glad I didn't risk it. Looking back on it, I can see he would've made a worse lover than I thought. Plus, he had a lot going on I didn't know about. That's why you take your time getting to know someone before you take any risks.

For me, I was deceived more into getting alone with a man than I was ever deceived into thinking a man wanted my commitment. That's just what I seem to most easily fall for- including with the Jr year boyfriend. I wasn't even thinking he wanted what he wanted. Some men dropped all sense of decorum entirely once they had me in a more isolated position. The best guy was the one who told me straight up what he wanted- before even getting close. I think he would have wanted the plan made so he could bring condoms, safety first. What an honest man, and handsome. I'm sure he'll make some woman very happy if she is on the same page as him. You don't find men like that every day.

WOPR-1983 · 2022-07-08T12:02:24+00:00

No, because generally the 'chat' doesn't happen until after a couple of months of shagging.

I have been shagging someone, been besotted and they have rejected a relationship with me. It sucked, but it is what it is.

He was ridiculously good looking and at uni at the time, I was a single mum. So it's completely understandable tbh.

oniialiani · 2022-07-08T13:43:07+00:00

yup. i was only 17 a year ago and talking to this 24 year old guy. i knew it was a little dumb but he was really attractive and it was a little exciting to be doing something bad. after like the 2nd date, he started telling me how he was looking for something serious and that he felt a spark with me. it did make me giggle as he said it but when i got home, i finally came to terms with the giant red flag he was. still, went on another date with him where he kissed me and started to feel me up in the car. i stopped him and he randomly asked me to be his gf because he’s “serious” about me. he said he wasn’t talking to any other girls and didn’t wanna do hookups because he wants someone to love… blah blah. i told him i would think about it. i knew better but he was really attractive so i went a little dumb whenever we were together

anyway :) i found out the next day that he had a fiancé who he had asked to marry him a month prior when we just started talking. i’m happy i didnt but i was actually considering letting him be my first because he was pretty convincing at times

Katatonicsnake · 2022-07-08T11:38:59+00:00

No. But one of my high school friends experienced that. She thought she was dating our mutual friend, but no. He was considered a catch in our circle back then, but when we found out, he was out of dates and friends pretty soon.

EulenWatcher · 2022-07-08T10:38:03+00:00

I'm not sure I should answer this question, but anyway.

I'm pretty sure all older men who have ever approached me wanted sex and not commitment. Because why they hell would they commit to a kid, a teen or later on just a much younger girl who hasn't even finished her studies?

I've never dated anyone besides my husband, so no. No guy besides him "got sex" from me.

yamb97 · 2022-07-08T13:50:17+00:00

No, but no one has ever had to, I’m down for a good time.

2022-07-08T14:59:20+00:00

I don't know if they were lying or not, but I've had guys who claimed they wanted commitment that I 100% didn't believe would follow through if I had sex with them. So I didn't. Maybe I was overly skeptical, but given what I knew of them and their behavior with other women, it was best not.

chalkandapples · 2022-07-08T14:56:26+00:00

No, but there are some guys I was dating that said they wanted relationships but I didn't really think they did. But in that case I normally don't have a second or third date with them.

Express-Fig-5168 · 2022-07-08T17:23:57+00:00

Yes. No, he did not get sex. My standards are like steel when it comes to this, tricking me won't work because I'm not shifting my stance. He was kind of thin, short (5'5"), 6/10 in the face (if we use the decile system) but given the area he is from probably an 8/10 comparatively, kind of rude, funny, def entitled and an assistant manager. Only reason I found out was after a while he was like, "so you are really serious about this thing" I said "yes, of course" he said, "that's not for me" then something about needing sex and left. I didn't bat an eye, I knew it was coming eventually, my intuition has never been off and he def seemed like an fboy.

To this day, I'm not sure why he thought he could have lied and gotten away with it, maybe he thought I was gonna just change my mind because he is hot in his area but I've seen and spoken to hotter guys... so... no. If I didn't have that kind of thing with them it definitely isn't happening for you.

But to be fair, in my culture it is common to see things like that happening.

2022-07-09T01:02:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

King-SAMO · 2022-07-08T13:19:09+00:00

I don't think men " lie " to get sex. I think they just let the woman fill in the blanks or say super vague things. Or they target women they already know through some random connection who might like them and do not say much.

RinoaRita · 2022-07-08T21:10:37+00:00

I only sleep with guys I find attractive so there’s no end goal. If there’s more great, if not I still got to have sex with a hot guy. Win win.

Willow-girl · 2022-07-08T11:43:12+00:00

ohdiddly · 2022-07-08T13:16:17+00:00

Nope, never

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-07-08T13:33:25+00:00

2022-07-08T16:12:45+00:00

youdontevengoh3r3 · 2022-07-08T16:34:13+00:00

Sometimes they try to manipulate but its extremely obvious. Men who really want a relationship have certain behaviors that cannot be replicated. A man can say whatever but unless the actions are there to back it up you can tell right away. Men who really like you never mention sex and usually just let it happen organically. Men trying to manipulate you into sex will test the waters by bringing up sexual topics before its appropriate just to gauge your reaction. It's quite embarrassing actually. I might have fallen for it as a teenager but after age 21 it just gets embarrassing. The men that do this have no game, but think they do.

sarkington · 2022-07-08T18:58:03+00:00

Lied? Once.

Let me assume? Once

There wasn’t a third time, cuz I am an adaptable organism that learns from experience

ProseccoIsLife · 2022-07-09T11:48:14+00:00

It happend twice to me. Both men were I guess pretty attractive, at least to me, spoke a lot about issues I valued, were from the same hobby group and agreed that they are also looking for a relationship while pursuing me, only to make an 180 after a few months of dating when I initiated "the talk" - then they said how they are truly only looking for a fwb.

The first one actually manipulated me to stay in touch with him for some time, sexually assaulted me and done enough harm to give me a cptsd. The second was out of my life the moment I heard his bullshit talk, although he tried to gaslight me into "seeing how great he is for me" and "how this will make us both happier" than if we went completely single. After that I've gone a bit WGTOW so to speak, finished therapy, focused on getting my Master and only given a chance to my current partner after a long time of trust building.

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SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-07-08T11:57:40+00:00

No not been lied to

There were times when I was younger that I built things much more in my head assumed it was going somewhere and it didn’t

NaturalQueer · 2022-07-08T15:51:43+00:00

Kind of when I was in high school a guy told his friends that he lied to me but we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend and when I found out and confronted him he definitely seemed like this was something he said to be “cool”. Either way was the first and only time it happened and also the first and only time I have ever been in a fight. Felt upset at the time now I really don’t care,he was tall and skinny skinny.

but I have for most of my life been super open person sexually so men haven’t really had to lie to me about what they want, and I generally didn’t mind just fucking. I am also not an incredibly picky person when it comes to looks, been with guys that were short, tall, fat, thin, virgins, “whores”, Christian, atheist,with or without money, from online or in person, masculine or feminine men and I mean slept with women. So as long someone was nice and preferably a friend and safe I wasn’t against the idea of no strings sex, I didn’t just do it with everyone but people didn’t have to pretend to want commitment.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-07-09T03:47:03+00:00

Of course, you aren't really living if you haven't encountered this man at least once. But it is more complex than that, and more often than not a subject of misunderstanding.

Example 1: A man outwardly lying about wanting "commitment" is not actually relevant. Commitment in the lie is not relevant, but instead that the man would say anything as a means-to-end to achieve sex. In other words, he'd lie about anything and commitment was the desired "want" at the time. (The woman has made no mistake in judgment, but instead was a 'victim' of deception - her judgment was suspended, manipulated or altered).

Example 2: This is different from a man that "doesn't know what he wants, so says I want a relationship," and has sex with a woman and changes his mind afterwards, but still walks away with a net positive. (The woman may have or may have not made a mistake in judgment).

Which is where I think these two events are used interchangeably. In example one, on average, the man would likely not get sex for me, whereas the man in example two would, and is probably much more responsible for "pump and dump," than the man in example one. IME, the man in example one is more likely to have side pieces than the man in example two, because men that 'lie' utilizing commitment (for the woman's sake), often drag her along for years on end and keep her around, whereas the example 2 leaves the woman high and dry more often, and more dazed, confused and usually hurt. There is then a rise on who is actually accountable - was the woman mistaken in her judgment or is she 'wrong' from an 'moral' (accountability) sense because she made a natural human mistake.

clara_12060139 · 2022-07-08T13:32:03+00:00

No idea actually since I dump men at the first sign of being played/manipulated/tricked

purplenelly · 2022-07-08T23:01:47+00:00

No, literally never.

Men are clingy. Every time they had sex with me, they then demanded commitment from me. That was not my intended outcome. I thought they wouldn't ask for a relationship, and I would have preferred that, to keep my freedom, so I could meet better guys down the line. Unfortunately, the guys were clingy, like they would cry if I didn't want to date them, and I was unable to tell them no.

And by the way I didn't lie to get sex either. We just had zero conversation about wanting commitment prior to sex. They said nothing about it, they wanted sex, I was like "sure why not", then they dropped the commitment thing on me later.

I actually feel like they tricked me in the reverse way than what you describe: they had sex with me then used that to trap me in a relationship. This is actually a common thing, at least it was when I was younger. The guys would get a girl drunk to have sex with her, then ask her to be their girlfriend, and the girl would feel obligated to say yes because they already had sex. At least that's how it was for me. And I literally heard a guy say this was his strategy to get the girl he liked to date him because she wasn't interested in him sober. It has a long history too: remember in ancient India a man could kidnap a girl, have sex with her, and then she'd have no choice to marry him because she was no longer a virgin. I think a lot of guys do that when they are hoping to secure commitment from a girl who wouldn't normally agree to date them. Find some kind of vulnerability to have sex with her, then ask her to be their girlfriend, and she has to agree because they already had sex.

And yeah part of it is my flaw. My flaw is I struggle to say no. The guys who approached me were usually not good-looking and didn't have a good job, so I couldn't respect them enough to do out with them. But maybe they knew that because they didn't ask me to go out with them, they just created an occasion where they could pressure me to have sex, and I didn't have the heart to tell them no, but I also didn't think it meant much involvement. It was like it felt easier to have sex than to cause an awkward rejection scene. But I thought it would just be sex and I could escape after that. But then it just escalated, like some time later they would ask for a relationship, and now it was too awkward to say no. I just can't say no really. I would have preferred that they neither ask for sex nor a relationship, but I'm too awkward to say no. And then I was trapped with a shitty boyfriend, which sucked. I was a good-looking girl, smart, nice, with a great career ahead of me, I kept getting interest from better guys more on my level, but because I had a boyfriend, I couldn't get to know any of them.

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-07-08T13:00:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-07-08T21:01:30+00:00

Yes, he did not get the sex, I did feel tricked because he had a girlfriend and because I thought he cared about me as a friend at least. Maybe he did but not enough to stick around after I made it clear he would not be using me to cheat.

He was 6 2", I thought he was cute though he had gained quite a bit of weight recently but I like a bit more fluff. He had an inviting personality, was very calm and collected and good with people

We got very close over the course of 4 months. he played the long game. I got very attached big oversight on my part.

He was also my manager lol

decoy88 · 2022-07-08T11:17:49+00:00

Yes cuz there’s so much 🐱 out there that needs to lie to get D 🤭🤭🤭🤭

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2022-07-08T21:34:45+00:00

No, he was telling the truth. Or his parents were committed to the lie, lmao either way. Did not feel tricked, did feel deep betrayal

5'10, cute enough, into art and worked in it

IcarusKiki · 2022-07-08T21:58:50+00:00

No but my first boyfriend freshmen year of college was constantly indecisive over whether he wanted to stay together or not - but that wasn't a lie that was him being torn between freedom in college and having a gf. Funnily enough I ended up breaking up with him

TheElusivePeacock · 2022-07-11T01:00:28+00:00

I’ve had women tell me men have done this to them but me personally, never happened. I also don’t want a relationship so there would be no reason to lie to me. That would have the opposite effect actually. I have had men where we’ve been upfront that it’s just sex, and they ended up wanting more, which I was not interested in. But I’ve never dealt with guys personally who are manipulative for sex. Shocking that people can agree on just wanting something fun and casual, I know.

Title	Q4WOMEN: has a man ever lied to about wanting commitment just to get sex? Tell your story
Author	decoy88
Upvotes	31
Comments	117
Date	July 8, 2022 10:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/vu7917/q4women_has_a_man_ever_lied_to_about_wanting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-has-a-man-ever-lied-to-about-wanting.1122594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122594

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