Serial monogamists are worse than sexual promiscuity

ta06012022 · 2023-02-12T04:16:01+00:00

Most serial monogamists haven't been in 50+ relationships. Most of the girls I've been with who fit the serial monogamist description have been in something like 4-8 relationships, maybe with a few hookups in between.

50+ relationships would take an insane amount of time. Maybe some people in their 30s or 40s have done this, but I haven't seen anything close to it at 26.

relish5k · 2023-02-12T04:40:48+00:00

Sleeping with different people “month after month” is promiscuity, not serial monogamy. Serial monogamy applies to long term relationships, usually 1+ year, with no real or just very short breaks in between.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2023-02-12T04:51:03+00:00

There's no correlation. Both groups can lie/be deceitful and both can be honest. You're painting the narrative that each group is synonymous with one behavior but it's a roll of the dice.

Different_Weekend817 · 2023-02-12T13:23:07+00:00

Serial monogamists who have fling after fling month after month are the worst

i've never heard of that definition before; always thought serial monogamists were those who went from one long-term relationship to the next, afraid to be single. fling after fling could just be an unwillingness to settle down and not get too attached to anyone, but they only fuck one person at a time. been there done that, so wouldn't presume that person who has fling after fling is 'giving their heart away'; i surely did not. many of those relationships were fwb.

anyway, personally will never understand this incessant preoccupation with body count. i know if i like someone well before i even know that number.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-02-12T06:33:22+00:00

So what if it doesnt' last though? Why do you need either shallow or forever? Why are those the only relationships people could have that are of any value? Many people share your presumption that a relationship that ends is a failed relationship. I dont' find that to be the case but mine might be the minority position.

revente · 2023-02-12T15:38:14+00:00

innocent fun having of young adults

I can’t comprehend how do you attach moral value to this xd. Stop with this tradcon shit. A time in a relationship isn’t wasted only because it didn’t last till death.

Safinated · 2023-02-12T16:45:14+00:00

So, we have to marry anyone we consider for a serious relationship and never divorce? No thank you

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-02-12T13:59:55+00:00

Sex is no big deal. You are making it into a big deal. The less of a big deal you think it is, the more of it you are going to get.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2023-02-12T04:45:34+00:00

Serial monogamist just means more than 1 ltr in your lifetime

MarBitt · 2023-02-12T04:47:44+00:00

What you are describing is not a typical serial monogamist, because if fling lasts only a month, it often doesn't even get into the monogamous, exclusive phase. If someone likes flirting, first dates, tension, first sex, etc. and then quickly loses interest without ever getting into a relationship, then they are not a serial monogamist. More like a "serial dater" for "the chase".

A serial monogamist is someone who goes from relationship to relationship. No longer single periods (and typically also no casual hookups in between). Doesn't want to be alone.

The negative is if none of those relationships last long, which usually means falling in love and when the infatuation ends, the relationship fails to turn into a LTR. Usually, infatuation lasts for between 18 months and three years. Then let's say three to six months, when the "relationship no longer working", the serial monogamist remains in the relationship, but is already looking elsewhere as part of monkey branching.

The problem is mainly due to the fact that at this time, the serial monogamist manages to conceive a child (may even manage to get married), but does not manage to raise it with that partner. So then there are women who have several children, each with a different man. Or one child who has a "new daddy" every two or three years.

Another problem is when, in order not to remain alone, the serial monogamist tries to secure a new relationship while the original relationship has not yet ended. So the ends of relationships are marked by infidelities and dramas.

Barely-moral · 2023-02-12T11:08:36+00:00

I can see how multiple failed relationships may be a red/yellow flag. That means either their criteria for picking partners is wrong or they are lacking in the tools used to keep partners.

I am never the wrong partner so that is not an issue. And I have my methods to build and provide the tools required to keep a relationship alive so I am not bothered by those issues.

I also think that if I look at someone and they seem incapable of staying single that is a green flat. Either they are attractive as a LTR partner or they feel uncomfortable/unhappy being single. Both options are good. The latter is great.

I would rather date a former 'slut' with a body count of 50 than a 'monogamist' who had 'dated' 50 times. With the 'slut', who can effectively separate lust from love

Why is that a good thing? Why would someone that can separate lust from love be attractive as a partner?

With the 'monogamist' I will literally be Relationship #51, and there is no way it's lasting.

This is the man's equivalent to "women waiting at the finish line and dating those that win the race". The tools required to keep a relationship are learned and built. They are not innate.

Since I dislike women ignoring men building themselves just to go after those that already made it I refuse to do the same.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2023-02-12T12:27:41+00:00

Google monogomist

houstongradengineer · 2023-02-12T04:55:00+00:00

still turn on the 'love mode' at any time.

That's not how that works. They put off love mode for a reason. If I go out and hook up with 10 men, how many do you think will everntailly later decide they love me? Lol. Wouldn't bet on it.

I would agree that 50 relationships is excessive. A lot of people just have a few, though, up until their 30's where they look for snother. Is that serial monogamy? Are those people incapable of lasting romance? I don't know. If I liked them, I'd give them a shot. Especially if they didn't marry 3 or 4 times. I could wait and see if they take that step with me in a different way. That could be helpful.

Scarce12 · 2023-02-12T05:09:52+00:00

I think the problem here, is the decided secrecy about sex.

Women are the gender that hides sex behind ambiguities such as "dating" and "serial monogamy", when they're actually not being so.

Except when it comes to cheating over 30. Men are the gender that hides sex in this bracket.

Striking-Lawyer7609 · 2023-02-12T16:36:04+00:00

I think most people misunderstand this. Speaking as someone who's dated a lot and has a body count.

I don't give my heart away when dating. I am trying to get to know someone. I am looking for a reason to open my heart, not give it away. Some part of that is sexual compatibility. But I would like to find love when dating. I also understand that most people aren't right for most people, if you look under the hood. Which isn't a euphemism for sex, but just to say, that as you spend time with someone, you get to know them and understand the pros and cons that would come with a longer relationship.

What "love mode" can look like is a woman I dated a year after my marriage ended. She was smart, funny, lots of interests, beautiful, and professionally accomplished. She very quickly wanted to meet my kids, wanted to plan out a life. Too quickly, before we knew each other well enough to consider that. This was about a month or two in.

When I expressed, this is too soon to be introducing someone to my kids, she started acting erratically and within two weeks had dumped me, kept calling me, and was meeting multiple people a day off craigslist. Also trying to order insulin online as a means to suicide. I know, because, as I said, she kept calling. It was eye-opening and heart-breaking.

I can't believe that was "lust mode." No one fucks like that to fill a hole between their legs. She had been grievously wounded by her parents and by life and the hole she wanted to fill was in her heart.

No one fucks like that and tells you it's a result of trauma. Of course, it's for "fun."

I find the whole premise of this post uninformed and ridiculous.

WowYouMustBeJoking · 2023-02-12T19:02:06+00:00

Yeah no, being promiscuous with one person at a time doesn't make you a serial monogamist. You are just promiscuous with one partner at a time.

You're a serial monogamist if you have a few LTRs and aren't lucky finding a permanent SO. And LTR means a couple years + comparable time between them for you to get over your ex and move on (and it would be comparable since it's a serious LTR). So you wouldn't have 50+ partners. After a certain number you're just a slut, no matter if all those partners were in a sequence or not. That number is somewhere in single digits.

mwb111300 · 2023-02-13T20:41:06+00:00

I agree with you. Those are the type that have already arranged their backup before ending their current relationship.

Fiji41883 · 2023-02-12T06:18:01+00:00

“They demonstrate an inability to even handle relationships correctly, and end up giving their heart away to 50 different people”

I’m a serial monogamist, I never went to bed with someone if we weren’t a couple. The problem is I think every girl is going to be the last. I’m recently alone again since December and I’m going to find another one and make the same mistake: Fall in love and believe IT’S GOING TO BE FOREVER THIS TIME. THIS TIME FOR REAL!

Fingers crossed.

Hot_Scale_6383 · 2023-02-12T12:54:37+00:00

serial monogamy IS promiscuity. actually, if you think about it, polygamists dont also fuck multiple women at the same time, they also spend time with them separately and serially unless they are all having an orgy together which is rare. serial monogamy is exactly what it is: logically contradictory orwellian doublespeak. it makes as much sense as the phrase: “dry water”. essentially, its someone telling you they are not a polygamist but ‘AhKtuAlLy still a monogamist’ even though they had ten different fuckbuddies in a year, just because she had sex with them one by one. yeah no shit, so did genghis khan XD

minneapplecat · 2023-02-12T04:11:20+00:00

Anything over 10 partners for a woman is too many period.

INFPneedshelp · 2023-02-12T04:29:57+00:00

Refreshing to hear from a non slut shamer! 🙌

DebateRoyal4525 · 2023-02-12T04:43:33+00:00

I sort of agree in the sense that you can only have so many "serious relationships" in one life time.

If you had 10+ boyfriends in one lifetime something is causing these relationships to fail. To put things into perspective it would be weird if you changed best friends once or twice every year.

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YetAnotherCommenter · 2023-02-12T13:17:12+00:00

I think you're speaking about dishonest people who claim to be serial monogamists but are really just having hookups (not that there's anything wrong with that either, IMO... the issue is the dishonesty, not the relationship-style preference).

Not to mention, remember that mimicry is easy and both sides of an heterosexual relationship try to make themselves as attractive as possible to the other side (whilst concealing traits which may detract from this). So it IS possible for a genuine serial monogamist to be deceived, then realize they were deceived, and then leave the relationship consequently.

despisedlove2 · 2023-02-12T15:33:35+00:00

Both are unsuitable for relationships. Arguing about who is worse is quite pointless.

There is no "love" mode for someone who has spent a significant part of their adulthood in lust mode.

wtknight · 2023-02-12T16:26:39+00:00

I think that it depends upon what her motivation is for having relationship after relationship. If she's truly trying to find love and men keep treating her badly or cheating on her, then it doesn't bother me as much. But if she's just starting pseudo-relationships for the fun of being with new men, or if she is doing it to branch swing, then I think that it's just as bad as casual sex.

Nihi1986 · 2023-02-12T16:40:05+00:00

If your relationships last a month those weren't relationships... that's still casual promiscuity masked (for some reason) as pseudo relationships. I'm not even sure I could call 'ex gf' the women I dated for just a few months, it's basically the 3ish month period it might take to see if there's any compatibility and potential future with that person.

I guess you meant those girls who always have a boyfriend but usually don't last more than around 4-6months, with some hookups in between, and never found the way to make it last. By their mid 20's they have had like 15-20 relationships with perfectly normal guys and pretending you are much different or better is difficult, she might settle with you if she considers it's the time to settle.

Both men and women doing this just have enough options to do it and believe that relationships don't necessarily last a long time, typically breaking up when the honey moon phase ends. They basically treat relationships like a drug.

Reasonable_Volume_96 · 2023-02-12T16:58:44+00:00

So would someone who has had 4 LTR that were, let's say 2+ years long fit your description?

Most women wouldn't consider it a monogamous or even serious relationship if it only lasts a couple months. I have been in multiple long term relationships.

None of the ones I was serious about were trivial or meaningless, otherwise I wouldn't have been with them for so long.

Giving a guy a chance for a month and deciding it's not going to work out is pretty normal if you're looking for something long term. We aren't "giving our hearts away" to every man we'd flirt with or allow to take us on a date.

I don't think most people even see a month as long enough to determine if it's a serious relationship. For many it takes months to agree to be exclusive (whether either one is actually dating/sleeping with other people is semi-irrelevant unless spoken about in detail)

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-12T20:47:53+00:00

They are in a 'lust mode' and can still turn on the 'love mode' at any time.

Most people can't "turn off love mode" regardless of what their sexual frequency or behavior is like. Love just happens sometimes.

I don't think one is superior to the other. I do find it interesting that someone will judge as 'impulsive' the person who turns down 100 dates and partners but has sex with three people over the course of ten years, but then doesn't think it's impulsive when a monogamist has sex with the very first person who they finds attractive and says yes without thinking to people 100% of the time it's just that she might be with each of them longer.

Title	Serial monogamists are worse than sexual promiscuity
Author	justforlulz12345
Upvotes	0
Comments	171
Date	February 12, 2023 3:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1106g9k/serial_monogamists_are_worse_than_sexual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/serial-monogamists-are-worse-than-sexual.1151914 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151914

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