I just learned about these concepts in sexuality called spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Spontaneous desire is desire that occurs spontaneously in anticipation of pleasure whereas responsive desire is desire that occurs in response to pleasure.

For whatever reason (probably due to men controlling most of the narrative about sex) we tend to recognize spontaneous desire as the only "legitimate" form of sexual desire and falsely believe that if someone doesn't experience this type of desire routinely that there is something wrong with them, that they don't like sex, aren't sexual, need to overcome it, need to change partners etc... But what if that is just a normal and legitimate sexuality and rather than trying to change someone from being responsive to spontaneous we just accept that people have different ways of being sexual and work with that?

Another aspect of sexuality that I am learning about is acceleration vs inhibition. Acceleration is that which prompts a person to be aroused whereas inhibition prompts a person to resist arousal. Ex: Acceleration is what causes a person to see someone naked and become aroused, inhibition is what causes a person to be turned off if that naked person is their close relative. Inhibition is important because sexual desire is not appropriate in every context.

I think these concepts explains a lot of the sexual problems we sometimes see with heterosexual couples. It's probably safe to say that women are more likely to have responsive sexual desire and experience more sexual inhibitions whereas men are more likely to have spontaneous sexual desire and experience more acceleration. This is very important to understand especially for heterosexual daters because it is a source of sexual problems for many couples. There are men who falsely believe that because a woman isn't experiencing spontaneous sexual desire and is more inhibited that her desire, when it does occur, isn't "real". There are women who believe this about themselves. But knowing what we know about sexuality and the cost vs benefits for men and women it actually makes perfect sense that women would be more inhibited and responsive vs men on average.

I think if more couples realized this they could have better sex lives. For one men would understand that it's important to create the right context to lower sexual inhibitions for women and illicit desire. Women are not as likely to become horny at random so you may need to touch, kiss, message, create a safe space etc..to foster desire. Women would also understand that they don't have to be spontaneously aroused to have sex. Just because you aren't "in the mood" right now at this moment doesn't mean you can't get there in the right context or with the right stimulation. As a woman I can attest to the fact that I have had some great sex that didn't start with me being randomly horny but rather was built up from things like foreplay or banter/flirting. Though I used to think this was not right and that I should just "be aroused" I now know that's not true and it takes the pressure off me which makes it easier for me to just enjoy my partner. And mind you this isn't some absolute theory like I said I'm sure most of us, men and women, experience all these things from time to time, inhibitions, accelerations, responsive and spontaneous desire. I'm just speaking in general terms as to how people routinely experience sex. There is nothing wrong with needing something to become aroused that isn't a problem it's just a normal way to experience sexual desire.

TLDR:

There are different sexual natures based on the concepts of responsive desire, spontaneous desire, inhibition and acceleration. Responsive desire occurs in response to pleasure, spontaneous desire occurs in response to anticipation of pleasure. Inhibition inhibits sexual desire and acceleration prompts sexual desire. We tend to think of sexual desire as being spontaneous and accelerated but this is mainly true for men. For women being responsive and more inhibited is more common. This can cause sexual "mismatches" for heterosexual couples, but understanding these concepts can help improve sex lives. Neither of these "sexual natures" is more legitimate than the other, people have different sexualities and we shouldn't expect everyone to be one particular way all the time or most of the time.