When you’re married and have children, what will your financial situation be?

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-05-22T15:23:31+00:00

I have built a 1m euro company from scratch and have placed myself to be able to work remotely for the next six months at least.

I split housework with my fiancé 50/50 most of the time.

Now it's a good time.

jrjr_analyst · 2023-05-22T16:08:36+00:00

I'm looking for a partner whose financial values match my own:

Aversion to unproductive debt
Willingness to ~~adopt~~ maintain a more modest lifestyle in the interest of accumulating retirement savings, even if it means looking poorer than her friends, siblings, neighbors ect.
Willingness to accept my current financial limitations (~$92K/year in a high COL area with a mortgage and playing catch-up with my 401Ks)~~, instead of pressuring me to join her on trips I cannot afford~~
~~Earns at least $60K/year so she can contribute meaningfully to a mortgage on a family-sized place within 1hr of work~~
Willingness to split the household chores 50/50 (as a recovering simp, I've cooked and cleaned for a few exes - done with that shit)

SnooCauliflowers9678 · 2023-05-24T05:56:33+00:00

As a woman, knowing that there is a general expectation to work/have a great career, maintain appearances, AND will end up doing most of the household cleaning/life maintenance makes me never want to marry.

If I want kids I can have them without a man and skip the headache of nagging or house breaking a full grown adult. I know there awesome men out there who do 50/50 around the house or decrease the career expectation in place of family values, but they are seeming few and far between within the millennial age bracket.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-05-22T14:11:09+00:00

I’m married and have children. Our finances are nothing to complain about, although we (like everyone) feels like we could always be better off with more.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2023-05-22T14:09:45+00:00

I'll answer this retroactively.

Tried me meong the sole breadwinner, as well as us both working full time. The best system for us so far has been her working hours that fit around schooltime. Most convenient and saves on childcare.

We go pretty 50-50 with housework when we're both home. Obviously she does it all when i'm at work though

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anon018274031 · 2023-05-22T14:54:03+00:00

(Edit: I’m a woman so you don’t have to read this but just think it’s interesting if what men vs what women want matches up)

Ideally as a woman I’d hope for roughly 50/50 effort in terms of working effort (so hours and how much you have to put into your job) and domestic stuff (including childcare)

This might not mean money going in is the same, because two people working 40 hour jobs can make different amounts of money. And two 40 hour jobs can require different amounts of physical, intellectual and emotional effort so that would be accounted for.

I also recognise when children are really tiny this is impossible, so of course in the breastfeeding stage and during maternity leave it will be different.

Finance wise I’d advocate for any couple to have their shared account from which all the joint outgoings are taken from (mortgage, bills, kids stuff, groceries) but otherwise the rest goes into separate bank accounts

DisplacedBitzer · 2023-05-22T15:38:03+00:00

Both until kids. Then kids, I try to pick up more hours, she stops, goes part time(eventually). I’ll have a hybrid job, so I could definitely help as well and make that part time possible. Honestly, my career path should end up with me being able to support alone, but every little bit early on helps.

AhsokaSolo · 2023-05-22T16:50:43+00:00

Married with a kid. Both work full time. Although I make more, I am self-employed and therefore make my own hours and can be flexible with kid needs. It's also easier for me to do more housework because I work from home. But my husband helps, and he leads on yard work and cooking (though we often do those things together). The important thing for any partnership, imo, is actually being a partnership. Flexibility is key. Everyone's circumstances are different. The idea is to make it work for your situation, together. Rigid gender rules are so silly. Nobody fits the stereotype 100% of the time.

I don't think either partner taking 15 years out of the work force generally makes sense anymore. I get that it works for some individuals, and good luck to them, but I wouldn't want myself or my partner financially trapped like that. The partner that doesn't work for that long is trading their autonomy potentially for life. It's just too hard to get back into the work force after that much time off and be able to make a living. Maybe in low cost-of-living communities it wouldn't be such a big deal, or maybe if someone has tons of well off family, then cool.

Particular_Trade6308 · 2023-05-22T16:51:04+00:00

I currently have a couple million $$ and I expect that by the time I’m married, I’ll have 5-10 million $$. I don’t intend to work and will prob be a SAHD.

I won’t marry a woman who isn’t rich cus she can take half my stash in divorce.

GingerOverLoad · 2023-05-22T19:39:12+00:00

70-30 split. I will provide income to cover all living expenses I pluse some extra stuff. If my SO wants a car nicer than a Subaru they have to pony up that money. If they want their hair done every couple of weeks they got to cover that(shit is hella expensive). If they demand to live inside of the city they have to earn more to make that happen. I don't want to be house or car poor is basically my point. I would prefer a women who works part time or only 40 hours a week not feel like they have to kill themselves to provide or to keep up with some ridiculous life style. A nice medium size home with some chickens in the country is what I am looking for.

I would fully dedicate myself to the education of my children. I would prefer to use as little day care as possible so even providing 100% of the income is okay with me. I just understand that these days women don't seem to be interested in giving up that much control. I really dislike our education system so my child will require a lot of attention. I am not interested in keeping up with the lifestyle of others, so really life shouldn't cost so much we can't live off my income.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-05-22T20:02:31+00:00

Don’t think I’d get married again

Dagenius1 · 2023-05-22T20:27:33+00:00

I’m married and if we are blessed enough to have children I would like my wife to stay home until the kid is in 6th grade as that’s how my mom and dad did it with me and my sister. My wife did not get this luxury and feels that she and her mother have a little distance between them as she went back to work asap after having her. It was a requirement in their situation at the time. She would love to be a stay at home mom for 8-10 years.

If she felt bored I would have no problem with her taking a part time job. We have extended family support so her working somewhere 12-20 hours a week would be very doable.

Other than breastfeeding, I would do at least half of everything child related. No problem with it

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-05-23T14:57:35+00:00

I was married for 8 years. I worked 14-hour days for a large portion of that time, while my wife was a stay at home mother. So, yes, I expected not to do any homework when I got home. I helped with our children, though. The only reason we got divorced is because she cheated on me. Now, I'm single and financially stable. I'm also happier than I was when I was married.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-05-22T15:00:27+00:00

Never going to get married or have kids, so I couldn't possibly comment. After paying bills whatever money I have left is for myself.

Lovers691 · 2023-05-22T15:39:13+00:00

Ideally it would be 50-50, I don’t want to be put in a situation where I have to pay alimony in the case of a divorce

midwesternMD · 2023-05-22T15:39:22+00:00

I’d continue to work. She could work or be a SAHM. If she wants to work full time, we’d have to pay for a full time nanny. I can afford that now, so it really depends on her values and our collective financial goals. This is the one situation in which being a financially secure man gives you a hell of a lot of options.

Ok_Tomorrow_3963 · 2023-05-22T14:04:20+00:00

I make enough that my wife would never have to work even in the US, so I'm fine paying 100%.

I want to marry and have children but I will arrange a legal contract with a nice girl overseas and take care of their expenses. I could spoil them with a fraction of my income and keep most of it for myself. Personally I don't want to live with my wife 100% of the time, I'd rather just visit her a few times a year. Just as long as she has my kid.

Mentathiel · 2023-05-22T15:57:23+00:00

Our plan is 50-50 on expenses and joint savings (buying a house, family vacations, college expenses for kids, etc.), completely separate accounts for everything else and you can do what you will with the rest of the money.

Chores would also be 50-50 other than while I'm on maternity leave. Or rather, I don't mind the exact amount of time each of us spends on chores, I just kind of want them to take a similar mental toll. So if doing a chore that really relaxes me takes more than something I find difficult but is quick, I'd be fine with taking that deal, especially if my partner has the opposite preference.

I'm somewhat flexible on this, I could negotiate a different deal with a different partner, but I think this works pretty well tbh. I wouldn't be too comfortable with either extremes (being the sole breadwinner or sahm) or approaching them. But some wiggle room around the middle in either direction I'm okay with.

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2023-05-22T16:51:07+00:00

Me and the g/f have discussed our future which would include children (assuming all the stars align). We both have white-collar careers with a modicum of flexibility, so in all likelihood, things won't change that drastically. Certainly, I think she will be disadvantaged by taking time off her career to nurse the kids. She will likely take longer to reach the same career aspirations, and I'll pick up the slack in the meanwhile.

We could probably make it on one income (either of ours, as we're both just over the six-figure mark), but that's a huge lifestyle downgrade. And knowing her, she'd want to continue working once the kids are sufficiently stable for daycare/babysitters/nannies/etc. I'm ultimately open to either option, but both of us are achievement-oriented people, so I can't see a world where we'd consider a single-income household unless the economics align against us for dual-income.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-05-22T18:49:17+00:00

Well, I am married and we have a child, and my wife makes about twice what I do. Our financial situation is that we split utilities and daycare 50/50, we roughly split things like meals and groceries, and our mortgage is weighted based on our salaries.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-05-22T19:39:04+00:00

I’m married with children We both work and share childcare and household chores

Conservative_Persona · 2023-05-22T20:11:43+00:00

Married with kids. Before kids, we contributed equally financially and chores 50/50. It was fair in that the one who worked much more hours than the other also had more personal money. After kids, we are a family, and the two main assets/resources are time and money. We hold back an amount of money for personal use, to do whatever one wants to use it on. The rest into joint accounts. It also means that the one who works much more also use less time on chores. Sounds fair right? A lot of people agree until they realize I as the wife (surgeon) earns 3x my husbands (craftsman) salary and work about 2x as much, and want as much free time as him. Husband think it’s fair, we are done with work+chores about the same time in the evening.

Anti_Thing · 2023-05-22T20:51:57+00:00

IDK.

I am happy with the expectation for men to be providers. I would prefer for my future wife to stay at home while I make the money, though I know that's not something I can reasonably expect.

>However, a huge complaint of working mothers are those who feel that while they stepped up into the men’s shoes, the men never stepped into theirs and they are still expected to do the lions share of the housework and childcare even after a full days work.

The arrangement you describe sounds bizarre to me. Among literally all married or otherwise living together couples I know, either the man is the sole breadwinner while his wife does all or most housework, or (more commonly) both parties split income-making work & housework equitably. I live in Canada, & most of the couples I know are either a) devoutly religious people who take marriage & family extremely seriously, b) comfortably middle class, or c) both. Perhaps wives being expected to do an unfair amount of housework despite working full time is more common in other cultures or among the lower classes. My mom said that kind of thing was common in Communist Romania when she was little. The government essentially forced women into the workforce in large numbers overnight so that they could boast that, on paper, the genders were equal; in practice, it took a while for culture to catch up, as many men continued to refuse to cook or clean.

Pilotsa · 2023-05-22T22:16:42+00:00

Personally, I'd leave children up to the wife. I'm neutral, but I believe I would he a great dad. I like kids, love my niece and nephew, and I used to babysit them a lot when I lived nearby. I'm confident I can be a great father.

If she decides she wants kids, I am capable now of completely providing for our needs, but just barely. I have good insurance, so medical costs won't be an issue ( USA). I dont have any crippling debt, so my money is my money. My current income can support 3 or 4 people, but I wouldn't be able to save any money in that particular situation. Any emergencies would have to be paid for by my current savings which I think would suffice, but life does have a way of pulling the rug from under you. After the kids are old enough to go to school, I would want her to atleast pick up a part time job so we have some financial freedom.

For the time she's a full time at home mom, I would expect she take on the traditional roles. After she gets a job, I would be more than willing to do my fair share of the house work. Again, I like kids, so I believe I'm the kind of guy that would spend plenty of time after work with them and take some of the load off her back.

If she doesn't want kids, then yeah, off to join the rest of the wage slaves. I'll ofcourse help out around the house and do my fair share. But with that being said, our financial situation would be damn solid. I have great job security, so I'm not concerned about going out of work regardless of what happened to our economy. Whatever she brings in is just a plus.

Honestly, my biggest concern would be if I change my mind about kids later down the line. I'm neutral now, but I'm also only 24. I lot can change in the coming years.

DoinIt989 · 2023-05-22T22:18:14+00:00

Ideally financially independent - at least 20x annual spending in cash, investments, etc, with a house that's mostly paid off.

throwaway316stunner · 2023-05-23T04:22:29+00:00

WHEN I’m married and have children?

Let’s get past Step 1 first, finding a woman remotely interested in me.

just_a_place · 2023-05-23T07:55:06+00:00

How the hell should I know? I ain't psychic, I can't predict the future.

I may be filthy rich, or I may be dead broke. Who knows?

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-05-23T16:20:14+00:00

I feel the need to reply to this post as I am in this situation (34 with a 2yearold). I should also note I regularly interact with 13 other couples all in their 30s with children around my child's age (we all got married and had kids in a 4 year span)

Including myself, there are 14 couples. There is only one couple I would say there is a dramatic difference between incomes made by the man and woman. She is a SAHM and plans to have 4 kids. She just had her 2nd child. She does everything for the house and kids as he works alot, he helps some on the weekends.

Myself and 1 other couple have a woman who works part time (me) and the husband who works between 40-50 hours a week. Me and my friend do the majority of housework and childcare. All other couples are split 50/.50 and make around the same of money working full time.

This is normal for Americans now. The narrative pushed by men on here where women make no money, the man makes bank and the woman does 100% of housework and childcare while maintaining her figure and striving to be the perfect mom and trophy wife is very very rare. Most women who reduce their career/ workload do so temporarily with small kids (they are time intensive and childcare is like a mortgage) but return to work once they become school aged. Most people marry within the same socioeconomic status.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-05-23T23:14:37+00:00

pushback against the expectation

This is a good thing. As Equality’s important. That said any parent will tell you; kids aren’t cheap. My partner and used to holiday quite a bit. Add kids. Suites now need at least two rooms. Activities. Transport. It’s not onerous, but it’s a factor.

Another other pivotal factor is time. If you don’t have the luxury of it, presumably it’s hard. We’re lucky because my wife doesn’t work full time, and I don’t currently work. So we’ve essentially both been ‘stay at home parents’. For both our 5 year old, and now 20 month old. We get a ton of quality time.

Finances, and time are pivotal factors. Finances simply empower freedom of choice. As to how you spend your time.

Godspeed and good luck!

VehementlyDrawn · 2023-05-22T14:42:54+00:00

I want to be the sole provider and for my wife to do all of the household stuff and child rearing. I currently make enough money to support that (although it won't be lavish), and I don't expect her to do 100% of the chores but I do expect her to do most of them.

daddysgotanew · 2023-05-22T19:01:23+00:00

People shouldn’t even consider having a single child until they’ve reached a household income of 250K per year. Add 50K per additional child.

That’s what it takes to do it the right way and not eventually contribute to the delinquency of society/the prison population

DerayRevan · 2023-05-22T14:59:23+00:00

I can make enough so my woman stays and looks after the kids

I mean she already said once we've kids she wants to be a stay-at-home wife

Ris-O · 2023-05-22T17:27:25+00:00

I will be the provider. My wife will need to be there for the kids. I'm not letting anyone or anything but the two of us raise them

LoopyPro · 2023-05-22T22:02:41+00:00

Ideally, I'd like to pursue equality in overall contributions and maximum efficiency by identifying our respective opportunity costs.

Will you go for the traditional model of being a breadwinner, or will you expect your partner to resume work after maternity leave and financially contribute 50-50 towards rent, bills etc

If we contribute 50/50 towards bills, we will split housework 50/50 because equality. In case one of us outearns the other, for example by 70/30, it would make sense to split housework 70/30 as well in favor of the biggest earner to balance things out in pursuit of equality. Another solution is to let the man keep more of his money to himself or let him work less hours to balance out financial contributions.

Personally, I'm fine with pulling more weight for sake of our family, but it would be insulting if that extra effort on my side goes unnoticed by labeling the imbalanced situation "equality". It would be appropriate to give credit where it's due.

However, a huge complaint of working mothers are those who feel that while they stepped up into the men’s shoes, the men never stepped into theirs and they are still expected to do the lions share of the housework and childcare even after a full days work.

Realistically, if she wants to pursue equality, she can only expect the man to do 50/50 of housework if she pays 50% of the bills. Just like the man, she is responsible for the value of one hour of her labor. If her hour of labor is worth significantly less compared to her man, working a job decreases overall efficiency. In that case she more or less wastes her time working a job. It would make more sense for her to relieve her man of housework so he can earn more money for the family instead.

angelicasinensis · 2023-05-23T02:31:11+00:00

I am a stay at home mom, my husband works. We homeschool, I take care of the kids, clean and grow food in our garden. I have worked in the past, part time from home, but this was getting too stressful for me. I plan on doing a side hustle from home when my kids are a little older and I have more time.

Title	When you’re married and have children, what will your financial situation be?
Author	AdhesivenessLevel379
Upvotes	23
Comments	137
Date	May 22, 2023 12:44 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13opwhj/when_youre_married_and_have_children_what_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-youre-married-and-have-children-what-will.1219998 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219998

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