CMV: Men have no issue committing to the vast majority of relationships if given the option.

Critical_Lettuce2899 · 2023-05-24T20:22:51+00:00

The sub5s will commit to any walking female who shows interest, the desirable high value chads on the other hand ...

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-05-24T20:29:17+00:00

You heard red pillers wrong.

Women have a hard time getting the men THEY WANT to commit.

Women can get commitment from all kinds of men every day if they wanted to. But women don’t want commitment from just any man, it’s the men they have their own eyes set out on.

But this mainly applies to a certain type of women. The kind who thinks she can fuck her way into a meaningful long lasting relationship with a highly selected man .

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-05-24T20:41:07+00:00

Men who easily give away their comittment are low value.

anonymous-platypus1 · 2023-05-24T20:25:00+00:00

Men with more options definitely have no issues committing when they want to. I don’t think the “vast majority” is a correct measure.

For men without options, they might commit to relationships that seem simple okay with the hopes that it’ll get better. But even that woman will have to meet some minimum standard.

Men with options will wait. My boyfriend wasn’t hurting for options when we met. Yet he is now committed to me because we are good for one another. He wouldn’t have committed to any of the other women he was seeing most likely, because he knew some of them longer than he’d known me, yet he never committed.

Lots of men also just want sex and the “Chase”. They want the entertainment of dating without doing any of the serious, uncomfortable stuff.

Even the men that are “just waiting for a woman to look at them” probably aren’t going to commit to ANY woman that looks at him. He might entertain her for a bit, but real commitment might be far off.

wtknight · 2023-05-24T21:29:43+00:00

The problem is that most men don't want to commit to relationships with women who they think are lower value than them. These are usually the women who do want relationships with a given guy, and the ones more likely to actually compromise with that guy and continue the relationship rather than leave at one small "ick". But men usually have fairly high standards for relationships, and unfortunately the women who these men would actually commit to for relationships don't want relationships with these men.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-05-24T22:10:06+00:00

I think at 16-25 most women struggle to get commitment as their age mates are less likely to want to settle down and they don't really wanna go too much older, for the most part. This is contrary to TRP belief that you have the world at your feet at that age for finding a relationship. I think it gets a bit easier after the age of 25 however men don't have the same biological clock so you'll often get men into their thirties who still wanna play it casual.

Blame_the_Muse · 2023-05-24T20:38:34+00:00

Sticking around because you have nothing better to do isn’t what women mean by “commitment”.

The female imperative is getting male LOVE and DEVOTION

DerayRevan · 2023-05-24T20:16:33+00:00

I mean if you don't wanna commit to a woman then don't

Since TRP is all about putting your desires first before her

That is why you can't commit to a woman without vetting her, the problem with many guys aka this guys waiting in line for her is that they'll commit to a woman the moment she touches his penis

chalkandapples · 2023-05-24T21:26:18+00:00

I don't think it's hard to get men to commit. Most men do want a family and commitment from women. Men are still the ones that do most of the proposing, and most of the moving relationship forward stuff like asking you to date them / be their girlfriend etc.

I think the perception maybe comes from the fact that we have sex before commitment/marriage a lot these days. Women are also more adverse to casual sex than men. So for a lot of women, if she's willing to have sex with you, you probably already passed the threshold of her wanting to commit to you, otherwise she wouldn't date you. While for men, they might be ok with sex w/o commitment more. So this normally happens assuming the woman is not looking for casual sex:

Man wants commitment / woman wants commitment = happy normal couple, they go on with their lives and no one complains.

Woman wants commitment / man doesn't want commitment = if they can't communicate well or there's some wishful thinking going on, they might be having sex but it doesn't end up in commitment/marriage. Woman complains about men not committing.

Man wants commitment / woman doesn't want commitment = relationship doesn't happen, they're not together. Man complains about women's standards/dating.

Rude_Macaron2021 · 2023-05-24T20:22:22+00:00

I disagree for a few reasons:

Many men who commit do it because it is conditional from women to move them and make a family. If they are not put under than condition, they may as well cohabitate and make a whole family with no issue as plenty of couples do. Men don't need legal contract to love and care for a family. Those men are not loving marriage, they are loving women, but marriage is a requirement for the relationship to they take it.
Men who want commitment are unlikely to have other options or be selected. If men have other options, they try to avoid commitment because a better or younger woman may come. This is a kind of male hypergamy, but it only applies to a small minority of men, yet many women who ask why men don't commit are really asking why not these men commit.
Marriage is indeed risky for men. That is also its point, to make the union strong and put consequences for breaking it.

Men are not anti-marriage just for being anti-marriage. They have reasons for it, and they may be wrong, but they do have reasons.

Antisocialite99 · 2023-05-24T21:03:45+00:00

I have absolutly no problem committing,.not just agreeing to commit but actually being commited in my mind heart and spirit and shutting the doors in my mind that even lead to being attracted to someone else. To thinking how do we grow together and not just how do I grow.

But I won't do it for a woman who needs me to commit in order to stop fucking other guys. If you want to be committed commit first at least in your mind and behavior if not tye agreement to be commited and I'm so with you.

TheLoneStranger878 · 2023-05-24T22:47:10+00:00

Because for every one asexual or anti-marriage man, there's a hundred men waiting in line that would kill for a woman to even give them a second thought.

I think you're mistaking sexual attention/desire with men wanting to commit to a woman. I just don't see a lot of men gawking over the idea of marriage like women do. I do see however consistently cry about lack of sex though.

NormalGuy8989 · 2023-05-25T01:30:26+00:00

How many engagement rings have you received in your life? If the answer is 0, or you're currently unmarried, what makes you think commitment is as easy as you think?

The desperate incels here might kill for any woman to even consider them. Normal guys who actually appeal to women aren't in that boat.

Look at declining marriage statistics. Look at increasing age of first marriage. Look at how more than 50% of babies are now born to single mothers. People are fucking, but fewer men are marrying, and more kids are born out of wedlock. Less commitment is happening.

Cjaylyle · 2023-05-24T21:07:23+00:00

As a flawed guy with my own issues I acknowledge that I need to work on, but lots of experience in casual and serious relationships, fellas, I’m telling you. - Be careful what you wish for. Relationships are NOT the finish line and they are not the happy ever after end of your story you hope it will be when you finally reach it.

The best way for me to articulate my point is by outlining my OWN PERSONAL issues I’ve had in relationships. And I foreword this by fully acknowledging that some of these things are problems on my end I need to work on.

So, problems I’ve faced during relationships that have contributed to most of the time me being the one to end them.

I don’t text enough during the day, resulting in arguments about not providing enough attention, and even worse I don’t apologise or justify it - I genuinely think adults in their late 20’s/ early 30’s shouldn’t have to text multiple times a day.

Having to justify my entire dating history and any communication with any female that ever happens. Female friend or colleague pops up on a message or likes a story or anything on instagram? Multiple girls have sulked or interrogated me on this, despite having similar communication with male friends or colleagues or even ex’s (who are suicidal so THATS ok, or there’s some other reason that justifies it or makes it different) and once again, I don’t apologise or succumb to this, despite it making me feel a bit anxious over ANYTHING that happens on my phone - which leads to another problem.

Multiple times I’ve had women comment on how I HANDLE my phone. Oh, I put it screen down or moved it away when they tried to look etc etc. Suddenly I had to be very conscious of how I placed and held my phone, so I didn’t look like I was hiding anything, whilst being anxious over a female contact liking a picture or something which would result in an argument.

Not doing a very menial thing and being nagged on it. I once didn’t pick up a girls shirt for her when we went for a pick nick in the park as we were packing up. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I wasn’t being lazy or ignorant, I just MISSED the shirt and she had a go at me about it. Now I would never even dare to start an argument with a girl because they didn’t pick my t shirt up for me.

I’d simply pick up my own t shirt, like, whatever. I don’t keep track of random things my partners aren’t doing for me, I’m a grown adult who has lived alone for 10 years, I am used to doing stuff for myself. But multiple times women have made a big deal out of little things like this - and I’ve turned around and said “you will not do this again or I will leave”

I’ve had women cry after sex, for seemingly no reason, or because I haven’t cuddled them enough or whatever. Now it’s not like I’ve tossed them aside, the level of attention required has been as varied as it has been unpredictable of which is required to prevent the minor emotional breakdowns (this KILLS the vibe and my ability to get turned on with a woman, as how can I enjoy sex when they may burst out into tears after?)

They’ll get moody with you over random stuff too. They will also do everything that they call you out on and you cannot apply the same standard or you’re called controlling - imagine me trying to micromanage my woman’s every male interaction that happens on her phone? Quite rightly I’d be called a psycho.

Anyway, I end up leaving. I’ve not had many relationships lasting over a year. It gets to a point where I look at the girl and think “you’re literally not worth this headache and I will get another girl eventually” - (and I always wonder why they think I will put up with their difficulty, it has always seemed to catch them by surprise when I leave the relationship)

Now I have no doubt half the issue is me. Maybe I need to simply have no female contacts, maybe I need to be absolutely ON every last little “act of service” like picking up after them all the time etc, maybe I need to text more or whatever, I don’t know, but personally I always end up wanting to be single and alone again. I’m open to the idea that I just don’t suit relationships.

But my point is fellas. Be careful what you wish for. You finally snag the girl next door, great. But it’s not the end and it’s not plain sailing. You will argue, she will make things difficult for you sometimes and you will either need to decide that she’s not worth it or you will fundamentally need to change who you are for her. So don’t idealise relationships just because you haven’t had one yet.

kvakerok · 2023-05-24T22:51:02+00:00

Let's rephrase that. Average women have a hard time getting above average men to commit.

A very quick back of napkin math shows us that it's due to the simple fact that literally every other average woman in vicinity is targeting the exact same small group of above average men.

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zenstorm78 · 2023-05-25T01:52:39+00:00

As a man, I am an old-fashioned romantic and would fall in love faster than the average man, maybe because I lived under a rock my entire life and never fell into the mainstream culture of dating and sex. I live by my own rules, and my feelings work differently. The thought of getting a commitment from a woman excites me. Honestly I believe dating discussions should not be man vs women but about issues with modern dating norms and culture.

YtBlue · 2023-05-24T20:47:45+00:00

Men do. As soon as you get one your going to want another. Your just clouded by your lack of, but men in general don't want to commit. Only when he has a value does he want to commit

VehementlyDrawn · 2023-05-24T21:29:46+00:00

Of course women don't have a hard time getting commitment eventually.

That's minimizing the years of getting played by the guys she actually wants until she settles for some chump. I thought women on here argued with nuance?

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-05-24T21:51:55+00:00

The 363874727 weekly threads on the dating subs from women megacoping about how they get pumped and dumped tells me that at the very least, commitment is on women's minds way before men's.

But I just discovered the recipe for warm water by telling you this. We all know that's exactly how it is.

masterdebater70 · 2023-05-24T21:49:45+00:00

The higher value he is, relative to her, the less likely he will be to commit.

High-value men have a pool of women they will "play with" and a whole other tier of women they consider to have adequate mate value.

The women who are high-value men's playthings will certainly believe they have a shot at a relationship.

Or maybe the chance of being impregnated by him (and the primordial thrill of that experience) is enough.

Yeah, I think that's what it is. Because whether she consciously aware or just subconsciously aware of it... she knows on some level when her giving up "easy sex" isn't going to land her "that guy".

But, as stated in this very sub, she knows if she doesn't hop into bed with him ASAP he'll be on to another attractive woman who's simply not going to make him wait or jump through any hoops.

No_Cricket_2824 · 2023-05-24T20:42:02+00:00

This is funny

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-05-24T21:18:56+00:00

my experience

Is the norm. TRP is the exception. So even within that extreme minority, you’re going to have extremes. Like the fact that women if given the choice, would likely commit to a man who’s more attractive, than not. Peter Dinklage, and Chris Hemsworth have differing sized dating markets. Or that marriage is a huge financial, and emotional investment. Fraught with risk. So before investing, a man must ensure it’s a risk, he can afford to take. Both viewpoints aren’t mutually exclusive, yet are both valid.

It’s simply a matter of perspective. It’s important to keep it.

Godspeed and good luck!

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DumbWordsmith · 2023-05-24T21:25:29+00:00

To a great extent, that applied to me in my late teens and early 20s, back when I lacked experience with long-term relationships. However, even then, I wouldn't have been eager to deal with the majority; instead, it was maybe like 30-50%.

Now that I'm in my 30s—hell no. I don't have any interest in dealing with endless baggage, demands, and potential chaos every day, and my rose-tinted view of "love" and relationships has long faded. I'm much more pragmatic now, and I know what I have to deal with if I choose to sign up for commitment.

ashleyrose56 · 2023-05-24T22:04:44+00:00

That has been my experience too. I have never been "pumped and dumped". I simply can't relate to all of these women complaining men don't want to commit.

At the same time, being optionless and settling for a relationship for the consistent sex it's really not the same as committing. I only count as committing if said man is crazy in love with you.

2023-05-24T23:11:10+00:00

Then go after women that are 35+?

begayallday · 2023-05-24T23:35:59+00:00

I have had a couple of relationships end because i wanted to get married and he didn’t. What are you basing your views on?

eye_of_gnon · 2023-05-24T23:50:50+00:00

Do red pillers really say that? I've never heard it

Safinated · 2023-05-25T01:01:15+00:00

Maybe committing at the level they want, which may not be the level that their partners do. As evidenced by the divorce rate

slazengerx · 2023-05-25T01:17:13+00:00

I'm willing to commit. For a few years or maybe even more. It's actually my preference. But it's highly unlikely I'd marry again. (Anything's possible but...) I'm up front about it. I don't want to be Mr Right or Mr Right Now... somewhere in between is preferable. But that's just me.

Easy-Awareness-8283 · 2023-05-25T06:32:25+00:00

So I feel like I was an 8ish at 19-20 with my looks, social standing at university, personality etc. But my lack of confidence didn’t allow me to see my own worth and I would get into long term committed relationship because I was just grateful to have someone (especially my ex who was 10/10 runway model turned escort - unbeknownst to me for a while).

Now I’m 40kg heavier, scraggly facial hair and don’t wear anything near as fashionable as I did back in the day, maximum 5.5-6/10 and I’m having a way better time casually dating a few girls. I’m way happier having options and having people ‘working’ for me instead of me having to give 100% to please a complacent partner with moderate-high expectations but getting not much in return.

I still get all the benefits of a relationship in aggregate (texts/deep chats every day or most days, cute dates, sex, feeling cared for AND desired sexually, making plans for future trips etc) but I get to set my own terms more so than before, get more personal space, have less to no expectations placed upon me. It’s just so much better emotionally and psychologically getting your needs satisfied via multiple sources than a committed relationship. The only downside is losing the benefit of having a financially equal or superior partner to reach financial/life goals far quicker/easier with like buying a home.

Chao-Z · 2023-05-25T09:37:47+00:00

It's really not that complicated. The more options a man has (or thinks he has), the higher his standards are gonna be for commitment.

Title	CMV: Men have no issue committing to the vast majority of relationships if given the option.
Author	Laniekea
Upvotes	57
Comments	67
Date	May 24, 2023 7:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13qvz13/cmv_men_have_no_issue_committing_to_the_vast/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-men-have-no-issue-committing-to-the-vast.1220225 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220225

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