What was the hardest thing for you to deal with in the divorce process?

WillyT_21 · 2023-07-29T23:55:15+00:00

For me it was that I'll never fully trust again. Maybe I'll be at 99.9%. I'll never 100% trust again. There will always be a check there.

It's the worst part for me. Because prior to being cheated on and divorce the ONE person I gave that to ruined it.

xosto · 2023-07-30T00:11:13+00:00

Losing half the time I had with my kids

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-07-30T00:57:27+00:00

Just the realization that one day we were all one happy family. Then the next im sitting in a empty house eating canned chili and drinking a Heineken while my dog lick my leg begging for some scraps.

lba2023 · 2023-07-30T06:02:29+00:00

The personality change almost over night

Realising no one gives a fk about men

Being shafted financially

Having everything I’ve ever worked hard for taken away cos she wasn’t ‘happy’

Making me feel less of a man (I know, I know)

Never be able to trust fully again

Realising everything I did was never good enough and never would be

Etc etc

BUT…….. a few years later I’m in a much better place and almost happy and got thru it, no women no cry!! How true is that!!

captainchippsixx · 2023-07-30T00:41:22+00:00

Paying for 2 households still after 5 years! Get a a real paid full time job!

Theedon · 2023-07-30T03:45:47+00:00

I wasn't happy with having to be angry with her. Not just upset but pissed off and she was ok and moving on. We tried the separation under the same roof for the kids but that failed.

Guys if she asks for a separation just say NO and list the house for sale in the morning. Separate the bank accounts. Take the 1st offer on the house. Make her move out.

Paradiseplunge · 2023-07-30T01:51:23+00:00

The psycho they become

These_Row6066 · 2023-07-30T00:03:51+00:00

Actually leaving and filling. I can't take that step.

SwordfishBig7385 · 2023-07-30T05:17:45+00:00

getting your stbxf to realize its over- but it doesn't matter. If you think it is the best for you, you are getting divorced no ifs ands or buts. If you are on the fence, and the only thing holding you back is her feelings- FUCK THAT. It happens, you're human, you feel bad, but bottom line is your well being. If you think it is best for you, do not hesitate. The longer you wait, depreciation on your own wellness will set in and you will regret not doing it. Whatever has happened, if you know it is over for you, end it brother. <3

Gattsama · 2023-07-30T10:42:17+00:00

The uncertainty. In my case together for 17 years, married 12 years, no kids, she didn't work, in a community property state, I filed. The entire thing should have been over after the state mandatory 90 day waiting period. I offered her 50/50 of all assets/debts + the max spousal support + a bunch of freebies (help with moving, keep all the art work / jewelry, etc). But she lawyer-ed up and then proceed to drag everything out wasting huge amounts of money in the process. The not knowing was the worst, because I already knew how this ended. The rest was just wasting time and money. I was court ordered to pay temporary support, and imputed based on all the extra shifts I had been working. So I had to keep working extra to cover my court ordered support and pay for myself.

She changed attorneys in the middle, cancelled mediation twice, her side never made an offer and ignored every offer we sent over. Her actions ended up wasted nearly $400k in potential wealth 🤷‍♂️ I don't understand it, but on the plus side it more clearly showed who she is and helped me over come my guilt (the 2nd biggest / hardest) part of the divorce.

20Jdawg00 · 2023-07-30T01:57:52+00:00

Well so far it was being a kid during it. Totally different perspective. Lost my dad to suicide. You can read about it through my eyes on my page. 🙏🤞

cesar_cesar_ · 2023-07-30T01:58:36+00:00

In my case divorce broke me and my ex turned the kids against me. It was hard and still recovering from both these two. Sometimes you never do.

RandomBridges · 2023-07-30T05:15:41+00:00

Uncertainty. I thought I knew what to expect and I thought I knew what would make sense to everyone. But every time I heard from my lawyer, it was outrageous, nonsense. Each time I thought we were close to wrapping it up, something absurd would happen. I thought it would take a couple months. It took 12.

I want everyone to know that it can work out for you. Despite all of this, we avoided court, and she got exactly what she would have gotten if we had done this quickly, which is also what she would have gotten from a reasonable judge. It just took time and a cumulative $25K in attorneys fees for her to accept that.

A barging by my standards.

Datharion · 2023-07-30T06:35:41+00:00

I am still going through it. The simple answer is the time it is taking for her to do anything. She left, she filed for divorce, I responded, turned all my papers in, sat here waiting, updated my papers, still waiting, she isn’t doing anything. I cant afford a lawyer. she filed in October. Its still pending with no hearings. I gave her my financials she hasn’t given me hers I separated our property she didn’t do anything I basically feel like I, who didn’t want the divorce but sure as fuck do now after having had her gone since may 2022, have been doing all the stuff and at this point I don’t know what else I can do. Its frustrating because I just met someone else and at least I told them I was divorced but its still pending and I am dreading it taking even longer.

DocHolliday80 · 2023-07-30T11:02:57+00:00

Loneliness (after the peace feeling when she left waned).

Trying to date again to worst results than being alone.

hpsportsfanatic · 2023-07-30T02:35:45+00:00

Idk if hardest but most angriest. It had been numerous months since the convo. She was in school so we agreed to let her stay in the guest room till she finished her last year. I had covered all the bills since day one because she started her own business then decided to go back to school. I had moved on, I can’t fault anyone for not wanting to be with me. They think they can find more happiness elsewhere so be it. 3.5 billion other fish in the sea. Well I stay away one night and wake up to camera alerts of her bringing a guy back to the house. We had one rule - not while under the same roof could we bring someone back. Needless to say after a convo that day she moved out

kungraco · 2023-07-30T03:32:13+00:00

Facing my own personal failures.

jimsmythee · 2023-07-30T05:46:29+00:00

For me? It was the waiting, and in the grand scheme of things? From “day she got served her divorce papers” to “divorce decree in hand” was only 7 months. And we went to trial.

The hardest part was the two months of waiting after the trial, until the judge made her ruling. And when it finally came, and I won big time? It was amazing.

HerbEverstanks · 2023-07-30T07:57:53+00:00

Going through 3 judges, having her fire her lawyer twice just before a trial (no laws against having unlimited # of lawyers), having 3 "pre trial" conferences, having to pay her lawyer to fight against me, paying well above statutory guidelines, not having and end to the payment date, having her cheat while saying she was raped, her not having a job, having her lie to the court and its ok, having her be in the top 10% of income earners and not paying taxes on it thanks to the 2017 "tax cut", the list goes on. Thankfully, there are no children. Ill probably lose over 500k. My wallet hurts.

acg34 · 2023-07-30T13:18:45+00:00

Crappy lawyers. First one was terrible. I honestly felt she didn’t like men. Told me I’d lose my house and that I could move to Florida, like her ex husband, where it’s cheaper. Second one could care less about my case. Never gave me any helpful advice and gave me documents to review that had wrong names and dates in them.

ramad84 · 2023-07-30T22:52:22+00:00

coming to terms with the financial costs which can be endless and ongoing for many years and are totally out of your control

sixtysixpixistix · 2023-07-30T03:53:48+00:00

I still love my wife.

007--Chill · 2023-07-31T01:54:21+00:00

Bull shit paperwork takes to fk long

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2023-08-01T04:13:32+00:00

9 years out.

The hardest part was sleeping on the couch, followed by months in the basement on a twin mattress. This sucked ass at 6’4”.

The next culture shock was the apartment. It was the only place in town, but it would serve its purpose.

onthisthing_ · 2023-08-01T05:33:31+00:00

Women and lawyers.

Title	What was the hardest thing for you to deal with in the divorce process?
Author	WillyT_21
Upvotes	10
Comments	58
Date	July 29, 2023 11:53 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15d6pu5/what_was_the_hardest_thing_for_you_to_deal_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-was-the-hardest-thing-for-you-to-deal-with-in.1226873 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226873

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