Guys talk about being judged for being virgins but how do women know?

pop442 · 2023-11-06T19:03:31+00:00

People in the 20th century also couldn't tell if a man was gay or not just by looking at him. Hell, nobody thought Rock Hudson was gay until it was revealed.

But it was still really polarizing for men to come out the closet during that timeframe. Even people who claimed that they supported gay rights back then would've looked at a man that they thought was straight differently if he just outright confessed to being gay and having a boyfriend.

With male virginity, it's not so much that the men are walking around announcing it to everybody. Quite the opposite. Male virgins are aware of how harsh the judgement comes with being a male virgin past a certain age(usually past 25). Certain people will look at them differently even if they have positive intentions.

Once it's revealed or exposed that a man has no sexual or dating experience and he can't fall back on religion as an excuse, people start viewing him differently. In particular, women will view him differently because of how much social proof and experience matters to the average woman. Even wholesome and body positive women will see the average adult male virgin as "just a friend" but not an intimate partner.

Also, with the current trend of people calling everybody they dislike or someone with sexist views an "incel", it makes it even more stigmatized to be seen as a virgin because now people are associating sexlessness with misogyny more than ever before.

Men ARE judged for being virgins past a certain age. That doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be automatically treated like crap or disrespected. It just means that they'll generally be seen differently than a man with experience just like how straight men and gay men are generally viewed differently despite how progressive we gotten over the years.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-11-06T19:04:24+00:00

Some of you people blow my mind just like the ones who say "how would you know her n count is high?"

Have y'all ever been in a relationship? People are going to talk about exes and ask about yours it happens every. single. time.

wecovetwhatwesee · 2023-11-07T17:19:09+00:00

They don't need to know. Shaming is trial-by-fire mob social justice.

If they think you're not attractive, they call you virgin.

If you claim you're just not interested, they say you're a homosexual.

If you're more confident than you should be given your status, you're creepy.

Blue Pill society are a-holes generally, and need to fit people into their little boxes so that their feelings align with reality.

But, there are reasons for this social policing that are actually important.

Assholes are necessary.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-11-06T17:11:38+00:00

They’re being honest with relevant information to a relationship so their potential partners can have informed consent?

Such ethics is probably why they are virgins

WilliamWyattD · 2023-11-06T20:37:32+00:00

I think that if a guy lacks sexual experience, it makes women look at him more closely to try to figure out why. If it wasn't by choice, then women might see those flaws earlier than if they did not know he lacks experience. But they probably see those flaws eventually anyways.

If a guy is a virgin by choice, and could have gotten laid a lot, women will usually not mind or even find it attractive. But they will try to estimate whether he can become good at sex in relatively short order. They do not want to teach him for long, so they may look closely at how he moves or dances to see if he is in touch with his physical side. Or look for clues in his behavior as to whether he can quickly become dominant in the bedroom.

In the end, it really ends up being about the qualities women look for in a guy, whether he is experienced or not. It is true that a guy lacking those qualities from childhood on gets into a negative feedback loop where getting the experience needed to help turn things around gets harder, while the guys with attractive qualities get the experience to further improve their attractiveness. Life is definitely not fair.

ArtifactFan65 · 2023-11-07T03:04:00+00:00

Women usually ask men about their past relationships during a date

platinirisms · 2023-11-06T17:28:46+00:00

They’re being honest. No one is outright advertising it, but it’s a normal answer to an otherwise normal question.

“How long you been single for?”, “How old was you when you had your first kiss/date/girlfriend etc?”.

You play party games like “Never have I ever” or “truth or dare” and people ask those questions there.

People know you for years and realise you almost never talk about dates, girlfriend, ex’s, or take part in any topic related to dating or sex, and just realise it’s because you have no experience on the subject.

Or someone who does know tells the people who don’t know and the rumor about you just spreads. Women will tell other women that he/she is a virgin.

There’s tons of ways people can find out

Independent-Mail-227 · 2023-11-06T17:41:18+00:00

They don't need to know, if for wathever reason they assume it they'll react in the same way.

Your mistake is thinking that certainty is needed in order for the reaction to happen.

lemons7472 · 2023-11-07T02:01:09+00:00

Sometimes it’s accusing or insulting men as virgins to shame them rather than her actually knowing. You don’t wanna hang out with a lady? Must be a virgin, or gay. Don’t agree with a woman about anything or about how some women may treat you? You’ll get called an incel as an insult even over small stuff, as I see a lot of women insult people like that, which the term does relate to your inability to have sex and a relationship with women.

I think some women shame men a lot for stuff like that without even realizing it’s wrong because they are too wrapped up in their high morals and double standards. I’ve even seen women on the internet say that lonely men deserve to be lonely because those women think that those lonely men must’ve done something wrong or most be awful people to women if they are lonely, not realizing that they are just shaming men for not being valuable enough to women for sex or a relationship.

Spyro7x3 · 2023-11-06T18:15:03+00:00

Generally when you talk to someone for more than 5 hours a week you talk about many topics, right? I never try to initiate talks related to sex or relationships but when you are the only one in a group of friends or classmates who spend a lot of time seeing each other regularly and your crush is part of it You can see why someone would ask why you never actively talk about it or better yet, they ask you.

Literally a month ago I had a conversation like this at my office job because there was someone who asumed that I was killing it in dating and asked about it.

Normal people in groups of friends or at work sooner or later talk about dating and I generally hate lying because I hate having to meet other people's expectations for things I haven't done. Maybe on casual dates where people use Tinder they don't ask that but when you spend hours talking to someone yes, sooner or later the topic of what your dating life has been like comes up.

Being introverted and having nerdy hobbies doesn't help make questions less common either XD

uselessloner123 · 2023-11-06T17:22:09+00:00

Past sexual history is one of the most important things to be honest on.

obviousredflag · 2023-11-06T17:25:56+00:00

Maybe this is a young generation thing. I was recently in a club, talking to two 19-20yo girls, when two guys about their age crashed the scene and tried to flirt and clown around to impress the girls. I started talking to the guys and one of them answered an unrelated question with blurting out that he is a virgin, which everyone else reacted to by trying to ignore that cringy behavior. He went on to ask the girls if they are virgins, which made them visibly uncomfortable. He kept on being inappropriate by suggesting that i (being a lot older) could teach them all about sex, going on to "perform" dry sexual acts in front of them. When the guys finally let go and left, the women sighed and rolled their eyes. And i can only imagine how the "virgin" went back to his guy friends or reddit, to post how girls hate virgins and go for older guys. Btw no, i was too old for the girls and they were not interested in me but in guys their age.

My point: it's a self fulfilling prophecy to have this mindset of women hating virgins and acting like it's true, wanting to expose that in women. The guys were attractive and if they wouldn't have been such unbearable Andrew-Tate-consuming (speculative) clowns, i would have thought they could have landed with the girls.

harmonica2 · 2023-11-06T19:10:55+00:00

Ok let's say a guy doesn't tell a woman he was beforehand but then tells her later. She asks him why he didn't tell her beforehand and his answer was he just didn't think it was a big deal or relevant. How would she react?

BillyPilgrim75 · 2023-11-06T19:24:06+00:00

It's likely that men who are virgins hear women comment about virgins generally, and apply those comments to themselves. That's not totally silly, but he has two better options than feeling bad for or about himself upon hearing those comments. He can determine that someone making those judgments with no context is an asshat, or he can look at contextual, nuanced judgments and determine if the nuanced take applies to him.

So as an example if a woman thinks that a virgin man is a relationship risk because he's insecure, he can note that he's not insecure and his virginity happened for other reasons. Or it can motivate him to work on his insecurities if he is.

And for whatever reason, if he's ashamed of his virginity he should work on that. Even if he's remained a virgin til X age for reasons that most people think are negative traits in him, fuck those people, pun intended. Recognize that those reasons might be obstacles if you want to be sexually active, but don't accept people's evaluation of traits you possess as valid pronouncements about you. Clear your head and change the traits if you can, or own them if you can't change them.

macone235 · 2023-11-06T20:24:30+00:00

I think most women assume they aren't past a certain age even if it is obvious that they probably are.

Women tend to assume all men are sex starved, and can just easily have sex if they want to.

Pyroblasts · 2023-11-07T04:00:48+00:00

Lol.

desire-us · 2023-11-06T21:11:17+00:00

I don’t think women discriminate against virgins, I think they discriminate against a lack of confidence. Whenever you’re in a situation you’re not used(in this case romance), you second guess yourself and walk on eggshells. That’s not an attractive energy.

Women may not be able to confirm you’re a virgin but they can confirm that you’re uncomfortable around women, which is basically the same thing.

CountMandrake · 2023-11-06T23:27:03+00:00

I can tell a virgin dude by a fucking mile. I would guess women can sense it too. You know, it's the "vibe" or something like that.

It's like if I told you...

"Spot the man in the room"

https://ibb.co/9VL5z7B

It's not about height, looks, money or status. It's all about confidence, assertivenes, presence, demeanour.

Some men have it, some men don't. And for some reasson virgin dudes tend to exagerate this "aura" of fear and inexperience that does not help them at all.

People just know. People can sense it.

Sorry for the virgin (non religious) dudes out there, but yeah we all can see it.

And women don't like it.

It is what it is.

Hell, this is funny but I own a few clothes shops, not too long ago we had to dress for a wedding in my family so I took my nephews and younger cousins to the store to grab some clothes.

Well, we get there and I tell the guys and girls to pick some clothes, and I helped one of my nephews and one of my cousins with the style.

So, my nephew is 18 years old and a fucking manwhore, my cousin is 20 and a damn virgin.

You won't believe me, but I picked the SAME FUCKING CLOTHES for them, and my nephew came out from the locker looking just... Different.

I don't know what my cousing did with his outfit. Hell, he's taller and more good looking than my nephew, but he looked like a fucking dork.

The clothes didn't fit them equally, kid you fucking not, and we even tried with different clothes three times, same fucking result.

My nephew has "swag" or something, I don't know if there is a word for that in english, but it's the demeanour or something.

GodspeedHarmonica · 2023-11-06T22:01:59+00:00

There is no difference between men and women on this point. Lack of intimate experience is very easy to spot for a person with experience and some social skills.

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Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-11-07T00:11:24+00:00

Watching them walking down the street? Hard to tell.

Going on a date with them? Pretty easy to tell.

AhoBaka1990 · 2023-11-07T04:53:31+00:00

They don't and can't.

SyrusDrake · 2023-11-07T12:16:09+00:00

People always miss how inexperienced you can be. Just fake it, just don't tell them, you'll figure it out, just tell them it has been a while.

I always like a culinary analogy, because cooking is something I actually do know how to do. If you over-season the pasta sauce or if the pizza crust is still a bit dough-y inside, or you are a bit clumsy peeling the potatoes, I'm just going to assume you haven't had any practice (for a while) or maybe even just have different preferences. But if you try to boil pasta in a frying pan or try to use a filleting knife to peel potatoes or use sugar instead of salt, I'm probably eventually going to catch on that this might be your first time in the kitchen, even if you don't tell me. And, more importantly, if I need a kitchen assistant, I would prefer someone who at least knows the very basics.

mods_have_small_ween · 2023-11-07T21:26:31+00:00

Former incel.

Every time women would ask about past relationships. I was open and honest the first few times. But immediately I got the cold shoulder, the woman would slowly back away, and then eventually break up or ghost me.

I ended up lying and it just made everything easier. I had already spent hundreds of hours learning about sex in all aspects. From how to touch a woman, how to arouse them, how to perform in all sexual aspects from positions to cunnilingus to how to thrust to how to use my tounge.

So when I lied I got into bed with a girl on the second date and was able to get her off and get her off I did. She wanted MORE. But then she eventually found out I didn't really understand ratchet straps (big oops) and the ghosting happened. She also didnt want to enter a committed relationship (feminist boss babe vibes) so didn't like that I set boundaries :shrug:.

Second partner I now had experience, and I was able to leave her absolutely breathless every single time. For all her "i cannot orgasm from penetration", she orgasms from penetration. Because I did my homework and know how to hit the right spots in the right way.

The fact is that being a virgin is a red flag. Women will leave you if you are a virgin. So you have to lie. Its the shitty truth. I had several women reject me for being a virgin. Its cruel, but its whatever. They missed out on the breathtaking orgasms that I can give time and time again because I know EVERYTHING about female anatomy and female arousal and everything about male anatomy and male arousal (for instance reverse kegels to reduce arousal and to stop from ejaculating).

Lie, and do your research before hand, and learn kegels and reverse kegels and practice them. Women care a lot about sex. They want good sex. Virgins cannot give that to them so they go elsewhere. Well, they can, if they do their homework. Good luck incels :)

Its probably a combination of body language and inability to detect signals of attraction. The first girl I dated spotted it pretty quickly and moved on. She would initiate touch and I just didn't know to escalate or where to touch or how to hold her. It was simple things like not knowing where to put my body to cuddle. Sweating while holding her hand. Etc.

FatefulMender89 · 2023-11-07T21:57:28+00:00

They don’t know. It was not suspected the first time I had sex and I was already in my 20s so if there was any awkwardness it would’ve been pointed out

safestuff987 · 2023-11-07T22:36:17+00:00

It's not that people know right off the bat, it's that the truth will come out sooner or later.

When you get to know someone more closely, there are some clues that they might be a virgin. A couple of examples:

They get noticeably quiet when the sex conversations happen, or they might talk about it in a way that gives off the vibe they have no idea what they're talking about
When escalating intimately with someone into "unknown territory", the person starts to fumble

Even if those clues aren't picked up on, if a virgin guy is dating a girl then if he asks if he's a virgin, lying probably won't help since if they have sex it will become immediately obvious.

Speaking from my personal experience from when I was a virgin, many women aren't the biggest fans of having to "play teacher" or deal with other things that might come with the territory of dating a virgin guy.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-11-08T01:42:33+00:00

In high school settings, folks figure it out by just asking around. It’s not that easy to keep secrets in that kind of environment. So if you’ve gone to the same school and grown up with the same folks, they’re likely gonna know.

Title	Guys talk about being judged for being virgins but how do women know?
Author	harmonica2
Upvotes	29
Comments	132
Date	November 6, 2023 5:02 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17p7dtw/guys_talk_about_being_judged_for_being_virgins/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/guys-talk-about-being-judged-for-being-virgins-but.1237455 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237455

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