How the hell do people do this

EducationalMeeting95 · 2022-09-04T04:46:29+00:00

So here's the thing.

Being a guy and waiting for girls to approach you is like banging your head against a concrete wall and wondering why won't the wall break.

As a man, you take the initiative. That's what masculinity is.

You need to understand how gender dynamics work

That'll clear a lot of things in your head.

So don't feel bad as it's just an experience. Learn from it and improve.

I didn't have my first kiss until age 24.

So everyone is on their own pace.

Top_Client9752 · 2022-09-04T11:50:33+00:00

OP, don’t be so hard on yourself. There are guys much older than you with successful careers, in good shape, who are also in the same boat. How are you supposed to learn this stuff? We don’t learn it at school, and those with natural abilities (perhaps your brother) are seldom capable of spelling it out to those of us who need help.

Here’s the deal though: being old enough to shave doesn’t automatically make you a man in the eyes of women. You need to build your confidence and cultivate your sense of masculinity if you want women to notice you. Right now your self doubt is undermining your goal.

If you want some tips: * Do something that scares you every day, or at least every week * Learn how to carry yourself with confidence * Learn a martial art - men who know how to handle themselves physically carry themselves differently from others * Develop social competence - this means interacting with lots of people, not just those you find attractive * Check your styling - you need to look sharp enough to justify someone giving you some attention, plus when you look sharp you feel confident

If you need more detailed guidance, I’ve shared some “how to” guides here: https://bedbarsbeyond.substack.com/p/cultivating-attractive-qualities

HomeschoolProm · 2022-09-04T07:00:49+00:00

It's very unlikely that you will be directly approached by any girl. She can just wait a bit more if you are indecisive, and she will be approached by some other guy.

But I guess your main problem is that you didn't really pay any effort to be attractive for females. Dating scene bar is getting higher and higher and you got just out of the main stream because you didn't care about rising your attraction level. I would suggest for the start to take care of your appearance (exercise, clothes, hairstyle, hygiene, perfume), read some basic articles about women's true nature and seize any opportunities you have to talk to girls in your social circumstances. It will take same time, you will not get female attention just by accident.

Initial-Laugh1442 · 2022-09-04T07:04:26+00:00

Attractive men get approached. Unattractive men have to do the work. Simples.

Mundane_Natural5131 · 2022-09-04T06:16:46+00:00

Thats like wondering how the hell do people ride bikes but you dont even try to get on a bike to learn Slow steps with training wheels first falling a couple times getting back up and trying again into you succeed and it becomes second nature later till your riding with no handle bars you got to try bro stop being a wuss your own brain is tricking you into keeping you in your confort zone like oh they dont want you bro dont do it youre going to emberass and make a fool of yourself fuck your brain it is your own worst enemy challenge your own mind take control of it dont let it take control of you

Domin8u315 · 2022-09-04T12:11:32+00:00

If you’re brother doesn’t have an issue and you have a good sibling relationship with him, why not ask his advice?

TaKaZT · 2022-09-04T09:59:14+00:00

Oh damn, so you're 20, a virgin who knows it all, and reject every advice anyone here gives you because you know better. Why would any woman want to date you? Would you date you? Your answer is no. You're freaking 20, you have a life ahead of you, of course nobody would date you, because you lack confidence and self-esteem. You're a MAN, you're supposed to be an alpha, to take action. You're going to start by giving me the genZ bullshit explaination that we're not in the 2000's anymore, you were barely born then, you know nothing. All the poeple who give the "attractive and rich" excuse are pussies, end of story. You said your brother's successful, use that. Go with your brother, stay around him more, watch him.

2022-09-04T12:47:53+00:00

You stupid, ask your brother to give you the game, put your pride aside

SoccerFan1417 · 2022-09-04T16:08:53+00:00

My best advice is to always look confident, relaxed and don't chase girls. Girls can tell when a guy is needy and thats a turn off for them, don't simp for girls either. I know approaching girls in a bar or disco is intimidating, so try other places, for example I used to approach girls in diferent clubs I joined in vacations.

This is also very important, take care of your looks. I'm not saying you should be ripped and look like a model, but always look clean, well dressed and smell nice.

You'll do fine. Cheers

kindles12 · 2022-09-04T20:00:29+00:00

Female here throwing in my 2 cents…

I don’t agree with most of the answers you’ve received so far…

People telling you to up your game in the gym, dress sharper, and that average looking guys have to put more work in…

There are different elements to this…

If the girls you are going for are completely shallow, superficial and just want a background hunk to post on their social media then by all means concentrate on hitting the gym, perfecting your blue steel pose and end up spending a longer time in the bathroom than a girl would to get ready for a night out..

If what you’re looking for is to meet a girl you’re attracted to on all levels then I would focus more on coming out of your shell… make her laugh, be silly and have the ability to laugh at yourself, be real, but most importantly… let her know you like her in a non cocky way and be straight..

Most girls I know are turned off by guys who are so into their looks they haven’t left themselves time to have a personality or a sense of humour.. this is the most attractive thing in a man, that he’s at ease with himself and knows who he is without being full of shit or trying to play games

Wonderful_Try_977 · 2022-09-04T09:45:23+00:00

First off, you need to chill out. Guys here are so guilty of making this minor problem a really big one. All you are doing is getting with girls, it's supposed to be relaxed and natural.

Two things which you are putting a massive barrier in front of by being so negative about your situation.

So, what do you want us to say? that you can do this magic trick and women will come chasing you? unfortunately no.

Women respect boldness and confidence, it's on you to initiate things and make things happen. It's also on you to learn what you need to do, to make the mistakes and learn.

We can't do it for you...

Sawt0othGrin · 2022-09-04T16:16:59+00:00

I would address fashion and fitness. I don't know where you're at here, but making sure that you're out in properly fitting clothes and then losing weight if it's excessive or toning up a bit. You don't have to do anything crazy. Basic grooming, stay on top of your hair cut, things like that. Practice holding good posture and confident stride as you walk, don't be afraid to make eye contact with people as they pass you.

Understand that women generally don't approach men very often but they do give off choosing signals. Strong eye contact, laughing too much at something you said, messing with their hair are all examples of choosing signals. If you get a couple of signals you should attempt an approach. It's going to be nerve wracking but the only way around it is through it.

OkNefariousness9758 · 2022-09-04T16:39:31+00:00

It works either way, you can have girls approach you, or you can approach girls. It's all about how you do it. If you want girls to approach you, you have to look approachable. You can't look like an antisocial person even if you are, because if you look antisocial, you will get people to become antisocial with you. If you look sociable and fun to talk to, people will be more inclined to talk to you.

Now when it comes to talking to girls, you can't be nervous, you can't be scared, and you can't feel uneasy. You must be calm, cool, collective and confident. Why? Because if you're nervous and anxious, the girl you're talking to will be nervous and anxious. She will be uneasy and she will find it to be a weird encounter with you. Therefore she will not want to talk to you again because of the feeling that she had. As opposed to you being calm, cool, confident and collective, she will have a calm cool confident and collective conversation with you. When you're confident calm cool, you feel good, and relaxed. She will remember the fact that you made her feel good and relaxed

Remember, women operate through feelings. They remember you mostly by how you made them feel, not what you said. You can say anything, if you say it in a calm and relaxed manner, with a deep voice, she'll go with the flow.

If you have trouble finding confidence within yourself, that's a problem you have to face by yourself. Go to the gym, meditate, and get to know who you are. There's a difference between talking to yourself and getting to know who you are. Look up videos on YouTube on how to connect with your soul, that is where most of your confidence will come from.

Another way to build confidence on talking to girls, is to talk to women that are either attracted to you or women you are not attracted to. When you talk to women you are not attracted to, you get to say things more clearly and you have less anxiety when you talk to. You can also practice sex that way too. Let's say a girl you're not attracted to rejects you, you won't feel bad, you might even laugh at it. Practice this enough, you'll have no problem talking to beautiful women, and you'll have it easier than your brother

If you have any more questions just send a reply and ask. I'll be happy to answer and help my fellow brothers out

herendzer · 2022-09-04T16:58:38+00:00

You know everyone is not meant to have a significant other or some sort of romantic life. I don’t believe mating, and the way to find a mate, should be a hard thing to do. I believe it should come just as natural as eating or going to the restroom etc… If you don’t have the skills , then you are not meant to be so. I don’t think the act of mating or finding a mate is something you learn. You just need to be born with it. Just forget the whole thing and become productive in other parts of your life that require an effort from you.

ftdrain · 2022-09-04T19:39:01+00:00

20 yold is nothing, you have a lot to learn, take your time, hit the gym, read the relevant books. Young people really have little to no perspective, I always get a laugh when I read desperation such as this coming from 16-25 yolds

MeanYeti · 2022-09-04T04:52:41+00:00

From the perspective of also a 20M with no experience, from what I hear we're in a real trial by fire in this situation. You just have to go out and talk to people. Who? No idea. What do you say? No idea. Is the time commitment even worth it? No idea.

ratotikanidhar · 2022-09-04T10:22:28+00:00

Lol dude. You’re gonna be alone forever 😂🤣

MeanYeti · 2022-09-04T05:01:47+00:00

Try online dating until you gain confidence.

Organic_Armadillo_10 · 2022-09-04T11:16:47+00:00

It took me till 27 to even get a first kiss (although basically had my first everything within 24hrs). And even waiting that long sucked (and unfortunately there hasn't been a whole load since).

I find the dating apps the easiest. I may not get tons of matches, but have at least had a few dates and slight success from those.

Other than that, travelling is the next best option. Everyone is in the same/similar situation, in a new place and not knowing anyone. So going off exploring or for a meal/drink isn't so scary. Maybe travel isn't an option yet, but it's definitely the best way I've found.

34 now and still trying to figure things out (as I'm on the shy/introverted side) so going out partying etc isn't something I do. It's definitely hard and lonely.

ice_man085 · 2022-09-04T11:30:46+00:00

It is hard and simple at the same. You need to go out and be there were the girls are. Then you need to interact/talk with them and hope that some of them are going to like you. It is a long and not easy way but in general it can work.

I never got female attention in my hole life and still managed to get a gf here and there.

I personally think that female attention is overrated and often just misselading. The so called chosing signals did not work out for me at all.

Everytime I asked a girl out because according to this signals she must be into me, I got rejected the hard way. After such stuff happened a few times I started to not give a cr**p about these signals any more.

I had my greatest success with women that were not into me and did not send any signals.

But that is just my personal experience. Maybe women were are you from have more clue what they are doing with their signal language. Here in my European Home country the women are "broken" in that regard. It seems that hey have no clue what are they doing .

CornHuskular · 2022-09-04T13:57:50+00:00

Women won’t hit on a man unless they feel comfortable doing so. If your brother is known to have women approach him, it’s because they feel comfortable. Talk to women, make them feel that way around you. Pay them (genuine) compliments, listen to what they’re saying. If they seem engaged in what you’re saying, laughing at your jokes, ask for her number. If she says no, take it like a man and respect her choice

Keithlct · 2022-09-04T15:31:24+00:00

Read a book by on pick up. Mystery Method

Kundalini-Electric · 2022-09-04T16:44:07+00:00

"Im already way old to not have this kind of experience"

Dude your 20 relax

rhoditine · 2022-09-04T16:45:10+00:00

Go find some activities that you love that are group activities. (Stay out of bars.) Then do them and you will find friends and women to date. Take it slow. Build your confidence in the social activities that you love. Don’t be someone you are not.

zapadz · 2022-09-04T18:39:36+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-jvM3NSs6Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKPqMJTr6wCKl7I5-YrHRxLaslGrpoLsj

grindforthegold · 2022-09-04T18:43:22+00:00

even if you do get dates it’s still freaking hard been on like 7 now in two months and i still haven’t had any luck… close calls but idk i’m getting burned out

ltdan993 · 2022-09-04T18:55:19+00:00

I think a big thing is working on yourself to be attractive as possible, physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally is the cornerstone. When you do that your confidence naturally builds. Also practice talking to random people not just attractive women. Detach yourself from the outcome. Be the best version of you and meet people.

VNF420 · 2022-09-04T21:14:57+00:00

Bro, just get into social situations, learn people's lives, find the good ones and tease them

Beginning-Ad-8041 · 2022-09-04T21:42:49+00:00

Here’s some stuff I’ve learned from cold approach

I recommend practicing these one at a time until you get them down

-solid eye contact with sexual intent, as a general rule of thumb look away right after she does as to not come off too strong

-be flirty

-dominant but willing to walk away as well,

-Able to lead to a place where sex can reasonably happen

-Speak from the diaphragm and lower the ending pitch of your sentence, nice wide loose and relaxed body language overall

-some other behaviors like pre-selection are huge but not usually practical to try and convey in the moment but keep them in mind

That is 80% of game right there

Try to attract her in about 5-15 mins in cold approach, and do the comfort stuff where are you from and what do you do for about an hour after, then try to pull her ie. Find an excuse to take her home

Text game is for setting up dates not attraction

Online game and social circle game is good, but it is passive, cold approach is the best for getting a girl ASAP

ZoeticLark · 2022-09-04T22:26:30+00:00

Im just going to leave this here and see what happens. 👀 (containment in relationships)

https://youtu.be/MJxbiHBpSc4

kingpersnickety · 2022-09-05T01:01:17+00:00

Start talking to them now! Don’t wind up like me

Keezymac34 · 2022-09-05T01:21:25+00:00

You have to dress well, shave and smell good and also wear matching color clothes that are form fitting. Then approach and tell them waht you want politly

warbloggled · 2022-09-05T01:53:33+00:00

pm me, I’ll teach you like it’s math.

Title	How the hell do people do this
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	127
Comments	181
Date	September 4, 2022 4:26 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/x5durq/how_the_hell_do_people_do_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-the-hell-do-people-do-this.1250639 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250639

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