Female journalist challenged to date 60 men in 2 months details 10 mistakes men make on first dates. Thought you guys might find this interesting.

just-jake · 2015-01-20T18:10:55+00:00

A quick and poor interpretation of the article.

Be the leader and have a plan but make us feel we still have a say.
Don't remind us that we're both single.
Always appear confident.
Make us feel special.
Pay attention to us.
Pay attention to us.
We can't keep secrets about ourselves.
Always appear confident.
Makes us feel like we can trust you.
Always appear confident.

The extras:

Be fun and pleasant.
Demonstrate your willingness to financially support us.
Demonstrate your willingness to physically protect us.
After the date, reassure us we were desirable.

EDIT 1: It is interesting to note that she speaks as if she has the authority to decide what is right and wrong on a date. These aren't suggestions, men are being reprimanded for acting wrongly. It doesn't matter if you, as a man, feel rewarded for doing these things. If women don't like something happening on a date, then it's wrong. Women are the arbiters of acceptable dating protocol. Your experience as a man isn't a consideration.

gingeraleandwater · 2015-01-20T19:26:14+00:00

This is a list of shit I don't do.

dooyoufondue · 2015-01-20T22:47:41+00:00

What I gathered is: "put in 100% of the work because this date is for me, not for you". I suddenly became flaccid, I wonder why.

News_Bot · 2015-01-20T18:12:09+00:00

Funny, girls break these all the time with me.

Iamnotlucifer · 2015-01-20T18:38:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cavalierau · 2015-01-20T19:43:57+00:00

Insist on paying - A controversial one, this. We’re always happy to go halves or even to pay for the whole thing BUT if you absolutely insist we’ll assume you’re having deeply loving feelings towards us.

http://youtu.be/SouZwSYJhyo

USTS2011 · 2015-01-21T06:07:02+00:00

And all the guys got to buy this woman dinner and/or drinks just for her little social experiment only to be judged on everything they did while never having a chance to be on an actual date with the girl.

SandbagsSteve · 2015-01-20T19:34:00+00:00

This article screams "I'm a feminist, with the exception of all the portions of equality that don't benefit me" She seems like the exact type of woman I'd never want to date. Also someone should tell her that paying for a date doesn't mean I love you. Especially not on the first date.

rokr1292 · 2015-01-21T06:36:55+00:00

I'm rage-cringing right now. Is there a word for that?

Vaultaire · 2015-01-21T09:47:29+00:00

I would be very intrigued as to how the flip side of this would be.

And if the reactions to whatever advice the male gave the women would be of calm acceptance...

CD_Johanna · 2015-01-21T00:55:20+00:00

Ok guys, here's something I've been unsure of. Should I or should I not text a girl after the date and say, "Hey I had a great time tonight, I would like to take you out again sometime"

I can't tell if that would be beta/needy or not.

IHeartDay9 · 2015-01-21T05:47:03+00:00

Woman here, most of this list is specific to women who are into the modern, supposedly non-sexist version of gender roles. That said, 4-8 aren't especially attractive, and 9&10 are situation/conversation dependent.

This is just my assessment. I'm also a woman who mostly doesn't date men.

FWIW, I'm also not super into "walking me to my cab/bus etc". Why wouldn't I do that for you? That sort of thing depends on how each of us is travelling. If you're taking the bus, and I'm taking a cab, I'll walk you to your bus and wait with you.

Also, insisting on paying means that you might get stuck with the whole bill. I personally get uncomfortable when someone won't let me pay, and usually try to compromise with them (paying the tip,for example). I'm also the sort of girl who would rather pick up the tab than be indebted to someone else for doing so,which may render my input on the subject irrelevant.

DirtyProjector · 2015-01-21T05:09:53+00:00

I don't do any of these things and I'm still single.

smoochie100 · 2015-01-21T08:39:50+00:00

I think she says some really common knowledge things, but they are listed to strict.

don't talk about the ex: you can do this, but don't overdo it. but a funny comment on the ex can show that you are not too serious with yourself and your past.

have a plan/be the leader: yep, that is what all women expect.

put away the phone: common way to show respect for the conversational partner; is not only valid on dates.

But the rest of her text shows a little bit what is wrong about the modern womens' perception of dating. first of all, if a relationship didn't work out, the men she dated are referred to as "scoundrels". come on, if men are derogative to women, they are sexists, but the other way round it's okay?

then she complains about such minor things like admitting being nervous. the standards are so incredibly high, there are so many things that can be done wrong by men that it's getting ridiculous. come on, we are all people with flaws. and as a man I know that women do a lot of things on dates that I dislike too, but I don't get upset about the smallest things. if she starts to like men again as they are with all their flaws and drops that bitchy behavior, she may have more luck on the dating market.

thanks for sharing anyway, was an interesting read nevertheless.

Para_noid__An_droid · 2015-01-21T02:11:43+00:00

Is it just me or is this all pretty basic stuff? Pulling out your phone is just rude with anyone, and asking or talking about exes is an obvious bad topic of conversation on a date. Let alone the first one. I guess some dudes just don't know this.

apopnotasoda · 2015-01-20T17:55:04+00:00

I was out with a girl a few weeks ago, she said #2 is her instant turn off.

reactantt · 2015-01-21T05:38:06+00:00

When I ask a girl out, then ya I'll pay for the dinner. But I make it abundantly clear on the date that I'm an equalitist. I tell them I believe in equal rights for men and women and anytime we go out we pay for our own meal or we take turns paying each other's meal.

UnlimitedFlour · 2015-01-21T16:13:36+00:00

A decent list, but I don't like how she assumes that she's speaking for the entire female gender. Her over-reliance on the pronouns "we" and "us" incorrectly put the message across that all women think alike.

Whilst there are some good tips, everything is incredibly subjective. Some women are perfectly fine talking about their previous dating histories and even ask you first. Some appreciate it when you admit that you're nervous. Others loathe the chauvinistic insistence on paying.

You really just have to use good judgement. This article is an okay guideline, nothing more.

2015-01-21T16:23:54+00:00

it took her 60 dates in 2 months to come up with the same generic bullshit every other online or magazine article say. Oh cmon!

Sulicius · 2015-01-20T20:26:23+00:00

Interesting, really interesting, I went on a date last week and I really did make few mistakes. Personally I'd say I made none.

I had walked through the city the afternoon before to make sure I had found an Irish pub where we could drink Murphy's Irish Red. As soon as I picked her up from the train station I offered her a few choices dependant on how far she wanted to walk, since her shoes were wet.
I can't imagine asking this to anyone, but now that I think of it, many have asked it to me.
I guess I didn't admit I was nervous, but it's fine admitting you're not sure about something. For instance, The pub seemed to be full and we had to sit at the bar. While the spot seemed occupied, I told here we could sit there. Of course we moved because she didn't seem to be comfortable there, neither was I. I admitted I liked it more sitting at a table, that's normal, right?
I don't get this. If you go on a date with a girl, you care. I think it's stupid to hide your interest and act that way. It did help that she's a really interesting person.
I only grabbed my phone when she went to the bathroom and to check how late we should go back so she could catch her train. No playing, why would you? I think a guy can't be interested in a girl if something like a phone can distract him.
Again, I dont undertstand why someone would ask and not care. She's right there!
Yeah, this has to be a really cringeworthy question, especially since you can easily get the answer another way. Open up. Talk about your stupid things, show your softer side in a good way. Man, I was not prepared for how well this worked when she opened up to me. There's something magical about opening up to eachother, and I feel closer to her because of it.
Never ask. Tell! At some point we both talked about being into dinosaurs when we were young and I loved that. I remarked that I really enjoyed it and that dates I had were never this wacky and cool. Giving your honest opinion (something positive) will make her react the same, I think.
Well... I did that, I think? I talked about other dates I had, and how most were just awkward and that I loved that. That was the point when we started to talk about:
Our exes. This was a really special moment of the date, when we both talked about dumping our exes because we stopped feeling something for them.

I - of course I smiled, I was with this lovely girl!

II - She kinda insisted on paying, but I would only let her if I could pay for the next date. She agreed, but found out she thought she had too little cash with her, so I paid anyway. I honestly didn't care about the money.

III - I walked her to the train and waited with her for it to arrive. That's just the way it should be, I think.

IV - I had told her she should text me as soon as she got home, just so I wouldn't worry about her cycling in the dark. She did, and yeah, I said I had a great time.

You know what? I'm gonna text her to grab some coffee tomorrow.

slcjosh · 2015-01-21T02:53:03+00:00

It has been said 100000 times here and it will probably take another 1000000 times. Taking dating advice on dating women from a woman is a sure fire way to get terrible advice.

A wolf does not concern himself with the opinion of sheep.

Throwaway_d · 2015-01-20T21:54:48+00:00

Most of these are good advice but it's definitely not a good idea to text her straight after the date. That shows massive investment, which after a first date is coming on too strong.

Ateist · 2015-01-21T12:33:45+00:00

Talking about your ex/Asking about her ex

Why exactly is it a bad thing? Knowing about her previous experience can tell you a lot about whether or not you want to date her or if she wants to date you.

The only reason I can think of is that it is too tactless - you might want to ask her friends about it and not her directly.

in4real · 2015-01-21T13:14:04+00:00

I think all of the points make sense and are valid.

This isn't a list of how to do things. It's a list of what not to do and I can't see anything in the list I disagree with.

2015-01-21T21:43:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Compact and fluff-free wisdom right there.

bananabreadmuffins · 2015-01-21T23:00:12+00:00

Do NOT text when you get home after the first date no matter what.

bananabreadmuffins · 2015-01-22T01:35:52+00:00

60 dates and ALL 60 DATES were the problem?

Hmmmm

HMMMMMM

DaygameCoach · 2015-01-21T05:04:10+00:00

Some of it wasn't bad but....

I call bullshit on the women paying for a date thing. Women are NOT ok with paying for half or ALL of a date on an early date. They are screening to see if you lead and are not cheap. They pay for ALL on an early date? I've only ever seen that one as "I'll plan the next one" and it was usually lawyers.

SHORT_BUS_KING · 2015-01-21T15:09:05+00:00

Feminist journalist expects equal pay for men and women, but when it comes to relationships the men should insist paying for the meal.

Makes my blood boil, this bitch right here.

masterrod · 2015-01-20T21:43:20+00:00

These were pretty good bullet points. I agree with most guys forget about having a plan.

Title	Female journalist challenged to date 60 men in 2 months details 10 mistakes men make on first dates. Thought you guys might find this interesting.
Author	scotia92
Upvotes	471
Comments	196
Date	January 20, 2015 5:04 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2t2efd/female_journalist_challenged_to_date_60_men_in_2/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/female-journalist-challenged-to-date-60-men-in-2.1382631 https://theredarchive.com/post/1382631

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