This shit is so fucking hard

Serg885 · 2018-10-12T08:01:08+00:00

Pickup is the only game where people assume they have to be experts from day one.

Get sticking points and work one at a time. Example: If you lack social skills, befriend people first and work on your conversations. THEN learn game. You'll save yourself a lot of time.

TheSaltiestOfHam · 2018-10-12T06:41:11+00:00

Best advise I ever got was: Stop looking. Look at yourself and figure out how to enjoy your own company. Then they will come.

Seriously works, I was like you, could not help but give off the desperate vibe no mattet what I did. Then I started looking after my wellbeing, physical (workout), mental (study/read) and emotional (see friends/do social things). Soon after I was way better with women, not because I was a player or anything and of course I still struck out, but my self image mattered way more than what their opinion of me was. Also being attractive may be subjective and all, but people (men and women) notice if someone is capable within minutes of meeting them, whether it be through fitness, composure or confidence.

I'm a believer of: If you're slightly fit, they give you social leeway, if you have leeway you can be a little bit more adventurous in what you say, if you're adventurous in what you say, then you are perceived as confident, if you're confident, you're seen as capable, then they will like you and so on and so forth (massive disclaimer: this applies not to everyone, but boy is it a solid chunk of the population).

TLDR; Learn to like yourself. Then they will too.

libboost · 2018-10-12T08:31:33+00:00

Surrender.

Seriously. That's what's missing in your game. Stop caring. Stop trying. Keep doing.

Let me show you Charles Bukowski's gravestone: https://i.imgur.com/6YORIcZ.png

Yungclowns · 2018-10-12T07:57:59+00:00

If it was easy then everyone would be getting laid.

Good job getting out there. Good job getting the bitching out of your system. Don't compare yourself to others. If you need a break, take one and focus on things you want to do for a bit. Get back at it.

nick_storm · 2018-10-12T14:38:03+00:00

I think you're burned out. Its okay, it happens. It happens to me all the time. It's time to step away. Forget about tinder, /r/seduction, girls, etc. Go kayaking, or travel, or treat yourself to a fucking grand meal! Do whatever makes you happy. When you're feeling refreshed and confident to try again, then try again.

SmashBrosNotHoez · 2018-10-12T12:44:49+00:00

Tell me about it,

If dating were a video game, then for some people, they get to play the game on easy mode settings, while for others, they're forced to play on super hard mode.

cbh28 · 2018-10-12T13:39:00+00:00

Stop doing it for the women. I know it sounds weird considering we're in a seduction sub, but if you're too self conscious of your actions, just trying to doing everything perfectly so that girls like you, from the outside, it looks weird.... sometimes creepy and even desperate. It looks unnatural.

Just focus on improving yourself. Confidence. Straight back, relaxed shoulders, head up. Do it because it's fun for you. Find the fun in approaching girls and in the rejection. Don't take it personally.

inspiredshane · 2018-10-12T13:43:16+00:00

Dude you’re really just a victim of the law of averages here. I got rejected by every single woman I approached yesterday. I approached a lot of them. Then at the end of the day I randomly talked to an old friend on snapchat and put it out there, simply and clearly and directly. Well, it turns out that she had been into me for years. And I was shocked. But there it is: you’re letting the rejection get inside your head. But accepting it and learning to lean into it so that it doesn’t crush your spirit... that’s key. Because if you can get shut down hard and keep your cool, and keep approaching, then sooner or later you’ll have success. It really is that simple. You can get stronger through this process if enduring. It’s better on the other side.

ThrowawayPUA · 2018-10-12T13:43:48+00:00

You will fail every time until you succeed.

spartan1337 · 2018-10-12T13:39:33+00:00

Looks like youre in violation of Rules 1 and 2

Andinov · 2018-10-12T13:35:18+00:00

The only people you have to be be doing better than, is you from 1 week ago, 1 month ago and 1 year ago. If you're doing that you're already outperforming the opposition

megaghost9 · 2018-10-12T13:05:26+00:00

Find a way to let go of that resentment and desperation or it’s going to kill your progress. Also, fuck leagues. There are three and a half billion women in the world. At least a handful of the attractive ones are gonna fuck you if you keep at it and learn to let go of your frustration.

LordPrettyMax · 2018-10-12T12:51:27+00:00

Judging from your post, the most important thing is for you to change your attitude

buttgoogler · 2018-10-12T13:24:41+00:00

Your attitude is your enemy. "I'm tired" and all that whiny ass shit. Be a man, work on yourself, become better and keep going no matter fucking what.

BeLeafer_1967 · 2018-10-12T13:44:48+00:00

Just think about what a girl would think about you if she read this. There is no alternative. it doesn’t get easier, you just get better.

petriomelony · 2018-10-12T15:49:42+00:00

seeing people who don't have personal issues blazing through social situations

this is why you're failing. it's not the haircut, the fashion, your tinder pics, or what you say. if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?

sort out your personal issues first. try meditation. figure out your goals, your life (aside from women), hobbies, career, fitness, etc. become the best version of yourself and then you won't care whether you are successful with women or not. then, ironically, you will see more success.

FlakeyGhost · 2018-10-12T16:02:46+00:00

Dude, I started pick up a year ago and the last couple weeks I've been thinking the same thing and have been wanting to make the same post. Just as you noted its persistence until the next milestone is hit but goddamn is so much effort needed to be put in. It's hard not to find yourself getting bitter from time to time.

04915 · 2018-10-12T17:46:36+00:00

i definitely feel you. it can be exhausting. i'm finally starting to gain some traction, but still not dating the kinds of women i want to be, and it's been soul-crushing.

my conclusion is the reason why it's so hard is because women are mainly attracted to behavior over everything else, so we kind of have to go to extremes to date the women we want. we have to be doing other things, and can't be so involved and available all the time. you have to be eating right, exercising, reading etc because the women you want are also doing all of those things, and those habits will make you feel better overall, which women will feel, and be attracted to.

i know i'm struggling because i keep slipping in some areas. i kind of hate how this is just how the world works, but that's just how they are wired. they can't help it. maybe it's a blessing in disguise, and it forces us to be the best we can be.

K3wp · 2018-10-12T17:52:06+00:00

And it pisses me off seeing better looking dudes have an easier time.

Seduction is 80% fundamentals, 20% game.

Good-looking people will always have an easier time. Just like taller people will do better in the NBA.

It's genetics and there is nothing you can do about it, so either deal or find something else to do. Being butthurt about biological reality will get you nowhere.

judahman8 · 2018-10-12T07:17:33+00:00

When all else fails you can still get your lifestyle game on fleek. Create a life around you that girls flock to if you can't figure out game. If you live a boring life then just go be a Mormon and you'll get a girl or two no problem. Plus the religion really isn't that bad in general.

HalfInsaneOutDoorGuy · 2018-10-12T15:45:55+00:00

I dated about 15 girls (longer than 3 months) was engaged 3 times. Been married now 12 years.

I'm not buff, I'm not handsome, I'm always ignored even now, I have a "nasally voice" I'm a computer nerd.

My wife loves me and things couldn't be better (probably could, but i am very happy with thigns)

the biggest advice I could give anyone who is having it rough, is fuck dating! I'm serious! just work on becoming the type of person you want to marry. (even if you are not going for marriage)

when you meet someone you feel..."at home" with, dont say the words "i, me, or mine" or any other personal pronouns the entire time you talk to her unless she asks you about you, YOU get her talking about HERSELF!

SpeedCola · 2018-10-12T13:14:50+00:00

Dude you sound stressed out as fuck. If you aren't already going to the gym, get in there and vent a little bit.

Secondly, this advice extends to everyone here, if you can find a counselor or therapist cheap, you'd be amazed at the good it did for you to talk to a professional about your feelings.

Stay strong guys.

Maggost · 2018-10-12T06:53:32+00:00

You should stop caring about others and focus on yourself, you have to persist because that will make you strong. If you give up it will be over, never give up.

ENTIMEYJ · 2018-10-12T13:46:35+00:00

Everytime i'm in the same position as you are, I go take a look at the old RSD tyler infields (the pale short ginger guy) and i see what a massive change he's gone trough during all this year trough persistence, then I realise Its all possible if you put in the right amount of effort and analyse your game consistently.

everytime you go out, you need to right stuff down and see where did you fuck up and work on that. its a game of inches

BonvivantNamedDom · 2018-10-12T13:52:33+00:00

Its not that complicated once you figured it out. The hard part is finding your sticky points and find out what youre doing wrong.

And everyone has an individual and exclusive problem. It also doesnt help that every problem actually is a mix of a few sticking points also simultaniously.

But once youre over the hill youre thinking "that wasnt so complicated. Why did I behave like a donkey all the years? Its so obvious!"

bugxter · 2018-10-12T14:09:33+00:00

I totally get you, I've been there, even if I've had my few couple of 'victories'. I'd say.... Stop trying so hard, take care of other aspects of your life and that will recharge you for when you wanna practice seduction.

Reggae1Love · 2018-10-12T14:28:06+00:00

find a way to be social as often as you can too. when you’re constantly being social. it’s like social practice. i work at a job with 500 employees while i’m in college and my social skills subconsciously have continued to climb since high school. it just naturally happens when you have that much volume of practice.

Shonk_Lemons · 2018-10-12T14:52:00+00:00

it sounds like you're trying to hard and people can sense desperation pretty easily

blunt_eastwood · 2018-10-12T15:07:54+00:00

I wouldn't recommend doing what the sub says, which it sounds like what you're doing. Read the book Models and just follow the action plan in the back.

PM me if you would like additional support.

HighwindMark2 · 2018-10-13T05:22:22+00:00

Cuffing season is a bitch isn't it.

Myself I thought things were going well but they aren't. Same pattern girls think I'm cute but not enough for a first date, but I think I'm the shit and they're missing out. You're farther than many people out there. Look at my earlier post here.

I just try to self reflect as much as I can and rethink how I approach situations. You may fail a lot but you only have to win once, whether it be you getting a girl who isn't a bitch or however else you view success, and me actually getting one.

TotalHitman · 2018-10-12T22:39:19+00:00

First, stop using Tinder! Girls are too picky on there. Even munters. They'll only go for a 6'3 bodybuilding chad and then they'll complain it's only full of fuck bois. These fuck bois will fuck anybody. That's why every girl is picky on there. Because they're justified. They can afford to. Nearly every girl is sexually validated on there. Nobody else has a chance. Every other guy lies. This is the reality.

Second, why are you sleeping with girls in your friend group? Don't.

Third, it takes a while to both absorb and apply all this knowledge. I'm talking months and months. The only thing you need to know and fall back on if you can't remember all this knowledge is to display confidence and high value. That's it. Just talk to girls and maintain good posture. Some you will lose and some you will gain. All this knowledge won't do shit for you if you have the charisma of say... Jerry from Rick and Morty.

catharso · 2018-10-12T15:38:05+00:00

"We choose to […] do […] things, not because they are easy, but because we are hard." <sup>[JFK, 1962-09-12]</sup>

ortsnom · 2018-10-12T08:44:24+00:00

Watch RSD Tyler. We're not here to circle jerk you to success. Choose to enjoy the journey not the end goal. This is some of the best fun you'll have in your life.

FupeLiasco23 · 2018-10-12T12:51:49+00:00

Have More fun with it

Ysmir_ · 2018-10-12T13:57:11+00:00

JRthePUMP · 2018-10-12T14:10:14+00:00

This was a regrettable read

ethical_pa · 2018-10-12T14:48:17+00:00

Hey man. I feel you. Try to take a break from it. Pickup/socializing is an EMOTIONAL activity. It's not like other things where the more effort you put in, the more you start seeing results.

That being said, keep at it. It takes a while to start seeing results. Someone told me that women are like a lagging indicator. You are making progress, but aren't seeing results until much later. I kind thought "ya, I want to believe this but I'm not sure...". They were right. Keep putting in "work", but more importantly, have fun with it. That's what game is about in the end. It's called game not work.

justanobserver26 · 2018-10-12T15:13:06+00:00

Maybe you could post some things you’re doing exactly, or what your tinder profile looks like, and we can discern what you’re doing potentially wrong. Idk, maybe that would help? Just an idea.

Whereami259 · 2018-10-12T15:36:28+00:00

" Seeing people who dont have personal issues" I dont think these people exist. I found this out when one of my friends commented how chill I seem and how it looks like everything in my life goes great. Couldnt be farther from the truth though.

Quigon-Jin · 2018-10-12T16:42:58+00:00

Do you lift? If no, then start. If yes, then lift more

Tokemoke · 2018-10-12T16:55:32+00:00

Everyone has things that they are good or bad at but the truth is no one cares that you may suck with girls. People who were always social and had good associations with socializing and making friends seem other worldly. I know your pain I find myself there from time to time.

You have to keep going. It fucking sucks but the other alternative is to stay bitter and miserable. You probably have a lot of things going for you. It just doesn’t seem apparent because you are taking on an endeavour you are not proficient in yet.

bonerOn4thJuly · 2018-10-12T17:32:41+00:00

Don't blame yourself, always blame your parents

mannequin_vxxn · 2018-10-12T19:01:56+00:00

"seeing people who dont have personal issues blazing through social interactions" EVERYONE has personal issues.

199flags · 2018-10-12T19:14:31+00:00

You need to work on inner game man. Without inner game, nothing you mentioned will work. I've never "pimped out" my Tinder profile and have scored with hundreds of girls all over the world using it.

My best bit of advice to you is work on yourself without reading anything about "game." Most "gurus" in the game niche have no clue what they're talking about and the ones who do are focused on much more important tasks than getting laid.

Once you become more valuable as a human being, getting laid will be an afterthought.

enkae7317 · 2018-10-12T19:15:42+00:00

Trying too hard, bro.

It's great to try to begin with but when it looks + feels like you're a homeless person literally asking for money to everyone you meet--they'll shrug you off immediately.

Ever shrugged off a homeless person right away? Ignore them? Shoot them down immediately as they ask for money? That is whats happening to you.

Let me ask you this: do you have fun when you go out?

jakeinmn · 2018-10-12T19:37:13+00:00

OP, are you lifting weights or are you using get rich quick schemes?

beingportal · 2018-10-12T19:41:20+00:00

Yeah man, I total acknowledge this stuff is hard. I much rather be reading the latest medical studies to improve my clinical knowledge instead of constantly approaching women to find an LTR.

That is why having a fulfilling life outside of seduction/relationships is key to not getting burnt out and bitter. Use this process as a means to compliment a fulfilling life.

Also do not be jealous (its okay to have such feelings just don't become bitter from them) of others for having an easier time forming relationships or getting dates. Wish them well and focus on improving yourself to achieve your goals.

PlatosPlatypus · 2018-10-12T19:57:27+00:00

Are you lifting? Start lifting. You'll feel better.

publicmemenynum1ne · 2018-10-12T20:36:38+00:00

Damn dude, I think this whole seduction process, manipulation tactics, is fine if you just want random sex (which from anecdotal experience tells me it will never fulfill you).

I can tell you the few things that landed me my beautiful wife.

Confidence - NOT cocky.

"Confidence is the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool"

Persistence
Romance

Oh, and music I did swoon her by singing Dean Martin and Billy Joel and writing songs for her. NOT MUSHY, but honest.

Also, the harder you are on yourself the harder it will be. And lastly, fuck what other people think, you rely too much on what girls, and people say about you. Like they matter? Ask the people in your life that do matter what they think about you, theirs is the only opinion that really counts.

Just my two cents. Get yourself a keeper, not some week minded female that falls for "tactics".

Zaalymondias · 2018-10-12T21:21:04+00:00

I feel ya dude. Was there like 2 years ago. Social skills are shit. Just buried myself in the gym, used every oz of spare time to workout. Started frequenting the same bars/hangouts and just made small talk that snowballed. I know it sucks man, hope it gets better. If you're in the so cal area I will wingman the shit out of you anytime

throwawaybecauseconf · 2018-10-12T22:11:31+00:00

I think you might be focusing and relying on this subreddit a little too much... If you keep feeding your subconscious all these thoughts it will eventually pick up on the fact that you think you're not good enough and it will radiate through you. I think it's time to put away reddit and tinder for a while and focus on yourself. I wish you the best of luck with that :)

dimitrimarylucy · 2018-10-13T17:12:35+00:00

Focus on you, not others.

whomeverIwishtobe · 2018-10-12T17:46:37+00:00

I agree dude. It’s crazy hard. And as someone who had a fucked up childhood and is at the moment a bit overweight, it feels impossible most of the time. Depression makes having friends hard so meeting girls is not easy. That’s genetic selection at work. We are anxious and unsure and indecisive by nature. Not confident by nature. So nature has begun to weed us out. It’s a miracle we are human, because we are the only species that has any chance of fighting against that tide. Keep up the good fight brother and know there is a community, this community, rooting for you.

El-Mariachi-Loco · 2018-10-12T11:54:39+00:00

In addition to not trying or stop looking I would like to add that not only does working out, reading or pretty much doing anything that benefits your own personal growth and value help but it would also help if you discipline your body and avoid porn or any act that comes with watching it, this is assuming you do it. I believe that if you are in firm control of yourself and channel the energy into productive things then you will find yourself changing into a better version of yourself. Hell you won’t even need to try PUA because it will come natural. Just disciple yourself for a while and check it out. I can tell you from experience.

Title	This shit is so fucking hard
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	218
Comments	111
Date	October 12, 2018 6:28 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9nhw5d/this_shit_is_so_fucking_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/this-shit-is-so-fucking-hard.1454891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1454891

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"Confidence is the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool"