Stay at home parenting isn't hard

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2024-11-27T07:21:17+00:00

It highly depends how many children you have and how young they are. Taking care of a newborn, a 2 year old and a 4 year old isn't gonna be a walk in the park. Now if they are 16+ or whatever then yeah, shit is piss easy.

No-Calligrapher-3630 · 2024-11-27T07:37:45+00:00

I think it depends on the person and what their skills are and what they enjoy best. For some people they absolutely love staying at home with the kids. For some people they love their job.

I love my baby to bits. But Jesus Christ doing anything is challenging. If I try to tidy she comes in and interrupts me. I have ADHD. What was I doing 5 minutes ago? I don't know. I tried to do it but she just kept calling me back. Does she actually want anything? No she just wants me to sit there and then I am bored out of my head feeling like I'm going to melt into the floor, while she then forgets I am even there. I try to get up and do something but the whole thing starts again. I have to constantly monitor her like a hawk. I tries to put the laundry away that was a half a day job for the amount of times I have to keep going back and forth. Try to cook God forbid she would let me. Even as I write Yes comment. She is cuddled up next to me screaming in my ear trying to do a poo. Grabbing my fingers. I am literally going insane of how to figure out what's going on, not being able to do anything and constantly being pulled from pillar to post every second.

Also mentally because you have to be constantly on standby. It's like your brain is constantly active but not being used so you never actually get down time to do all the stuff that your brain needs to do when it's switched off.

I want to go back to work.

Edit: oh yeah and the sleep deprivation people act like it's not a big thing when you're a parent. All I ever hear when people talk about sleep deprivation is how bad it is for you and how it's like a torture mechanism. For 5 months solid I was living on 1 and 1/2 hours sleep at a time. I didn't dream for 5 months.

Big-Onion-1725 · 2024-11-27T07:25:32+00:00

perhaps because of the feeling of losing your identity. your entire life becomes centered around parenting, your only friends are other parents, your permanent title is "mom" or "dad", and your partner is tired from work which reduces the amount of quality time you can have with them. ofc, not all stay-at-home parents will have this experience! but I've heard lots of people say this.

so the main part is not the difficulty, I think, but the impact it can have on your life and how you view your life. besides, the chores and such being really easy can add to the feeling of your role being pretty much meaningless. also, many stay-at-home parents homeschool their children, which can take more organizational skills than just being a regular teacher.

anyway thats my thoughts about this topic.

Different_Cress7369 · 2024-11-27T07:57:23+00:00

I found having a baby, a toddler and a preschooler much harder than my actual job, which involves dead bodies. Being at home with spawn is boring, repetitive, lonely, involves way too much poop and vomit, and you don’t get paid.

SocrateandAthena · 2024-11-27T07:50:10+00:00

It's not complicated, it's not complex tasks. It's not a high pressure job, until you take the big picture into account, which is to raise one or few well balanced, competent and happy human beings to be part of society. It's hard like a physically demanding, repetitive job can be. Very often it's unrewarding and seems insignificant, even if there are good positive into it.

TermAggravating8043 · 2024-11-27T08:25:11+00:00

It seriously doesn’t surprise me anymore the amount of men on this sub that believe children come out the womb potty trained, sleeping through the night, cleaning up after themselves and already at school.

Please wait till ya’ll actually have looked after children before commenting about it

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-11-27T07:27:33+00:00

It’s harder than working, I have done both.

Jason_Kinkade · 2024-11-27T12:23:03+00:00

I, a man, had the opportunity to stay home and simply manage a household for a rich doctor, a woman. No kids. Let me tell you, it felt closer to incarceration than freedom from capitalism. Even though she was nice (mostly), the end of her work day still felt like the warden was about to walk in the door. You don't know how this arrangement feels until you actually do it, but I did call my mom and tell her I finally understand her and appreciate her sacrifices.

Novadina · 2024-11-27T07:10:22+00:00

For me, doing something boring, monotonous, day in and day out, and especially with no adult interaction is hard to tolerate. Kids make it even harder, they are screaming all the time (even in happiness) they are demanding… for the first few years of their lives they need you for EVERYTHING you have to wipe their asses and feed them… sounds boring and exhausting, and loud.

I just much prefer to spend my time learning things and making things. Spending time in ways that make me unhappy I call “hard”, especially if I’m comparing it to something I do like doing (even if that thing I like is a challenge, and maybe technically “hard to do”, I still find a fun challenge more enjoyable than cleaning or even watching tv all day).

Also I know my mother messed me up. So there is a huge risk at raising kids you will traumatize them, especially if you were as a kid like I was. So I’d be worrying about that all the time, which is hard, I don’t enjoy anxiety.

themfluencer · 2024-11-27T10:40:10+00:00

Are you a stay at home parent?

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-11-27T08:24:26+00:00

I don't think it's hard. Necessary but not hard.

Its litterallly not necessary, preety much the contrary.

Where tf y'all live, Afghanistan? The overwhelming majority of families have both parents working full time.

Its a menial, isolating and tbf mentally degrading experience

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-11-27T13:37:41+00:00

Your argument as a childless person is that something you’ve never done before isnt that hard? What is the motive of this argument? You have equal grounds to say “pregnancy isn’t that painful” or “being ultra rich isn’t that great”. You don’t know. Maybe let the people who do know inform you.

SayuriKitsune · 2024-11-27T10:05:21+00:00

not everyone has all the gadgets to do all the chores. Are you a stay at home parent? Otherwise I dont think you can have an opinion if you have never been in the situation as you dont have any experience on it. Why some men complain so much if their partner has a bit of time for themselves? I cannot imagine treating your partner like that, being upset of them having just a little bit of time to relax instead of being a servant 24/7

HappyCat79 · 2024-11-27T11:38:35+00:00

Excellent_Badger123 · 2024-11-27T11:39:59+00:00

With an infant it’s a round the clock job. Mine didn’t sleep more than 1 hour at a time for the first 3 months. It was brutal and exhausting coming off of a hard pregnancy and going straight into that kind of schedule. I was determined to breastfeed, she was a poor latcher at first so my nipples became bloody and then scabbed over. It was quite painful. It gets easier as they become sleep trained and a bit more independent but there are challenges all along the way. I was thrilled to go back to my office when my maternity leave was up just so I could schedule my day, sit down and eat a meal without interruption. It made the night shift of being a mom easier. My job wasn’t stress free but for me personally it was easier at least up to the toddler years.

mashedturnip · 2024-11-27T08:03:06+00:00

Housework isn’t difficult, it’s just repetitive and boring

So is caring for babies and young children, in addition to being low status and mentally draining (if you’re doing it conscientiously)

And the older kids get, the more planning, driving, scheduling and investing in their lives is advised — if you want them to have the maximum opportunities in an increasingly competitive world. And you shouldn’t be letting them avoid family interaction

And that’s just the kids — if you have ambitions for your family as a whole, you better work, bitch. Chair that charity fundraiser. Schmooze with that political buddy friend of your spouse. Be informed of all the best coaches, programs, schools, service organizations, etc

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-11-27T14:19:46+00:00

You don’t think it’s hard?

Ok then prove it by trying it. I’m sure there are plenty of parents that would love to have volunteer childcare for you to prove your point.

Report back here.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-11-27T15:15:39+00:00

Depends on the kids and the situation:

More kids means more housework, meal-prepping, etc to do while the kids are in school.
Having to keep track of kids' allergies, food and other grocery preferences, medical and personal concerns, school due dates, medical due dates, scheduling of extra curriculars,
You have to be on-call to come pick them up if there are any issues at school.
It's harder to do all of the housework, grocery shopping, etc, while they are not at school, since you will be spending that time watching them, helping with homework, making sure they are ready for school or other events, keeping track of their daily self-cleaning and nutrition, etc. So, you're keeping most of the housekeeping, getting groceries, and other tasks you would struggle to do with them underfoot in the hours they are at school. You are also likely the one balancing the budget since you're in charge of figuring out the groceries.
Keeping track of and taking them to extra curriculars after school.
Obtaining and keeping track of all tools and equipment they need for school and extra curriculars. Kids often break things.
Between Birth to School age, (or preschool if you can afford preschool), tending 24/7 to them.

And on top of all of that, you get no sick days, no days off, no retirement savings, and no income of your own. Your benefits and income is solely relying on the other partner keeping a job to support you. The parent may have less stress during the school hours, but they are on-call 24/7 with their only time off being based on the generosity of their partner.

Susiewoosiexyz · 2024-11-27T10:31:15+00:00

You realise that kids don’t go to school for at least 5 years, right? And that 5 years is looong.

Sexy_Triceratops · 2024-11-27T12:43:09+00:00

Are you a stay at home parent?

SilverSaan · 2024-11-27T12:53:57+00:00

It's mentally exhaustive, not really about being hard or something, children in general are mentally exhaustive, smelly, tiring, noisy, and demand constant attention and sometimes people need alone time, while in work alone time is easy to get, smoke breaks, lunch hour, or just working on your own part of a project and be unaivable to anyone that is not your superior

Also leading, specially leading a child is more exhausting than obeying

Edit PS: If I had a child, which I don't plan to, I would never take a day off for it/them unless in the most dire situations, I probably would take more days of work

Also, before you comment that I don't know what I am talking about I was parentified for my two younger siblings and a cousin (Edit: Wrote niece before, english is hard) , the cousin in question was adopted out thankfully

y2kjanelle · 2024-11-27T16:01:56+00:00

If being a SAHP isn’t hard, then that just means you would be/are a bad SAHP.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-11-27T17:00:31+00:00

I'd rather chew my own arm off than be a SAHP. Hobbies are fun, but they're not necessarily rewarding. I had to stay at home for a bit while I waited for my PR application to get processed, and I nearly lost my mind, I can't imagine it with an infant. It's isolating and mind-numbing. Sure, you can have hobbies, hobbies are great - I knit, I baked, I worked out but I didn't feel fulfilled. I like my job, I like interacting with my coworkers, I felt great after a successful day, coming home to unwind with my partner. I never felt that much satisfaction from making a batch of cookies, no matter how tasty they were. Staying at home is great for some people, but not for others.

Also, kids are a lot of work. They need constant attention, you need to teach them things (not just make sure they don't kick the bucket), and when they get sick, it's a nightmare, even if it's just the flu or a stomach bug. My landlords have a 3 y.o. and a 8 m.o., and while they're pretty easy-going kids, they still cry, want to go to the park, bother their parents when they're trying to get work done, they throw tantrums, they're pushing boundaries, they refuse to sleep some nights and their parents can't get any decent sleep. It's not "hard" like being a nurse, a doctor, or a firefighter is hard but it's draining, ungrateful work that requires a lot of effort and patience on your part, and a lot of times you have to get over whatever you might be going through at the moment because your kid needs you to be there for them.

Educational-Job-7276 · 2024-11-27T23:40:49+00:00

I think it is entirely situational. My sister in law is a SAHM and homeschools 3 of her 4 kids (the youngest isn’t even one year old yet). Her entire life is those kids. She is pretty isolated and isn’t appreciated enough because a lot of the work she does are constant every day chores. The need for cooking and cleaning never stops with that many kids. She is exhausted, but still happy with her choices. I could never do what she does and admire her very much.

relish5k · 2024-11-28T00:12:28+00:00

being a stay at home parent with kids outside the home for 6 hours a day 5 hours a week, is a nice set-up. the hardest part about it is the lack of mental stimulation and feeling engaged / building towards something bigger (the constant making and cleaning of food, washing and folding of laundry takes a buddhist mindset to not go crazy). but if you can do without the stimulation and have good community involvement it’s great.

but holy shit i just spent day with my 4 year old and 1.5 year old and i am so fucking exhausted. very grateful that i work so i have an excuse to send them out of the house 30 hours a week!

alwaysright0 · 2024-11-27T10:13:22+00:00

Children are not born school age.

Some children have disabilities and SEN.

Being a sahp is hard work.

Being a sahm is easier than being a working mum

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2024-11-27T14:07:44+00:00

Most stay at home parents go back to work when the kids are in school full time. Taking care of babies and toddlers is hard.

izzzy12k · 2024-11-27T08:04:06+00:00

First kid, it's hard.. You are learning as you go, and there's also your own evolution from childless young adult to full time parent.

But by the time you are at kid 3 or more, it's not that difficult anymore. You already know most of the tricks and you most likely have routines already set in place.

Auto-pilot most of the time. It's a grind, yes.. but you already mastered it.

Now, the monkey wrench in all this is when kids (particularly young kids) get sick. Luckily that isn't or shouldn't be that often...

But yeah, it's definitely tough in the beginning.

Edit, just wanted to mention that while I wasn't a stay at home Dad.. When the kids were born and young, my ex worked nights and I worked days. So, it was work then full time solo parenting.. Plus many times when I would try to keep the chaos at a minimum, so their Mom could sleep some extra hours before going to work.. and she did the same for me.

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bluestjuice · 2024-11-28T05:09:52+00:00

People have different tolerances for endless easy tasks and chaos.

Xeltar · 2024-11-29T15:46:31+00:00

It's a combination of it's not as easy as you'd think AND it's not really rewarding or fulfilling. And the opportunity cost to your career is pretty large.

rustlerhuskyjeans · 2024-11-27T14:27:11+00:00

Parenting isn’t hard, unless you got 3+ little kids at the same time. Then it’s more like a hassle, still not hard.

Title	Stay at home parenting isn't hard
Author	EmergencyConflict610
Upvotes	0
Comments	169
Date	November 27, 2024 6:56 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1h0yfyc/stay_at_home_parenting_isnt_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/stay-at-home-parenting-isnt-hard.1536967 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536967

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