Alimony & Bitterness

ImNotJoeSmith · 2025-01-07T06:26:31+00:00

I should be bitter but I’m not yet. Our moderator went over the numbers of what I’d pay in alimony and for how long (as well as child support), we sold our house and I forked over $79k up front. It was my entire half + $3300. To avoid alimony. I still pay like 1700/month child support, which I’m content with bc they’re my kids and that’s what dads do. I actually agreed to pay for their birthdays and christmases in full in case she wastes the money (she will).

It sucked at first. But after a few weeks I just looked at it as the price of freedom. I currently see more of my paychecks than I ever did in marriage. She was literally spending 125% of my pay. So she gets the child support deposit, I don’t even think about it. The kids are fed, housed, and I have cash in my pocket. I’m fortunate to have a friend that lets me stay with him for $0, but I treat it like I pay rent and save that; I actually hide it, in cash so she won’t know I have it. I think even if I were paying it monthly, it would be acceptable. It’s the “don’t bother me” tax. It’s the only way to look at it and stay sane.

gorillavstiger · 2025-01-07T05:47:53+00:00

I'd rather pay her alimony and child support (nearly halfway done with alimony!) than spend any more of my life with her.

Definitely been through bitter moments, eventually just accepted it and moved on. Prioritizing overall life and peace over the money.

aquatic-dreams · 2025-01-07T05:17:43+00:00

I didn't get awarded alimony even though she makes over 200,000 and I was a stay at home husband. So I got a giant fuck you from the court.

apibo · 2025-01-07T05:11:24+00:00

How any of you men can keep from going postal or suicidal is a miracle. I don’t know how you all do it.

Ladiesman94952 · 2025-01-07T04:35:54+00:00

100 percent bitter , petty and resentful !

Her lazy ass never did anything she never grew , she never strived for anything better.. she never worked...

And now..... she's taking my money ??? Fuck her

Lean_BigDaddy · 2025-01-07T04:00:06+00:00

Low level, it sucks and once in a while I might grumble to myself, but it is automatic 2x a month (combined with CS), and mentally I know every month is closer to ending!

I would have been stuck with 10 years but when ex realized she would get less than she thought with Maintenance and CS we negotiated to 6 years with more per month.

It solidifies the revelation that all men pay, and married men pay the most! I paid dearly during marriage and continue for a few more years!

JD-Anderson · 2025-01-07T01:50:29+00:00

It’s not really alimony as it is a tax for sweet freedom.

Gattsama · 2025-01-07T01:40:15+00:00

LOL, so this is not the competition I wanted to be in. Divorced in WA, no kids, 12 year marriage. I paid a total of $15k/mo in court ordered temporary support during the divorce (this included the mortgage, utilities, all bills + her support). After the divorce, she gets $315k of spousal support divided over 3.5 years = $7500/mo. And she got just over 50% of all wealth as well (long story short to get her to finally sign off on the home sale got exerted into a 55/45 split on the equity).

I have almost no bitterness. The marriage was never really healthy. I was naive, had self-esteem issues, and essentially zero experience with women. I choose to enter a legally binding contract, and these are the terms of termination.

I spent most of the time during the divorce focused on why I chose this person, chose to stay, tolerated, and accepted her BS. I ultimately filed for divorce. The last spousal support payment is due May 2026, but I'm paying her off early Feb 2025.

I can, and will, always make more money. But I can not make more time. I have never been more peaceful and stress free. Had to pay the price for freedom, but ultimately, it was worth it.

However, free from having to support another human, I've been able to focus on my health and life. Once I pay her off, I can focus on rebuilding wealth and setting up passive income streams. I turned 50 last year, have a new g/f which has been amazing healing, and who is genuinely excited to be with me. Traveling, visiting family, working on my emotional and mental health.

Yes I lost a lot of money and stuff. Yes it fucking sucks to hand over 1/3 of my money to the state and over 1/4 to the eX. But that all ends. She is getting a lot of front money, but she will never find a man of my level again. While I can rebuild everything (free from her) and live a better life. I actually have more discretionary income now than when married that's my fault, I was simping hard during most of the marriage). I will never re-marry. My best days are ahead of me. She peaked, I'm still climbing.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-06T23:08:44+00:00

My ex waived alimony (thank you affair fog!).

While it would suck I could justify that she gave me the two best things in my life.

How guys pay whose wives didn't even give them kids I have no clue.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2025-01-06T22:47:49+00:00

I paid temporary alimony of $1.5k a month for a year, and then a lump sum at the divorce finalization of $15k for a FOUR year marriage - when my ex made more money than me when she worked (before becoming a SAHM).

It sucks man. As best you can don't let her see that it bothers you. Second, the best way of getting revenge is .... being happy. However you define that. Our ex's, generally, hate seeing us happy.

TraditionalHour7561 · 2025-01-06T22:44:42+00:00

I paid 2.5 years of “temporary” alimony during divorce proceedings then 3 years of tapered alimony after the decree was signed… 14 year marriage for what it’s worth. She was a stay at home mom for the first 8 years now is a RN. I’m half way through the later part of payments.

I look at it as a reminder to never let a woman have that kind of control over my finances ever again. In a year and a half I’ll be free and stacking cash, and she will be trying to learn to live in a new lifestyle that doesn’t include my payments, while having to cash out refinance the house at today’s awful mortgage rates. She hasn’t saved a dime of the amount I have paid even though she moved her boyfriend in right away after the decree was signed. My lawyer told me that cohabitation isn’t grounds to end alimony in WA state, regardless of what is agreed by the parties.

Shit is so rigged against men. Makes me sick looking back at it all, but I’m in a good place now.

Long-Review-1861 · 2025-01-06T22:10:42+00:00

American divorce laws are insane

EconomistVisible2767 · 2025-01-06T21:18:44+00:00

I bought out.

The entire monthly payment thing would have driven me insane. I wouldn't be able to do it.

AdventurousTrash1645 · 2025-01-06T21:14:48+00:00

It is slavery.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2025-01-06T21:11:38+00:00

After I divorced- my income tripled.

It’s a blip in the road. Our agreement is such that there’s no upward modification for her amount. Only elimination if she cohabitates, remarries or I become disabled.

Once, you get that negativity and bullshit from your life - watch your career take off

sak144 · 2025-01-06T20:48:53+00:00

What helps me cope is coming to terms that the money would have been gone had the marriage continued also.

My terms also have carveouts that it can be reduced or eliminated if I suffer a reduction in income, so all-in-all, something I can live with, but am not happy about it. Marriage is a scam. Never doing it (legally on paper anyway) ever again.

Boomhower113 · 2025-01-06T20:47:52+00:00

God Bless Texas.

Not that the ex didn’t try to get around half of what I bring home in “spousal support” for the next 5 years, on top of the state maximum in child support, in a non-alimony state. But, we were able to swat her away like a fly on that one.

waterfoiler · 2025-01-06T20:45:00+00:00

I was supposed to pay alimony for 12 years. After 2.5 years I petitioned the court to terminate it as she was making over 110k per year now and no longer had a need for it. She fought it for almost 2 years before she agreed the morning of trial to terminate it.

The greed and entitlement of her was extreme. We both spent a ton on legal fees just for her to agree anyways. I am more bitter about the process that I had to go through when I made a reasonable offer to begin with.

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2025-01-06T20:39:47+00:00

Alimony is a stronghold of communism in a capitalism, where mostly the ex gains benefits to minimize her working hours especially in the event of a divorce. while the man is still expected to share his 'converted' free time (i.e., his financial resources) with his EX , she gets to privatize her own free time, without providing any household services in return after separation.

So instead of trying to maximize your income n both side in a healthy manner, the vicious game is to maximize poverty near divorce or else one will be a leech for the other for years.

Bear in mind alimony is not a universal concept for example in Muslim majority populations, Alimony is not a standard practice & default marital contract is a Separation-based one. The man provides instead a financial maintenance after divorce & limited to 3 months.

This soviet concept is more prevalent in Western countries.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-01-06T20:26:34+00:00

Punitive child support. Hardly see kids after I raised them, she makes 2.5x what I do, and parenting to her is giving them phones they don’t put down now. Cost us 4x in legal fees for what she’ll get from me. Set it on autopay. Just part of the divorce tax.

jimmycrackcode · 2025-01-06T20:17:22+00:00

Think of it as vagina rental fee. It helps.

THX1138-22 · 2025-01-06T20:01:52+00:00

Once I started viewing alimony as the monthly fee I have to pay to get out of jail, I really don’t mind it as much anymore.

Divorce is worth every penny.

THX1138-22 · 2025-01-06T20:01:43+00:00

Once I started viewing alimony as the monthly fee I have to pay to get out of jail, I really don’t mind it as much anymore.

Divorce is worth every penny.

soontobesolo · 2025-01-06T19:50:22+00:00

That's why I did a lump sum. It's a brief painful moment, then it's over and done and I can focus on my future.

Title	Alimony & Bitterness
Author	apibo
Upvotes	29
Comments	64
Date	January 6, 2025 7:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hv7vdd/alimony_bitterness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/alimony-bitterness.1540524 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540524

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