Is effort attractive?

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-03-07T03:00:34+00:00

I like effort. I put effort into my looks, I like people who do the same. Doesn't have to be as much effort as I put in, but if I'm going out with my makeup on point, wearing a nice outfit, smelling nice, etc., and the guy looks like he barely mustered up enough effort to find his least dirty T-shirt, that's unattractive to me. A guy can have features I find attractive, but if he's a lazy slob, those pretty eyes aren't going to do much to keep me interested. That being said, if I don't find the guy attractive and we don't have any chemistry, no amount of effort on his part will make me interested.

justdontsashay · 2025-03-07T01:47:42+00:00

It really depends where the effort is going, and depends a lot on the woman.

If a woman is into the ripped muscle look, then extra effort at the gym is a plus…for some of us that’s a turn off, though.

Effort with hygiene and smelling good is pretty universally a good thing.

Effort on grooming depends on the woman again, because some like the clean shaven pretty boy look, and some of us like beards and a more rugged looking man.

None of this negates the fact that chemistry and personality are important. Chemistry and effort aren’t mutually exclusive.

leosandlattes · 2025-03-07T01:48:15+00:00

Effort is attractive in the sense that I understand it takes effort to be well socialized, have a good career, be financially independent, being competent at hobbies, etc.

When it comes to style, I don't want a man that primps and preens... Like I think of those instragram male fashion influencers and I'm so put off by that.

JustGeminiThings · 2025-03-07T01:34:38+00:00

Women have very different ideas about this. I like effort. I enjoy a man who is at least aware of his appearance and grooming. Some women like the rugged look, though - but that's never been my type. I like a well-groomed pretty boy with at least a passing interest in street wear.

GridReXX · 2025-03-07T16:20:25+00:00

I find the outcomes of effort attractive. So yeah a fashionable stylish man with good skin and grooming is attractive. If he’s that way because of the efforts of his routine. Great. He and I can relate on that lol

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2025-03-07T01:59:04+00:00

All I care about is an authentic person who shares my values and interests.

If we are compatible, he doesn’t have to make or fake an effort or pretend to be compatible when he clearly isn’t.

No “effort”. No deception. No trickery. No posturing or pretending.

But I’m not dating anyone who isn’t compatible and at ease in his skin.

missmireya · 2025-03-07T04:19:15+00:00

I'm 42. A man putting effort into his appearance is super attractive to me. The 40s-50s men around here look terrible. No effort at all.

Now...a guy having a more extensive skincare or haircare routine than myself? Yeah, that's too much imo.

Just be clean, well-groomed, and stay active. I don't even mean going to the gym. I just mean don't look like a slob being ready for a heart attack.

Having superb hygiene is even better and trumps everything else. Which is sad. I was at the store the other day and a dude walked past me...he smelled like unwashed ass.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-07T02:05:08+00:00

It can be

Hellarouge · 2025-03-07T13:15:33+00:00

Good grooming is one of the few things I know I find physically attractive. 🥹

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2025-03-10T18:41:50+00:00

I can not stand a nonchalant man in any sense. He should put effort into his hygiene, grooming, and style. At this point in my life, I've been lifting for 5 years and probably wouldn't date a guy that doesn't work out either. The "lazy basic" guy look of unflattering baggy pants and graphic tee is my worst nightmare in a partner.

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NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-03-07T02:34:57+00:00

This was just asked a couple days ago

lle-ell · 2025-03-07T10:12:54+00:00

I don’t care to see effort, I want to see the end result. A man with a more elaborate skin care routine than my own would be a massive turn off (unless he had a condition that requires it).

Werevulvi · 2025-03-07T14:38:01+00:00

Personally I definitely find effort attractive. Imo hygiene, having a style, caring about what you look like, are gender neutral. And I've always been more drawn to people who clearly take good care of themselves, smell good, are in shape, etc. Whether as friends or partners, or people I simply look up to from a distance. Although to some extent I do also enjoy helping/teaching a guy how to take better care of his appearance. For me, grooming is almost a hobby. So I'd love it if a guy takes as long as me to get ready, and cared as much as me about hair, clothes, skincare etc. I also don't mind men wearing makeup, although if it's a lot more tgan I wear, that might be a little weird.

I think a big reason I find effort attractive is because... effort is close to or a form of passion, investment and ambition. It's a sign that you care about life itself and where you wanna be in life. Lack of effort is a sign of laziness and lack of confidence to me, and those are really off-putting. Also I generally feel better about all the effort I put into looking good, being a good partner, etc, if the guy puts in a similar amount of effort. That feels like we're both caring about ourselves and each other.

I don't care if men doing intense grooming is gay coded or whatever. This is just because gay men tend to look better because they care about fashion and grooming, let's face it. There are many different kinds of masculinity, and the polished type is definitely part of it. Obviously some fashion styles are more feminine, but that's a different issue.

Then what exactly a guy puts effort into matters a bit less to me. Obviously if our priorities are very different that might be a compatibility issue, but our priorities don't have to be the exact same. As long as it's clear he cares about looking presentable and making the most of his life, that's what I really find attractive in a man. Especially if he is an average man who makes himself stand out with all the work he puts in. Sure, he likely won't be looking like a model, but that's just not what I care about.

Tylikcat · 2025-03-07T17:55:48+00:00

There's a floor for hygiene.

I generally want to see that someone is doing interesting things that they're passionate about. Having a decent sense of fashion, and putting effort into grooming (above the hygiene floor) can be a plus, but it's negotiable.

attendquoi · 2025-03-07T19:28:17+00:00

Effort < actual success.

sadmatchatea · 2025-03-07T22:29:57+00:00

Yes. Having no sense of style is unattractive. Sweats (unless you’re visibly athletic), pajama pants in public and unflattering haircuts come to mind. Acne and very dry skin are unattractive, and usually easy to fix or reduce. Some accessories like a nice watch or necklace can really pull an outfit together. Smelling good by showering regularly, wearing deodorant and using a small amount of cologne is important. Bad hygiene is THE biggest ick and will turn off everyone except similarly crusty and unwashed people. I’d also include things like going to the gym, being of a healthy weight and avoiding substances as effort. You don’t have to be ripped, but no one should be completely out of shape and smelling like stale beer and cigarettes either. I can’t imagine having any type of chemistry with a nasty smelling or sloppy guy.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-03-07T01:37:10+00:00

a man grooming and dressing like a woman does would make me instantly vomit

RelativeYak7 · 2025-03-07T02:07:49+00:00

Effort into his appearance? Blech, no this is not attractive. Effort into our relationship? Yes, I'll take that.

Is effort attractive?

Comments

48 Laws of Power Law 30: Make Your Accomplishments Seem Effortless

Title	Is effort attractive?
Author	Advanced-Ad8490
Upvotes	14
Comments	93
Date	March 7, 2025 1:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1j5braj/is_effort_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-effort-attractive.1545840 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545840