Women who wants/have kids, are you worried about your sons suffering from loneliness epidemic in the future and what steps are you going to take so that he gets a healthy dating life?

Fancy-Statistician82 · 2025-03-20T19:02:15+00:00

I've an early teenage son.

We heavily encourage sports activity and socialization in real life, pushed on also having an art for a long time but it just wasn't his thing. We require basic grooming, decent diet, manners.

We try to transparently demonstrate the work that goes into being social or in organized sports, as in these are all the forms, and this is how far in advance we need to plan. I want to have a grilled dinner with my friends, so weeks ahead I set the date and invite people, I write out what supplies I need, I clean up the yard and wash the outdoor cups and make certain I have enough serving spoons. The get togethers are worthwhile and not effortless.

We make sure that he sees all the adults in his life, male and female, putting effort into socialization, having both coed and single gender space.

We talk to him about grooming and presentation, compliment him when he looks nice. We ask about his friendships and acclaim his accomplishments at school and sport, try to make him feel seen and important.

We sometimes take multiple day hikes in the woods with other families without phones and with multiple kids both girls and boys, so they can talk and learn to do basic tasks together.

Thus far he still has the high sweet voice of a boy, not a young man, and doesn't seem interested in dating, but it'll come and likely soon. I think he'll be successful.

...

It's all very similar with our daughter. I think she's closer to being interested, but not quite there.

EulenWatcher · 2025-03-20T16:32:41+00:00

I'm worried more about my possible children's overall well-being. Environmental situation, economic, wars around the world...things don't look that well.

To address your question, I'd do my best to encourage them to socialize with their peers, do some sport, pursue arts if they're into it, have good morals and be consistent with them. I want my children to learn to speak and read before they learn to use gadgets, and as they become school children they should have hobbies unrelated to screens. I think having good social skills and being well-adapted (and not sheltered and unadapted to the point you can't make a call or start a small talk with a person you're interested in) give children better shots in life.

No_Teacher_3313 · 2025-03-21T00:16:37+00:00

I’m not going to tell him to “be nice to women”. What??? I am trying to raise him as a good human being who treats everyone well.

Like another commenter replied, I am focused on his overall person - that he is ethical, resilient, kind, well-educated, involved in activities that he enjoys, that he values friends and family.

justdontsashay · 2025-03-20T17:05:08+00:00

I have kids but I only have daughters so no personal experience with sons. But generally I don’t feel that I’m responsible for (or that it’s at all appropriate for me to be involved in) my children being able to get a date.

Healthy dating life, yes. Keeping the lines of communication open with my girls is really important, teaching them what’s involved in a healthy relationship and what to watch out for. My oldest has gone on dates, she talks to me about them and I want to be a safe person she can talk to so I can watch out for any signs of abuse or a toxic relationship or anything.

And generally, raising kids who have healthy self confidence and good social skills probably will help them with dating later. But I’m not looking at my kids in terms of how many people will want to date them, and wanting to increase that number, that’s kind of borderline creepy to me.

Song_of_Laughter · 2025-03-20T17:40:24+00:00

Make him get out and experience life and stay off the damn internet. I'm fit so hopefully I can get him to take up an interest in fitness as well but I won't force that on him too much

CatallaxyRanch · 2025-03-21T00:27:49+00:00

I have two sons (7 months and nearly 4 years). I do worry about it, but I think the best thing I can do for them as a mom is: nothing. As in, stay out of their way, let them be their own people. I want them to build confidence and self assuredness which means letting them solve problems on their own and learn to trust themselves, even when I'm tempted to intervene or help them. My oldest son is in gymnastics and loves it. I want him to always be involved in a physical activity that forces him to socialize with other kids. He's fairly introverted, but so far he's friendly and doesn't have trouble making friends so I'm going to do my best to make sure that continues. My husband and I are also really committed to limiting their screen time, and limiting our own screen time when we're around them because we don't want them growing up thinking it's normal to have a screen in your face 24/7. It's hard to raise healthy, independent-minded kids in the 21st century but we're trying our best.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-03-21T13:09:06+00:00

I plan on teaching my sons how to be satisfied in their own company, as that's how I am. Evolution dictates that most males don't breed, that's just nature, but our society has pushed this idea that if a man doesn't obtain a mate, he's a failure in life. That's society building men up for disappointment. I want him to think of it as "I can be happy in my own time and place. If a woman and/or kids join in, that makes it even better", so the default isn't misery.

I would definitely want him to be out and around others, too. I grew up homeschooled, but my mother had a rule that we had to be in two regular social groups per semester minimum. One had to be a sport, the other could be anything that requires regular bonding and social building with peers outside of our siblings. We could pick whatever social group we wanted as long as they fit the criteria. My kids will probably be in public school, so that will make things easy for them, but I will still require team-related sport and extra-curricular social building.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-03-20T17:05:58+00:00

Be social

That’s literally it

The economic stuff is more worrying

Sillysheila · 2025-03-20T23:59:45+00:00

I am perhaps a bit concerned but honestly I’d be concerned for a daughter, too. The world isn’t as sociable and doesn’t have as many third spaces as it had when I was a kid.

Here’s what I would do:

Build an exercise habit. With my children, I plan to offer for them to go on regular walks and to play netball and other games with me, chase around the park, bike etc. OR offer to pay for sports team fees OR some fun at home/gym fitness. And make it a family thing. My family didn’t do this, they often implied I should exercise but didn’t do it with me and I don’t think this was effective, social aspect is more effective.
Make sure my son does group extracurriculars with kids his age, at least 1-2. So he can meet children his age, and I’d want something with girls too.
I’m putting my son in a co-ed school. I’ll also put my daughter in a co-ed school. If not, at least a single sex school where they have a nearby counterpart school with girls. I feel pretty strongly about this. I knew people who went to single gender schools, and they were often very behind when it came to talking to boys or girls. I think it’s better to put boys and girls together so they can practice interacting and talking to each other.
Limit on screen time. Encourage reading, playing with other children, creating things, doing things other than watching tik tok, being adventurous. Becoming interesting as a person.
Maybe this one is a little controversial but if he was overly shy I would probably try and encourage him to be more like his father (who isn’t so much) and push him a little not to be. This hindered me as a girl but I know not being able to make the first move and worrying too much about it will impact a boy more. It’s ok to be quiet and have quiet hobbies, but I would worry for a boy that can’t chat to girls.

-Blatherskite · 2025-03-20T18:16:53+00:00

I have a son. I had a terribly lonely childhood. It was even lonelier as a young adult. I'm no more worried about his loneliness than I would be with a daughter.

My son is almost certainly autistic, and learning through him and all about autism, I probably am too, which has likely contributed to my overall loneliness. I do worry about him building connections with people since I never have. I've only ever truly connected with partners but even then I never felt like they knew or understood me.

Honestly, I just hope he likes nerdy weird girls and isn't obsessed with women that a million miles out of his league... like guys here.

All the nerdy weird girls I've known didn't give a damn about looks, it was all about the feels. Granted, he's still young, and he's a handsome kid, so who knows, hopefully he will have looks on his side.

So far, he has no interest in others whatsoever. No desire for friends or to play with other kids. I try to encourage it, but he gives zero fucks.

Downtown_Cat_1745 · 2025-03-20T23:24:34+00:00

No. My son is a senior in high school and he has a really good social network. He’s got his D&D group, his friends he goes to punk shows with, and his friends from his two extracurriculars. Also, he has friends from his summer job.

Beyond that, he makes fun of manosphere nonsense and doesn’t act like women owe him something. Also he has female friends. He’s barely 5’7” before you ask.

SlothMonster9 · 2025-03-21T07:32:40+00:00

Yeah, I worry a bit about loneliness but honestly I worry more that he might find red pill and incel crap online, believe it, then hate women and live a miserable life because of it.

He's only 3 yo, but I plan to let him know I love him all day everyday, i plan to hug and kiss him all the time. Ain't gonna let nobody affect him with the "men don't cry, men don't wear this color, men gotta be strong, you have to be a man" shit. I want him to be able to come to me or my husband with any problem. To trust us.

I plan to put him in sports (he's already good at it), perhaps a musical instrument too, like guitar or something, encourage his hobbies. Put him in braces if necessary, teach him good hygiene and how to look presetable, stand up straight, be confident.

And focus on him being a good and social person, I think this is the most important part to a fulfilled life for any human. I want him to have good friends of all genders and like being around people.

Motherofvampires · 2025-03-21T07:57:56+00:00

One of the most beneficial things I think my sons have, and I appreciate this isn't always possible, is an older sister.

My boys and their sister get on well and she provides a link into the world of their female peers that I couldn't possibly give them. Through her and her friends they see that girls are normal people, not a separate species and with her being slightly older, they go to her for advice on which are the 'cool' clothes to buy etc.

I don't see that getting a son a dating life is my responsibility. As a woman, I can't show a boy how to be a man. My children see their father and have a relationship with him, so I have to hope he demonstrates the necessary masculine traits for them to learn from. I know that some sons of single mothers have a male influence from a grandfather or uncle who performs this role. I think that a woman with no male relatives who lives in a location where there are undesirable peer influences for boys faces a tough job tbh.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-03-23T03:48:51+00:00

stop looking to women to help boys date, women cannot and should not do this and when they try they psychologically fuck up boys

mothers should treat boys with benign neglect and leave them to their fathers, male peers and uncles. they shouldn't be allowed to geminize and shelter boys. thats how moms help boys date, by getting out of the way

Bitter_Rose2 · 2025-03-20T17:12:29+00:00

Nah, hopefully my son won't be autistic and I won't raise him to be a misogynist.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-03-20T17:45:55+00:00

Proper socialization, encourage him to have interests that aren't exclusively online, get the kid into some kind of sport

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Tricky_Dog1465 · 2025-03-21T19:21:46+00:00

I have a grown son now he's 26. And I taught him quite a bit about how to deal with people and how to interact with people to get off the phone to spend time with actual people. He knows that he has to treat people the way he wants to be treated, he knows that he can't just let his anger control him or his life. And he was shown socialization throughout his life. Both male and female. He was taught to take care of himself and not rely on a woman in his life to do anything for him it's his job to take care of himself not a woman's job to take care of him.

RoseyButterflies · 2025-03-22T13:01:35+00:00

I'd get him into football and jujitsu and other sports and swimming, nice fade haircut, preschool, help him study and with assignments and homework and dressing. He should probably get a girlfriend pretty early like 16.

Robot_Alchemist · 2025-04-18T14:12:52+00:00

I’m not planning to take any steps toward getting my kid laid. That’s totally ridiculous. It isn’t a mother’s job to ensure their sons are good at finding girls to bang. How would you feel if the question were posed to you about your daughter and her dating life?

ManufacturerFine2454 · 2025-03-21T22:02:51+00:00

Idk, that's his Dad's job.

I think one of the biggest factors of why the dating pool is so bad right now is we have the products of single mothers in it. What do I know about how to pick up women?

relish5k · 2025-03-21T23:52:55+00:00

I have an almost 2 year old. It's something I think about. For both of my kids it's important that they touch grass / avoid falling too deep in the online world, play sports/engage in physical activities, have strong friendships and have community connections. We spend a lot of time doing family activities, and socializing with other young families so so far, so good.

But honestly my 2 year old is so freakin cute (as is his dad), that I think if anything the talk we are going to have to have with him is how to not lead girls on / let them down gently.

Sophiatab · 2025-03-20T21:51:45+00:00

The male loneliness epidemic is purely a result of male deficiency and the refusal of men to date and marry the women that are their matches. I am raising my son (and hopefully I'll have more sons and daughters) to respect women and treat women as people rather than as sex objects. I actually don't want him to date the way most young people date in America. I would prefer he met his wife through a matchmaker. But I know he will probably have some social contact with the opposite sex. Hopefully he won't be sleeping around. I definitely will explain to him how much my first husband's pre-marital sex activity created difficulties in that marriage. Whether he listens who knows, but I can only offer advice, not live his life for him. Most of all I will be honest with him.

Women who wants/have kids, are you worried about your sons suffering from loneliness epidemic in the future and what steps are you going to take so that he gets a healthy dating life?

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