How true is the take that "women talk to one dude at time"

p_fulga · 2025-07-31T14:05:44+00:00

I've only ever dated one person at a time. I just don't have the time or social stamina, even if I wanted to, to date multiple people at the same time. Plus its a bit of a moral thing for me. It feels disrespectful to someone to shop around rather than giving them your genuine focus.

Confident_Counter471 · 2025-07-31T14:41:01+00:00

I was normally talking to several men at once but sleeping with none of them. When I liked one of them enough based off of our chit chat I might end up sleeping with him and drop the others.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2025-07-31T16:29:54+00:00

When I was single I maintained a rotation and slept with all of them. How would I know if they were worth keeping around otherwise?

That said most of my relationships started kind of intensely so everyone else got the boot pretty fast because I was spending all my time with the new person and simply did not have availability for the others.

Physical_Sherbet199 · 2025-07-31T14:17:44+00:00

Talking and having sex with multiple different people are completely different ballgames. Having multiple “talking stages” or dating multiple different guys for the first 1-2 dates is normal and is NOT having sex with them. Having sex with multiple different guys is not common. After 2-3 dates, some sort of exclusivity talk needs to happen.

flipsidetroll · 2025-07-31T14:21:33+00:00

I’m not hot enough to have multiple men interested in me. So definitely one at a time. With long gaps in between.

EulenWatcher · 2025-07-31T14:33:19+00:00

Depends on a woman.

My husband is the only person I've ever dated, so by definition I "talked to one dude at a time". I think it's very different for people who are open to casual dating and/or use apps.

applejackpatches · 2025-07-31T14:09:08+00:00

It's true for me and my friends and I'm sure it's true for most women honestly. Talking to multiple men at once feels off.

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-07-31T14:42:56+00:00

For most women, this is definitely true.

why this is

Women tend to hyper-focus on the guy/person they like the most out of their options.

Men tend to have a “lowest bar I’ll accept” in terms of looks/personality/commonality etc… and everyone who meets it (and above) can get a shot.

Casual sex with men is usually meh. Women often cum via clitoral stimulation and long oral… men in casual sex situations often don’t go down on a woman long enough and skilled enough to make her cum, if at all.

When a guy is really good at sex, he tends to have a roster of women who circle in and out of his life. If they fail to lock him down, or decide they’re not LTR compatible they’ll still hit him up in between breakups. So it’s not consistent but he still has many options.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-07-31T15:55:07+00:00

It has been like 20 years since I have dated but the norm in my social group was to talk to multiple men in the early dating stages - no one is officially bf/gf yet. The men I knew also did the same. We all just dated around until we found someone we both meshed with then we stopped seeing the other people and were an official couple. It’s no wonder some people struggle to find partners if they are putting all their eggs in one basket after just 1 date. Even my super religious sister dated multiple guys before her and her now husband agreed to be bf/gf.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-07-31T14:20:20+00:00

I'm poly, and my limit is about 4 guys at the same time. And that's a limit. Ideal would be 2-3. When i'm looking for something casual i "talk" to lots of guys but mostly because it will not last. If i find someone who's good for fwb arrangement, then again, 2-3 is enough. Edit. In reality i had 4 guys at the same time for about 2 month, after that something didn't work. Usually it's about 2 guys, hard to find more.

ThatBitchA · 2025-07-31T15:25:00+00:00

Back in my day, I had a roster. 🤣🤣🤣

I'm a 10, so I had a lot of interest from men.

I was definitely the outlier with the roster. Most women around me had one man.

The "talking stage" wasn't so much a thing because I met people in person. We hung out in person.

I hate the talking stage, and I think dating apps are trash.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-07-31T14:07:10+00:00

It’s true. Most women only entertain one man at a time. Even going out on dates or talking to multiple men online is a hassle and most women only chat with one at a time, make a decision on that man and move on. Very few promiscuous women will date or sleep with multiple men at once. Spinning multiple plates at a time is more of a guys wet dream.

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-07-31T15:01:09+00:00

I dont think any generalisation like this can ever be true. I think its also more about attachment style than gender

Personally I prefer to date one person at a time. And if I have a fwb I will stop sleeping with them if I become interested in someone. Cant say ive done this all my life however. My preference is because I have experienced that mixing things up, even just talking to different people, can become chaotic and toxic.

However ive also got dismissive avoidant tendencies, which I dont think is suited for dating multiple people. I dont have enough "dating energy" for multiple people. I have heard though that anxiously attached people can become less anxious if they talk to more people at once for longer (than their instinct to commit) before committing to one person. I think this is the intent behind some female dating advice on tiktok ive seen. But it gets toxic if avoidant people take the advice as an excuse to be even more avoidant 😅

Few-Yesterday9628 · 2025-08-01T01:05:42+00:00

Yeah I never had the bandwidth to juggle multiple men at the same time. I think most women feel the same. It's always been one guy at a time for me. Sometimes they'd intersect and then I'd choose from there. 🤷‍♀️

S0yslut · 2025-07-31T14:59:20+00:00

Depends on what you mean by talk, romantically it was one at a time because I rarely reciprocated anyone’s feelings. I had a lot of guy friends but I didn’t think about them romantically. I would play soccer games with friends in college, watched anime, go to the gym and play video games so my interests tended to be male dominated. I did not have sex with any of them, there was no kissing, hand holding or anything romantic between us. Sometimes they’d even date other women.

I would get interest often from men but that rarely lead anywhere because I would communicate boundaries or lose interest quickly (as in the first conversation we had). So I was a perpetually single virgin for most of college. junior year I began dating a guy and we dated the rest of college and we had a lot of mutual friends but of course I didn’t talk to anyone new after that.

After college it was a similar story I had guy friends but that is all they were mostly I would occasionally date men I was friends with or knew for a long time but we never got the chance to get to know each other too closely. I was celibate from the time my college relationship ended for 2 years because I would shut everyone down pretty quickly. The longest I would talk to anyone romantically during that time was a month or two. Until I met my husband.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-07-31T18:42:04+00:00

Sometimes I’d be talking to more than one person at a time, but not sleeping with more than one at a time. There’s a big difference between talking to and getting to know multiple people before dating one exclusively, and sleeping with multiple different people in a rotation. The former is normal and smart, the latter feels icky to me. Unless you’re only looking for fun, not a relationship, and making that clear to everyone involved.

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-08-04T15:15:24+00:00

I got stressed the hell out when I tried a dating app and had to message different people at the same time. It's not for me. I was a serial monogamist when dating and now am a lifelong monogamist when married.

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Title	How true is the take that "women talk to one dude at time"
Author	SurroundWide447
Upvotes	20
Comments	94
Date	July 31, 2025 2:01 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1me2ey3/how_true_is_the_take_that_women_talk_to_one_dude/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-true-is-the-take-that-women-talk-to-one-dude.1558569 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558569

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