New Girlfriend Suddenly Not Feeling It

Pale_Map6459 · 2025-08-18T03:20:45+00:00

I’m with u/stretchrun, and I’m an old fart with an equally menopausal wife. If you don’t understand something, it’s not necessarily menstruation related. It could be…but she’s got to tell you it is. It’s not for you to insert yourself in her self-awareness.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-08-18T02:30:52+00:00

seems like she gave it the old college try but it didn't work out - gotta move on, sucks to lose the free lodging though

FUMoney · 2025-08-18T02:26:13+00:00

The harsh truth. She’s out. Done with family bullshit she has no control over. Don’t blame her one bit; last thing I’m interested in is “disciplining” offspring that aren’t mine.

So, yes, “not feeling it” = I’m popping smoke and noping the fuck out of here.

db1342 · 2025-08-18T01:56:39+00:00

Dude, I'm hearing a lot about what she's got for you and not much about what you've got for her. Your marriage was 90 day terms, but post divorce relationships? They're cash on delivery!

stretchrun · 2025-08-18T00:22:56+00:00

Are we going to ignore his reducing her response to “she must be on her period”?

fives_gw · 2025-08-17T22:33:37+00:00

As others have said in multiple comments here: she's "suddenly not feeling it"? Why in the world would she ever have been feeling it? Take on all the burden of raising someone else's kids (not just the work she's clearly putting in, but the significant life restrictions she wouldn't otherwise have, like being tied to where you/they live, and then also not being able to take vacations as she'd otherwise choose to?), and then not even have the corresponding say like a parent would in the parenting she's already de facto doing in every other way??

As others have also said, if the genders were reversed (and imagining putting myself in that sort of situation with some divorced woman's kids), it sounds like an absolute joke. Like just, lol, no, why in the world would anyone, man or woman, even consider it if they know wtf is in their own best interests? That's the baseline -- the reality of the uber not-worth-it situation finally sank in (or she stopped trying to convince herself that a situation that was never really worth the cost, objectively, from her perspective somehow was).

If this is hard for you to see -- or worse if you dispute it -- you may need to get more realistic about the full picture of what you're asking of a potential partner showing up with all of your kids-on-board baggage.

And don't get me wrong -- of course your kids are and should be a priority, I'd argue the top priority of any actually decent father. I have my own kids, and they're all that and more. But I'm not introducing them to anyone I date, maybe now while they're young, or maybe ever. I'm not out there in the dating pool expecting some single-no-kids woman to be psyched about all the work that raising my kids would represent to her. Again, why would anyone, man or woman, view that significant, undeniable work as anything but a major downside of the total package of dating you (or me, or anyone who already has kids of their own)? Think about anyone else's kids that aren't yours. You really give even the remotest shit about them, as not-their-parent? I sure don't, at least not in the abstract/before I've developed some relationship (but again, why would I want to do that in the first place with a random kid out in the world? Just cause I'm trying to fuck his mom? That sounds like sad, bottom-feeding behavior to me from any man, or frankly, any person...). I'd wager that most people would feel similarly (outside of some truly exceptional child-loving saints out there...), if they're actually honest with themselves.

datingcoach32 · 2025-08-17T17:43:46+00:00

So you took a woman with no children and made a mom out of her, to "take care of you" as you put it, and you're surprised she left? Those ain't her kids and she was already doing so much work. Those are your kids. Take care of them.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-08-17T17:31:25+00:00

There's no coming back from this, brother. She's gone. I mean, you might be able to beg and plead with her on your knees to delay the inevitable, but the thought of leaving bc she doesn't want to be a stepmom is real and turning in her head like a worm. You should be thankful she is telling you this as you need to protect your children from a jealous stepmom who seethes when she sees your ex-wife in the faces of your children. She is NOT their mother and shouldn't be disciplining them anyway. Being a stepmother is an impossible demand, especially for a woman who missed out in life with love, marriage, and children of her own. Now that she's made herself clear, and those words can never be taken back, she will become more detached and sad if she stays, forcing you to break it off when the hostile environment she will create boils over.

Rip off the Band-Aid now, and move on.

jaglio69 · 2025-08-17T16:55:52+00:00

If that one thing I learned after Knapp going through a divorce after a 10 year marriage it’s that you gotta set fucking boundaries right in the fucking beginning. Fuck that. If you don’t set boundaries no one’s going to send them for you. you have to be willing to walk away calmly without emotion because the boundary requirement is not meant. And they will know you Min business and either comply or fuck right the fuck off. You don’t want this to turn into your next divorce to you?

whoisgodiam · 2025-08-17T16:06:03+00:00

Dude, just get yourself a fresh 20 year old. Stop with the poverty mindset.

0neMinute · 2025-08-17T15:30:06+00:00

You have already been divorced once, you know the drill. Once she says she is out you need to leave. It won’t get better unless she is begging for it . Most likely resentment is already building and its over.

warwww · 2025-08-17T15:29:39+00:00

OP, I hope things work out as it’s not everyday we find someone that we connect with on many levels

But do understand that it may be a HUGE deal for her to have to now take care of two kids that aren’t hers. Most may think it’s cute at first but when the real parenting kicks in, i.e tantrums, disobedience, etc it can shine a different light on things.

She may very well want kids of her own, kids that she has a natural and unbreakable bond with.

mhbb30 · 2025-08-17T14:36:32+00:00

I think it's a lot about her not having equal say in parenting decisions.

drtij_dzienz · 2025-08-17T14:22:03+00:00

I read the post I’m not sure what she is getting out of the relationship and it makes sense she would nope out. She bought the house, apparently relocated, has to spend each day a step parent to another woman’s kids, doesn’t have an equal vote in parenting. Basically every scenario the manoverse warns to not marry single moms but gender reversed.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-08-17T14:03:58+00:00

You don’t seem to be listening to her. Explain away everything she wants. Based on what you stated only, it sounds lopsided relation. Your solutions to her wants seem to fit your needs. Sorry but that’s how it came across. Probably not the whole picture but maybe do some more thinking about these things even if I am off the mark.

Big-Candidate3238 · 2025-08-17T13:52:46+00:00

There is a reason she hasn’t been married and has no kids. I wouldn’t put yourself in a situation where you depend on her good graces: living in her house, helping raise your kids, etc. Also, the whole concept of a non-parent helping make discipling decisions about your kid is foreign to me. Haven’t you read Cinderella?

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-08-17T13:35:57+00:00

Have a female friend just like this. She’s never been married. Can’t have kids. Her biggest flaw, she self sabotages relationships.

Things get real and one day she just up and walks away. It’s generally something small like this. An argument most of us would think is normal becomes a deal breaker.

Hopefully you can work through this but it really hits the same as what I’ve seen before. Best of luck.

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-08-17T13:31:01+00:00

More red flags flying than the east coast beaches right now.

Literally sounds like classic cluster B discard to pull you back in.

Why would you want to complicate your life with this emotional fuckery?

ComplexDetective2770 · 2025-08-17T13:29:55+00:00

I think a big factor here is that, whilst you have had years to settle into being a parent, your girlfriend has gone from zero to one hundred in next to no time. That's a massive adjustment in her life, and change is stressful.

Only because there are so many factors at play, beyond what you're sharing here, it's worth you speaking with a therapist to support you through these changes. Including how you can support those around you as they are also affected by these changes.

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2025-08-26T05:47:03+00:00

"We moved into a house she bought last summer..."

Never do this. Why do so many guys move into a woman's house? Don't do this fellas.

Title	New Girlfriend Suddenly Not Feeling It
Author	MightBusiness7231
Upvotes	12
Comments	75
Date	August 17, 2025 1:15 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1msqno3/new_girlfriend_suddenly_not_feeling_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-girlfriend-suddenly-not-feeling-it.1559798 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559798

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