Ex wants to reconcile

mesi130 · 2025-09-24T12:44:56+00:00

Thanks for replying giving your opinions, and sharing your experiences. I’m convinced nothing will change.

Substantial-Spinach3 · 2025-09-23T18:47:01+00:00

At the end of the day, what has changed? Adult children going away? What you said to each other? Both our your behavior towards each other going to be forgotten? Maybe agree to consider dating again, but marriage? No one says but second marriage is baggage, baggage, baggage. First marriage is you are just young and dumb.

Melynthos1492 · 2025-09-23T11:30:39+00:00

PghSubie · 2025-09-23T09:27:55+00:00

Pretend to be interested and string her along until you get everything split on paper.

willfortune7 · 2025-09-23T07:59:10+00:00

Fuck that bish. No disrespect. But fuck that

upvotersfortruth · 2025-09-23T05:06:40+00:00

No. Fucking. Way. Oldest trick in the book. Once she's actually your ex, then tell her you'll be happy to revisit the issue. NO. NO. NO. NO.

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-09-23T00:18:27+00:00

Close shop and move along home.

Titan22_ · 2025-09-22T22:02:55+00:00

Not late in the process. But redacted the paperwork a few times, only to end up in the same place 3-6-9 months later. You said the exact word that is my biggest fault in my outlook. Resentment. I have a lifetimes worth towards mine and I’ve tried to therapy it out of me and do therapy to try to learn on my end how to overcome it. I still will always only love her the most because of 20 years we put in together. I just think growing apart just happens and pain & frustrations never fade- or enough. I truly commend anyone who has a success story and great on those couples. It’s just not in my ex and mine’s DNA or cards to overcome this topic.

Mine has health conditions that I think she’s financially motivated to keep me around for when she finally becomes completely disabled from it. Right now she’s not, it’s just never going to be cured and we both are still young enough to truck along independently in life. But every divorce filing we do, 3 months later it’s some “ can’t see my life without you” or “nobody will care for my health the way you do” nonsense until she remembers what she chooses to loath me for within weeks of rekindling and “moving forward” both sides.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2025-09-22T20:52:46+00:00

You can be boyfriend/girlfriend after the divorce is finalized. That’s the true test of intentions

HusbandGettingBetter · 2025-09-22T20:45:20+00:00

I may be of a different opinion here, but I suggest you give reconciliation a chance.

However, you need to treat the reconciliation process as a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) at work. Clearly defined issues, a mutually understood course of action to address those issues, and defined & Achievable goals.

Reconciliation fails when there is no plan, strategy, or goals - just amorphous intentions and unclear targets that can never truly be met.

If you take this approach, you will force her (and yourself) to articulate what she views as the issues and what she wants as the solutions.

If she can't do that or tells you, "I don't know what I want," then reconciliation will fail because you can never achieve the ever-changing, ill-defined goals she has in her mind. Trust me, I tried it that way and failed.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-09-22T20:11:51+00:00

Reconciliation is almost always a bad idea because you won't work on the things that caused the breakup. After a brief period of trauma bonding sex, all of the resentments will come rushing back in twice as powerful as before but this time you'll be mad at yourself for being so stupid to take her back.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-09-22T20:10:58+00:00

I tried reconciling three times and each time it ended the same. Make a decision that is best for you.

rb5775 · 2025-09-22T20:06:38+00:00

Her new boyfriend dumped her and she needs to refill her wallet.

cschoonmaker · 2025-09-22T19:43:28+00:00

Unless you both have attended couples therapy to figure out what went wrong, why it went wrong and how to prevent it in the future then what makes you think you won't be right back at this stage after the reconciliation?
Why does she want to reconcile? did she say? I'm doubting that there is any real substance behind it.

Indepedence-david · 2025-09-22T19:33:20+00:00

Run 🏃

BuddhistChrist · 2025-09-22T19:15:02+00:00

Don’t do it. You’ll regret it. I guarantee it.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-09-22T18:47:35+00:00

I think it’s mostly financial.

Trust your guy. 10 months later, its probably more about missing what you provided via income and lifestyle than you as a person.

crzapy · 2025-09-22T18:15:30+00:00

It's a trap.

Tasty_Dinner6530 · 2025-09-22T17:58:14+00:00

This is a great question and I HOPED for reconciliation earlier in the process. Begged for it in fact. I drew a whole tree diagram to help structure my thoughts - imagine!

As time passed (a year into separation, no agreement finalize and pending on her side) I came to terms on not being with her and this boiled down to a few key point

Trust is broken - so immediate going Into the same relationship will not change anything in fact it will require more work with less return if you put into the same Effort else where as the motivation on both side is new.

If it works out great but likely hood that it won’t is greater and then you will regret more.

TLDR: be precise and true to yourself in knowing what you want and go for that. You don’t want to be making all the efforts to get zero or negative rewards. If it’s for your children sake you want to get back together then that is your choice right

BathAutomatic6972 · 2025-09-22T17:42:13+00:00

If she's doing it through attorneys, there is some bullshit at play (appearances with her family/friends? financial? health related?). And you should trust your instincts! She is in all likelihood setting up to get a better deal in a few years (out of context arguments, protection orders, etc) OR she's having terrible separation panic but that's her business, not yours. Be a rock.

darealyst · 2025-09-22T17:05:38+00:00

Doing it through a lawyer is the biggest red flag of all that she isn't serious about it. Couldn't pick up the phone?

First instinct is tactic. Tell her let's finalize everything and then have dinner. Say its a clean slate and we can leave all of our baggage behind. If she balks you know its bullshit.

hazalo9 · 2025-09-22T17:00:44+00:00

Don't do it! I tried to reconcile after 8 months in divorce. Then all them divorce feelings came back one day, things even got worse. This time I filed cause I was done with games. All that lost time and money hurts. Set a goal to reconcile only after you are divorced. Good luck bro.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-09-22T16:59:58+00:00

Oh I hope this is a joke (the “what if” part)…. You should never consider marriage to anyone again, but if you did, she’d be the very last woman you should consider marrying. This is just the facts my guy.

crager34 · 2025-09-22T16:42:36+00:00

That tiny part is really asking you, just how much more could I deal with until I can’t (again).

But…sometimes reconciliation works. I have never reconciled with an X.

denvercaniac · 2025-09-22T16:40:54+00:00

Don't do it. Shit test.

Title	Ex wants to reconcile
Author	mesi130
Upvotes	24
Comments	48
Date	September 22, 2025 4:31 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nnra4q/ex_wants_to_reconcile/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-wants-to-reconcile.1562572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562572

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