My ex wife is says she is scared of me.

smc0881 · 2026-05-08T14:30:14+00:00

My ex-wife claimed this too and she was the violent one. She broke a door window, threw things at me, and physically assaulted me a few times. Usually when it involved exposing her lies then confronting her about them. I remember one time we got into a huge fight over shit I found out she did, so she called her brother who was with a friend of theirs for an audience. He called the cops and she was rubbing it in my face how I was going to go jail and all this shit. I waited till she left the room then went into my living room. I opened all the blinds, turned on all the lights, and sat on my couch in direct view of the windows. I did this on purpose awaiting the police to show up. She then sat down next to me on the couch scolding me more how I am going to get in trouble and scrolling through her phone, blah and blah. I saw the police show up at the door and before they made themselves known, I could see them looking in my house at me. Then when they knocked she quickly left and ran upstairs, lol. Needless to say she tried the "I am scared of him and he's trying to grab my phone, so I had to run up here" card. They knew it was bullshit and weren't too happy with the shit she was pulling. Then of course she went on about how all cops suck and treat women like they aren't victims to be believed.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-05-05T23:04:54+00:00

After a few months of separation I asked mine to meet up (so I could plead with her to make it work). She refused to come to the house and insisted I meet her at a coffee shop. When we met I joked “you probably think I was going to do something bad”. She admitted that she thought I would. I am a really easy going guy. That’s probably why she left TBH. But it really hurt that she’d even entertain that. I think they come up with this shit to make themselves feel better about their terrible life choices

oceansofhair · 2026-05-05T19:10:39+00:00

Never hurt my ex wife too but she tried a restraining order on me which terribly backfired. She a full blown narcassist.

As my attorney told me, an innocent man doesnt try to prove what he did not do.

mesi130 · 2026-05-05T16:08:22+00:00

My wife said she was scared of me also. I’ve never touched a woman in my life. In fact she assault me twice. For her it was just a form of manipulation.

InvertedPickleTaco · 2026-05-05T02:19:04+00:00

Mine said she was scared of me when I calmly asked about her reddit where she was bragging up filing for divorce without me knowing. The truth is most women assume when they're caught being bed people that someone will hurt them, which is completely BS in most cases and a way to play victim.

Coffeecankicker · 2026-05-05T02:10:39+00:00

Mine filed an order of protection against me claiming a bunch of shit she did to me and some just completely made up shit. Anyway, I’m still trying to divorce her.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-05-04T22:36:57+00:00

We should add this one to the list of common tropes:
You're a narcissist.
I need space.
I need to find myself.
...

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-05-04T20:25:39+00:00

It’s a tactic and extremely common for women. It is a way to duck responsibility and reinforce their decision to themselves and others. I have never hurt a woman in my life. My mom beat me with closed fists. My second wife would punch me randomly. I have never touched a woman in anger. I heard the same things. Don’t believe it. Don’t give in to gaslighting.

Abuse is consistent and meant to tear the other person down and hurt them. The goal is to hurt them and make them feel less. Abuse is not…criticism, frustration, emotions, arguing, and even anger.

Par for the course…check the box…pick up your t-shirt and exit through the gift shop lol

ThrowAway2022916 · 2026-05-04T19:17:42+00:00

My wife claims that I’ve “thrown her around”. I’m not sure we were in the same room if that happened.

JulietKiloNovember · 2026-05-04T17:11:00+00:00

This happened to me too. We were separated since June, but cohabitated through December while selling the house. We bickered, well, like an old married couple. Come December she started saying that she afraid, telling people (anyone that’ll listen) that she’s worried I’m dangerous. No history of threats or ever laying a hand on her.

Syloi · 2026-05-04T17:00:41+00:00

Mine said that she felt emotionally unsafe with me 🙄 like, what???

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-05-04T16:41:29+00:00

Just another tactic she is and will be using for/during the divorce. My ex filed so many PFA on me. Everyone of them were tossed out by the judge. It’s her way of telling you that she wanted to continue her affair and need you to stay away as far as possible.

Slight_Horse9673 · 2026-05-04T16:29:19+00:00

Well it's probably true that 90% of women would have no chance in a fight against 90% of men.

But being scared of a particular individual without good reason sounds like a divorce tactic.

kellyjj1919 · 2026-05-04T16:29:12+00:00

This is a common tactic for women to use.

They all of a sudden claim to be afraid.

It’s a tool they use to leverage you

Always-tolkein · 2026-05-04T16:20:39+00:00

My wife says this same thing. She’s petrified to try to work it out with me because she “scared” of me and “scared of going back to that life”. I was never physically abusive. But because I would raise my voice or “say mean things” I’m some super villain she’s petrified of. And I’m a fucking teddy bear. Never once laid a hand on a woman.

UrAristotle · 2026-05-04T16:17:51+00:00

She is creating a story where she gets to be the noble protagonist and you’re the villain.

My ex wife told people whatever she thought they needed to hear to make her the victim and justify her choices.

Told her father she didn’t feel safe with me.
Told friends I hid things from her about finances (100% not true).
Told me that she only married me because I was the safe choice and she wasn’t sure if she ever really loved me.

She is crafting a narrative in her head that makes her okay looking at herself in the mirror. It doesn’t affect you. Focus on yourself and your kids if you have them.

ShaunyP_OKC · 2026-05-04T16:10:51+00:00

You have to understand that reputation sabotage and image management is a hallmark of abusive women.

ObjectiveSalt1635 · 2026-05-04T15:16:24+00:00

Lawyer immediately

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2026-05-04T14:50:04+00:00

Laugh at that shit. It’s an evil tactic to destroy and/or bait you. Do not accept the premise, and don’t get baited into arguing the merits. It’s trash and not worth any emotional energy. Be kind. Know that you’re better than that and worthy of being free from this trash. Don’t engage, ever. Planning time is now.

https://slimwiki.com/survival/getting-started/welcome

EndAutomatic9186 · 2026-05-04T14:49:39+00:00

When a cheating spouse claims to be "scared" of you, it is frequently a tactic known as projection or DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender), where the person who caused the harm attempts to make themselves the victim to avoid accountability.

Don't know your situation but my ex wife who cheated on me did this too.

akihonj · 2026-05-04T14:13:09+00:00

My first question here is why is she claiming she's scared of you.

You're going through a divorce, war, and she's already three steps in front. Claim victim status, poor abused and terrified. Sit in the courtroom and cry and play the broken wife and max out the alimony.

I'd bet a years salary she showed you no fear during the marriage and was quite happy to stand her ground against you in any argument as well push any and all buttons she could, no good as a husband, crap in bed etc.

Here's how you rewire, you said you've never physically hurt a woman. That's your baseline, now let's say sake of argument you've also never physically hurt her then you should now be able to see the gam and stop letting it get under your skin because that's all it is, a tactic to get under your skin to throw you off and get you to do something that will work against you.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2026-05-04T14:07:33+00:00

So, this is a tactic women use in divorce, and it absolutely can fuck with your head. If they tell everyone, including you, that they're "scared" of you, then it makes them look like a victim and makes you look like a monster. You can't let yourself be hurt by this basic bitch move.

My ex wife was a violent alcoholic. Over our short marriage, she broke about $10k worth of my stuff and regularly put out infant son on danger. One night, while shit-faced drunk and butt-naked, she grabs our infant son out of his bed and tries to run out into the night with him. I continually tell her that she's welcome to leave, but she can't take our child. What transpires next was 2 hours of me gently trying to get the child away from her. No threats, no violence, never touched her.....I simply wouldn't let her leave with the child. In hindsight, I should have called the police, but I'd never experienced anything like that and didn't have a clue what to do.

The next day, still somewhat drunk over 12 hours later, she comes into our kitchen and tells me that she's afraid of me, because I wouldn't let her leave the home. I was in shock, and ultimately played her experts from the 2 hour video of her naked, drunken attempts to take our child out on the street in 30 degree weather. But none of that mattered. From that point forward, she told anyone that would listen that she was afraid of me, and painted me as a monster that was ultimately going to hurt her. Even now, 5 years later, she will tell people how violent I was, and how our divorce was exclusive due to her fear of me.....

Impossible-Alarm-336 · 2026-05-04T14:03:26+00:00

My stbex is working the same angle. Weaponizing the kids, it’s truly disgusting how someone I loved can stoop that low. Too bad her temper is worse than mine and she’s digging herself a hole

RPGFrazer · 2026-05-04T13:56:28+00:00

My stbx said the same but she had a violent father. I sorted it out by sitting on the floor cross legged. I have ADHD and rarely sit down especially in arguments and understood eventually it's intimidating to be towering over her in arguments. There can be a lot of things that are not done on purpose that come across that way. We are to be divorced soon and arguments happen more than ever but I descilate keep my tone as calm as I can and sit down. I know I can be genuinely intimidating as a tallish wide shoulders guy. I would hate the kids to ever feel that way so her actually being honest about that really helped me.

She could also be lieing about it but it's something I can do at least to try and help.

Edit: I have never hurt or been violent towards her and my first thoughts were I was very hurt by her even suggesting it. You have to look after you, control that tone of voice and dont let her know she is getting to you. It's the best way. Even if you are right to be angry or doesn't serve any purpose other than hers.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-05-04T13:52:16+00:00

Read about Silver Bullet Divorce.

She’s got a plan to ruin you. Stay away from her and record every interaction with her

0neMinute · 2026-05-04T13:50:35+00:00

You stay far far away from her, the scared thing is a tactic to get you arrested or a restraining order. Get therapy if you believe you are need but do not trust her.

Title	My ex wife is says she is scared of me.
Author	Ok_Industry3016
Upvotes	26
Comments	58
Date	May 4, 2026 1:45 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1t3i5ya/my_ex_wife_is_says_she_is_scared_of_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-ex-wife-is-says-she-is-scared-of-me.1579569 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579569

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