A very common narrative in modern dating is that men should only do things (pay for dates, offer help, plan evenings) with "pure intentions", just to be nice.

If a man invests time, money, or effort with the underlying goal of escalating the relationship, securing future dates, or reaching physical intimacy, he is heavily shamed. He is labeled as manipulative or transactional. We are told that "doing something to get something" makes you a bad guy

When a man explicitly asks a woman on a date, pays for it, and tries to impress her, he is doing it with a goal. Having a goal (wanting a relationship or intimacy) does not make a man a transactional or morally wrong. It makes him a human being seeking natural reciprocity. Mind you its only HIS money, and HIS time as well

This moral grandstanding completely ignores the reality of the dating market for men. Men have to be the pursuers. A man who simply exists and acts "nice" with zero underlying strategy or intention to escalate will end up entirely invisible.

women love to throw out the "Vending Machine" saying, "Women aren't vending machines you put a $50 dinner into to get sex.".

Well then why arent they paying for their own on dates to get the message across as clear as possible? And if women are doing so good today, why hasnt it been a big shift in paying for first dates or dates in general?

- A sample of 552 heterosexual college students took an online survey that included questions about their actual and expected payment for their first and subsequent dates. Participants also completed several measures regarding their gender roles. The findings indicated that traditional gender norms in dating continue to be popular in the new millennium because in actual practice, men almost always paid the whole bill of the first dates and paid more for subsequent dates

It is incredibly convenient to champion the "only do it to be nice" philosophy when you belong to the demographic that doesn't have to be proactive.

"Women risk their physical safety!" and "Women spend tons of money on makeup, hair, and clothes just to meet beauty standards!"

Beauty standards are Self inflicted. There is almost no women, that cant get sex or relationships, or dates. Women do these things to get the tallest and most attractive man possible,

When did physical safety correlate to men paying for the date? None.

the approaching, the planning, the escalating, bearing the financial burden of the dates, and absorbing nearly 100% of the social rejection still falls overwhelmingly on men. It is much easier to romanticize dating as a pure, organic experience when you aren't the one required to do the heavy lifting to make it happen.

men pay because if they don't, another man will. women are the gatekeepers who enforce this standard by selecting the men who play the game best. You cannot happily accept the spoils of male competition (free dinners, planned evenings, proactive validation) and then morally condemn the men for playing the game, for a transaction reason.

Framing intentional dating as "morally wrong" serves a very specific purpose for women

  1. It allows women to enjoy the financial, emotional, and temporal investments of men without feeling any reciprocal obligation

  2. It gives them a free pass to shame men who understandably get frustrated when their active, required investments yield zero results. or drop said women because he didnt get what he want.