Do you like someone more when they're exceptional at things you're deficient in, or when they're similar at things you're exceptional in?

chamomilecloud · 2026-07-27T12:37:58+00:00

A little bit of both. Broadly speaking, I like people who have a strong curiosity of the world and have a desire for achievement, as these are things I share and I’d like us to pass these traits along to our children.

But I don’t need a man to be as good at professional design or cooking or whatever as I am. That is completely meaningless to me.

Neither of these things tie into my respect for someone. My respect for someone — specifically a man — only happens when I perceive him as competent and capable. This is over a variety of things that have nothing to do with what I myself am good at.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-07-27T12:41:26+00:00

I like someone more when they are good in something i value, no matter am i good at it too or not. For example i don't really value cooking skills, i mean i do expect people to be able to cook for themselves, but outside of that i don't really care, so a person could cook as a greatest chef and i wouldn't care. But there is for example ambition, i'm not really ambitious, but i do admire that. Then for example there is communication skill, and i like mine, and i still would admire someone for having that.

half_avocado33 · 2026-07-27T13:16:45+00:00

A mix of both. Similar enough that we are compatible, but different enough that we complement each other.

Lysa_Bell · 2026-07-27T13:02:36+00:00

I like it when someone is passionate about something. They don't need to be exceptional or even good at it. Just be passionate and have fun with it. I love the energy of someone being excited for something. Passion is more important than being good at it. Someone can be an excellent lover for instance but if it feels lifeless and mechanical it is not the same as someone that is very eager and enthusiastic but maybe a bit clumsy.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-07-27T12:37:50+00:00

Both.

-mixedsignals · 2026-07-27T13:19:08+00:00

I like people who are exceptional (in general)

doesn't matter what

TankfarmMurdock · 2026-07-27T12:34:51+00:00

A mix of both, I think?

I’m super extroverted and my partner leans more introverted, so I tend to “push” her to be more social at times and she gets to rein me in when I want to get too wild.

But we have bunch of shared interests and traits too, from music to food to overall life outlook.

Present-Afternoon-70 · 2026-07-27T12:42:18+00:00

For me, I don't look at what another person can do for me when I'm looking for a romantic relationship. I don't really care about their skills, job, or how they organize their life. I care about how I feel when I'm with them and how our personalities and energy fit together.

If I met someone who was the perfect complement to all my weaknesses, but I couldn't stand being around them, I wouldn't care how much easier they made my life materially. I'd still be miserable. Compatibility isn't about optimizing a household—it's about whether being together actually makes both of your lives better.

I think a lot of people do look for complementary strengths, and that's perfectly reasonable. But for me, emotional compatibility comes first. Everything else is secondary.

Creation_Soul · 2026-07-27T12:50:55+00:00

i think initial attraction is built on stuff we have in common, but long term relationships are maintained more on complementarity.

for ex

Total_Bumblebee_622 · 2026-07-27T13:12:48+00:00

I like the latter more, but both are good in a vacuum. To me.

The problems more come from the ways women find attraction in men than the other way around. A women who is exceptional at something I'm deficient in isn't likely to see that difference as complementary.

Most women value the parts of life they've invested into over others. Things that lie outside of that are lower priority, no matter how useful or vital they are.

Just an example; a woman who's really good at skiing and makes that her thing isn't going to look at a guy who's really good with money or gives good interpersonal advice as a keeper because he fills out the parts of life that she's missing. She's going to look for another skier, and then she'll pick the one that's most stimulating to be around for her.

It's been very rare in my life that I've seen a woman not want to put a hat on a hat. They double up on lifestyles, they don't want to balance them out.

Or are you more drawn to someone who’s exceptional at the same things you are because it creates a stronger sense of admiration, understanding, or shared identity?

All that said.

I'd have more confidence in being around someone who's a "match" for me than a complement. Cause I've seen the disconnect in real life when women have a good complement who they personally cannot value outside of their realm of expertise. I can understand someone more if we have similar experiences, but I'm also not limited by this, I can learn from and be close to many different backgrounds. But I'm not going to pretend like that goes both ways.

Which tends to make you like or respect someone more, and why?

I respect hard work and skill in almost every walk of life. I try to like people based more on personality and values, I genuinely do not focus on what they do. Jobs change, hobbies change. What happens to the lady that skis if she gets injured? What happens to an athlete with a heart condition, a singer with polyps.

The impermanence of a lifestyle is something I don't think most people really digest until well after it's already happened to them. A lot of things you like about life can be lost, so being flexible will lead to a more satisfying life.

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-07-27T22:20:22+00:00

It needs to be somewhere in between. Either being too different or alike causes problems. Like my husband and I are both ADHD and have trouble staying organized, which sometimes sucks because our house is a mess and we forget things, BUT a neurotypical person realistically would not be able to tolerate either of us. However, he can do things I can’t, and I can do things he can’t, so together we make one semi-functional mess of a human, basically.lol

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wtknight · 2026-07-27T12:40:00+00:00

I kind of like it when women are good at something that I’m not as good at. However, from past experience women don’t seem to look highly upon men like this due to female sexual hypergamy. Women seem to like men who are at least as good at something as they already are.

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-07-27T13:12:06+00:00

A bit of both.

Solondthewookiee · 2026-07-27T13:16:22+00:00

Both. In both cases it's an opportunity to learn new things and honestly it's just cool to watch people do things they're really good at.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-07-27T13:52:20+00:00

I can be drawn to aspects of a person (I'm disorganized so your example of someone who is orderly resonates) without necessarily being drawn to someone overall.

I think what contributes most to me being drawn to a person is how well the communication is, which shows up in things such as, but not limited to: physical attraction (both ways), expression of said physical attraction (both ways) Humor, Inside jokes, banter, flirting, openness, level of amusement when interacting without a specific shared goal, level of personal responsibility and structure of long-term goals.

love_in_october · 2026-07-27T14:09:03+00:00

I strongly prefer those who are complementary and different to me. I don't really understand those who are attracted to people who are very similar to themselves.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-07-27T14:11:12+00:00

Both. I care that they're good at things I esteem, even if I myself am not good at those things.

I have a great ear for music but I can't really play, I appreciate musical skill (and really all classic artistic ability).

I'm a hockey player who's not very good at basketball, who was born with tight hamstrings, and can't do a lot of gymnastics adjacent stuff...nonetheless I value all forms of athleticism, so I'd still be impressed by athletic ability.

OTOH I give exactly zero fucks about competitive gaming, so someone could be the best in the world at some video game and I wouldn't really care nor like them better. Some people are also incredibly knowledgeable about the most mundane stuff, and if it's something uninteresting to me, I would not appreciate it one bit.

What matters in determining whether or not it's a positive in my eyes, is that I place value on the skill/ability/knowledge, not whether I myself am great at it.

pie-mart · 2026-07-27T14:49:09+00:00

A little bit of both. I like learning new things. But I prefer to have more stuff in common with a man than not

Otjahe · 2026-07-27T14:49:59+00:00

It usually doesn’t matter. It’s something that unravels after the point of developing a crush.

stats135 · 2026-07-27T15:16:42+00:00

I prefer where we have similar values, but different complementary skillsets.

When I bring home the bacon, I want someone who is good at cooking. The skillset is different, but we both agree we want bacon in our lives.

KayRay1994 · 2026-07-27T15:24:50+00:00

I’m gonna say it depends on the thing and whether it is an interest or a genuine necessity. Let’s put it this way, if they’re as good an artist as I am (and I am decent, not amazing but decent) then that’s fine, or if they’re as Into hiking or whatever then cool, but say… the difference comes in in practical stuff. I’m great with my hands, I’m good at building shit/taking things apart and figuring out how it all works, but I’m also not the most organized, so someone a lot more organized than I am would be amazing, that kind of thing

Quiet-Lotus · 2026-07-27T15:35:17+00:00

there are certain traits where id prefer they were similar and others where im indifferent. For example if i prefer to keep things tidy i dont really want to be with someone who keeps making a mess and completely draining me... but i also know how to cook well, and i dont mind if my partner doesnt know how to cook to the same level or better.

It really changes trait to trait.

ThatBitchA · 2026-07-27T16:03:50+00:00

They say "opposites attract" for a reason.

I never really sought someone out because they were better at xyz than me.

I think more in terms of how we compliment each other. And that often means, I have something he doesn't, and he has something I don't.

Personally, if we were the exact same that would be pretty boring and stale. It's nice when there's differences because you can teach other and have fun together.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-07-27T18:42:44+00:00

I like people who like me and don’t offend me.

I’m not looking for a set of skills or a role model

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-07-27T19:12:51+00:00

Closer to the latter but only because of similarities not because of proficiency, admiration to a kill or proficiency doesn’t lead to attraction and would probably sooner prevent it for me.

OmegaMSK · 2026-07-27T19:24:19+00:00

I hate myself and I adore people who are nothing like me, good where I fail. I wanted to add 'fail where I am good', but I am good at nothing.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2026-07-28T05:57:50+00:00

I admire people who have what I don't have, but is it romantic love? I think it contribute better to the friendship part of the relationship

yourfavoriteblackguy · 2026-07-28T15:02:12+00:00

I don't care about either. All that matters is can you do something. Can they farm? Great. Do I care that I'm better than them no. I'm not in a contest with my partner. Being able to do something doesn't mean that you're good person.

I feel like this question is some sort of gotcha for hypergamy.

Forsaken_Emotion · 2026-07-28T19:34:10+00:00

I prefer being around people with similar values and priorities. If someone is extremely good at something I'm not really interested in it almost feels like a waste, like of course I'm happy for them but someone else would be able to share that happiness more deeply. Despite this, the most important thing is their soul y'know?

lesliecarbone · 2026-07-27T14:25:33+00:00

I like people who have integrity and are fun, interesting, and pleasant.
Their skill set relative to mine is pretty irrelevant.

Title	Do you like someone more when they're exceptional at things you're deficient in, or when they're similar at things you're exceptional in?
Author	FinnAgain12
Upvotes	0
Comments	43
Date	July 27, 2026 5:43 AM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1v7rik3/do_you_like_someone_more_when_theyre_exceptional/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-like-someone-more-when-theyre-exceptional.1628295 https://theredarchive.com/post/1628295

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