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BrooklynBabe33
[–]FurryBellyButt0nFDS Disciple412 points413 points414 points 3 years ago (27 children) | Copy Link
He knows better, he is CHOOSING not to do better
If that's how it's going to be, you gotta love yourself first and walk away
The scarcity mindset keeps LVM & NVM in power. Time to flip the script if you wanna be at the top because Queens never question their worth, they demand respect with grace and dignity <3
[–]jchvrxo_FDS Newbie119 points120 points121 points 3 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
My ex once told me “if you weren’t so insecure, I would do xyz for you.”
[–]FurryBellyButt0nFDS Disciple112 points113 points114 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
They will always find fault in what we do to deflect accountability for chronically mistreating women for their own benefit
[–]michelle27519FDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
My ex called me insecure too but it’s nonsense
[–]jchvrxo_FDS Newbie47 points48 points49 points 3 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
I became insecure when he cheated on me the second time & I decided to stay, then all of a sudden I was the bad guy in the relationship
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
It’s actually crazy how they flip the switch with cheating. I would never stay with a cheater again. It ruins you. And they just get more paranoid about what you’re doing.
[–]TafahaDeTerreFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah because they think there must be something wrong with you to stay. You must be cheating, too.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
So true! When I was younger I just assumed it’s what MeN jUsT dO so I tried to work it out. And also because I thought I’d be alone (so sad, I was 19!) and then the next one I was terrified of leaving and thought his abuse would calm down. But it escalated. Never again
[–]TafahaDeTerreFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It always escalates! Good on you for leaving <3
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That’s awful! Thank goodness your friends caught him too. That’s the worst of it I think - so many of us don’t catch them cheating unless we snoop or someone tells us. I’m so glad you left, and I know it’s hard but try not to blame yourself when you get into that mode of thinking.
[–]jchvrxo_FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you :)
[–]CharTheCatMomFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gaslighting 101.
[–]CharTheCatMomFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What the hell does that even mean? So someone who is insecure is undeserving of good treatment?
What an absolute loser.
[–]jchvrxo_FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Most likely a troll who has nothing better to do
[–]pm_me_4FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow you must really be regretting letting him go...
[–]jchvrxo_FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Definitely!
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple88 points89 points90 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I lived with scarcity and needy mindset for most of my life and that made dating and relationships hell. Once I became being selective and realizing all men are disposable or replaceable, the level of bullshit I endure has decreased dramatically.
[–]FurryBellyButt0nFDS Disciple46 points47 points48 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Being selective is NEVER a bad thing so we need to end that stigma for the next generation. It's OKAY and REASONABLE to be selective with things!!!
[–]BlackRabbitdreaming18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’ve just had to leave a relationship for many reasons but mainly because he knew what he needed to do but kept giving reasons why he was “struggling to do it”. Your comment resonated so much with me. I’m still in the shitty phase of being upset and then angry. I have started turning it on myself, ‘why wasn’t I good enough to make him want to do better’ but I have to not let myself fall down that rabbit hole. It’s giving me real strength reading posts on the site, thank you.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yea it’s definitely not that you weren’t good enough. They never change for anyone - and if they appear to, it’s not real and lasting change. The only lasting change is if they want to change for themselves. Please don’t beat yourself up, and I’m so glad you found us here.
[–]sappfirestarFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't be upset or angry, you just saved yourself years of anguish. He didn't want to do better. He wanted you to do worse. Go treat yourself, you deserve it.
[–]munakhtylerFDS Newbie83 points84 points85 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Never forget that men are the easiest things to replace! 💕
[–]saint-jezebelFDS Newbie191 points192 points193 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Men learn faster when you leave them versus when you tell them.
[–]iheartcookinPickmeisha™️115 points116 points117 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I doubt they learn at all, but they’re someone else’s problem now and you’re the “crazy ex”
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It really do be like that.
[–]SeleneNyxFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I doubt they learn, but that's the next chicks problem.
[–]CharTheCatMomFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Boop!
[–]acidlove719FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
urgh yes. Took me way too long to figure that out and stop giving chances
[–]throwRAwhatisthisFDS Newbie88 points89 points90 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Lol I think this was posted before and my ex was sooo pissed when he saw me reading this.
He tried to argue women are more disposable. I guess he was right, because I’m gone! Let’s see how long #22 stays.
ETA: it was saved as a screenshot, so it must have stung 😘
[–]alivebut-justbarelyFDS Apprentice56 points57 points58 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It's funny because as much as men LOVE justifying their shit behavior with "But it's in our nature!" they sure do get pissy when things that are actually the way they developed as a sex are brought up and it's not in their favor. The males of most species ARE disposable. Take it up with mother nature if you want to cry about it but that is just reality.
[–]throwRAwhatisthisFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha the truth hurts. In the book, “The Lucifer Principle”- there’s a whole section on the disposability of males in nature. The author is a male too. Highly suggested read. My favorite book of all time.
[–]understatedalwaysFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lmao. I just laughed so hard my sparkling water came out my nose. Thanks. 😆
[–]throwRAwhatisthisFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Haha 🤣
[–]paperbagskirtFDS Apprentice277 points278 points279 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
To quote another queen here:
“Men realizing that they are disposable is my fetish”
[–]willowgrowingrootsFDS Disciple45 points46 points47 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This quote is vision-board level
[–]CharTheCatMomFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men failing after they've hurt a woman is my kink.
[–]Bassbunny19FDS Newbie34 points35 points36 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yessss haha I remember that queen!
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It feels like heaven 🤣
[–]fairywakesFDS Newbie123 points124 points125 points 3 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
I literally just DUMPED a man yesterday who was otherwise fantastic but became terrible with texting and calling me. I could see him active on Instagram all the time - he wasn’t even opening my messages.
They know better. I don’t have the time. Bye 🤪
[–]angelsofadversityFDS Newbie50 points51 points52 points 3 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
QUEEN!! How did he react to it? My soon to be ex, always says that the things I find “breakup worthy” actually aren’t big deals....
[–]Aw_Hail_NoFDS Apprentice63 points64 points65 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He's being manipulative by saying that. Dump him now. Don't wait 💅👑
[–]angelsofadversityFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He is. I’ve completely fallen into the trap he put me in and am trying to find a way out. I unfortunately live with him and am financially reliant on him.
[–]fairywakesFDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks babe! I don’t care how he reacted - because I blocked him on everything! 😉
I already had a conversation with him after he left me for 5-6 hours mid conversation to go party with his friend (it was his birthday). He finally gets back to me, high as a kite, and apologized profusely and stated he won’t do it again. All kinds of bells and whistles about how much he adored me. We had plans to FT.
Well, he did it again. Once they disrespect you once they WILL do it again. From the handbook: “They literally have NO reason not to text you back.”
[–]textbasedpandaFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Your "breakup worthy" and his are different. It doesn't make it any less real to you. I can't believe he has the audacity to tell YOU what your own boundaries are. Good riddance.
Yes. I let a lot of red flags go to the side. Now I’m paying for it.
[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yuck this is emotionally abusive. He’s invalidating your feelings so that you don’t feel confident to react to the shitty things he does because you’ve been manipulated to feel like you have bad judgement. I hope that soon to be is VERY soon. No one has any authority to tell you how you should feel
[–]peachpeachpeachy1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love this comment so much 💗it’s something I needed to hear. thank you
Thank you. Yes I’m feeling my confidence in myself slowly sinking and I doubt myself more. I’m unfortunately financially reliant on him and I live with him so those are the only things keeping me here.
[–]WinterDoughnutFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
WTF! I had the same issue with him not opening Instagram messages? Like what’s up with that? Why?
[–]fairywakesFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They don’t care. As much as it hurts to hear: if they wanted to, they WOULD
[–]HaveNoIdeaWhatToPickFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, never argue with people over all how they should treat you. If they don't care that much, just walk away. They are not worthy of your time. I've wasted too much of my life on people who never cared. The moment you start to value yourself is the moment when all the toxic people walk away automatically and only the ones that truly care stay.
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie77 points78 points79 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This is what my NVM ex did. Then he would discuss it with his mother and call me to apologise because his mother said I was right to be angry eyeroll
[–]ztherobotFDS Newbie45 points46 points47 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
too bad his mom was the best thing that ever happened to you at the time and not him
[–]whatrutalkinboutFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey at least yours would listen to his mom smh. It’s a good thing we both got out of that mess
[–]buzzkillyallFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good lord! Were you kids in high school? At least Mom set him straight.
[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He's a grown man in literal age terms. If I wasn't being his mother I was an object. The "relationship" didn't last long thankfully lol
[–]the_researcher_Pickmeisha™️72 points73 points74 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely! The first year easily, just move on at the first sign of him not living up to your standards.
No fight, no argument, just a decision and move on.
[–]michelle27519FDS Newbie63 points64 points65 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is sooooo true! I spent way too much time trying to get my ex to be a decent guy and he’s just not and never will be.
[–]gambuchaFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely this! He wasn’t my ex but a nvm who played with my feelings and pretended to be my “friend”. You can’t teach someone to be decent when they’re not
[–]7CuervosFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its all about putting yourself and your well-being first. Loving yourself enough to be able to walk away when you get less than what you deserve.
Dont settle for less.
[–]saltyandpepaFDS Newbie61 points62 points63 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
TRUTH. Why bother with the man who treats you like shit when you can go on an app and have 10 other guys lined up to take you out?
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This doesn't happen so much in your 50s. I could probably work out something if I gave the issue more time, but I m too busy kicking arse in my career.
[–]thedutchqueenFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
true but then you start to think of the actually good qualities of the man that you will miss and convince yourself that those qualities are worth staying for and then he repeats the same unacceptable behavior and then the cycle repeats.
i’m still learning 😂
[–]nothingtoseehere70FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just got out of this loop myself 🥴stay strong sis!!
[–]jeanneeebeanneeeFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you accept it (by overlooking it in favor of his "actually good qualities") then it's not unacceptable. And no, he will never just spontaneously stop doing it.
[–]cryptohoboFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I hope the woman who asked r/RPW how to deal with her husband’s affair (that he blamed her for) sees this.
[–]textbasedpandaFDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I had to unfollow that sub because it was making me too sad. But it was interesting to see their perspective.
[–]cryptohoboFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m not sure I even understand the RPW philosophy. Be submissive to your husband at all costs? Not even being sarcastic, I truly don’t get it!
[–]textbasedpandaFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's the gist of it! Or as they would say it "Submissive, but not a doormat."
Their core strategy is to trust your "Captain" to provide for your financial/physical/emotional needs, and you as the "Second Mate" take care of day-to-day homemaking/cooking/child-raising.
They do have some similarities to FDS though- serious vetting, not having sex immediately, LTR focused. A lot of the advice there is along the lines of: "He's not displaying Captain qualities, stop giving him more chances and find someone more worthy."
[–]cryptohoboFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Philosophically I don’t disagree then, but I can’t subscribe to a belief that can be so easily manipulated!
[–]sikuletFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think to some degree they are the same with FDS especially with the focus on vetting to her a HVM and making sure you’re a high value woman.
What this sub differs on I think they would like to focus on femininity and using that as a strength to keep the male, which removes the focus on the female as the prize
[–]cryptohoboFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea, I can’t help but think RPW works in a temporary timeframe, permanently though it sets a woman up to too much vulnerability and risk that an otherwise sane woman should never be willing to put herself in.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men are like trains. Catch one then make a transfer
[–]F1shB1rdFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You know what I just thought about, if our exes say something along the lines of, "good luck finding someone who will put up with you or meet all your demanding criteria..."
To me, if it takes a while to find someone who does, that says waaay more about men than it does about me and my FDS queens! They have lots of issues if I can't find someone who respects boundaries and respects me, period. 💁🏻♀️💅🏻
[–]MindardFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
PREACH
[–]ResponsibleCharacterPickmeisha™️8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Where’s the lie? Then they’re all shocked 😂
[–]beanjean8822FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay ladies can I please just say that I am not sure there are men out there who can provide and respect women. Like tbh I’m scared to start dating again because I feel like they’ll all be utter disappointments! Are there really good men out there? I’m doubtful.
[–]LuxLeafBudFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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