If men don't want to be dominated by their wife, they should help with the household chores more

wtknight · 2019-08-09T13:06:20+00:00

This makes no sense at all. It’s basically saying in order to not be dominated by your wife, then do what she wants. This, of course, is what leads to domination. In order for a marriage to go well, I think a husband and wife need some kind of agreement, whether they sit down and work it out or not, what each of their duties are in the marriage.

traveling_introvert · 2019-08-09T11:43:20+00:00

If men don't want to be dominated by women they should just remain bachelors. I live alone and miraculously the bills get paid, groceries get bought, meals get prepared, the dog gets fed and walked, the trash gets taken out, the grass gets mowed, the laundry gets done, the dishes get washed, the bed gets made, the oil gets changed, the tires get balanced & rotated etc. My household runs like a well oiled machine without some nagging harpy always in my ear and on my nerves.

I'm always flabbergasted by the petty nonsense that married couples complain about.

LCOSPARELT1 · 2019-08-09T11:33:12+00:00

I lived by myself for years before my girlfriend moved in with me. I always kept a respectable house. Before she moved in we discussed chores and her that I do chores according to my timeline, not hers. I perfectly well see that the trash needs taken out. And I will do so in an hour when this football game is over. If she feels that the trash must be taken out right this very second for some reason, she can do so herself. Most women don’t want men to do chores. They want men to do chores RIGHT FREAKING NOW regardless of what the man may be doing at that moment.

Some men are just not independent. That’s their fault and their women should leave if they resent being a caretaker. But most guys are fine with chores, just according to our own schedule.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-08-09T10:28:34+00:00

If men don't want to be dominated by women, they should just do whatever she says. Doesn't sound like not being dominated to me. It just sounds like making domination easier for the woman.

revente · 2019-08-09T10:36:53+00:00

IDK anecdotally among couples i know the more dominant the man the less chores he does. The worst case is my friend who works his ass off as a lawyer, does most chores, and still is dominated by his lazy fat and bitchy wife.

petrichordium · 2019-08-09T12:54:23+00:00

Eh i think women as a whole, especially any kind of middle class and upward women, need to have the IG and Pinterest firmly wrestled from them before i will accept anyone’s standard of who is doing “enough.”

When the bar is neurotic room porn of a type DESIGNED to highlight flaws and aberrations, and she’s been behind the decorations.... nah, i am skeptical. Too many women have an aversion to signs of LIFE in a home or any kind of “wabi sabi.”

Fucks sake, the centrality of the kitchen in the open plan home creates a de facto female “tablinum” from which mom goes apeshit over minor details. This was the house i grew up in, it’s the houses i visit. It’s no longer my house.

I wrote an unhinged thing on this subject that insulted everyone’s throw pillows and kinda failed to get at the central point, but basically your thesis looks fine on paper, but I will never ever again blindly accept a partner’s mental standards alongside their conception of how i should be meeting them.

cassandrarose39 · 2019-08-09T12:31:55+00:00

Or you can discuss chore division before marriage to avoid these kinds of arguments. If my husband is providing love, companionship, a roof over my head, bills paid, he’s a good father, protects me, stays with me ect ect I surely don’t need to nag him about anything chore related.

I rarely ask for help because I’m a capable wife but when I do he does it because it’s rare.

I certainly don’t want to do the “men” chores of yard work or car repairs.

The thing with the sudden topic of chores is it’s come under fire by women’s movement in that they shouldn’t be doing most of it and men should do 50% on top of men working full time, taking care of the typical men things, spend time with kids, and now come inside to do half of the women’s work. Here I thought these strong women can do it all? I’ve warned my boys, there’s only one question you need to ask a girl on a date and it’s: how do you feel about chore division? This will tell them everything they need to know about her beliefs.

Speedracer1111 · 2019-08-09T11:24:18+00:00

Honestly, I will gladly do household chores just to watch her do home improvements, car repairs / maintenance, cut the grass, paint and all the typical male chores.

cateml · 2019-08-09T10:56:11+00:00

I was going to say "I don't know why people struggle with this so much....", but then actually I do, because I have done, and I get it.

Human beings have this thing where we always feel like we're the one that does the most - because we only see things from our viewpoint, and we see all the work that we do but only a portion of the work that other people do. In relationships, in families, in workplaces and beyond.
Its like how if you go into a multi-professional workplace/system, every profession thinks they are the put upon ones who work the hardest and everyone else is messing around relaxing. So they push things onto other people 'because things are always getting pushed onto us we need to fight back!', but really those other people are in exactly the same situation and doing exactly the same thing.

EVERYONE does it. Even when you're kind of aware you're doing it, you still do it. I'm not sure if there is a recognised word for this, but there should be.

And household chores with couples are the ultimate example.
I've seen SO MANY TIMES couples where both of them are like "Gawd, I just wish my partner would pick up their end, it feels like I do everything". Hell, I've done it and had it done to me. And however much you communicate and try and think like an adult, which will work in meaning it doesn't dominate your life and relationship, there will always be the odd occasional glimpse of "I'll just leave it to them see if they do it..." pettiness.

Every time I see a guy bitching about how his wife 'is lazy, I mean she doesn't even work full time and she is constantly nagging me to take out the trash, bossing me around, blah blah feminism', I just know out there somewhere is his wife going 'I've been working this morning and then cooking all afternoon and my husband won't even take out the trash until I ask him to like I'm his mother....'.

But yes basically TLDR, I agree with you, but I think it's just a lens that men who have been primed in a certain way view the human-living-together-condition.

But yeah - if you don't take part in not only chores but being an active part of organising your social calendar, childcare/education/etc. things regarding your kids (so your kids need to go to a new school next year.... have you googled the reports on local schools? have you got in contact? have you spoken to your kids about it?), medical stuff, etc. - do not be surprised when your partner then acts like your parent.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-08-09T11:33:14+00:00

It's a pseudo domination. It's what people do when someone serves them, you play out that little pretense that they are in control and "the boss". Its a fake dynamic where the side supposedly in control is actually on the losing end and the pretense serves to balance it out

Like when you call servers bosses and chiefs.

decoy88 · 2019-08-09T11:53:42+00:00

People should understand the cleanliness thresholds and values of their partners before they move in with them

Orange_Paisley · 2019-08-09T13:58:49+00:00

My partner and I both do the chores and he does a little more of them because he has higher standards for what our house should look like and how it should be organized. We both cook - he does the meat, I do the sides - and we take turns with the dishes because we both hate doing them. I usually do the laundry but he’ll throw a load in if I haven’t had time. He does the car stuff. I do most of the things like bill paying, making appointments, filling out paperwork because I am better at typing and because English is not his first language. I do most of the dog care, he changes the litter box. We’re pretty even as a team. No domination needed.

jalapenopancakes · 2019-08-09T11:08:44+00:00

This hits home. I was in an LTR with an ex who would have probably lived in filth if it wasn’t for the women who took care of him. In hindsight I should have probably recognized the pattern but I saw “potential” (ladies, never fall for his damned “potential” you always get disappointed). He was also “nice” meaning that he would get flowers for my birthday and not abuse me. Didn’t do much else beyond that. We both worked full time but I was the only one doing the work at home.

He would literally leave garbage around where he sat. Like, circles of it! You could always tell where he was stationed for the evening because there were soda bottles, paper plates, and napkins covered in vape juice everywhere he was. I tried putting garbage cans by his computer but he never seemed to develop the ability to clean up after himself.

My patience ran out and I asked him to contribute after chasing around his tornado of filth and it was all “YOU’RE the only one who cares, I don’t see what the point is in constantly cleaning.” I was accused of nagging, of course.

So... I stopped housework. For 2 weeks. I didn’t go grocery shopping, I didn’t pick up his trash, I didn’t clean his clothes (I separated out and still cleaned mine), I didn’t do the dishes. I did exactly as he did: ordered food out and let the takeout pile up. The only thing he said to me was one time when he realized he had no clean clothes for work, nearing the end of the two weeks. He finally did one load of laundry. To my astonishment, he truly was content in his filth.

I dumped him not long after that. My pets were cleaner and more mature than him and living on my own was 20 times easier than cleaning up after the manchild. I raised my standards sky high after that one and if ever the man’s place was dirty (even a little bit) when I was over for the first time, we were done. My time is worth something and I don’t want to spend it cleaning up after a man who knew better.

mandoa_sky · 2019-08-09T10:20:40+00:00

plus being accused of "nagging" when it's having to ask for the 5th time to "take the garbage out"

DareyFathom · 2019-08-09T11:21:40+00:00

Seems to be more in men's interest to not do as many household chores. I would never date anyone that wasn't capable of self reliance, nor encourage anyone to do so regardless of gender.

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20130130/for-married-men-does-more-housework-mean-less-sex#1

wtffellification · 2019-08-09T11:46:13+00:00

I saw a T-shirt the other day which said "Doing laundry won't get you laid"

[deleted] · 2019-08-09T12:29:49+00:00

Nope. It's a woman's job to find a man who cleans after himself. If he doesn't, it's on her to do it

pnadlerlaw · 2019-08-09T15:34:35+00:00

Lmao 🤣

Oh man, that’s rich.

If men don’t want to be “dominated” by their wife, they can simply divorce-proof themselves with a prenup, and an LLC housed within an irrevocable trust. That way, worst case outcome is you walk away with your income and assets in tact, less appraisal costs, because if she wants to litigate any issue which has already been pre-agreed to in the prenup, all litigation costs come out of her equitable share of the assets ... and child support (which is a separate issue, because you would pay for your kids regardless if you were married or divorced).

So, you want to have an attitude and act bitchy? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=afzmwAKUppU

Go ahead and negotiate. Throw a tantrum. Pound your hands on the table. Yell. Do whatever. Knock your heart out.

As a man, I can make you more miserable than you could ever hope to make me as a woman. Plus, I’m a Scorpio. So, that’s not exactly a fight you want to start, because it’s not going to end in any way that’s positive for you.

As Harvard says, “tolerance is acceptance.”

At the first instance of her acting up, “shock therapy,” you need to go draconian and nuclear. The punishment must be clear. You must clearly communicate your ZERO TOLERANCE policy of her bullshit.

If you need help with this, get a female dog 🐕 before you even consider getting married. Find a local retired US Army dog trainer and drop $2-3k to train your dog to simply be a “service” animal (e.g., notify others when you have a seizure) or “hunting” dog (e.g., get game out of bushes or point to or retrieve birds).

Then, move up to a male dog, and don’t get him neutered. Let that testosterone course through his veins. Make it a husky or any kind of northern breed. Even a Samoyed will do. Train him to be a patrol dog. Not a “guard” dog, but a “patrol” dog. To scout the house, keep a perimeter and alert you. That’s his job. If you can establish and maintain your pack status above that kind of dog, you should have zero problems maintaining your household status over a woman.

As egalitarian as you want to be, equality is a courtesy you as a man gives to a woman. Don’t ever forget that or mistake it for anything else. It’s a courtesy from you to her. And if she doesn’t appreciate that courtesy, first, she doesn’t get married. But if that happens for the first time during the marriage, you have to have a zero tolerance policy. First strike, clear communication and firm warning. Second strike, kids no kids, file for divorce. The end.

What is all this other soft bullshit? Fuck. I’m not even conservative or a Trump supporter and this is some fucking weak ass bullshit right here. Housework in exchange for respect in the home. Get the fuck out of here.

Willow-girl · 2019-08-09T12:48:28+00:00

Household chores will never come naturally to men. It's just the way it is! At best, you can find one who will help you when you ask, but don't expect them to recognize dirt or clutter on their own. They're simply not wired up that way.

On the flip side, my boyfriend build or fix just about anything. Anything mechanical, he can look at it and figure out how it works and what's broken and how to fix it. I can't do that. My brain isn't wired up that way. Now, does he berate me because I wouldn't be able to do a brake job without looking at the manual? No, he doesn't. Men are generally kinder and more generous than women in this regard.

[deleted] · 2019-08-09T10:37:38+00:00

I have one question:

What will my wife be doing at home if that's the case?

You see I am perfectly capable of running my own house without a woman. Yet, if a woman is in the picture, then she better contribute something.

I can run my own ship inside and out. I can do the work outside as well as the chores. Now don't give me the BS to the nth degree about men staying at home and women working. I will never accept that even if it means the extinction of humanity; a woman will always lose respect for a man that does not earn his keep, and therefore she will cheat on him.

I will earn my keep and my house, and a woman's place in my life is either casual friend, mother, sister, cousin, or executive officer/wife. I am in charge, and she will follow me, and I will delegate responsibilities to her as I am the head of the house. Whatever those responsibilities would be are up to my discretion, and I will exercise my authority with wisdom, love, compassion, and strength.

If she cannot accept that then she cannot be my wife. I will not accept an arrangement where I will be disrespected and belittled, and neither will I accept a freeloader in my house.

Case closed -- no arguments will be entertained.

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SparrowInAHurricane · 2019-08-09T11:23:40+00:00

I wouldn't say DO more, I would say, stop and be the head of household by clarifying who is responsible for what and maybe the frequencies (dishes every day?). Then whatever he agrees to- just do it. After that there is no more discussion and he shouldn't let the nagging happen. I have one of those less than motivated but I guarantee you I don't mention what he doesn't do- it just doesn't get done.

Last, it should just be a given fact of life that you clean up after yourself. I loose instant respect for people I see leaving trash in restaurants, littering or not putting buggies back in stores. It reeks of laziness and it is impossible not to see those people as inferior. I will offer to pick up dishes or other things but just because I offer once it doesn't mean you are absolved from being responsible.

poppy_blu · 2019-08-09T12:24:56+00:00

But...but...if I vacuum, I won’t get laid! Wimminz aren’t attracted to men who do chores!

[deleted] · 2019-08-09T13:13:04+00:00

Fair

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-08-09T13:28:58+00:00

LOL women do not do more household chores.

Women consider household chores = all things women have traditionally done. Fixing the car, gardening, mowing, other household chores... CLEANING THE TOILET does not count according to her.

So a woman complaining her husband isn't doing his half is complaining that he won't do half the work (car, house, lawn etc.) plus half of the cooking, cleaning etc.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-08-09T13:43:32+00:00

I pay a housekeeper and mostly pick up after myself there’s my half

reluctantly_red · 2019-08-09T13:48:12+00:00

the wife usually still does more household chores

And the husband takes care of all the other shit that needs to be done. Its called division of labor. The household chores are the easy stuff BTW.

[deleted] · 2019-08-09T15:30:33+00:00

If women don't want to be dominated by their husbands then they better put on a hard hat and help us mine some coal or do construction.

Maybe women shouldn't expect men to provide for them like their father. 🤷‍♂️

rus9384 · 2019-08-09T16:20:08+00:00

This sounds like "If you don't want to be forced to do X, do X before you are forced to do it".

[deleted] · 2019-08-09T17:05:29+00:00

Men are ok with cleaning and chores. We just want to do them our way, which women are in general not ok with. This causes a conflict that can only be resolved by men letting women have “their” chores and focusing on other shit, the man pussing out and becoming a woman, or the woman deciding to let the man do things his way.

If you want men to do chores, either let him do it his way, do it yourself, or try to nag him until he becomes you and thinks, walks, talks and does chores exactly like how a woman would. Those are your options. Just dont complain here about “lazy” men. You all pick your men and its your choice to stay with him or not. If he’s so bad, why are you with him?

Stop nagging

smasher187 · 2019-08-09T17:54:24+00:00

Very funny.

I wonder if there is a man out there who would actually fall for this.

MagicGainbow · 2019-08-09T19:22:13+00:00

Lol its been found that ''choreplay'' by men decreases attraction, so yeah, no thanks.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-08-10T00:04:57+00:00

Naw, they should just learn basic sweeps from closed guard into mount. She can’t dominate you if you’re in mount.

trail22 · 2019-08-10T00:22:11+00:00

Plenty of guys are fine living in a unclean environment. THey dont expect their wife to clean. But their wife sees a morale superiority in living in a clean house where they can have people over.

Its wrong to expect a man or women to clean. But its also wrogn to expect that they have the same valuse, even if it comes to cleaning.

sadomasochrist · 2019-08-10T01:05:45+00:00

As if guys at MRP didn't try this before landing there. It's not the chores. 😂

Shadow_Of_ · 2019-08-10T02:04:56+00:00

So we should be a bunch of bitchfaggots who are already dominanted? No thanks.

Marie_1986 · 2019-08-10T02:33:30+00:00

I loveeeeee this!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼

TwentyX4 · 2019-08-10T05:48:31+00:00

Men, this feels like something that's very dependent on the particular man and woman. (Maybe it's different in Greece, if course. I'm assuming you're Greek based on your username.) There are men who are lazy slobs. And there are also guys who clean up after themselves but have a neurotic wife who makes too many demands. I can't say which is which without looking at a particular couple.

Bntt89 · 2019-08-12T06:10:33+00:00

How is the man anymore dominant if they do exactly what you tell them to do anyway? Also I dont understand why women choose guys who are incapable of using the dishwasher or doing laundry. I can understand cooking but if a guy is incapable of doing those things I personally dont see how any women can nag, you made a shit choice.

Title	If men don't want to be dominated by their wife, they should help with the household chores more
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	210
Date	August 9, 2019 10:18 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/co0eqf/if_men_dont_want_to_be_dominated_by_their_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-men-dont-want-to-be-dominated-by-their-wife.254521 https://theredarchive.com/post/254521

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