Q4 All: Do you try to help your female friends avoid scumbags?

LifterofThings · 2019-05-13T15:40:46+00:00

I'll usually say something but don't really expect to be taken seriously.

Related to that, it's the same shit with my male friends. If they're infatuated with a woman, no amount of toxic insanity on her part will dissuade them.

babyri · 2019-05-13T15:57:30+00:00

We live in a day and age now where people base their beliefs off feelings, not facts. I tried once with a very close friend and it didn’t go over with her. People will always do what they want.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-05-13T15:47:37+00:00

If a friend of mine is dating someone that is a poor partner, I'll flat out just tell them. My female friends are significantly better at picking good partners though. My close male friends are pretty much 50/50 on the other hand. Most of the time I've done this, eventually that friend listens, but it's already a rare occurrence because my friends are generally very discerning people

Edit: in my world, things like criminal records are an instant disqualifier

double_red · 2019-05-13T16:47:00+00:00

My female friends are fat and unattractive and end up being the cum dumpsters of slim handsome guys or even worse, the victims of abuse by junkies and lowlifes. I have many times tried to indirectly tell them to either loose weight or lower their appearance standards in men but to no avail. Their hamster is still running wild. So I've stopped bothering.

CainPrice · 2019-05-13T16:23:49+00:00

If you want to help a guy out, be a woman's beta orbiter and best friend, and "warn" her about how much of an asshole some guy is.

That'll push her into bed with him faster than anything he could do.

ColCrin · 2019-05-13T15:44:53+00:00

I say something once just so I can act smug later and say "I told you so".

sublimemongrel · 2019-05-13T16:57:14+00:00

what women do you know are popping out babies with an ex con who already has baby mamas? Like I don't know anyone in my circle in such a situation. We must know different demographics, no middle to upper middle class girl in my social circle has such a story. I have known one girl who IMO picks abusive men over and over again. She's pretty fucked up herself though so it's honestly not surprising. I have kind of limited my involvement with her at this point because I'm tired of the drama and constant victimhood she puts out. She has never to my knowledge dated some guy with a rap sheet and baby mamas.

SerpentCypher · 2019-05-13T15:52:20+00:00

I used to, but I found all it does is strengthen their resolve to keep seeing said scumbag, to prove everyone wrong. I've lost friendships for trying to protect female friends from assholes. Now I'll say one thing early on and give them the "I told you so" look when the inevitable happens.

For the most part though I just let them get on with it, it's their life and they're big and ugly enough to make their own mistakes.

I still try to help out my guy friends though because I find even if they are initially reluctant to hear it and become temporarily indignant, the advice doesn't fall on deaf ears.

kandyapplez · 2019-05-13T16:28:41+00:00

i do, but scumbag guy in my circle is more like "irritating finance douche", not "man with a criminal record and bastard children"

madcockatiel · 2019-05-13T17:26:05+00:00

I’ve tried, with mixed success. Y’all can say “that’s because women are illogical, tingles etc reeee” all you want, but I’ve had exactly the same mixed success with warning dudes off of crazy. It’s human nature to ignore red flags when you’re smitten with someone, and it takes a strong person to look at that kind of situation objectively. Most people aren’t stronger than their feelings of infatuation, even if they think they ought to be.

RoninCDN · 2019-05-13T15:48:23+00:00

I help both men and women, friend and foe alike, avoid horrible problems in their lives.

zayelion · 2019-05-13T16:31:16+00:00

I agree, but its also not gendered men do this too.

passepar2t · 2019-05-13T16:08:11+00:00

I respect my female friends to make their own decisions. Dating scumbags is just another part of life and maturity, just like dating rampaging cunts is for guys. I mean, if they were physically threatened or struck, then you get the boys together and stomp some boyfriend skull, but otherwise, nah, she can handle it.

Cho_Assmilk · 2019-05-13T15:43:50+00:00

You're right amd that's why I don't.

NOTSM · 2019-05-13T15:47:53+00:00

I only comment if they explicitly ask for my opinion.

Not even her family or friends can show her the way.

If enough of her chick friends disapprove of her man there is a decent chance she’ll dump him. But that rarely seems to happen with the actual scumbags

[deleted] · 2019-05-13T16:24:42+00:00

Women I interact with are usually smart enough to notice the red flags. I would help if they needed help, though. If the women you hang out with prefer to date criminals it's the question about your social circle. Maybe women who aren't at the bottom of the society just don't let you around them.

Throwuhwaiy · 2019-05-13T16:28:47+00:00

No, because it's usually too late. My friend just divorced her husband after ten years and I was able to finally say "God I hated that man from the start. "

Texastentialism · 2019-05-13T16:32:10+00:00

I've tried to advise both male and female friends against dating shitheads. (Most recently, I tried to talk a friend out of moving in with one of those much-maligned single mothers a month into dating her. He did it anyway, and it ended about as well as you'd expect.)

People of both sexes tend to ignore advice they don't want to hear. I've done it myself.

My policy is that I'll say my piece once, and if they don't listen, I drop it. Not my circus, etc.

daniellederek · 2019-05-13T16:34:07+00:00

No point. Logic never wins against tingles.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-05-13T17:53:42+00:00

I was assaulted in the process of helping my friend leave a scumbag so yes.

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87AudreyHorne · 2019-05-13T16:05:46+00:00

I'm a girl (its a question for all), I've never been in that situation.

I think probably if i had a friend who was with someone really bad I would be very open about it with her and try to help, but i also think it would be very infuriating and annoying if she isn't listening to me.

The3liGator · 2019-05-13T16:29:22+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you, except I still try because they're my friends. I've yet to convince them until the inevitable happens.

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-05-13T16:34:43+00:00

The girls I consider close enough friends to care, they don't go for guys that are bad enough to intervene. If they did we probably wouldn't be friends.

A female acquaintance cucked my friend(she was his GF at the time) and left him for this guy who lo and behold turns out abusive, I let that ship sail far away almost even dropped the friend who got dumped because he wouldnt get over her.

I would have said she cheated on him but he was in the house when she fucked this new guy so to me thats more akin to cuckoldry.

KikiYuyu · 2019-05-13T16:36:56+00:00

No matter how many red flags you show a woman, she will still do everything to be with the scumbag because of tingles.

Sorry, but your female friends have chronic stupid.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-05-13T16:47:09+00:00

I try

Christian_Kong · 2019-05-13T16:47:37+00:00

Like said by some above I might say something but don't expect them to listen. I've seen too many times where a girl I know has fallen for a guy she knows is a player("But I feel something special") or a guy I know is considering dating a girl he started sleeping with while the girl was in a relationship("She was miserable and we get along so well.")

No one listens, unless there is really damning evidence of them being bad.

Sir_Koopaman · 2019-05-13T16:48:14+00:00

I don't have female friends, but I do like seeing people in general getting burned for their dumb actions. Family is the only exception, but they're all either much older than I am (keep my mouth shut) or much younger where dating isn't really a thing yet.

[deleted] · 2019-05-13T17:02:54+00:00

It looks like you already know the answer. 👏👏👏

azngirl7689 · 2019-05-13T17:23:15+00:00

Yes, if friend doesn't listen to my advice, I let the school of hard knocks teach her.

WomenRnpcs · 2019-05-13T17:36:55+00:00

Women are genetically autistic in the respect for mate selection. Ever since the sexual liberation movement, women were not held responsible for their sexual actions and for generations and the consequences are well known for at a minimum 40years, yet women keep listening to their vagina and emotions. Fuck them at this point, they deserve every thing they get for their actions. If you can get a comfort fuck post break up with Chad, you did well. Toddlers learn the first time after they stick a metal object in a electrical socket. It's almost like men know what's best for women as women are not mentally capable of making decisions for themselves.

[deleted] · 2019-05-13T17:51:36+00:00

no, how dare I tell a woman how to live her life.

ANyway on a serious note. No, its none of my business. I dont cockblock my male friends so I wouldn't do the same to a female friend.

Women are fully functioning people, they are capable of making their own choices.

Thats the view I have with male friends. Should I be giving female friends special treatment or something.

robertfrostt · 2019-05-13T17:56:27+00:00

Contrary to what you believe, those women are actually using logic, just not logic that would grant one stable, long term relationships.

For every bad boy desire, most women have some reason behind it. A common one is the attraction to rebellion and revenge. A lot of women who really go for the bad boy type do it as a way to get back at their parents, for example. They see the willingness to rebel and be indifferent to authority in men as power and masculinity.

But this isn't true for all women, and this is something more so found in America. In asia and other parts of Europe masculinity is more aligned with wealth and social status.

NockerJoe · 2019-05-13T18:00:31+00:00

My sisters current BF has a couple of red flags but I think he's a better dude than he lets on. But it was several months of everyone else warning her before I met the guy and she didn't care. His tattoos and small time rapper game are what brought her in and his actual good traits get taken as beta turnoffs so IDK how long this'll last.

But I'm gonna agree with everyone else. The red flags are always ignored and you pointing them out just makes it worse. This is why RP men and incels love watching these women self destruct. The whole rest of the world screams to them how bad an idea is and they do it anyway.

DocNMarty · 2019-05-13T18:10:48+00:00

Guy here.

Unless (s)he's abusing her, physical or verbal, I won't say a thing. While I do have female friends, I am fairly private and keep to myself, and chances are that I won't know enough about her partner or their situation to make a great recommendation.

From my experience, meddling in other people's affairs only results in more headache for me since it ropes me into the situation and has the potential to worsen things for everyone overall.

If she asks me for my opinion, I would say something along the lines of "I think your relationship with X is... but, of course, I don't know the whole story. You probably see something in him/her that I don't."

sexykavu · 2019-05-13T18:17:02+00:00

It depends on the severity and type of scumbag, but if im being honest with you, it often seems they want the attention of scumbags anyways lol. I'm also of the belief that people should and do have agency, so it's not my job to police their behavior barring an extremely situation they cannot get out of on their own

blackedoutfast · 2019-05-13T18:26:39+00:00

it's a rather pointless endeavour

exactly. if you ever say anything about him being a player or whatever when she has the tingles for him she will just say "oh you just don't know what he's really like! he's so sweet when it's just the two of us! 😍"

then later after he breaks her heart she will be like "omg he was such a jerk! why didn't you tell me he was a player!!"

that's just how they are. AWALT

WiseMonkeyGoodMonkey · 2019-05-13T19:01:38+00:00

Personally I will give it the one try. This guy's a douche, this is why I think that and this is what I think will happen. If she wants to talk about it more I will. If not, I let it go. She's an adult and can make her own choices.

CRGRO · 2019-05-13T19:03:09+00:00

Hell yea I'm not trying to clean up someone elses mistakes lmao

Orange_Paisley · 2019-05-13T20:33:14+00:00

You can make suggestions but people are going to do what they are going to do. Trying to talk them out of sleeping with the wrong person is generally pointless and they or their scumbag boyfriend will come to hate you for “trying to break them up.”

inkoDe · 2019-05-13T22:03:09+00:00

I don't discuss it with female friends. I used to and there came a point where I was ready to fight a lawyer and then it hit me... engaging my female friends about people they are dating more often than not is just pissing me off and that was really the only thing it was accomplishing. Don't get me wrong, I'll kick it with the good ones... but I have flat out told all of my friends male and female I don't want to hear about relationship drama unless it is some sort of emergency.

Alperarslan1999 · 2019-05-13T22:44:35+00:00

If scumbags make her wer, scumbags she shall fuck

TopOccasion29 · 2019-05-13T22:56:58+00:00

If she's an acquaintance then i don't say anything or i only hint at it. But if she's my female "friend" like only 2 women in my life i can call my friend then i'm blunt with them.

[deleted] · 2019-05-13T23:32:32+00:00

I’ll always speak my mind and give an opinion if I think someone they’re going after is bad news or whatever, but it’s up to them whether they want to actually listen. What’s the saying? “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”. In the end there’s nothing I can do, if a person has their mind set on a dating someone, they’re gonna do it regardless of what anyone says about them because they can’t see the negative aspects; they’re gonna go for it and nothing short of “dude is a serial killer” is going to stop them, and even then if they’re that into them, they might think “oh but I won’t get killed” right? Granted I haven’t thought any of my friends were dating serial killers, but there is a definitely an “I told you so” conversation after they break up and the dust settles.

Trust me, I do this even as a guy. One of my exes was hot, and I mean extremely hot. She was so out of my league it’s not even funny, and I’m aware I’ll never date someone that hot again. For some reason she was just super into me (apparently she mentioned she wasn’t into objectively handsome men or whatever). All my friends said she was bad news, all of them said it and that dating her wouldn’t be great, but I was so amazed someone that hot genuinely was into me, was so turned on by me, was into the same stuff I was, and it wasn’t money she was after because she had a trust fund and I was still a broke ass college student. And ya know what? They were 100% right, she was a nightmare and she was everything they said she was. Manipulative, crazy, possessive, and a bunch more I don’t want to get into. Despite that though I was super broken up about our break up for months. After I finally got over it and started living again, you better believe my friends sat me down, and said “I told you so” after all was said and done.

[deleted] · 2019-05-13T23:32:57+00:00

Only if they are blood relations. Otherwise im like “kek”

Crook56 · 2019-05-14T00:26:38+00:00

Why aren’t you fucks making money off your friends? If they aren’t going to listen to sound advice, might as well exploit it.

[deleted] · 2019-05-14T00:40:30+00:00

I, like most men, try to warn the people I care about the nature of the market. But both sexes prefer to not hear me out.

Men understand that their women is not good and probably gonna get worse. They just accept it because "she is what they got".

Women who do not know me well enough tend to not believe my words or thinks she can change him. The women who do know me, just accept my advices but refuse to follow them.

redditsagrandoltime · 2019-05-14T00:52:12+00:00

Personally, I would truly listen.

Edit for clarification: I wouldn't just take it and run with it. I would truly listen to what they are saying, especially if it is a male friend. I too am upset by people who don't listen, they're ruining it for people who would truly take the consideration. Thanks to these basic bitch and basic guy assholes, I could potentially be the next victim of some abuser, since people are being steered into not bothering. FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!

Same thing when girls let guys get away with cheating. You're ruining it for the rest of us, fucking STOP I hate you!!!

Female_urinary_maze · 2019-05-14T01:13:37+00:00

You know some weird ladies, man. This does not come up in any way similar to what you describe in any of my social circles. Ain't no women I know dating convicted criminals or guys who abandon kids, that's not normal. The worst I've had to point out is that sometimes female friends of mine date guys who just aren't putting as much care and effort in as they receive from my friend. And normally the friend takes my input seriously.

JoltinJoe92 · 2019-05-14T01:15:16+00:00

Yes. I help all friends try and avoid scumbags. Unless of course said scum bag is my friend, then it gets dicey and comes down to a lot of variables like “how scummy is my friend?”.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-05-14T04:46:26+00:00

I flat out tell my friends I don't like that person and tell them all the red flags and how we're gonna end up in a McDonald's packing lot eating nuggets while they bitch about their partner being shitty. Also I notice there's red flags in the relationship I won't hesitate to tell them. I've even called them or their partner out right to their faces. This has lead me to getting death threats and long facebook posts being made about me being an asshole.

exit_sandman · 2019-05-14T06:30:37+00:00

I try to avoid women who make shitty decisions like that.

decoy88 · 2019-05-14T18:56:26+00:00

I have 2 friends who take my advice seriously. And it benefits them.

All the others just ignore and try to avoid admitting how things turned out exactly as I said they would.

darksoldierk · 2019-05-15T04:00:49+00:00

Not anymore. I used to, but they never listened. Most of those women ended up being cheated on, or he got her pregnant and just left. Some of them continued to make the same mistake a second time.

Now I just say to myself "they are adults, they can make their own mistakes", problem is, society is forcing me to pay for their mistakes by taking money from my taxes and giving it to her through benefits.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-05-16T04:46:33+00:00

I can't and I won't change someone's ways. I either accept them as they are or I don't and I move on.

Se-esMales · 2019-05-21T06:08:45+00:00

Every dudebro fag everywhere white-knights for even the ugliest women. Protection is plate spinning for poorfags and has been this way since the dawn of time. It raises the bar for everyone and poorfags and slags end up shitting out tomorrow's revolutionaries like rats.

So it's not really friendship, just the gold-digging go-to for fuggers..basic animal instinct without any effort.

TheSuperStink · 2019-05-13T15:43:39+00:00

I'm doing the symmetric. Bros before hoes

Extreme case was introducing him to folks like RGE (who doesn't really speak about red pill stuff as often, I might add)

Mandisi77 · 2019-05-13T15:45:29+00:00

I don't keep female friends. So no.

analt223 · 2019-05-13T15:49:08+00:00

sometimes, but usually no. Women don't like hearing their mistakes when it comes to relationships from my experience, especially while the relationship is going on. Maybe after the fact women in my life are more willing to listen.

RoninCDN · 2019-05-13T15:59:55+00:00

If a girl wants to chase a dude, no heaven pr high water can stop her.

rainbowbarfff · 2019-05-13T19:42:50+00:00

Lets be real - this would require you ACTUALLY carry out platonic, healthy relationships with women in the first place and judging by the tone of this email, you carrying healthy platonic relationships with women is determined to be a lie.

Title	Q4 All: Do you try to help your female friends avoid scumbags?
Author	Blonsomio
Upvotes	26
Comments	110
Date	May 13, 2019 3:36 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bo50s0/q4_all_do_you_try_to_help_your_female_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4-all-do-you-try-to-help-your-female-friends.255790 https://theredarchive.com/post/255790

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