What do you think of Sheryl Sandberg's advice that girls should date a bunch of bad boys before settling down with a dependable guy?

LewisCross · 2017-04-18T12:25:03+00:00

its traditional advice and abundance mentality.

despisedlove2 · 2017-04-18T13:02:02+00:00

It's what most women try to do anyways. Of course, the second part of the exploitation isn't working too well these days.

Enjoy the sologamy trend. Much may it flourish.

Warning_Low_Battery · 2017-04-18T12:39:19+00:00

Well she was divorced once. Apparently her second husband died so we have no way of knowing if her second marriage would've lasted.

Seems like bad advice, but I'm sure plenty of girls will follow it anyway. Course it backfires on several. They put off having kids till they guy 30 then all of a sudden they want to find a husband and had kids. I know a few that waited to long as now it's too late.

Like all things in life. When you take a gamble sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

Edit: rich people should not give advice on dating. We don't all have yachts to fall back on

wub1234 · 2017-04-18T13:14:21+00:00

Any advice about dating of this nature is stupid. You should do whatever you want to do. Why should you date hundreds of people when you're younger if you meet someone you really like? It's precisely this sort of advice that results in women feeling 'left on the shelf'. Find a good guy, who you connect with, and stick with him. Quite simple.

JackGetsIt · 2017-04-18T13:11:22+00:00

If there's nothing sexier then a man who "values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home" then why not just date these guys from the onset?

The reality is they're not sexier. Women date the former because they are more attracted to him and they are more attracted to him because he triggers very old, very well established female desires. Desire to be safe, desire to have resources, desire to mate with the fittest male of the group.

Just because a guy is fair, thinks women should be smart, and wants to do housework doesn't make him a quality male. It doesn't mean he won't lose his job. It doesn't mean he will be able to defend her if she is attacked it doesn't mean he can navigate social groups.

Sandberg is just advocating well established female sexual strategy that became vogue when people started living longer and capital storage became a thing: alpha fucks, beta bucks.

Sandberg translated: "Can't find a high enough alpha willing to settle after fucking them through your highest quality years? Fuck it! Marry a beta with some resources! And marry one who will wait on you hand and foot and worship you! That will make you happy ladies!"

Since women are universally not getting happier I'd say she's dead wrong.

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2017-04-18T12:19:38+00:00

Seems rational from a woman's point of view.

Likewise for guys there are women who are fun to date when you're younger but you don't marry.

rpwthrowaway2016 · 2017-04-18T12:43:47+00:00

The problem is that many good guys are taken off the market in college by marriage-minded girls. So as squidracer said, by the time they're ready to settle down, they're competing with younger girls for a smaller pool of guys.

Of course, I guess they could just move to the Bay Area and have their pick of high-quality guys.

goatismycopilot · 2017-04-18T13:24:00+00:00

Makes no sense, skip the players, avoid the hassle.

gopher_glitz · 2017-04-18T14:15:05+00:00

"When looking for a life partner, my advice to men is be the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. Then you do not have to get married. Younger more attractive and sexy women will find you sexy. If you think women are equal, smart, ambitious then you'll be chained in a relationship to an old, buttoned down former slut who values you for your willingness to expend resources on her who can leave you at anytime and take everything."

Lyanina · 2017-04-18T13:23:18+00:00

I think it's dumb to deliberately set out to date a lot of men whom you know you could never settle down with if what you want is actually to eventually settle down. However, it seems normal to date around a bit when you're younger -- my second college boyfriend and I, for example, had completely different career goals and would have had a hard time making them work together. The whole relationship kind of sucked, but eh, seems normal for an early relationship.

As for the second part, those things are always appealing to an LTR oriented woman.

Basically if you want to date around cool, if you don't that's also cool, and if you end up with a few failed relationships on your way to your "life partner" that's also cool and totally normal. Giving advice like this is pointless and stupid because while there are things to learn from failed relationships with a commitment-phobe or a crazy guy not everyone wants to date those and not everyone needs to learn those lessons.

[deleted] · 2017-04-18T13:52:25+00:00

Having fun dating various different men and looking to settle is not mutually exclusive. Who you settle with should be fun to be around. You don't know whether a man is a bad boy, cool, commitment phobic, etc, etc, until you date and get to know him. "Bad" or "fun but unsustainable" relationships will happen even to the more careful women.

Five_Decades · 2017-04-18T14:56:43+00:00

Just a convoluted way of saying AF/BB.

lbspredh · 2017-04-18T12:58:50+00:00

It's just bad advice, you either get hurt by all the bad boys or disappointed by the pansy men. Also none of us are getting any younger the later you settle down the more baggage you and anyone you date will have

Better advice is to find someone who is both or choose a priority

flamethrowup · 2017-04-18T14:04:56+00:00

I think I'll just skip to the second part if that's cool with everyone.

Warning_Low_Battery · 2017-04-18T14:44:13+00:00

[deleted]

winterrider · 2017-04-18T16:33:54+00:00

I think Sheryl has the right to say what she wants and women have the right to date who they want.

Now having said that, I refuse to date bad boys leftovers. You can forget that. We all have the right to make whatever decisions we want, provided they are legal. But we are all judged based off of our decisions.

It is the height of idiocy for a man to invest resources into a woman who is settling for him, isn't genuinely attracted to him and is simply using him for his resources. If a woman is genuinely attracted to dependable guys she would date them instead of bad boys. If she dates bad boys that is who she is sexually attracted to. No explanations or excuses needed.

bala-key · 2017-04-18T18:23:15+00:00

When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”

That "husband material" guy will get deadbedroomed.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2017-04-18T13:50:01+00:00

Just an unsubstantiated bunch of claptrap, quite possibly taken out of context.

She might have worthwhile business acumen, but she's also twice-divorced. Her dating advice is as worthy as a homeless bum's business advice.

Wallstreet3 · 2017-04-18T16:10:56+00:00

This basically describes my mom to a T. She was in and out of mental health facilities through out her 30s. She did not care a damn about her husband nor her kids, just a way to get taken care of in her old age. She did not add a single iota of value to the world.

All men should avoid women like this.

dicklord_airplane · 2017-04-18T16:23:29+00:00

it's risky advice because it assumes that all women will have an easy time finding a good, willing committed partner when they get older. the fact is that most women's dating pool shrinks as they get older. a lot of women who take this route in dating will end up alone because there's no guarantee that they will find a good committed partner when they are older, or that they will even be attracted to 'good guys' over 'bad boys'.

i'm looking around at my dating scene of late 20's/early 30's professionals, and I see a lot of women who are stuck in that 'bad boy' dating phase and can't seem to move past it. it's like they can't find a guy with a perfect balance of maturity/responsibility and bad boy appeal, and they can't stop themselves from going after the 'bad boys' because boring, dependable guys who would make good fathers are boring.

from what i can see, there will be much recanting of this advice over the next couple decades once the singles market becomes chock full of middle aged women wondering what the hell happened.

BiggerDthanYou · 2017-04-18T13:31:34+00:00

seems fine to me. TRPers get offended and read it as "she's telling ALL women that they need to sleep with ALL the hot men and then pick one to latch onto and make miserable for life!" but i think most people recognize that she's really just saying that having experiences with different kinds of people while you're young is good... but you should pick someone that you have the best chances of having a successful long-term relationship or marriage with. don't hold yourself back your whole life, but also make sure that when it comes to the important decisions, you make the right one.

people do this with all kinds of things outside of dating; not sure why dating should be different. you should go through some sort of similar process with anything you're going to have a long-term relationship with or commitment to; buying a house, moving to a new city, getting a car, adopting a pet. you don't typically just buy/commit to the first one you come across.

her description of what that best person/relationship is varies from person to person, i suppose (tradcons might not prefer what she described) but i think overall it's advice that makes sense. it's not as if there aren't men who have already done the same thing, or that this is some sort of commandment that no woman can ever disregard.

pposk · 2017-04-18T13:33:09+00:00

The advice may as well be called how to become a neurotic.

wtknight · 2017-04-18T14:16:17+00:00

I don't see the point in dating someone if your goal is for it not to be a long-term thing. While some people seem to enjoy short-term, casual or semi-casual stuff, this is just completely foreign to my mindset. If I did this kind of thing it would just feel to me like I'm wasting my time when I could be out trying to find my life-partner.

Saint_Chad_of_Mercia · 2017-04-18T16:22:25+00:00

It's reasonable advice so long as the woman uses birth control, and aborts any accidents.

If she ends up with a litter of Chadspawn in tow, then it's not good for her, her children, her future beta husband, and society in general.

I would hazard a guess that the main reason that female sexuality was controlled in the past, is because the men who give women the tingles aren't the best husband or father material for society.

fetchyminx · 2017-04-18T12:31:04+00:00

I wanna settle down with a bad boy

BiggerDthanYou · 2017-04-18T14:41:24+00:00

This is good advice for men and women.

AnonymousCat7 · 2017-04-18T12:40:04+00:00

omg this is like the 3rd time I've seen this. It's completely normal to date all guys but only settle for the ones that will make good husbands. Get over it.

speltspelt · 2017-04-18T14:54:01+00:00

It's silly advice the way TRP reads it, which is that she's giving advice to only date bad boys when young. She seems to me to be giving advice to actually date a variety of guys and dump all but the best.

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HugMuffin · 2017-04-18T13:11:59+00:00

reepbot · 2017-04-18T15:10:42+00:00

She isn't telling them to date bad boys. She knows they'll probably do it anyway. It is a rite of passage for women. No what she is telling them is that there are greater rewards on the horizon.

[deleted] · 2017-04-18T15:46:17+00:00

Dating around is normal. Not caring about the viability of a relationship because you don't see a future with that person and are just enjoying the moment is normal. Going through periods in your life where you prefer hook-ups over relationships is normal.

Face it, if you reversed the genders this paragraph would describe the ideal life-style of every red piller. Have casual sex with hot women you have no interest in LTR-ing and end up in a happy marriage with your ideal partner. Stop being so fucking insecure about women doing the same thing.

caesarfecit · 2017-04-18T19:33:56+00:00

I think for high-novelty seeking women that's okay advice.

I think for other women it's horrible advice and a recipe for bad relationships with men. They'll run around trying to domesticate men who are fundamentally unfit for that kind of relationship, and learn all the wrong lessons.

Think of it this way...

High-novelty seeking men need to date women that challenge them or else they get bored.

Low-novelty seeking men on the other hand will have a terrible time with those kinds of women.

Experience for the sake of experience is right for the kind of people that thrive on that kind of stimuli.

But for other people, the bad experiences do more harm than good and lead to trauma, neurosis, and bad mental programming.

[deleted] · 2017-04-18T20:41:10+00:00

Sound advice, if you want to get the most out of life while doing the least like most do you ought to consider following it. I would rather be the one who gets them when they're young and full of life and willing to do anything to please me than be the one who they settle for and give the occasional birthday handjob to, but oh well. The game is afoot I guess, lets see if I manage to get hoodwinked despite my awareness

mistresswhat · 2017-04-18T21:25:59+00:00

Unpopular opinion, apparently: this is good advice regardless of your gender. Dating a lot of different types of people helps you figure out what you want out of an LTR. Besides which, you value a good partner more when you've experienced bad ones.

[deleted] · 2017-04-18T22:05:19+00:00

Women can do whatever they want but if I even suspect that a woman I'm with is doing that, she's as good as gone.

heather80 · 2017-04-18T22:38:23+00:00

Is it any different from what men do? Lots of guys marry after years of sowing wild oats.

OfSpock · 2017-04-19T03:33:56+00:00

She can say what she wants. I don't want to waste my time with 'bad boys'. People like that drive me nuts.

GaiusScaevolus · 2017-04-18T14:15:08+00:00

She's clearly an overt misandrist and should be shamed out of her job.

marianasentmenudes · 2017-04-18T14:15:39+00:00

Since she's all about female-empowerment, she's letting females know how to take advantage of AFBB. Hypergamy in action.

youleftme · 2017-04-18T15:08:36+00:00

The real question is, why do people take "dating advice"? It's as simple as finding someone you're compatible with and connecting with them romantically, sexually, etc. Dating should have nothing to do with "testing the waters" because it really just ruins your reputation as both a man or a woman, painting you as "easy to get into". I'm not one to call women sluts, but if someone like that came to me asking for marriage, I wouldn't risk it with them because they're known to sleep around. If you date using the dating advice in OP's excerpt, you'll be what most people call a slut, male or female.

The solution? Just date those compatible with you. Most dating advice is bullshit unless its how to tell someone you're into them or how to get over a breakup.

What do you think of Sheryl Sandberg's advice that girls should date a bunch of bad boys before settling down with a dependable guy?

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