Has being aware of RP made you less happy with the idea of helping women or paying for dates, etc.?

loke2dabrain · 2019-11-24T17:01:31+00:00

Yes. I find myself many times thinking about being a man before anything else. Team man vs team women.

At this point it seems unfixable. After the initial infatuation phase I end up making every one of my relationships a contest on who needs the other less.

Teflon08191 · 2019-11-24T17:15:13+00:00

I was fine being what one would essentially call "chivalrous" until I realized that A) it wasn't getting me anywhere, and B) it was becoming taxing on my sanity taking what women said at face value.

So I became more aloof (partially due to exasperation) and very pragmatic in my analysis of women. I realized that up until then, I didn't think too deeply about women's actions, I had primarily been relying on what I was told to believe. The course of my life changed dramatically for the better that day.

Later I stumbled upon TRP which was like finding the final piece of the puzzle in that it vindicated a lot of my own observations.

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2019-11-24T16:30:44+00:00

I've never had to pay for dates. Almost without exception women insist on splitting the check or we alternate payments (eg you/me get it next time). Never did first date dinner dates. Never bought women drinks in bars.

This is something I have always had a hard time relating to because it seemed more like the way people date in movies, or how really thirsty men approach dating.

greenchairthrowaway · 2019-11-24T18:25:35+00:00

depends on how you define happy. Ignorance is bliss, but that doesn't make it desirable.

If splitting the bill for a date is the objection that prevents adate, its a date I dont need. Its a woman that has put a pricetag on what should be a mutually enjoyable activity, shes not interested.

I have a friend(35m)who was asked about paying for dates by a coworker(40f) he went the low pressure coffee date route with the answer and the office spent the next few days talking about how cheap he was.

I'd say not buying attention made me happier. The women like the coworker above, are women to avoid, but if all you offer is a wallet, thats exactly the type of woman you'll find.

That type of woman? she will only find men trying to wine and dine her to get laid, then complain about being pressured then pump and dumped. The only winning move is not to play that game.

If you cant get dates without bribery, put your effort into that, not on bribing more women hoping you eventually bribe the right one.

Its about where to draw the line, not spending zero or always being 50/50. Sure I'd buy a woman coffee for a conversation in a relaxed setting to get to know her better. If she rejects that type of date, its probably a bad idea to offer increasingly expensive dates to someone not interested, what is this a negotiation?

I'd say my mindset is significantly improved because on a diet of the hallmark nonsense I got fed, I was bitter as hell.

Now I see women's behavior as making sense and for the most part being justified.

I don't think being an sshole would work on all women

Oversimplification. probably less objectionable to simply say that nothing is going to be less attractive than constantly telling a woman she can do better than you and being a spinless doormat afraid to disagree with her.

nothing works on all women, but the proverbial "niceguy" routine fails on most women.

People hate the just be yourself advice but I think its best, not because "works" but because anything else results in a relationship built on lies.

Why would you spend excessive time/effort finding someone who likes who you pretend to be?

Thats a good chunk of the problem with being a "niceguy" its a lot of effort putting on an act.

The opposite of a niceguy isnt an asshole, just an honest guy.

That said, I think people notice assholes are often more successful, but its not because they are assholes, its because of the reason they are assholes.

correlation/causation.

goneaway2thewind · 2019-11-24T15:06:48+00:00

Or have you always disliked that?

When I was "blue pilled" I never really thought about it. I just wanted to do whatever I could that would make a girl like me. When you're blue pilled you aren't doing much thinking at all. It was only when I took these women out, paid for everything, treated them well and have them still act spoiled for me to sit back and think "Why do I keep doing this to myself?" I would spend every dime I had to hang out with complete brats, it just didn't make sense.

Granted there was one exception where her estate gave her a credit card for us to go out with because she was rich. She was nice, and even reaches out to me to this day but she acts like a whore. She posts softcore porn of herself on instagram and its incompatible for what I want. She is so nice but there's just too many red flags for me to believe she can handle a committed relationship with me.

Sometimes I test girls I take out with by saying "Damn I forgot my card" just to see what they'll do. 70% of the time they freak out, 30% of of women I ran into didn't even hesitate to pay. In my experience.

Would I pay for a date now? Truly depends on the connection with the girl. 50 50 means I feel neutral. But if I felt like she was a true friend to me I wouldn't mind paying if I asked her out. But that is very rare.

SILENTSAM69 · 2019-11-24T18:17:19+00:00

Nope, it reassured me that it was the right thing to do. It showed me that no matter what the vocal minority of women say, the actual majority of women still want men to be men.

It made my relationship stronger. It made my career stronger. It made me the leader of my household. I think TRP is why I now have my wife and kids and own a house.

_derekhawkins · 2019-11-24T15:24:07+00:00

Well I’m in a near 3 year relationship with a girl who’s family is much more wealthy than I am. They pay my insurance gave me a car and a bunch of other shit lol. So I have to return the favour. But when it was other girls yes redpill made me less averse to helping women, atleast financially. It’s literally 2019 you can make your own money sweetie

bonslytoss · 2019-11-24T17:25:13+00:00

I don't think it's red pill knowledge that causes most men to resent helping women, it's simple ingratitude. Helping a woman with whom you aren't in a romantic relationship never results in reciprocation. I have helped women move, study, practice an instrument, improve their run time, train at a new job, and more. It wasn't until I joined the military and started helping men that I ever got help in return. It took me forever to connect the dots, only once I got out of the military 5 years later did I realize that it was women I resented helping.

Bntt89 · 2019-11-24T17:44:03+00:00

No but talking to some of the women on here has.

wtknight · 2019-11-24T16:14:59+00:00

It has always been easy to tell when a woman is just using a man for his resources. The women I’ve dated have been both sexually attracted to me and have liked me for my resources, which is what is ideal for an LTR. Only men who aren’t ready to settle down with one woman and who only want casual sex want to be able to be appreciated only for their attractiveness and not their resources too, and I’ve never been that type of man.

trueorfalsedmitry · 2019-11-24T15:52:32+00:00

I have never been unhappy with the notion of paying for dates or "helping women." These are things that a gentlemen does.

All being aware has changed is that understand the impact of these actions (i.e. they mean jack shit) on my chances of getting laid. This realization has greatly, "improved my mindset." I am able to function as a gentleman unencumbered by expectations. Indeed, if I am truly honest, it makes my enjoyment of doing these things a bit greater, as the moral high ground I inhabit after acting in these ways is very sweet.

exit_sandman · 2019-11-24T16:14:08+00:00

I dated a women who said I'm a feminist but I believe in traditional dating.

That is I have to pay. Got old real fast

XtoDoubt · 2019-11-24T14:42:52+00:00

The whole not paying for dates thing is too socially retarded to get away with it. Believe me, I tried. Too much hassle for not enough reward. Other than that, implementing rp to dating was great. Spun plates for a while until my current ltr showed she was better than the rest.

G77R23D · 2019-11-24T15:02:12+00:00

Nah. It's not a big deal.

rus9384 · 2019-11-24T15:16:32+00:00

I think in a sense I always was red pilled (not in that dumb sense TRP claims what it is though). So, hard to say about "made".

I was and am averse to the idea that I should work both for myself and her while she only should work for herself.
OLD is just a yet another way. Not for everyone. But old ways still are here.
"Mean" in this context means edgy and offering a challenge. It's not just women, it's people.

As for helping women, I don't think I am unhappy with it, especially the stuff where I would help a man who is in the same situation.

Killgarth · 2019-11-24T19:41:31+00:00

I always pay when I ask someone out, because I suggested the date. And when I'm asked out I always try and cover at least my half, I'd say the only thing I do differently when I take a girl out is make sure I tip very well (not that I don't tip well when I'm not out with a girl, but I tip like 15 bucks on a 30 dollar meal). The reason is 3 fold. First it feels really good to be able to tip well, second it makes me look good, and third if the girl complains that I tipped to much, or gawfs at the idea that the waiter is worth the tip, then I know they are an asshole.

cxj · 2019-11-24T20:42:46+00:00

This is hard to answer because TRP was so heavily aligned with the advice/views I received and lived around , so there isn’t that much “before and after” for me.

That being said, I always met and had sex with chicks “organically” without going on formal dates or paying for much or anything really. I’ve never really been the type women preyed on for free dinners, largely because I was broke.

Being mean to women to keep them interested did bum me out and still kind of does, which is why I was so happy to find my current gf who actually responds positively to being treated nicely. Just recently I was at a wedding, this chick was sassing everyone so I started mouthing off back, and I couldn’t get rid of her the rest of the night. She knew I had a gf, our entire social circle kept wanting to know where she was (she couldn’t make it due to work) and the bish just kept trying to get my attention, flirt etc. I wasn’t even trying to get laid and the redpill confirmed itself without me doing anything lol

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-11-24T21:47:10+00:00

Much happier because now I know that acting like a beta bucks is unnecessary and counterproductive.

I can either:

Offer to pay for everything, be "nice" and pedestalize women, etc. And this results in women not wanting to fuck me and wanting to use me as a free meal ticket.

OR

i can say/do whatever the fuck i want and not bother with stupid dates in nice restaurants. and women will be more attracted to me and more likely to be DTF.

it seems pretty obvious which way is better

abaxeron · 2019-11-25T00:23:24+00:00

This is a great question. I used to love to pay attention to women, spend time, money and resources on them; my lizard brain pumped chemicals that pushed me towards doing it again in a hope of corresponding reward.

I don't anymore, since some tiny demon in my head keeps insisting that women don't feel the same towards me (for example, they don't feel the same happiness from touching me, or being around me, or hearing my voice, etc.), they are aware of that mechanism in me, and will take advantage of it.

Truly, you can't unsee the matrix. I'm out of the dating scene for good, but one of the last dating-related things I told a woman was "I haven't had sex in quite some time; please don't touch me."

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-11-25T03:29:26+00:00

Has being aware of RP made you less happy with the idea of helping women or paying for dates?

Yes.

I now see how women view everything as transactional. In my BP days I would pay for everything without hesitation and get nothing in return. Now? That's pretty much dead. Unless she's fucking me or providing some type of value to me, I won't spend a dime on her.

My financial situation is a bit unique, so I usually have more disposable income than other people. So I always pay for the first date. But after that? Nah. She's gonna have to work for it and prove she's worth it.

My ex found this out the hard way. I didn't enjoy it, but it's the way things have to be. She was in crippling debt and could barely feed herself. Cancer, depression, and a shitty life did a number on her. After we broke up, she would ask me to buy her food or if we could have a sugar baby type of relationship.

Absolutely not. I let her starve. Modern women view everything as transactional. Since that's the case, I do the same.

Niki_Biryani · 2019-11-25T07:27:37+00:00

I always paid for dates. Most of the times women don't ask to split the bill. After RP, I do find it hard to pay for dates.

jackandjill22 · 2019-11-24T16:13:41+00:00

1) If you can't afford to pay for a date you probably shouldn't be dating as a man. And complaining about it is pointless. Just gotta adapt to the rules of the game.

2) I got into a LTR before app dating really took off so hard to say here. This does seem like a legit gripe for younger guys though. Meeting people in person and at bars was always easy enough albeit still a numbers game. Without those opportunities happening as much anymore due to OLD, it's much harder to get by on looks alone in a pool of 50,000. I dunno guys gotta adapt to the new standards somehow. But yeah this would suck.

3) It's not about being mean it's about being able to call a woman on her shit who's used to just getting their way all the time and to a certain extent having an understanding of female communication in general. All the feigning ignorance, passive aggressiveness, elusive phrases, etc. a guy who can take a hint, is a man of action and holds a woman to some standards is only appearing "mean" to people who take everything women say at face value.

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Taipanshimshon · 2019-11-24T15:08:26+00:00

Nope. More happy and more aware

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-11-24T15:55:44+00:00

I'm pretty happy with the current state of affairs.

The-Gorillioner · 2019-11-24T17:59:36+00:00

Ignorance is not bliss. Just because you are not aware of things it doesn’t mean you are immune to the bad things that can go wrong in life. Being blue pill or red pill or whatever term you use, it just means you have a chance at defending your self when you see things turn to shit in slow motion or when you suddenly find your self in deep shit. “Ignorance is bliss” doesn’t mean you are not suffering, it just means you are not aware of it. Take the people who are in their “ignorance is bliss” killing themselves in alcohol, drugs or some other self destructive behavior without them realizing what they are doing to them selves for example. You might be a happy ignorant moron but it doesn’t mean you have supper powers to protect you from falling in inside a deep hole like the one in Batman and Bane or the one that girl got out of according to the movie. Its being a long time I can remember how the movie ends.🙄 Being an ignorant it mean your self destruction is guaranteed unless you ask the right person with right information where is the way out and that rarely happens. People just keep killing them selves with whatever drug they use or until they get board doing the same thing over and over again but by the time they realize this they are usually too old by then. Being aware of things is a bless because you get to have time to think and make the best judgement for what is best for you rather then what feels really good which is what “the people” do. Take the poor immigrants who think the left want what is good for them without them realizing what they really want to use them for, for instance. Not that it happens all the time because of the lack of social connection among people but in the present if I talk to somebody l am very suspicious of what they say or do because you never know with what retarded shenanigans they will say or mentally challenged behavior they perform and surprise you with next with all the personalities disorder they are suffering from thanks to the multiculturalist or femicrazy demented religion the psychopath sociologist have been pushing on the adults today since they were toddlers trough the public education system for decades and decades now. I wouldn’t choose the “ignorance is bliss” crap not even in a gorillion years.✌️😎✌️

bkrugby78 · 2019-11-24T20:10:46+00:00

Before I was aware of it, I was already moving more in the direction of not paying for the first date anyways. I think back to when I was in my 20s and I just did it because this is what you were supposed to do. I took long breaks from dating, and after awhile, while also starting to read some RP stuff, I did steer the conversation about the check more towards going Dutch, at least on date 1. Subsequent dates would be more like "I got this" or she would say she got it.

I tend to find most women in my age range (early 40s) have no problem with contributing their part of the check.

grand_tiremaster · 2019-11-25T03:27:59+00:00

If you invite someone out for food, you pay. You need to make the distinction beforehand if you intend to split. I don't know how y'all were raised, but this is just the most polite thing to do IMO. Doesn't matter if it's a date, friends, or family. You take care of your friends, your family, your loved ones.

I invited one of my college friends to eat with me at IHOP one time. I paid for his pancakes and what not. No biggie. He returned the favor by paying for frozen yogurt. I don't make friends with cheap asses.

MikepGrey · 2019-11-25T07:08:57+00:00

What?
WHAT!?!?!
Well ya you got to throw negs at a woken so they know your not a desperate loser, but you can't be an asshole, they do what you like you reward them, they don't and you stop paying attention to them and then they chase you.

exit_sandman · 2019-11-25T09:32:56+00:00

1 isn't really that much of a problem since I don't go out for dinner, but prefer drinks. (I may cook something for the two of us, though.)

2 is definitely a huge annoyance since it distorts women's idea of their RMV. It's just the question whether it's just women who would otherwise have been notoriously dissatisfied with their RMV-match who are pricing themselves out of the dating market or women in general.

3... well yeah, that one is extremely frustrating.

Eastuss · 2019-11-25T10:26:09+00:00

I always disliked entitled women. If nobody says anything I'll be inclined to pay for dates, but if she expects it I'm going to not do it. Obviously there are flaws because the girl could be a FDS advocate and hide that she expects me to pay for her literal presence...

30dirtyfingers · 2019-11-25T11:04:36+00:00

Yep, i dont to it so much. Then again, there are plenty of times i pay simply because that the kind of guy I am.

If however , im with a woman who thinks "men should pay for women", I fall back on the fact that they just made this relationship transactional and I will now be expecting a payout for my investment.

Workaholiconew · 2019-11-25T12:31:19+00:00

RP (or my equivalent, as I swallowed the red pill before I doscovered the community) made me more aware. Just like reading Karl Marx made me more aware of inequality in money, reading about the first world made more aware about the inequality in lifestyles, and reading misses made me more aware that socialism will never work.

It is not fun to know that you are being rigged by a system and can't do anything about it.

2019-11-25T14:13:09+00:00

never paid for dates before RP so hahaaaa
a womans standards and preferences are an irrelevant variable if you got confidence, charisma and actually go approach women. i frequently see dudes where i think "how the fuck is HE with her" but then i remember that real life isn't tinder or fuckin reddit discussion where everyone has autistic ideas of how social interaction works lol.
you don't have to be mean to get a girl interested. i'm super nice. but it's only cos my mindset is that i'm cool af. also being an asshole only works with women if it's done playfully.

2019-11-25T19:01:55+00:00

If anything, being red pill aware has made me less annoyed with intersexual dynamics in general. I still don't accept anyone expecting me to treat them like a de facto prostitute - I never have - but after becoming red pill aware, I understand better where that's coming from. And I accept the futility of negotiating with someone to rise above their most primitive imperatives, when the person in question doesn't really have the tools in the toolbox for a more self-aware, higher-brain mindset.

Rather than letting it annoy me, it has become a fundamental part of my ongoing vetting process towards any woman I allow into my immediate sphere. With age, I've definitely become better at setting the same standards for women as I would for my male friends. And as long as I keep doing that, then anyone who doesn't live up to those standards isn't really any of my concern. I can easily just walk away, rather than letting any particular person's dependency on their lizard brain annoy me.

sadomasochrist · 2019-11-24T15:58:55+00:00

Turns out being selfish is not only positively correlated to arousal, but repels the exact kind of women that are problematic. It's all win.

Your dating question is sort of a catch 22. You gotta understand that LTRs are about women finding men they can control, and by getting involved with some sort of pseudo power struggle here you're just showing that you're not as easily manipulated and depending on circumstances you're working against your "goal" if LTRs are it.

The only way men game the LTR system is by cheating or lying. You have to pretend to be controllable. It's not binary, so having boundaries in date situations doesn't mean you're undateable. But being so independent and strong that she has no leverage, most women are going to slot this guy in as a short term partner only if he's hot enough and disqualify as "not husband material." And the women who are more or less on the same level aren't wife material anyways (a lot of these women are on PPD).

So in a way you can see it's win win. Especially once you get to the point where you understand that "winning" the LTR game means you're in second place anyways and you shouldn't feel any guilt about being a dickhead.

If you really understand how this works, being husband material is straight insulting as a man. Turns out being the guy that other men chide as being an asshole that no woman should ever want to be involved with is where it's at. Male morality is basically self imposed suffering. Be a dickhead, she'll appreciate you more and doing what you want sure beats doing ethical calculus while you "talk" through your issues and beg for a crumb\do choreplay.

I agree with your basic premise, but wanted to explain that this isn't lose\lose like you'd think. Women want to be treated this way if they're not neurotic. They don't want to be pedestalize and they reward men who "treat them poorly" in male terms. tl;dr women appreciate masculine men doing masculine things, being a gentleman\good guy\caring person isn't masculine.

Title	Has being aware of RP made you less happy with the idea of helping women or paying for dates, etc.?
Author	Maybelowsmv
Upvotes	37
Comments	258
Date	November 24, 2019 2:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/e0z0nf/has_being_aware_of_rp_made_you_less_happy_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/has-being-aware-of-rp-made-you-less-happy-with-the.296462 https://theredarchive.com/post/296462

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