My wife is hitting the PMS portion of her cycle, which means it’s comfort test time. For those of you Red Pill hellions who are married or in committed relationships (sorry…), you’ve probably learned this already, but you absolutely, positively, cannot treat a comfort test in the same manner as a shit test, even though the two look pretty much identical. While there are exceptions to every rule, if it happens while she’s ovulating, it’s most likely a shit test. If it happens during her non-fertile times, it’s probably a comfort test. Like I said, this isn’t an absolute, but it’s a really great starting point.
I’ll be honest. My wife is running out of material. She’s been recycling old stuff for the past few months. This time around, we get the tried and true, “Why don’t you love me any more?”
The obvious response she’s looking for is, “I do love you,” which she will promptly piss all over since she so intelligently preempted that response with her phrasing, get extremely angry, then begin lambasting me for all of the things I do and all of the things I don’t do, hoping I’ll apologize profusely and get back in line as the loser slave I was a year ago, because if you really loved a woman, you’d willingly be her sexless source of money and validation. This shit where you live your own life and do things you enjoy while still magically taking care of business around the house because you possess basic time management skills and good work ethic isn’t what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to be a boot-licking slave.
But it’s comfort test time, not shit test time, so I figure I’d better say something. I don’t answer her immediately. I pour myself some scotch. She knows by now that if I were going to blow her off, I’d have done it already, so she waits quietly. I smile inside at this while remaining impassive on the outside.
“Look up ‘begging the question’ on Wikipedia.”
“Huh?”
“You’re baiting me. Ask a better question and I’ll answer it. But first, look up begging the question, like I said.”
“I know what begging the question is.”
“Then…” “But all day you’ve been…” “HEY! I was talking. Let’s try this again. Did you want to ask me something?” She looked like she was about to cry because I cut her off so sharply. I probably shouldn’t have been quite so abrasive.
“…Do you love me?”
“I love you the way a man loves a woman. Your problem is that you want me to love you the way a woman loves a man.”
“What?”
“Every day, you do all kinds of things for me. I probably only notice a third of them. Because they’re not the kinds of things I would do for you, or even think about doing. But I’m thankful for them.”
“Well, you don’t show it!”
“Sure I do. But I show my love in my way. Do you ever consider the dozens, or even hundreds of things I do to take care of you and [daughter], that barely register with you? Your life’s better for it. But because they’re not the kinds of things you do for me, you hardly notice.”
“Well…”
“Look, we play to our strengths, all right? If you want to marry a woman, you’ll need to move to another state, and I know you like our house.”
Bam. Comfort test done.
We piss all over women around here, but for what it’s worth, women are pretty smart. They understand social interactions extremely well, but generally only through the lens of being a woman. Women suck at empathy. They really, really can’t put themselves in another person’s shoes or imagine any viewpoint except their own.
This makes women experts at girl things. They can look across the room at a couple and tell you whether that girl’s really into that guy in three seconds, with 99 percent accuracy. Because women notice and understand what women do for men.
But women suck at being men. Everything men do for women is pretty much invisible to them, because it’s not something women do for people they love, or even something women think about.
Men and women love each other differently, and one of the reasons relationships are such a dismal failure is that men bend over backwards doing shit for women, and the women don’t recognize that any acts of love ever occurred. Meanwhile, the women do all kinds of shit for men, then get all pissed off that the men don’t fall over thanking them.
Women [think that they] want a man who loves them the way a woman loves a man. They don’t express it that way, but when they complain about how a man who loves them to death and does all kinds of shit for them doesn’t do anything for them, that’s what they’re complaining about. They [think that they] want that man to do shit for them that they would do for a man they were in love with.
But that’s not what women actually want. It’s just what they think they want. The more a man cooks, cleans, does laundry, bathes the kids, gives backrubs and footrubs, and supports his wife’s career, the less his wife wants his dick inside of her. Because straight women don’t want to fuck women. They want men. They just don’t understand men.
The TV sitcom trope of the century is about how confusing women are. How tough they are to understand. How they’re a mystery, and men can’t ever hope to really understand their women. But the media markets to women, not men. The truth is that it’s women who suck at empathy. Women don’t understand men. We confuse them. We do all kinds of shit out of love, and they piss all over us, like we’re stupid, because they don’t understand. They missed it.
Meanwhile, we have the capacity to get it. With the Red Pill, we have the capacity to understand women. We know what they really want and what they really need – as opposed to what they say or think they might want.
The Red Pill is your empathy. It’s how you tell whether your woman needs comfort or boundaries. Whether she needs to be tossed on the bed and fucked like a cavewoman or held while she cries. The best way to beat women isn’t to punish them for all that awkward shit we experienced when we were stupid losers. It’s to understand them.
Honestly, I think we need more posts like this. I'm fairly new here, I haven't decided long term yet if I want to have a family. However, if I do, I would like to be equip with the tools to manage one. I understand a lot of the non-single RPers here discovered TRP after getting married or in their current LTR. A lot of the consensus, and rightfully so, is very caustic towards marriage and LTRs. But despite that, I still believe that this is an important topic to discuss rather than letting the only thing said of it be, "Don't do it."
If your really intent on complicating your life and committing to never losing frame again marriage is the test for you. If you sign the licence and step before the priest you had better be ready to be the rock and never lose your job. You have to be stable in every sense of the term. Financially, emotionally and in how you react to shit tests.
Not only that, but never get sick. Never get injured at work, in a car accident, or cleaning the gutters.
It's easier and better to not get married. Live together if you want, but never marry. Let her go any time she thinks she can do better, then never let her back. Replace her with a younger one.
Yep if you get cancer and have a long road to recovery people will "understand how it was too much to handle" if she leaves you. If she gets cancer and you leave, your shitberg scumbag for not supporting her.
I am of the mind I will never get married again. Biggest mistake I ever made but also taught me a lot of valuable life lessons that would have been lost on me otherwise.
I was exposed to isocyanate in automotive paint, fucked up my lungs for six months. Four of them were trying to figure out what the problem was. She claimed I was abusive, dangerous, violent, and obsessed with controlling her in an effort to draw attention away from the fact she was branch swinging because I was sick.
Anything can happen, not just cancer, and she will be rewarded for dumping you, even if it's temporary. I'm in better health and less chronic pain now, those six months of sitting around let me heal by forcing me to take it easy. If she had waited, we could have done shit together that we couldn't before because I hurt too much. Her loss, my gain.
She was building up a public case against you to keep her own reputation pristine while preparing to abandon you... A scheming cunt never wants to appear to be one.
Exactly, it almost worked too. She really fucked up, and it affected more than her and I due to her position in the community. If anyone critizes her job performance, the state police are called and told it's harassment. They then contact the critic and forcibly silence them through legal means. It doesn't matter if it's a single comment, she is a helpless little girl and needs police protection when she fucks up.
Mind sharing some of those things you learned?
Should we discuss never wanting to get married with our LTR's or should we just keep dodging the question
No discussion needed. There is zero benefit to the man in marriage that cannot be had outside the legal agreement. There are profound risks for the man in the legal agreement that are not a threat outside marriage.
If she would sign a prenup that states if there is a divorce for any reason, the kids go with the father, she gets zero assets she didn't bring into the union, and gets reasonable visitatio, then sure, consider marriage. She can leave at any time, take her clothes, shoes, makeup, and toiletries with her leaving everything else.
If she will sign that, agree to it on video, then you can talk about it. Nothing short of that is permissible, no alimony, no custody, no support, no cash and prizes. That eliminates the inherent risk for men, and she can enjoy all he has to offer her while she remains faithful, loving, and sexually active with him. If she gets fat, she is gone. If she fheats, she is gone. Refuse sex, gone. Bitch, moan and complain, gone.
And THAT pre-nup would get thrown out quicker than shit through a goose.
I bet it would. They can charge a man more for child support than a woman, and the Feds match the funds taken from the man and give them to the state. They have a real incentive to fuck over fathers.
so if she shit tests me with "Do you want to get married" what is a suitable response for TRP?
If you mean the question is being asked very early, as part of just finding out your life parameters, tell her the truth - you don't plan to get married.
If it is much later, when she thinks marriage is next, you blew it by not being up-front. Never dodge. Tell her like it is and don't be coy about it. She may leave you, but she won't disrespect you.
And her leaving? If she actually does, it's really best for both.
"No."
It really is that easy. I think you're looking for a response or scheme that will allow you to keep her around without directly confronting the issue. That's not the way of a man. You must hold true to what you believe regardless of the consequences. If you're afraid to tell it like it is, your relationship has already failed.
She may very well leave you. For many women, marriage is the end game and if that isn't on the table, they'll walk. This is fair and reasonable and should not be a problem for you. You're incompatible and want different things in life. As such, it would be best if you went your separate ways, just as you would if she told you her lifelong dream was to be a religious missionary in sub-Saharan Africa and she wanted you to come with and help scrub the sores of Ebola victims. Unless that was also your thing, hopefully you'd be smart enough to say no instead of blindly following her into hell because you think she's your one true love or some such nonsense.
Most women still want marriage, but if you're a high enough value man, many will back down when they realize your position is set in stone and it's not going to happen. If your girl doesn't, cest la vie. Replace her with another. There are billions of them on this planet.
I never recommend bringing marriage up or sitting a girl down for a discussion. Wait for her to mention it, then casually dismiss it. A discussion may ensue, don't get dragged into an argument, fall into her frame or let her shame you. When my LTR got excited, I simply stated, "This is not an issue of commitment or love. I love you and am happy to make a commitment to you. I am simply not going to sign an unconscionable legal contract." I wound up explaining "unconscionable" to her... and she sulked for awhile, and I thought she was going to leave, but she didn't and here we are a couple of years later doing quite well together.
"I am never getting married again" was my response to that one the last time it came up. It hasn't come up since.
I simply say "No." I might expound upon it a bit, or I might not.
They find out while we are getting to know each other, it's one of the first things I tell them. Sometimes after we fuck, sometimes before. They know it isn't happening with me.
You are the gatekeeper of commitment, not giving it out freely will make her try harder to achieve it. You want her to be like that.
Pre-nups like that are routinely overturned in divorce court. They are absolutely not a safety net.
The state will overrule it in the interests of the woman, the children, her pets, etc.
Which is why I said consider marriage, not actually get married. If she is willing to sign it, she either knows the agreement is nearly useless, or she might have a minimum of human decency so she wouldn't divorce rape so easily. She still can, but just maybe she won't be a complete cunt.
Still though.... Never marry. Zero benefit for men.
This is exactly what I will be preaching to my 2 young boys until the day I pass.
I have daughters, one is 18, the other nearly 21. They know exactly what I think about all this. They also know full well that the overwhelming majority of shit in their lives came about because of their mother msking poor choices and being shit with money.
This is difficult especially in the long run if you live in a state that supports common law marriage.
This is also why I will not live with a woman again. They can hang here for 2 or 3 days at a time (a couple do - no, not at the same time), but they have to go home.
How long can an LTR function like that? Eventually she's going to leave. Women eventually want some form of commitment like living together and if you go long enough without giving it to her she is going to leave no matter how alpha you are. Replace her with a younger one I guess?...
Yup. As Patrice states so often on Black Phillip, you have to always be willing to "Take the L". And as so many have written, you have to maintain abundance mentality. I do that with non-monogamy (very open with any potential relationship about that being part of it).
So, if you mix oneitis with that LTR, then yeah, it's a problem, but it's also not terrifically RP to mix oneitis with anything. That said, Rollo often writes about marriage (his is going well over a decade now, I think) and application of RP.
Not really. Keep your finances separate, don't pretend to be married and you should be fine. Definitely talk to an attorney if you do live in a common law state, but as I understand it there are a few simple, easy things you can do to still live with a woman and have a healthy LTR without falling into the common law trap.
Don't live in those states. There aren't many of them.
Alabama. Colorado. District of Columbia. Georgia (if created before 1/1/97) Idaho (if created before 1/1/96) Iowa. Kansas. Montana.
Is anglo culture really that bad? I had an accident at work, couldn't work for 3 weeks, went back and injured again, took another 2 weeks. Though I did see a change in how my fiancee acted, she was still herself. Basically she felt like since I wasn't working then she could skip her chores every now and then. That month the house was not impeccable. I still ate homemade meals daily and got plenty of pussy. Maybe I wasn't injured long enough to see the full effect. Also, my dad had cancer (he beat it) and my mom was NEVER so attentive to anyone, including her baby (me), in her whole life.
I think women only walk out if they see you as disposable. If you are boss enough to still be the best she can get even when injured or sick she won't leave. Ever met a chick married to a deadbeat? I think it goes beyond financial stability. I think if you face your injury or disease with bravery and still remain the rock even in such adversity not only will she support you but proudly so. FFS I spent half a year unemployed (she had to pay the bills for the last 2 months) and the amount of pussy and attention I received didn't suffer much.
It's not about money, it's about strength vs weakness. Girls like me because I am strong, far more muscle than average men. If I appear even slightly weaker, they lose respect for me. Not being able to walk 10 meters without being winded did it for her.
Marriage is the ultimate RP test a man could take.
To pass it, really means uve internalized RP.A grandmaster so to speak.
And he'd deserve the same respect as a grand master of russian roulette.
[permanently deleted]
... Good luck finding a girl who will settle for anything less than marriage.
Shows how little you understand the female sexual strategy... They want commitment from the best man they can catch. Anything else in between is either alpha fucks, beta bucks.
Marriage is always on their cards.
[permanently deleted]
His comment indicates a shortage mindset. If you stick to one girl, she'll probably want a higher level of commitment at some point. But if you can elevate your status and SMV to a high enough point over her, she'll understand that she can't secure your commitment and that she'll be worse off if she pursues other alternatives.
Hence, she remains under your wing, but not leashed onto you. For a man to get that point, he'd have to really work on himself, but that is what men should ultimately be doing regardless.
You basically would be dating down though.
Ie. if you are an 8, you can pull that only for 7s and below. An 8 and above would have other options (the higher the girl on the SMV chart, the more the options increase, exponentially, not in a linear way).
And, most well adjusted women will want something else rather than just sex and occasional dating on the longer term.
It is fine if you don't give it to her, and that plate will eventually go away, but keep in mind that the higher her value (in comparison with yours), the more options she will have and the quicker she will bolt.
Everytime I have been in a "pure alpha" position has been with a plate that was at least 1 or 2 points below my SMV.
So what happens when you're too old to be attractive? What then?
I said my current LTR I will never marry and if that's a problem for her she should say so and we split. We are still together. It's always said her. You have to be willing to walk away or else you have already lost.
I think that women are willing to be enlightened by RP ideals, but it's rather off putting to trek into such a male-dominated domain. I've been married before, and he never passed a shit test, but then again, he treated me like his mother. So after all that and reading up on TRP, I've decided to never marry again. Marriage is an increasingly messy institution. And frankly, I don't want any man to be able to hold anything over my head.
I'm more than happy to help you guys get better insight into a woman's mindset. I think that a lot of women are still buying into the whole fairy-tale wedding shit because it's shoved down our throats to be pretty, little flowers. Enter every show on TLC about finding that perfect dress. Or the one where brides compete to see who has the best, most expensive wedding. Gross. Instead of a wedding, I'd like unlimited reefer and pizza that I buy for myself.
We'd rather you not try to give "insight". This is a men's space, and women have very little influence here. I would recommend /r/redpillwomen but since you are not inclined to marry, (again) they might not be very receptive either.
I don't ask fish how to catch them, I ask fishermen.
I appreciate you being straightforward and kind, but there are many men who subscribe to TRP ideals that are just woman-haters. If this philosophy is to stay practical and appealing, some of you do need reminded that a woman worth being with isn't going to tolerate what a plate puts up with. Men and women have completely separate but equivalent roles in a relationship. And as for this alleged man-space, you can have a woman-free sub when women get a man-free sub. You give us notes, we return the favor. TRP isn't perfect, never forget that.
Post-hoc rationalization by guys who realize divorce would fuck them even worse than marriage does now.
i.e. male hamstering
But yeah, it's not cool to kick a man when he's down, so congratulations to you... er... grandmaster of RP.
Eh, I've never been married but I'd still like a family at some point.
Get fucked.. I'm not even married, so I don't even know where you are coming from..
But even I can acknowledge the perils of marriage and the daunting task that it is. Like I've said, it really is the ultimate test of ones RP mettle, and if you succeed, then one deserves the rights to be called a master. End of fucking discussion.
It's a losing hand, here's why. You can be dominant, strong willed, powerful, never fail a shit test, be a healthy in shape man, and given the right opportunity your woman will lie, cheat, branch swing and then recieve cash and prizes for being an unfaithful cunt.
The downside for her is not readily apparent. Most often she actually swings to a lesser, though new and therefore exciting man, who then eithe dumps her after the conquest, or she sees that he isn't nearly as good as she had it before. They branch swing to what appears to be a better branch, but it either breaks or simply doesn't exist so she freefalls until some other branch well below catches her, or she hits the ground.
Women are shit judges of character, they can't tell quality man on a mission from self absorbed loser. If he looks good enough right now, and her hamster is spun up, she will bolt on the best man she could ever get and gladly jump to a loser. If you're married to her, you get to pay for her lack of vision and poor choices.
LTR sure, marriage is a chump game where the deck is stacked against you, and she holds the biggest cards in the deck. All you have is bluff and confidence, she has the power of law, judges, courts, and state enforcement on her side. No amount of dominant behavior will help you with the legal shit, in fact it's highly detrimental.
This is absolutely correct. I don't have much more to add since /u/vengefully_yours did a good job, but I wanted to comment to simply reiterate how correct this comment is.
In marriage, women see you at your lows. They see you coming home tired from work. They see you tired, cold, lonely. They see you drinking a beer in front of the TV, and when they ask you to help them do the dishes, you say "later honey."
They see the mysterious, good-looking coworker of yours dressed in a suit. They see him leading others, doing a good job at work, and smile as he flirtatiously jokes with her.
They see you at your worst, and other men at their best.
In marriage, if the woman has an opportunity, you can be damn sure that depending on how bad the woman is, the higher the probability that she will branch swing and ditch you. Society is incapable of changing female biological programming.
I've fucked enough girlfriends and wives of better looking men to know for a fact that AWALT.
So if an RP man wanted to have a kids with a woman should he have them out of wedlock? Also what about dealing in states with common law marriage. An RP man there can just never have an LTR that gets to the moving in stage because it's too dangerous?
There are a lot of misconceptions about common law marriage. Very few states still have it and you generally have to do a hell of a lot more than simply live together. If you are unfortunate enough to live in such a state, talk to a lawyer before you live with a woman. It will be easy to avoid common law status, you just have to be smart about it.
Having kids means she can have nearly everything you earn taken from you then given to her. 90% of the time she gets the kids. She can lie about you to the courts and the kids, make your life a living hell, and prevent you from seeing them or being a positive influence in their lives.
She can do all of that on a whim and the state will enforce it for her, and some states will do anything they can to fuck you over. They profit from fucking you over.
Have kids if you want, get married if you want, it's your life. My reason for what I say on here is to make men aware that yes they too can get fucked. Not only the can you get fucked, you probably will.
Would you go skydiving if half the chutes wouldn't open? Would you bet half your shit and most of your future earnings that she won't be what is becoming a typical wife?
Really, I think Rollo has covered how RP applies in marriage rather thoroughly. Patrice was very clear about treating women in a committed relationship. It may not be for most, but more people in this forum should really check out that information. I see a lot of "I've never been married, but blah blah" here. It's noise. Reality is utterly different than anything RP has prepared you for.
One thing for sure - you must command respect, and OP did what I'd consider exactly one thing that commanded respect - when he cut her off for interrupting him. She "almost cried", and she should have, as perhaps she was realizing her recurring behavior was terrible.
And OP makes this statement: "They really, really can’t put themselves in another person’s shoes or imagine any viewpoint except their own." - that's solipsism, one of the hallmarks of basic RP understandings.
Source: Two monogamous marriages covering 30 years. I ended both, but not from anybody's infidelity.
I was married twice as well, 16 years total, divided exactly in half. Both were ended when the bitches cheated.
No.
You're hamstering HARD if you believe that.
Marriage is a foolish decision for almost every man today in the Western world.
AWALT, brothers
Good thing I'm living in an Eastern country, then.
See Rollo for one of the more informed RP perspectives on marriage.
Agreed. This post is fucking badass. I love it. MORE PLEASE!!!
You're welcome to study and internalize TRP and contribute meaningful content of your own.
Which I'm already doing. Just absorbing all the knowledge.
You're contributing meaningful comment by commenting "MORE!!!!" on other people's posts?
Are you really going to grill me on one comment? Give it a break
it is a third level comment after all. let him state approval with out you to censor him.
[permanently deleted]
Actually yes. Off the top of my very inexperienced in this area head I can come up with a reason: it removes some of the mystery and curiosity about it, and may help them realise that it's a real and irreversible thing.
But regardless of the suicide example: Buy a PC is not an answer to someone who lost their assignment on a mac. They want the assignment back and I'll help them get it, even if it was the mac's fault that it got lost.
Not saying that's a regular thing for macs, just theoretical example.
[permanently deleted]
Great post :)
I think I got lucky when being raised. (I'm female) My dad always shows his love through actions, such as fixing my car, always taking care of the lawn, shoveling snow, always buying things for the house, I always have a nice pair of tennis shoes, etc. You get the picture.
When I was younger, around 14 or so, dad bought mom flowers. I told her how cute that was, and asked why he doesn't do it more often (thinking to movies and stuff) and she said air in her tires is way more important than flowers, although she loves that dad thinks to go out of his way and buy her flowers just for her. Basically, she told me that dad shows his affection for us in other ways. And while flowers are nice, they are not as practical as other things dad does for us. Him buying flowers is his way of showing he remembered we like those kinds of things every now and then.
And my eyes finally opened to how men act. I noticed everything dad began doing. And now, in my current relationship, I can appreciate all things my SO does for me, and I make sure to thank him for these things. I am better able to see his side, because I was shown early on, from both parents, that men and women are different.
In the end, I guess communication is key. It's important to teach our girls about this early on, so when they start dating, they can start practicing using her new skills of appreciating men more. And for anyone married or in a LTR, it's important to have a conversation like OP had. Tell your female SO you are different, and express your affection differently. Once you two can understand affection is expressed in unique ways, it becomes a lot easier to appreciate it when it is shown.
Is it possible this could prevent girls having their "daddy issues", and creating sluts from seemingly normal families? Like this comes from girls feeling neglected by their father, but maybe it is because they have a mom who is unappreciative of said father and they don't realize what the man is actually doing for them
Hmm...very interesting question.
I'm not fully equipped to answer it, since I have never had any desires to whore myself out or be a part of the CC culture. I have a very high libido, but I definitely pay very close attention to how many notches on my bedpost I have. I've only have two sexual partners in my life (22 atm), and I am currently dating the second one. I never understood that mentality of screwing a bunch of men inbetween relationships. I don't mind a male partner who has had many partners, because I just see it as experience for him, but I feel like I am definitely lowering my market value by opening up my pants to any guy who is a 9/10 or 10/10. Then I'd be known as easy. Who wants to be known as that?
My guess is the slut culture is pretty dependent on feminist thinking. The whole "Whateva, whateva, I do what I want" mentality. They see a hot dude, and think why not? I think they never had any feeling of personal responsibility. They see guys getting laid all the time, and want to be a part of bro culture, but don't want the term slut to follow. It doesn't make much sense.
I know for me, personally, why I decided to stick to my standards and only screw guys I am dating. It's because dating and sex wasn't necessarily a taboo subject with my mother and I. She let me know upfront if I needed birth control, to just ask her for it, because she had a long talk about being responsible about relationships. And those conversations usually focused on responsibility in general with my body, and to realize once someone has seen you naked, you can't ever take that back. And also to never sleep with a guy that would never care for me, because women are often more emotional in any form of sexual relation than men are. And she never wanted me to be in a scenario where a guy pumps and dumps me, because it's just not good for any female's mentality.
I also know my dad always made comments when I joined the dating scene, always like, "Does he check your car for you? Sure he's built like a brick house, but would be take care of you if you are sick? I buy you tampons when you need them and sacrifice my manhood when doing so, would he do it for you? Buying your mother flowers is something I choose to do, I don't have to. But I like seeing her happy. You need a guy like that." I guess my parents just instilled standards early on, and never quit in making sure I stuck to it. But they didn't pamper me like a little princess either. Once I was getting chubby inbetween sports seasons because I was used to using a ton of calories and forgot to adjust my diet, and dad made a comment about losing weight to increase my market value when I said a guy wasn't interested in me (In a more loving way that shows concern, not just making my worth about the number on a scale. But he was honest about men wanting thinner women, especially when they are younger)
In the end, I think it's just good to raise children in an honest environment. Don't put them on a pedastool, but don't allow them to ever settle for anything, and teach them if they want to shoot for the stars, they are going to need to make sure they have the right equipment first (versus, 'oh sure honey! you can do whatever you want!'). And it's also important to establish gender roles do exist. And then men and women are different. A lot of hoes in modern culture forget that guys and girls are different. They think if a man does something, she should be able to do it too. And if she shows love in a certain way, he should reciprocate it in the exact same manner. I don't know about daddy issues, but I definitely think it's incredibly important to remember when raising a kid that they are going to be an adult one day. And one day, that little person who love Spongebob will have to provide for another person, they will have responsibilities, they will have to make decisions on their own. A lot of modern culture forgets this, so I think that's where a lot of the failure comes into play.
I had a girl like you. She bought into the "you go girl" bullshit when she turned 30. Now she lives with her parents, dates desperate losers, and has a bleak future ahead of her.
Don't be a Catherine.
I suspect the problem is heightened by the entitlement and instant gratification mentalities that permeate today's culture. "Daddy is merely doling out what's already mine, and at a frustrating pace at that."
A mom who demonstrates appreciation will help, but there's much more to overcome.
having dated a majority of women who came from loving families i can attest that this is true. something about a girl not growing up having a father makes her unable to "appreciate" or even see that a man is going out of the way for her. the women who i dated who had mothers that were not with the original father/ had multiple boyfriends spanning into in their late 40s and early 50s were just as fucked in the head as their mothers
My dad is like yours, showed his love through actions. However, there was the added complication of him serving overseas for most of my childhood so me coming to the realization of "this is how I know he loves me" came much much later in life.
I wish my mom had told me like your mom did when I was much younger. I didn't really get the lesson until I was just starting college and having some communication issues with my dad.
So to echo your point, pointing out these differences is so important.
Flowers have become a meaningless gesture. Used to be that if you gave a girl flowers it meant you went out into the forest to pick flowers for her. Now it just means you texted the florist.
.
A woman shit/comfort testing should be handled the way you might arm wrestle an 8 year old. Do it with a smile on your face and try to not hurt her. She wants to be impressed by your strength. She wants to see a demonstration to be reminded of it. She wants you to flex.
As men, we don't do things because they are easy.
Lifting weights is hard. It also feels good and is very rewarding.
When you are good, you don't even notice them.
To have children. Not much else.
This ties in nicely with the concept of Covert Contracts, as discussed in No More Mister Nice Guy. Men have the expectation that their hard work and effort can and should be appreciated by women, without them having to be told so. These kinds of unspoken contracts lead to resentment and unhappiness down the road; you cannot set up an expectation in your mind that the other party has no ability to adopt.
Women are not men. They don't appreciate male values like loyalty, devotion, provision, etc. They like that you're capable of offering them, but they're as thankful for it as they are for running water. It's not something in the forefront of their brains.
Honestly, the most brilliant part of this post is right here:
Whether or not she agrees right away, she is reminded of the fact. She'll be less likely to take it for granted down the road. Sometimes you need to remind them that life is uncharacteristically comfortable, and you're a big reason for that.
For these are things that servants(orbiters) provide.
In youth, any woman with half-decent SMV can acquire these servants at will. Post-Wall, most women can call upon White Knights or utilize their female social network to temporarily obtain the use of their friends' servants.
I noticed this covert contract concept when I realized there was not one more thing I could cram in my day. So when my wife would say "You never (fill in the blank" or "You need to do more xyz around the house" i'd crumble, get pissed, and want to leave. Didn't she notice ALL the shit I do every day? The answer: no. She didn't. She would even argue when I tried to show her what I did.
Post TRP- I do less around the house now. Have a bit more time for myself. And she is happier because I am a man instead of a crappy roommate. Now, she notices the things I do because she notices ME. It backwards it seems. When I first started implementing this stuff, she complained that it seemed like we were moving backwards in our roles (she the housewife, I the provider). Now? She only complains once or twice a month. Which is an improvement. And when she complains? I don't get upset or really care. Because she wants it this way instead of the old way.
As non-intuitive as it sounds, taking care of your needs first before taking care of others' needs is how you garner respect. Always put yourself first.
As always great post, we really need more posts like this.
Sincere question here, how do you think men show love (or should show love)? Is it by providing means of survival (money and resources) for the woman in a family context? If so does it hold good when the wife is earning almost as much as the husband?
You show them your love by being a strong man who means business. Be unfazed by their whimsical nonsense and shit tests, be the rock to their topsy turvy, emotionally driven world.
You must have a high smv, and dole out attention selectively. There's no way to satiate their need, so you must give sparingly. 2/3rule always.
I'm surprised nobody has ever mentioned this book. But how to be a 3% man by Corey Wayne is one of the best books I've read.
I've been in a LTR for some time and when my girl starts with this kind of bullshit I tell her straight up "I'm not interested in this bullshit." and I'll go do something else.
This works for me because I genuinely don't fear her losing me, sometimes I even think I'd prefer it. This advice may not work for folks who really want to stay with their girl, but that's a whole different kind of foolishness.
Married game works differently, you don't have the same exit strategies. You need to expertly handle your woman's testing because it's much harder (and more expensive) to recover afterwards .
That's true, if you're married you've got a lot more shit on the line. But that's why you don't get married.
While I agree you don't need to get married to enjoy the presence of a woman, I also can't help but admit part of me wants to because of my upbringing. Seeing the happiness my parents have (married 20 years) and wanting that for myself is quite the struggle.
Bigger the risk, bigger the reward. Skydiving may not be your thing. It's dangerous and you could lose everything. You're probably right. Best you avoid the scary things in life. You're right, YOU shouldn't jump out of a plane. And marriage probably ain't safe for YOU.
It has been my greatest adventure though. Just saying.
[permanently deleted]
I wouldn't categorize it so much as restriction/allowance mindset, but rather as opportunity based.
You could explain the wonderful things that lifting can do for a man, but no one quite gets it until they actually do it.
I'm not saying marriage is the best for everyone. But I will argue that the benefits can outweigh the risks and costs.
Being married isn't a state of being. It's a circumstance. I didn't just get to that status and then smile cause I'm 'Done'.
It's a challenge and its hard. Like lifting. And I'm always having to work at it. It's a heavy weight to lift. Because of it, I have the capacity and confidence to handle more in life than I ever could before.
[permanently deleted]
LOL. If you were told that you had a 50/50 chance that your chute wouldn't open would you still go skydiving? Any sane man would look at this fact and say fuck no. Which is why fewer men are taking on the risk. Don't act like because you bought the american hollywood dream that you're living a morally righteous life. You should compare marriage 2.0 to Russian roulette with a nearly fully loaded gun. It's much more fitting.
Yeah but the deadly fall to earth is exhillerating!!
You're ignoring opportunity cost and assuming you would not have had even greater adventure had it not been for your marriage. Don't let those rose colored glasses get in your way of seeing the other side. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce it's the hard truth and your one example doesn't serve to change that.
These are statistics based on todays blue pill world. I'm implementing MRP, which resembles more of an old school approach. I'm going more with how successful the old world was in marriage and avoiding the more modern pitfalls that TV propaganda has taught and twisted us into.
We're here trying to change or sick and unhealthy culture. I agree with your statistics and how they demonstrate how I'll we've become add a society. I'm breaking away from the pattern, and returning to the red pill world.
Your statistics don't apply to me. They don't scare me. They map all the mistakes that have lead us all here.
Everyone here is an example of that change. I will not be limited by those who are stuck and asleep in the matrix.
I hope my one escape fuels more people to break away from the fear and dogma regarding marriage and understand that there is more to life, Greater challenges for a man than simple and easy plate spinning.
;)
If women are your end-goal in life, sure. Otherwise, those things satisfy the need with minimal energy sapped from your more productive undertakings.
You can do as you please without the condescending bullshit. If you wanna get married and risk your happiness and everything you own, you go ahead. But don't pretend that it's the same kind of risk as skydiving, or that everyone who doesn't get married is a pussy.
I was being fecetious brah. You know, agree and amplify?
Hey, maybe I was being a little bitch, getting all defensive about you challenging my idea about getting married and throwing my life away. Or maybe I hit a nerve when I suggested you should open your mind a little and challenge your paradigm. (Shrug)
Either way, you can stand up for yourself and I admire that. Hi5 for standing your ground and telling me to piss off.
I'll concede that this is TRP and not MRP. So by default you hold a higher roll on the die ;)
I'm failing to see a reward you get through marriage that you cant get from a hook up.
And I couldn't see redpill until I hit rock bottom. Doesn't mean it wasn't there.
This ain't MRP, it's TRP. Maybe I should remember the first rule about MRP?
Convincing argument not to get married.
Sign a contract betting half my net worth that I'll "love" someone forever and be able to endure their constant shit tests, nagging, and perform for their expectations? Otherwise I get fucked by the judicial system which is itself fucked?
You kidding me, `Murica?
Current plate discusses marriage. I laugh as though it is a sick joke.
You are right. Patrice O'Neal said never be afraid to take a loss. I love my wife but I'm not afraid of losing her if it's behind something nonsensical.
Half of gay women want to fuck women who act like men.
Made friends with a very smart, assertive bi chick who is on her way to full-blown lesbian.
Met up with her with my (bi) LTR along.
The lesbian bitch talked JUST like an RP man about the chick she was planning on smashing the next night.
I made the critical mistake of engaging on her strategy. During the conversation, she came back with [paraphrased], "I'm smart than her, I'm hotter than her, I'm the best she'll get in this town and to get her wet I'll need to treat her like a dumb bitch."
This was a mistake, because it was basically discussing TRP in front of my female LTR. LTR cried on the way home, because she tasted the bitter pill and realized life sucks, and that even if she switches over to women she's attracted to... BP reality is a lie.
I loved seeing TRP reinforced, but having my LTR along for that dinner was risky as fuck. I'm sure she comfort-tested me hard for a week afterwards to try to invalidate that discussion in her head.
As I'm really feeling your message right now with current and past experiences. I'm going to ask you a question a women could ask you, really curious about you answering that.
I don't have an answer to this myself, so therefore I'm curious what you would say. A wrong answer would result into a rant from the women.
Answering that [accusation disguised as a] question is the wrong answer, no matter what you say. And it shows you exactly where you stand.
When a woman asks you what you've done for her to show your love, what she's really saying is "you don't do shit for me." If you respond at all, she'll go to the mat over it because you're challenging her belief that you don't do shit. You're also validating her belief by crediting her shit question with a serious response. That just shows her that you believe her question is justified, she's on to you, and you have to defend yourself.
Never, ever try to justify yourself to a woman. Especially a bitch who just asked "so what have you done for me lately?" Whatever your response, she's looking to piss on you, minimize all you do, and get into a fight. She knows you take good care of her. That's the problem. She feels like she owes you, but isn't attracted to you, and resents you for making her feel bad about that. Minimizing what you do for her helps her feel better about herself.
To piggy back- the never apologize/justify yourself to a women is a tough thing to own up to at first. I found myself saying sorry all the time. More of a "yeah yeah sorry go away". Now, I do not apologize. And she has learned to apologize profusely. Works much better.
I also don't tell her what I am going to do for her. I used to. All the time. Then it becomes and expected contract and is not over and above/loving whatever. So I wont answer the question /u/ExBABYYy asked. Except to pass the comfort test. I say something like "I provide for this family by working hard." She sees it. Trees fall down in the backyard, I grab the chainsaw.
Sorry to mention it, but isn't it what you did in the OP situation? You responded to her claim “Well, you don’t show me your love!” by justifying yourself with explanations of reality. You engaged her shitty "why don't you love me?" question with a serious discussion and she laid off.
And then what about the fact that:
I'm having a hard time qualifying "Why don't you love me anymore" and "You never do anything for me!" and anything else of that nature as a comfort test.
I noticed in my last long term relationship that what I do for her is instantly forgotten in the unlikely event it even got noticed. What she did for me (which never took as long, nor was as thoughtful - always stuff she was doing anyway) I was supposed to be infinitely and permanently grateful for.
The observation that there are comfort tests (demanding love/appreciation) as well as shit tests (how alpha are you?) is great. It's awesome advanced level LTR game.
But it makes me feel that women are unsuitable for any sort of LTR. I am not denying reality - but the idea that I have to track her monthly cycle just to keep the relationship basically on track ...no. For me I would sooner fail these dumbass comfort tests and let the relationship crash and burn.
I don't know how long you have been married, but the fact that you have a daughter and your wife still has these kind of conversations with you (not once in a blue moon and she shit tests you and needs you to pass it like a RP woman, but every month at the very least) shows to me that you had to have been blue pill when you started dating her.
Is my assumption correct?
Edit: This determines how/what question I will ask you afterwards.
All women do this. All of them. Doesn't matter how RP you are or were. They're going to test you. They need to test you. It is simple biology.
As a RP man in a LTR, you WANT your woman to test you.
When a woman comfort tests you and you pass, she feels comforted. When a woman shit tests you and you pass, she is attracted. In both cases, her belief in you is confirmed. She is reassured. She chose a good man.
If a woman doesn't test you, it is not a sign of respect. It is apathy or terror. If she loves you, she will test you. If you have studied and internalized TRP, you will pass most tests with ease. You will prove your worth.
So learn to welcome those tests. They are how a woman measures your improvement, your strength, your character. These are the moments where she evaluates you. They are your chance to shine.
Yeah, tests come of two sorts. The bitchy obnoxious kind and the "I want to feel how masculine you are" kind. Women test so that they can get an emotional kickback from your reaction, and when women get positive emotional kickbacks, they engage in that behavior that caused them even more often.
I think a lot of people think of 'testing' as her challenging / criticizing / nagging you.
My goal is to have enough wealth, power, status, confidence, and internal/external success that a shit test from a woman would not occur.
Well, to be fair, I want all of those things for myself because I want them. Having women not shit test me in a LTR would be a perk, like having an infinity pool.
Maybe I'm not cut out for LTR's.
The post implies very strongly that he was BP to some degree a year ago. I think it is a fair inference that he exhibited more BP behaviors earlier in the relationship/marriage.
Ah thanks for that. Must have skipped it over
Testing never ends. They often follow her cycle, switching between comfort test and shit tests. The best sex is when she is ovulating and you pass the shit test, because she feels you are a strong alpha and she loves it.
Archwinger this was extremely enlightening for me. Really enjoyed it and learnt something absolutely fundamental about my own relationship mistakes. Thank you so much! I almost didn't read this but I'm glad I did.
Is such a thing even possible?
This is a high quality post. Excellent writing, OP!
I've been learning to play my girlfriend like a piano. The better I become, the happier she is and the more she pleases me. It all starts with a foundation of understanding, my understanding. It's important to know where she is in her cycle to determine what she needs. Sometimes she needs comfort, sometimes she needs to be dominated and put in her place. She absolutely needs both, and I enjoy giving both.
"...then begin lambasting me for all of the things I do and all of the things I don’t do, hoping I’ll apologize profusely and get back in line as the loser slave I was a year ago"
It's good to be reminded that many of the "top level" posters are recovering Betas themselves.
In my own life I've only known the dominant Alpha father who punishes the Shit Tests and rewards the Charm and I've never been in a true Beta relationship myself and have only seen it in my two brothers. My cousins were hardcore Beta and one son committed suicide because of it. My father didn't want us to associate (despite living nearby) because he didn't want us to absorb Beta ideas.
MGTOW for some of us is because we will not even consider behaving like this with women. (we just can't find a women worth being captain to... the quality is now so low)
In other words Beta is a pattern of losing in the interaction with women. It's learned.
A Beta goes down and down and down... until you are completely henpecked.
The one thing I can say with complete honesty is that I've never been in a relationship as a Beta. The closest I ever got was with a Lucifer's Daughter (Charming on the outside, but psychopath on the inside) but that was just one woman.
Fucking top tier post man. This should be on the sidebar.
Funny thing. My grandmother and grandfather pretty much told me all of this years ago in my teens. I didn't listen to them.
I have to call slight bullshit on this one. No way you got away that cleanly! She still would have trounced you verbally regardless of the logic of your argument. I'm betting you got the "Sure I do... " in before your scotch ended up getting spilled as you tried to dodge a flying projectile!
Women made themselves difficult to understand and then proceeded to complain about it wondering 'where have all the good men gone?'
Just like a child who breaks their toy and then throws a tantrum when it doesn't work anymore. There's a lesson here gents - being a man means being an adult for The Most Responsible Teenager in the HouseTM
Relevant link to article. I encourage everyone to read it.
The amount of deleted posts in this sub is ridiculous. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Say it and take your lumps, and/or praise based on the content of your words. Your karma points means absolutely nothing in the real world. If you are a spineless pussy here... You are a spineless pussy in real life.
[permanently deleted]
Nah bro! He's the alphaest alpha of all time and is telling us how it is and how we should be! Praise be unto him!
This post was amazing. Keep at it my friend.
Great post. Wish I could show this to my wife. Guess I'll just have to implement it with.
checks Clue app
saves post
bout that time again yep yep yep yep
Should I immediately call her out when she starts shit testing? Or play along for a little
Your call. You can play into what she wants, which is to play along, this will get exhausting in the long run. I highly suggest ignoring or call her out.
This correlation....it's amazingly applicable to so many situations. Holy fucking shit.
I wish I knew the subtle differences between shit tests and comfort tests a couple of years ago..I might have still been with my baby momma. It's the one thing she still gives me a hard time about throughout our relationship and still to this day a year after our split. She'll always say "Well if you only knew how to provide comfort we'd probably still be together," especially during non fertile weeks.
TRP has given me a lot of knowledge to use to my advantage when it comes to dealing with my children's mother. Whether I like it or not, I'm still in a relationship with her until my youngest turns 18 which won't be for another 16 years. I wish there was a section for single fathers and running game on the mother/mothers of your children.
I'm really tempted to forward this post to my dad (49). He's not beta per say but he's losing that Alpha touch to my mom's constant PMS and mood swings.
Two things. 5 Love Languages hits on just this. It's PC though and administers a test as to which you are instead of male female.
Get a lunar phase app for your phone. My wife is red on full moon and ready to go on new moon. My coworkers girl is opposite.
can someone tell me what a "comfort" test is?
A lot of people talk about how to pass a comfort test or when to pass it. BUT they don't explain why it comes, what it is and how to pass it efficiently.
A Comfort Test:
Occurs when your SMV is 2+ than your wife (based on experience) or 2+ in her 'MIND'.
Passing the test increases your wifes SMV in her 'MIND'. You should aim to remain 1-2 higher than hers and still have the most power.
The more you talk to pass a comfort test, the higher the SMV of the wife increases in her 'MIND'. Note: I state 'mind' because her SMV does not increase to others but she sees herself as higher value compared to you.
When the comfort question is asked, it's may not be just 1, I REPEAT it can be 5 comfort tests all in a row.
At the end of a comfort test, you should tease your wife. This allows you to stay higher SMV if you went too far, or if you didn't do enough. If you didn't do enough, another comfort test will be around the corner. If you went too far, it raises your SMV because you can still show higher value than her.
How to pass a comfort test:
The easiest way I can tell anyone to pass is imagine your son/daughter asked you a serious question about how they feel: "Daddy don't you love me". Agree and amplify wouldn't cut it. You have to state the truth. As simple as that.
Part 1: Serious answer
Man answer: "Of course I love you, I am happy since the day you were born".
Part 2: Tease
Man answer: "but you stink the bathroom out when you're done".
This leads to 2 scenarious:
Son/Daughter: "I'm being serious, why don't you love me".
Son/Daughter "Dad I don't stink it out like you!"
If they answer with 1, you need to say more serious talk to comfort them.
If they answer with 2, you passed the comfort test and kept your SMV high.
Be warned: You can go full beta and lower your SMV than hers. This is bad IE:
Man: "I love you more than anything" -1 SMV
Man: "I will even clean the dishes or wash the laundry for you" -1 SMV
Man: "Just tell me what I can do to stop you feeling this way" -1 SMV.
Total SMV lost: 3
The best thing to do is tease after each answer to see if you passed the comfort test. The tease allows you to know if you passed it. Though I do not recommend answer 2 or 3.
When you get used to these comfort tests you can then work on comfort questions that are directed at you, and question them to ask the real problem at hand. IE
Her "Why don't you love me anymore"
Man: "Why would you say that"/ What makes you think that"
Real answer Her: "I'm scared you can get another girl so easily"
That is the real comfort question you should answer.
You should be aware of your long term SMV compared to your wife, if not. Find out by reading what other wives are doing for their husbands IE: sex, dishes, cleaning, going out their way to do things, writing love notes etc
SMV can vary at anytime due to being popular at a venue, winning a competition, a woman flirting with you. This means you could be given a comfort test even if your SMV is normally lower than your wife in the long term BUT at THAT moment, you are higher SMV than her. You still need to pass this comfort test the same way as before, but be wary that it doesn't mean you're +2 SMV higher than her in the long term, but it does show she realises things are changing.
I wish more posts existed like this on this sub. Thanks OP. Good to see an example of a Red Pill Married man.
This is an excellent post. Glad I stumbled across it.
Perhaps she's trying to express that she finds it unfair that you contribute by working a job you like while she contributes by doing household chores she doesn't like. Because the question comes up every month.
The question comes up every month because it follows her cycle. I can predict when shit tests and comfort tests will come from tracking her cycle. The way to know there is no real issue is that when you pass the test and her hormones chamge, she forgets about it for the rest of the month.
Women are like cats. if u let it inside the house once it expects it again later and eventually will take it for granted. They love playing with a string out of reach. If you let it sit and have no challenge it gets bored. I also read somewhere that the average cat has 2 homes at one time.
OP is lecturing us how red pill he is yet he is married, LOL. Theres no such thing as a comfort test, its another shit test. Play with the string and never tell your woman you love her. If she asks if you love her, say actions speak louder than words. MGTOW till I die
Upvoted only because you said this shit with conviction.
If by conviction you mean delusion, then I agree.
How many of you commenting here have been married for 10 years or more? I suspect a lot of this is RP echo-chamber by people who have not.
You should give your post to her. I think it will help her understand.
I'll go get the deed to the house, the car titles, and our stock paperwork, too. I can put it all in one envelope with as much cash as I can fit.
The first rule of Fight Club ...
/u/doogedud, the goal is NOT for her to 'understand' - understanding is the booby prize. The goal is happiness, for both of you. Bone up on your evo-psych, and read the 'War Brides' post on therationalmale.com.
Women talk, men do.
Demonstrate, don't explicate.
[permanently deleted]
It's not off the table, but I want to finish indoctrinating my daughter with appropriate femininity first so she doesn't turn out strong and independent like her mother.
I was going to delete that troll's post until I saw this. Fucking bravo. Still banning the troll though.
Naahh, he can always serve as a bad example.
I LOVE that you left that post even though it's technically lashing out at you, just so you could make it your bitch. heh.
Genuine question; why do you think he's a bad husband?
Genuine comment: Do not engage the troll.