Are women more hurt by rejection than men are?

TheSnowyPlover · 2020-01-30T18:35:05+00:00

I’ve turned women down a few times in my life for sex and let me tell ya, they fucking explode with rage! Simply put, women don’t experience relational/sexual rejection as much as men do so when they do it’s a much bigger deal

whynot1871 · 2020-01-30T18:35:23+00:00

They don't usually need to approach, because men do it. So in situations that they do approach they are already invested in the guy emotionally, that's why they break character, and end up getting more hurt in the event of rejection. (They are also used to being the rejector, not the rejected, so they haven't learned to deal with it).

Men approach more frequently and learn to not expect anything, women approach only when they are already interested and the guy isn't taking initiative.

XtoDoubt · 2020-01-30T18:18:27+00:00

Women approach less because they don't need to.

sublimemongrel · 2020-01-30T18:46:42+00:00

I have read psych theories that women internalize rejection (“what is wrong with me?”) moreso and men externalize it more. I have also read cultural/social expectations contribute to why men lash out or react poorly towards a person who is rejecting them more than women. So with this information in mind, who knows it sounds like both are hurt but it manifests differently

Workaholiconew · 2020-01-30T18:14:12+00:00

More hurt? probably not. More affected? Yes, probably.

A single man is rejected on a daily basis, maybe weekly if he is not that into looking for a woman. A woman is rejected at most I suppose a dozen or so times in their lives.

Both experiences are probably almost the same thing, There is no mechanism I can think of which would give any sex the highest 'hurt for your buck', except for maybe the higher sexual desire of men, but how it affects each person's behavior and psyche would be quite different.

The concept of resilience says that those who have more experience have the same experience, but are affected less, and thus are able to bounce back or just keep every day easier. Here is a good representation of women and men when rejected.

That is why women who face rejection or any of the bad things more prominent to men or the opposite, usually explode/crumble, while the opposite sex are more like "Eh, another Wednesday".

Twiteena · 2020-01-30T19:16:12+00:00

When a woman is rejected she blames herself and rage turns inward. When a man is rejected...I dunno? But they lash out at other people.

LeJacquelope · 2020-01-30T20:24:51+00:00

[deleted]

lmSoBored · 2020-01-30T18:59:03+00:00

Women 100% take rejection worse than men in my experience. Most men are pretty used to getting rejected... even attractive guys get rejected often if they approach a lot of girls. On the other hand, even okay looking girls will be used to getting a lot of attention from men (especially with online dating) so to women, getting rejected is a HUGE deal and will stick with them.

DangZagnut · 2020-01-30T18:19:59+00:00

Women, in general, don’t face rejection, so they rarely learn to deal with it. A man’s constant rejection year after year after year can be normalized, or give clues to what’s wrong with him eventually.

So I believe in hurts them more due to novelty.

Women almost never face rejection because why would they? Men are seed slingers and few men will reject a woman approaching him, assuming he’s not married or something else, and even that will just give him pause.

For all the complaints about men not handling rejection, at least they deal with it, although when younger they get more angsty than when older.

Women, by and large never having experienced rejection in the slightest, and having sex slobbering men pursuing them endlessly for the first quarter century of their lives, don’t learn to deal with it very well in my experience.

You see this later in life when many women complain that after a certain age they feel “invisible” or post sob stories on /r/datingoverthirty or elsewhere. It’s like pod people have taken over all the boys and they’re no longer interested.

Yet you never see men really doing that. Getting rejected en masse starting in the second grade is quite common so age isn’t that different than any other year. You just become used to it.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-30T20:27:14+00:00

I was conditioned from about birth NOT to approach because it makes girls look slutty and gets them into trouble. It's less about rejection and more about social upbringing, at least for me.

Darkseeker_Mau · 2020-01-30T18:51:27+00:00

Given the fact that women build their own sense of worth based on other people's perceptions of themselves, I would wager that yes, women are hurt more than men when it comes to rejection.

But there are some other things to consider, men already expect to encounter rejection more often, so men develop a better sense of handling said rejection.

Women, on the other hand, barely have the opportunity of developing a response to rejection, especially when they are being rejected by a man that they desire.

Anthony-waltzs · 2020-01-30T19:03:18+00:00

Yes, most definitely

acron5n5 · 2020-01-30T19:47:16+00:00

Maybe because they are less used to this

flamingoinghome · 2020-01-30T21:30:48+00:00

Imagine you're told to solve a math problem. You're told it's math only Einstein was ever able to solve. Now imagine you're told it's college-intro-course-level math. Now imagine you're told it's math a particularly stupid kindergartner could solve.

Which one is most bothersome to get wrong?

Now think of how the men on this sub say that any woman who isn't a disgusting beast can surely get a harem of Chads, or at least a dozen rich betas buying her cars and iPhones.

See the issue?

zerofeetpersecond · 2020-01-30T22:38:12+00:00

Most men won’t even say good morning to women these days. Can we stop pretending there is even amount of applicants from each side?

OHG1 · 2020-01-30T18:14:02+00:00

Mem def take it worse.

Just look at the mgtow sub! These guys are suicidal lol

YveisGrey · 2020-01-30T20:17:50+00:00

I disagree men have done crazy things after being mildly rejected like killing people or themselves way more than women.

Dora_Bowl · 2020-01-30T18:10:30+00:00

Women might take it out more on themselves, women are more likely to blame themselves for their own problems. Men will generally take it out on other people or blame other people, this makes it a lot easier to subsist rejection. I do not think women are going to become suicidal or several depressed constantly from rejection the way you put it however.

MuleFool42 · 2020-01-30T18:48:43+00:00

I don't think so, although I'm sorry to hear about the women you've reference.

In general terms, women have support networks to lean on. They get rejected, they have a good cry, maybe therapy, get support from friends, pick themselves up and move on.

Most men endure serial rejection on a mass scale. They either overcome it (very few), or they come to resent the process and end up bitter and generally disconnect from society. This may feed anger as well. In the aggregate, the impact on men is more dangerous for their health, and sometimes for the few people that are close to them.

beautysleepsodom · 2020-01-30T19:13:39+00:00

I'm sure that this is true for the people you know, but mine have been the opposite. There are too many variables to say anything definitive.

CommanderOfTheDeath · 2020-01-30T19:15:43+00:00

I have experienced hurting themselves (mostly cutting) because if rejection from men first hand. They all were teenage girls (between 14-18).

rus9384 · 2020-01-30T19:19:08+00:00

Women approach less because of climate. Men already approach.

vicistvic · 2020-01-30T19:35:16+00:00

Sexually promiscuous women have been elevated into a false high status by sexually promiscuous men. Such women are insecure about their sexual history and they essentially feel shamed in the case of being rejected. They lack confidence and power of attraction due to being sexually promiscuous.

In a sexually liberal society, women are unlikely to initiate an intimate connection because men generally perceive this to be a willingness to have sex.

Sexually promiscuous women become especially upset when rejected by a chaste man because they are envious of not being virginal and they feel devalued, no longer able to obtain a nan of their greatest desire - a handsome chaste man.

super-commenting · 2020-01-30T19:42:21+00:00

Yes because they experience it less

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-01-30T19:42:58+00:00

Hard to say who is more hurt by anything. It depends on the individual and how many charisma and defense points they have which are gained through experience. Some people just have lower base defense and charisma stats, of course, but we can’t say that men or women are more typically those people.

-Mavs · 2020-01-30T20:24:10+00:00

Women are A LOT more emotional so logically speaking it would hurt them more but they'll have betas to orbit them to cushion that fall.

NeedingAdvice86 · 2020-01-30T21:22:37+00:00

They have so little experience in PUBLIC rejection that women seldom deal with it well.

And they are 100x more terrified of the prospect which is why they don't consider doing more forward approaches to guy.

Hell women get extremely pissed if you don't take them up fast enough on their obvious "hints" that they are into you and DTF. One girl last spring was trolling me with interest every time we crossed paths at the gym... I have a GF so didn't do anything then she saw me chatting with one of my female friends....NOW she is openly hostile and decidedly not friendly any longer.

majani · 2020-01-30T21:43:56+00:00

Neat trick for assuring sex happens once she's at your place: kiss her for a bit, then be the first to pull away and say, "we shouldn't be doing this" or something similar. These women can't handle rejection. You might even get technically raped like I was back in college.

mandoa_sky · 2020-01-30T21:52:28+00:00

I was taught to think of it like this:

Leadership quality is confidence to take charge. This can be seen as willingness to approach.

If a guy wants to be the leader in his relationship, he should at least be able to do that 🤷‍♀️

Glass-Salamander · 2020-01-30T22:02:27+00:00

Women rarely approach someone, and when they do they can't handle being rejected and might do what you mentioned in your post.

However I think they usually implode, hurt themselves, isolate, suicide, etc.

Meanwhile men tend to explode, act aggressive at the woman, resort to name calling, etc.
Example: Those mass shooters that kill people cause a girl rejected them.

Of course I am in no way saying ALL MEN react like this. But still a large number react in aggressive ways after being rejected.

Physiologist21 · 2020-01-31T00:12:35+00:00

Interesting question. For the most part I have nothing really to base it on except one crazy woman vs myself.

For random pick ups I would say women, because it rarely ever happens beyond that I have no idea. I tend to think men are more resilient in general but I'm biased.

SpinPlates · 2020-01-31T00:16:02+00:00

I think it varies from case to case. I think on average men are more outwardly hurt but women may take it internally harder on themselves.

Actually had a girl get mad at me yesterday in my Instagram DMs when I didn't accept her proposition for sex. At 1pm in the afternoon while she was already drinking and I was sober. Sounded like a bad deal so I just teased her a little and didn't give out the answers she wanted immediately (Who are you, where are you from, what are you doing right now) and she got mad as hell.

felis_magnetus · 2020-01-31T01:07:14+00:00

Hurt experienced is in direct relation to how much emotional investment there is in a narrative centered on the rejecting person. These narratives are always about relative social positioning in the end, not really about that other person though. The more they are seen as a way to move up in social hierarchy - and expect lots of weirdness here with regards to what might constitute that - the bigger the impulse to devalue after rejection. "He made me cut myself" (again, usually) is a morale judgement, the cutting is actually done to force the social environment to buy into the new narrative devaluing the former prize to a spawn of the devil. "She made me become an alcoholic" (also again, usually( is probably one of the most common male equivalents. Same story still. It's not gender specific, that only accounts for preferred ingredients to the narrative.

wheatbeer510 · 2020-01-31T01:07:43+00:00

Men (especially less attractive ones) get used to being rejected

social_mule · 2020-01-31T01:45:01+00:00

Absolutely.

WiseMonkeyGoodMonkey · 2020-01-31T03:06:20+00:00

women approach less because they’re terrified of rejection.

Everyone's afraid of rejection. This is just an excuse to make others take the risk - make others face the rejection. It's pretty cowardly tbh.

2020-01-31T09:04:48+00:00

Acceptance or rejection of what psychologists call “bids for affection” determines if a relationship is going to progress.

Rejection by someone you are already intimate with is a different kind of rejection from disinterest out of the gate, although they’re all cumulative. If your life experience is romantic rejection after romantic rejection, you are going to devalue yourself, engage in cognitive dissonance about the value of the thing you want, and over time it changes your worldview. You either become resigned with acceptance, or angry. We see the apathetic response in animals, too, as the dog in the electrified cage experiments. Eventually the dog will stop trying to leave the cage even if the door is wide open. This experiment also helps to explain Battered Woman Syndrome.

Emotionally constipated partners use sex as a substitute for other types of intimacy. Women try to fuck their way into relationships, using sex to bond. Sometimes that’s all that’s on offer from the man, and she is prone to only like one man and tries to express her love through sex, so a whole emotional world of needs is being rejected while her body is being used. It feels violating. If she’s foregoing her need for orgasm and getting all her validation from his desire, the feeling of misplaced investment is strong. If her experience is that rejection equals male ambivalence, She has to accept with cutting her losses and moving on. She’s going to fight to provoke him to tell her he doesn’t want to see her again to make it easier for her to move on. If she sticks around, by being made to feel ‘needy,’ she learns she must bargain down her needs. I know from many other women’s stories that she gets angrier when she hasn’t been sexually satisfied see ‘orgasm gap’ because she’s been putting aside all of her needs just to make him feel good and get a little bit of attention. Louis CK talks about this phenomenon in his ‘men are so bad at sex’ bit.

Natalie Lue calls this bargaining down treating crumbs as a meal, and when you live on a diet of crumbs from assclowns, you never get hungry for a meal, the meal being a emotionally fulfilling relationship.

On the man’s side, having plates means rejection is going to sting less. He can move on to a more amenable option. Men protect their egos by having a supply of sex partners. For him, sex is a also a stand in for other types of intimacy and emotional needs he may be unable to express or reciprocate. Regardless, he is the recipient of the expressive emotional love and caretaking females give when they provide sex, and his orgasm is guaranteed. Douchebags go after nice girls for this reason. Nice girls see the good in him. Women are, in general terms, nicer, and more conciliatory. Too much abuse of her good nature however gives her a severe case of PMS- Putting Up With Men’s Shit. That’s when she turns into a bitch. Men seem shocked when this happens and think it’s just women being crazy and he had nothing to do with it. He may also just be suffering the consequences of other men’s bad behavior.

30dirtyfingers · 2020-01-31T11:14:08+00:00

yes.

DicamVeritatem · 2020-01-31T11:33:44+00:00

Reflections on women getting rejected, having read some commentary here-

Where are all these women approaching men - asking for numbers, asking for dates, asking for sex? I’m no worse than average for a man, and it damn near never happens unless the woman is psycho.
Perhaps women define rejection differently; calling it “rejection” if they flirt obviously with a man and he doesn’t escalate.

brackenz · 2020-02-03T22:47:17+00:00

The rejected/ghosted chick stalking a guy and messaging him all the time is so common its almost a trope

Women only rarely get rejected and they don't take it nicely

Vulture051 · 2020-02-04T18:20:02+00:00

Yes. Guys are used to rejection. You have it kinda backward on "putting themselves out there" though, women tend not to do it in the first place not because they tried and failed.

That's probably why it hurts, the fact that THEY made the first move meant they thought they had it in the bag. IE him saying no was genuinely shocking.

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Tomatoccino · 2020-01-30T23:45:19+00:00

Women cry at their girlfriends when they get rejected. Men go psycho at the person who dared to reject them, stalk them, even kill them.

Find me a woman who’s killed a man for turning down her advances; because the opposite occurs every day.

2020-01-30T18:33:05+00:00

CHAD_TDK · 2020-01-31T03:15:08+00:00

Hard to say, it depends from individual to individual; but if we want to make gerenalizations, women love drama, some feed off their own drama as well other's and they all compound.

Men tend to suffer in silence; but just because they are quiet doesn't mean that the pain is any easier.

Title	Are women more hurt by rejection than men are?
Author	Maybejustmaybeican
Upvotes	25
Comments	143
Date	January 30, 2020 6:06 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ew9k7h/are_women_more_hurt_by_rejection_than_men_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-women-more-hurt-by-rejection-than-men-are.316200 https://theredarchive.com/post/316200

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