Does the number of sexual partners your bf has had bother you?

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-06-16T01:32:06+00:00

I want someone waiting for marriage too so yes. Also because I don’t want to catch cervical cancer from the hundreds of strains of HPV he’s picked up from being a disgusting manslut.

Awkward-Office · 2020-06-16T06:03:58+00:00

I’m a virgin and I strongly want my first to be another virgin too. If I met the perfect guy and he wasn’t a virgin I still might be with him but it would be extremely daunting. Sex is massive deal to me so I don’t think I could handle them having been with someone else, jealousy wise and also intimidation wise. Knowing they know what they’re doing and I don’t makes me feel more alone.

NarniaFox · 2020-06-16T04:42:44+00:00

I'm more comfortable with a partner whose n-count is close to mine. I guess it is insecurity of some sort, but having a partner with much higher n-count would bother me and I'd be kind of suspicious of him.

FlavFal · 2020-06-15T23:09:09+00:00

No because he was a virgin. Promiscuity is a dealbreaker for me.

nemma88 · 2020-06-15T23:38:55+00:00

Nope. I havnt slept with anyone outside single digits, but I've been exclusively interested in relationships. Low number did not bother me, including a late 20's virgin male.

LittyKitsune · 2020-06-16T01:15:59+00:00

That depends on what his sexual past means for his current worldview and who he is now.

I prefer virgins because that selects for a worldview similar to mine. I acknowledge that people make mistakes, grow, and change however.

c_dolly · 2020-06-15T22:52:34+00:00

No, it doesn't. I don't even know it tbh ? I know of his LTRs and how they ended/why/with who but that's it and that's what matters to me. I just know he didn't have a different girl every week at his place and that's more than enough info for me.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-06-16T03:41:46+00:00

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whatdoiposthere · 2020-06-15T23:50:46+00:00

I absolute would care. I’ve only been with one guy, my ex. It would make me a little insecure since I don’t have much dating experience.

Infernovice · 2020-06-15T22:48:55+00:00

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Willow-girl · 2020-06-16T03:49:07+00:00

I have no idea what his count is and couldn't care less,.

Silly_Field · 2020-06-16T04:17:21+00:00

I have no idea how many women the guy I’m currently dating has slept with.

I’m assuming a lot because he’s beautiful, but I could be wrong.

I don’t care. He’s clearly not sexually compulsive/using sex to fill some emotional void and validate his self worth - that’s really all that matters to me.

I wouldn’t date a virgin or a man my age who has only slept with one or two people. Just seems too difficult and a likely indicator of values clash - of course for the right person I’d probably break this rule.

the_purring_jew · 2020-06-15T23:05:23+00:00

i literally couldnt care less. my h is high N, my ex may or may not have only slept with 2 or 3 women beside me, those where the only ones i knew about at least. i cannot begin to comprehend caring about this if I liked someone, I wanted them and they wanted me back

thetruthishere_ · 2020-06-15T23:09:57+00:00

I dont ask.

I care about emotional health and if they've learned from past relationships. We all have some baggage. What sets people apart is those that have learned from it, they packed it up into the lesson learned closet and those that carry it around like a ball and chain projecting their baggage.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-06-16T02:37:42+00:00

I don’t want a man whose N count isn’t relatively on par with mine. Not too high, not too low

GennyX · 2020-06-16T04:38:14+00:00

No. I haven’t asked the actual number because I don’t care. I have a rough idea. He had a life before we got together, and so did I. We both are STI free, that’s more important.

Serniebanders69 · 2020-06-16T11:38:55+00:00

It would absolutely disgust me if my partner had a large body count. Promiscuous men are disgusting and that kind of gross behavior also seems to translate into other parts of their life. I noticed that guys like that are just annoying fucking assholes. Men don't realize how attractive some self control is. My partner and I are each others only relationship, first kiss, took each others virginity, etc. We are each other's everything. And he retained his virginity into adulthood and was disinterested in having random sex. And ironically, I thought/and I still do think that was hottest thing ever. You never meet a guy like that, a man only and genuinely only interested in an emotional relationship, men like that are extremely rare.

Sekina7 · 2020-06-16T13:42:15+00:00

A high male body count would definitely bother me because:

It shows he is more concerned with quantity instead of quality and has spent his best years sleeping with sub-par women, not on my level and that he lacks discernment and restraint
A much higher risk of STDS past and present
it does not bode well for his chances of monogamy and being faithful long term
Increases his chance of having unknown kids out there and I want my future husbands funds to support our family solely
Suggests he may be lacking some confidence internally hence why he has needed to seek out numerous casual meaningless sexual relations with basic women for validation
Community D is not attractive to women of a certain class and calibre
A man of limited experience is much more of a plus as long as he is confident in himself and has good interpersonal skills, masculine confidence and makes me feel he can and is willing to be a protector and provider as well as romantic

rosmaskinen · 2020-06-18T19:34:37+00:00

I've been a ''slut'' by most RP/incel/manosphere standards, but I don't mind it from men as long as it's not a problem for them and they're mature about their experiences. I don't care for sex a whole lot – I like having it of course, but my life doesn't revolve around it. If I met a compatible guy I liked that liked me as well, I don't mind if he slept around a lot during his backpacker adventures. For me, it's not the final factor in determining whether someone is worthy of trust.

death_by_1000_cats · 2020-06-15T23:02:23+00:00

Doesn't bother me, and I haven't known the count of any guy I've been with.

ldonnawho · 2020-06-16T00:54:06+00:00

No, I think it's really important to take the number in context. My boyfriend was in the modelling industry them adult entertainment briefly during his college years and had access to a lot of sex; now he's desensitized and was willing to wait a couple of months for our first time.

goblitovfiyah · 2020-06-16T02:22:39+00:00

I don't know my bfs body count and I don't want to. Any more than 10 is an issue for me because personally I wouldn't feel as special anymore, I would just feel like #x to him. And when it comes to sex I want to explore things together with my partner, I want to have some "firsts" with me.

It may be insecure or whatnot but it is how I feel and unfortunately I can't change that. Thankfully my bf hasn't done everything so we both did things together for the first time which was really nice.

SofritoNachos · 2020-06-16T02:52:37+00:00

I want to know how long each of his serious relationships were and how/why they ended, if he went through a promiscuous "phase" how come he is out of it and trying to date me now? I would also ask him what he learned from each of his relationships, and what he learned from his hookup phase.

If I find out later that he lied in any of his answers it'd be an automatic dealbreaker.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-06-16T03:24:21+00:00

Dont care wont ask, I assume double or triple mine as hes 7 yrs older and is very attractive in an alternative way. Doesn't bother me one bit, I'm actually glad we've both had ltrs and previous partners as it makes us far more experienced to deal with eachothers issues.

SaBahRub · 2020-06-16T03:53:58+00:00

I would care about cheating and length of individual relationships before number of partners, and I’m sure most women would too

AchromaticFade · 2020-06-16T05:19:12+00:00

Yes, it would bother me. Anything higher than 10 or that implied hookups /ONS is a no. A FwB that evolved in dating, lets say it is alright. But not sleeping with someone he just met.

psychedelictree_ · 2020-06-16T08:35:56+00:00

Yes I obsess over the girls he fucked when we were on a break, mostly about how much fatter and uglier they were compared to me. I showed all my friends and all they could do was lol

Barneysparky · 2020-06-15T23:02:47+00:00

No, and also no one cares in RL. Once you pass the N count of 1 you are just an ordinary adult.

VaporwaveVampire · 2020-06-16T08:57:47+00:00

Yes, kinda. If I want a relationship it would be with someone with good family values who isn’t into weird one night stands and kinky stuff, someone who views sex as a manifestation of love and not vice versa.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-06-16T11:24:28+00:00

[removed]

kwalden2 · 2020-06-16T12:11:46+00:00

No, it's not the number that matters at all. I would never have felt the need to ask or answer about some numbers, and I would have said as much. He has actual regrets, but I'm not personally bothered. Those regrets are no delabreaker.

It only mattered that he was ready to wait for me and lookikg for a serious commitmrnt by the time we got together. His willingness to learn about the female body mattered as well, but that wasn't directly connected to his past. Lack of experience is fixed with experience, and I would find such an experience rewarding.

If care a lot more about love he offered to women before me, truly.

GridReXX · 2020-06-16T12:21:35+00:00

If I’m turned on by a man his sexual history or lack thereof is of zero importance to me.

8ritt8ee · 2020-06-16T13:11:55+00:00

I didn’t care until I read some studies saying the more partners men have the more likely they’ll report not being happy with their marriages and more likely to be divorced.

(I’m not gonna go look for these studies again myself because I’m not trying to prove a point. It’s just something I remember and is the thing that made me go from not bothered to slightly worried.)

janearcade · 2020-06-16T15:08:43+00:00

To be honest, we've been together two decades and have never asked, nor has he asked me.

madcockatiel · 2020-06-16T16:45:41+00:00

No. We both have slept around a little bit and found the experience wanting, which is for the best imo. I’m not sure how I’d react to a partner with way more or way less experience, but I don’t think it would bother me all else being equal.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-06-16T21:53:27+00:00

Not at all. As long as he’s never paid for sex or cheated on anyone or contracted any permanent stds, his past is his business. I don’t really care what the actual number is

2020-06-17T05:31:49+00:00

It bothered my ex enough to lie about the amount she had... but honestly you have every right to feel bothered by it as long as I can feel bothered by the amount you have had.

2020-06-17T12:42:40+00:00

What if he masturbated and thought about a woman?

PotatoMasterwand · 2020-06-17T12:42:59+00:00

I'm married. We have only slept with each other. If heaven forbid, some things happened and I was back out in the dating pool... ya a big number would really bother me. I could handle then having 1. Maybe 2. More than that would be a no.

I equate sex with love. And if your number is high my brain leaps to thinking why you haven't stayed in a relationship. Which then means we wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship. I know that is not right but I mentally would have a hard time getting past that.

Peacheslikeyou · 2020-06-17T13:48:20+00:00

I wouldn't be with a man with a high number of sexual partners, period. Luckily my partners number is almost as low as mine.

lilastr · 2020-06-17T15:06:54+00:00

It would bother me a lot. Promiscuity tells a lot about a man’s values in life and just quality

JamEverywhere · 2020-06-18T22:53:16+00:00

The number itself is less relevant to me than the context. I would never date a "player" or someone with a long past of hookups and one night stands. If I had to put a number on it I'd say an N count of over like, 20 would be an absolute dealbreaker. (I'm in my 30s fwiw--that number would be smaller if I were younger). I'd prefer a BF with zero one night stands, tbh, but I'm okay with someone who experimented a little in their youth before realizing it wasn't their scene and switching to exclusively LTRs after that.

The most important thing is whether or not I trust him to be faithful to me. Someone who cheated in the past, had multiple casual girlfriends at once without telling the women involved, or played the ONS scene for years would be completely untrustworthy. And hell, a man in his 30s with zero long term relationships under his belt but several hookups would also be suspect.

tara_and_some_art · 2020-06-19T03:57:26+00:00

I don’t have a preference for a specific number but the lower the better. Unless he has a really good reason, it would be hard for me to not correlate a high n-count with low impulse control and high disagreeableness, which are things I don’t want in my partner.

Imprettymeh · 2020-06-20T00:32:00+00:00

I don't how many partners he has had. I care that he takes health precautions and and picks me.

catcombat · 2020-06-23T00:56:24+00:00

I would be bothered if he slept with many women, I don’t want him if just anyone can have him.

Also, having a lot of sex is like doing drugs a lot or drinking excessively, it shows a lack of self restraint which is really unattractive.

whichbladeN · 2020-06-16T16:29:15+00:00

He was a virgin. Honestly it even bothers me a little to know he touched another girl's boobs.

Just kind of weirds me out to imagine him enjoying another person the way he enjoys me.

I also think if my partner had a higher N count I would have FOMO.

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Title	Does the number of sexual partners your bf has had bother you?
Author	knowledgeseeker999
Upvotes	15
Comments	168
Date	June 15, 2020 10:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/h9q6mh/does_the_number_of_sexual_partners_your_bf_has/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-the-number-of-sexual-partners-your-bf-has-had.697281 https://theredarchive.com/post/697281

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