Gaslighting 🚨 Never, ever, EVER allow a man to weasel his way so deep into your psyche that these sentences seem like reasonable responses. They are MANIPULATIVE through and through

berryberrykicks · 2021-02-20T23:52:10+00:00

When I broke up with my ex, he told me that he didn’t think I was going to be okay. He, of course, would be fine on his own, but me?

He didn’t get the full sentence out, before I reflexively started laughing. I’ve always been an insanely independent person. Also, at the time, I was moving out of the house we shared, because I bought my own house.

But I have to be honest. That message has lived rent free in my head for 3 years. Any stumble or hardship I had would make me remember his words. It felt like a curse.

That’s how deep the gaslighting goes. Even when my gut reaction is to roll my eyes, that mistreatment acts like a slow poison.

He sucks.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-02-21T00:05:21+00:00

Victimizes me and makes me cry Him: "stop victimizing yourself"

“I never said that“. So I show him his words in a screenshot. Him: Rages

I try to communicate and want him to treat me with some respect Him: “people are dying of starvation in Africa, stop acting like you’re a victim. Your problems don’t matter”

YukiCatKingdom · 2021-02-21T00:06:14+00:00

The line that got me was "you misunderstood that." He would commit to things, I would expect him to follow through, and then when he didn't he'd tell me I misunderstood what he said when we talked. I think occasionally misunderstanding what a significant other said is fine (I'm human after all), but when it becomes a harmful pattern that always gives a deadbeat SO the a perfect excuse to break promises, then you know it's gaslighting.

generic_redditor_ · 2021-02-21T00:35:35+00:00

"God. Just get a sense of humor already"

Heard that one a lot. His sense of degrading, hurtful "humor" just wasn't funny and I pointed it out everytime. Took me a while to realize even that's gaslighting. He knew what he was saying probably wasn't socially acceptable and he didn't like facing the truth on it.

DallasOMalley · 2021-02-21T00:18:43+00:00

"That's not true" <- What my ex said when we disagreed, and I calmly used an "I feel" statement. The fucker actually dared to deny the veracity of my feelings.

InsoucianceISay · 2021-02-21T01:19:22+00:00

I counted - more than a third of the things in this list were used by the NVX narc that I recently escaped. And most of them word for word. I ended it when I finally understood what he was doing, but the years of hell I went through before I caught on?

Gaslighting is just so fucking insidious and torturous. If anyone who is reading this has been on the receiving end of even one of those statements, please please PLEASE reach out to people who really care for you and let them help you. When you are in the middle of it, it can be so hard to see it for what it really is - abuse.

dak4f2 · 2021-02-21T06:03:28+00:00

A few more I just today learned are also gaslighting:

Reversing the discussion to what you did wrong (I fell for this one for 8 years before wising up)

Shaming you for bringing something up

"Why do you have to be like that?" when bringing up a legitimate complaint or concern "We were having a good time"

Raging at you for an honest question

Accusing you of something wild you're not doing

Denying responsibilty for their actions

Playing the victim

One I hate the most that's on this list is, "It was just a joke." For who? You? Making a joke at my expense is not funny. You are not funny, you're just an a*hole.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-02-21T07:01:04+00:00

When my ex would say things like “you’re so sensitive” when he would shit all over me and I’d get upset, I always had one question: If you are aware that I’m a “sensitive person” <scoff> then why don’t you try a little harder not to upset me? It’s not like you haven’t pointed this out before. Why is it on me to change my level of sensitivity (is that even possible?) instead of on you to speak more kindly towards me? Why do the women always have to adapt to men’s behavior and not vice versa? Fuck off with that.

missisabelarcher · 2021-02-21T05:03:04+00:00

Gaslighting is emotional abuse. It comes from someone who thinks they're in a position of superiority over another. The underlying dynamic is contempt.

I used to think that partners who did this were "poor communicators" and didn't know any better. Or they were just "being men."

But after having lived with this for years, I think there's no excuse, especially if you've drawn a line and made a request for it to stop. The way I now see it is: if a man slapped you, would you stay? How is emotional abuse any different? It's not. It's just as, if not more, harmful as physical abuse. And women need to speak up and walk away if it happens.

basicbagels · 2021-02-21T00:45:44+00:00

Heard all of this before. Thanks to FDS, I know that he just wants to make me feel bad. None of it is actually true ❤️ stay strong queens

breadvice · 2021-02-21T02:21:40+00:00

This triggered my fight or flight. Only flying away from men like this nowadays.

MiidniightStarr · 2021-02-21T01:28:12+00:00

Omg my ex of 5 years really do be in this picture. It's unbelievable how you just see all of these as normal things that happen to everyone. I had everyone around me telling me he was horrible and I just failed to believe it. It wasn't until I got treated right for the first time that I realized it wasn't right or normal. We deserve better than this bullshit. Never again.

imarriedmybookshelf · 2021-02-21T05:38:53+00:00

If you feel that way to begin with, it means its valid and that man knows it so hes downplaying your emotions so he wont get busted. Gross analogy but when i feel diarrheal its diarrhea. Our bodies know it doesnt feel that way for no reason.

yolosunshine · 2021-02-21T08:41:19+00:00

“I don’t remember that”

You don’t have to, or the 60 other horrible things you did/said. Either I’m lying and we dispense with the relationship, or you think you can do whatever you want, so we dispense with the relationship.

justforfds · 2021-02-21T11:31:52+00:00

We're brainwashed to subconsciously (or consciously) believe in the neurotic, emotional woman/girl trope. That women are unreasonable.

Once there is that get out on respecting your stance, LVM will find ways to provoke and undermine you so that they can feel in control.

The wider patriarchy has done the heavy lifting, these unremarkable guys just come and work the primed pump.

So good to share so many similar accounts and validate what we already knew, give it a name and understand it.

We're invalidated en masse by people who awarded themselves that authority but once our eyes are opened, we take it back for ourselves.

Skittleschild02 · 2021-02-21T05:47:44+00:00

I was labeled, “difficult.” Because I was working a lot, pandemic had restricted places to eat, and having high risk parent and sibling. Getting some “ding dong” was last thing on my mind.

As first, I was hurt by it. But then find out, he had another girl wrapped around his fingers. I just laughed at it because he proved me right about him. It’s not his first time playing this game. So yeah.

yeahhh22 · 2021-02-21T02:48:40+00:00

I hate these graphics. Because sometimes the victim of gaslighting is saying a lot of these things to the gaslighter. The gaslighter IS twisting the truth. Telling you you did or said things you never and would never say or do. Saying they said things they never said. The gaslighter is rewriting history. I'm literally getting a major stress response just trying to go through this list.

fierce_and_mighty · 2021-02-21T02:23:50+00:00

Correction: I mean reasonable responses to something they did or said that distressed you. Just become someone doesn’t think something is important doesn’t mean it can’t be important to YOU

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-02-21T09:18:49+00:00

Actually, "it didn't happen" or "I didn't say it" was my usual answer to a gaslighter I knew. She would made up stuff I "said", or "did" that I didn't remember saying at all, to the point I thought I was crazy.

Colour_riot · 2021-02-21T05:11:19+00:00

Why is this picture and most of the comments sadly so accurate?

Saving it down as a reminder to instantly trust my gut when someone says this shit.

suncolor · 2021-02-21T14:02:51+00:00

Ladies, this shit is real. If you’re reading this post and these testimonies... KNOW.. just know we are spitting facts. If this seems familiar and you’re like, “No, I don’t think he’s like this.” Guuuurrlll. Believe that he is showing you exactly who he is. He may not be cognizant of his particular breed of gaslighting POS, but he is that.

zagreus8me · 2021-02-22T17:35:33+00:00

When I began to wise up to his mind games and began to hold my ground he got more angry and had less moments where he showed he cared. As soon as he lost control over me he showed his true colours. He maintains its me who is mentally unstable to this day, sure, I'm the one with a damn good career climbing the ladder and you're the broke ass fool with not a red cent to your name but ok. His BS seriously backfired on him.

Risoa · 2021-02-21T18:52:11+00:00

"You're overreacting" 🙄 Fuck right off with that bullshit, and anyone who believes that the woman is overreacting after hearing a man say that can go to hell with him ✌

motokos_ghost · 2021-02-21T13:40:47+00:00

''i dont remember that''

Mind-Objective · 2021-02-21T15:10:29+00:00

“You will never be happy.”

I do have a slight depression (therapist diagnosed me) and I struggle with trying to find satisfaction in life and in the past my insecure whiny pessimistic outlook understandably has cost me friendships and relationships. I’ve gotten better though, with filtering what I say and taking time to myself to regulate how I’m feeling. But I still possess this insecurity that I need to be 100% happy all the time and accommodating otherwise people will leave me.

When my ex said that, I knew he was only responding in that manner because I told him I wasn’t happy with the relationship and the reasons why: lack of communication, our dating life has become a routine (hiking and sex, maybe a tv show afterward and nothing more). He was uncooperative with having the serious discussions and taking accountability was uncomfortable on his end. On the flip side, I felt uneasy standing up for myself expressing my needs and calling him out on his behavior.

However, despite knowing my truths (ie he was partially the reason why I was unhappy with the relationship) , I can’t help but believe sometimes that maybe he was right: I’m an unhappy person in general.

16February2021 · 2021-02-22T02:05:14+00:00

I obviously need to save this and put it as my phone wallpaper.

Half of this is my last relationship

kayethewitch · 2021-02-20T23:52:11+00:00

I hate that i have heard all of these from my NVM ex :(

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