How is casual sex degrading to you (if you do feel this way)?

superlurkage · 2021-02-24T07:19:58+00:00

I don’t do casual sex, but not because it’s degrading

It’s because sex is hard enough to make satisfactory without the risk of a potentially dangerous stranger plus assumed sexual selfishness in casual hookups

ask_fair · 2021-02-24T11:18:13+00:00

I mean, lesbians also don't have a ton of casual sex either. The cliche is that the second date is renting a U-Haul together to move in.

For a lot of women, having sex with someone (disclaimer: sober, totally consenting sex) means they really like that person as a human being and enjoy spending time with them. To get immediately ghosted afterward is dispiriting.

sweetestpineapple · 2021-02-24T10:47:33+00:00

I feel gross if I’m the one who makes the effort to drive to the guy’s house for some most likely mediocre dick and he doesn’t offer to let me stay over or makes it really clear he wants me to leave ASAP.

tiposk · 2021-02-24T15:20:53+00:00

I grew up in an environment where:

words "slut" and "whore" are thrown around against women;
women are constantly advised to save their virginity for someone special;
women who dress or act in a sexual way are said to lack "self-respect";
women are encouraged to wait to sleep with someone new so the man doesn't lose respect for them;
a woman's sexual life is to be hidden under the blankest because God forbid the neighbor has a low opinion of her;

All the above implies that sex degrades women. The fact that none applies to men suggests that sex is a one way street where women are justified to be mistreated by the same men they sleep with. This in turn creates the mentality that during sex, men take something away at the expense of women.

All the talk in this thread about the dangers of casual sex and the orgasm gap is most likely rationalization. Casual sex doesn't need to involve bar strangers or lack of protection. Many sexual activities such as making out don't make you orgasm either and penetrative sex rarely leads women to orgasm even if it's done with a long term partner, yet I don't see anybody opposed to sex in ltrs. Shame is a heck of an emotion and very few people would admit to it.

lestratege · 2021-02-24T08:52:47+00:00

Because men openly talk awful things about women who they casually slept with. I'm not interested in giving pleasure to someone who would call me a slut or a cumdumpster.

Also, since I was a teenager I was told by my cousins and older, more experienced friends, that penetrative sex is not really pleasurable for women. So I wasn't interested in pleasing men who would not please me (I doubt that strangers would care enough to work on my orgasm). What would be the point? I would feel like I was used and like I lost.

kissmetilyouredrunk · 2021-02-24T07:37:45+00:00

Because I gave an orgasm, but didn't get one. So yes I "gave something away" and got nothing in return, except the risk of pregnancy, STDs, and social shaming

Bastayaporfa · 2021-02-24T11:45:49+00:00

I don't have casual sex but again not because it's degrading. I don't think I would be able to separate sex from feelings, so if I did something that to me seemed intimate and never heard from the person again it would make me sad.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-02-24T22:05:56+00:00

Because I see how men talk about their causal sex partners. They want causal sex, but denigrate women for giving them what they want. Every other post here is about either bemoaning not being able to get causal sex or bemoaning how women are such whores nowadays. Until men get over that crazy Madonna/whore complex, I’m not interested in being thought of as a whore.

Then there’s the issue that there’s just very little reward in causal sex for women relative to the risk. So no thanks.

NarniaFox · 2021-02-24T09:59:26+00:00

Have never had casual, because getting attracted to someone takes a long time for me. I'm also risk-averse, so casual is out of the question.

The only possible scenario for me is having sex in LTR and if a guy just vanishes after it, it means he was leading me on and lied about his intentions. That's fucked up.

gxga · 2021-02-24T13:47:22+00:00

Because too many men are selfish af and our bodies aren't a charity.

Putting the effort to look great, perform sexually and catering to his every whim while he can't be bothered to seeing you to the finish, can't be bothered to follow the basic acts of civility? This is a shit tier experience.

You feel used because you didn't get shit out of this. At least sex workers get paid for allowing men to service themselves using her body as if she isn't even there. People especially feel used bc a lot of scumbags will pretend to like a person to get to this point and switch attitudes after the fact. They do this to ugly women and can even get cruel and hostile.

This is the gender that feels personally attacked if a bitch had a free coffee from them but like to be disingenuous and act like using a person's body and maliciously playing with emotions is fair play.

Witnessing this break people is why I'm HOM and I'm against casual sex unless she is certain she gets something out of it ie the man is Chad. And even then, she is SOL if he is like a lot of these Chads who don't know how to fuck .. although some of them do know how to flirt tit for tat so that's something.

To your point of men not feeling they lost something. Of course they don't. If I can walk around being completely detached to my inner life like a whole airhead bc mediocre orgasms that I can easily arrive at sustain me just enough for awhile, I might do the same shit. But as a woman, it is a conscious decision to risk sex that doesn't deliver with all of the downsides by trusting my male counterpart will contribute to a fair, mutually enjoyable, dignified exchange. And since as per usual, many of them don't operate fairly, I the woman will likely end up losing out.

I detest this attitude where men are flippant about our legit vulnerabilities, make the entire experience from beginning to the aftermath worse, then act like being guarded is unreasonable.

Plenty of women would love some good dick and friendly exchange but as a standard this doesn't not get delivered. This is why you see them hedging their bets. Blessings to the libfems who continue trying to extend good will to the opposite sex with "casual sex"

Couldn't be me. It only makes sense to me for LTR men, the kings that they are or Chad only. The male sex is almost guaranteed an orgasm and they always need more and more. The female sex ought to secure the benefit upfront due the high likelihood he will not deliver.

Tldr casual sex is trash most of the time so engaging in it and getting nothing out of it for a disrespectful man who can't even be bothered with social niceties after using your literal body is an L.

mandoa_sky · 2021-02-24T08:39:04+00:00

i'm insanely hypochondriac. so i don't bother with hookups for that very reason

LeatherDifference583 · 2021-02-24T16:10:12+00:00

I do actually really enjoy casual sex. I like variety and I like the excitement of a new partner, as well as all the flirting that leads up to it.

Now obviously not every guy wants to see you again, and that kinda sucks. I don't feel 'degraded' but obviously my ego takes a small blow.

I've had one moment where I started to feel 'grossed out' during sex. I wouldn't say it was 'degrading' but it definitely evoked disgust. Basically, it was just sloppy and unenjoyable partly because he didn't really know what he was doing and partly because he requested I play with his nipple's. I was 18 at the time but present me would have stopped the sex and told him I wasn't feeling it

Mimoxs · 2021-02-24T18:37:06+00:00

Men don't feel they've lost something after sex.

You are not raised to feel this way from the time you are a small child, women are. That is what it all comes down to.

Hence why many women feel degraded from sex even in committed relationships.

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the-red_woman · 2021-02-24T08:10:26+00:00

Because sex is something women give and men take.

This is also the reason it is only women who can sell their bodies. (Yes there are exceptions however none of these disprove the overall point.)

jayda92 · 2021-02-24T22:54:21+00:00

Men don't feel they've lost something after sex. They might feel disappointed if she ghosts but they don't feel used.

You'd be surprised about how many men feel 'used' and 'degraded', simply because you don't want to see them anymore, or want to keep things casual. Most of them lash out...

sunologie · 2021-02-25T01:46:10+00:00

Because of the Madonna / Whore Complex; men need to get over their slut shaming tendencies and whack/shitty dick game problems first.

honeydewmelonz · 2021-02-25T04:08:45+00:00

I wouldn’t enjoy casual sex so I’d feel used since he’s enjoying himself and I’m not. I don’t gain anything from having sex with him. It’s like my value was lowered after that. It is a haunting feeling.

itsallhappening-- · 2021-02-25T21:26:43+00:00

I would feel empty inside and lonely because I use sex to connect to someone intimately. It’s like I fall for someone and then sex is just a plus. It is not what makes me fall for someone. If I just want sexual pleasure without caring for the person, well I have a vibrator for that and if I wanted a friend, well I have a lot of those.

I personally don’t get it. If nothings gonna happen...just sex then why don’t you just do it on your own?

Zonkey_Zeedonk · 2021-03-01T00:30:43+00:00

I’ve had situations that have felt degrading and situations that have not. It depends how honest the guy is about his wants. If he says he’s just looking for something casual, or it’s obvious that that’s what it is (meet at a club/party ONS thing) then it’s not degrading. It feels like two adults consenting to mutually use each other for sex which is fine and can be healthy as long as everyone is on the same page.

If a guy lies and makes it seem like he wants more (or just omits the fact that he doesnt, misleads, says he cares about you beyond sex and then ghosts) then it feels degrading, because it’s manipulative behavior...the sex itself actually doesn’t have as much to do with it as the manipulation.

I disagree that men never feel used. I think men often don’t talk to other men about feeling used because it doesn’t seem “masculine” (men are supposed to want sex in any form) and so don’t express that to their male friends in fear of being seen as less of a man, but I’ve heard it from a lot of guy friends/my brothers when a girl they like/have slept with doesn’t want to date them or ghosts early on.

eisenkatze · 2021-02-24T10:40:24+00:00

Honestly my only qualm is that if I have sex and like it further sex isn't guaranteed.

2021-03-07T20:16:32+00:00

I would never do casual sex, especially as a woman. Too much to lose. My body is my temple, I’m not letting some weirdo I met at a bar in my temple.

chalkandapples · 2021-02-25T22:49:15+00:00

I literately would not enjoy sex if I didn't like the person I'm having sex with, so if I'm having sex with you I already like you, so of course I would be sad if you just left.

Also, there's too much risk for me to have casual sex. I'm a small woman and people can take advantage of me too easily if I put myself in a super vulnerable situation. So I would only have sex with someone I trust and have good reasons to trust them. Plus the I would not enjoy it factor.

Title	How is casual sex degrading to you (if you do feel this way)?
Author	wizard_down_there
Upvotes	9
Comments	176
Date	February 24, 2021 7:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/lr6i91/how_is_casual_sex_degrading_to_you_if_you_do_feel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-is-casual-sex-degrading-to-you-if-you-do-feel.747844 https://theredarchive.com/post/747844

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