What is the difference between the kind of woman a man dates to pass the time and the woman he invests in and commits to?

Backdrafted · 2021-06-21T22:02:37+00:00

Compared to the other women your exes are dating. What are the differences between them and you? If there are close to none it's probably just bad luck..

DOSGAMES · 2021-06-21T23:38:24+00:00

I read your post and some of the comments and your responses. One thing that hasn’t been brought up is your family or circle of friends.

Girls who I have dated but didn’t seriously commit typically had some incompatibility that could be ignored or mitigated while dating but became unavoidable if we were to move in together or get engaged.

One had an extremely toxic relationship with her mother. Another had an obnoxious big hillbilly family. And finally one had kids and couldn’t cover up her conflicts with her ex husband.

All these things put a timer or barrier on the relationship. At times you try to convince yourself that “you can work it out” especially when the relationship is new and exciting. But eventually, in spite of the girl being great, her baggage becomes too much.

cuckspace · 2021-06-21T22:32:48+00:00

The woman I invest in and commit to is the prettiest I can catch, who is also presentable to friends and family. She is feminine enough and doesn’t have an annoying personality or obnoxious views that she has to impose on everyone around her. I don’t really care about n count if she can behave respectably when she is expected to.

Timmy721123 · 2021-06-22T01:56:13+00:00

Honestly, a lot of it is timing. Women get broody, men want to settle down.

Be the right gal at the right time. Obviously, he has to think you're hot, a good match, etc

Obviously, the normal things, loyal, loving, good with money, etc. You know the red flags.

taapy234 · 2021-06-22T03:31:00+00:00

Based on your post and the comments, you definitely have a type that you like but you don't seem to consciously realize they are unsuitable LTR partners.

Also you also should realize not everything is about you specifically.

The cultural trends that abhor "family man" tendencies from young men is also one the major cause. I mean, can you blame these young guys? women, young women specifically from ages 18-29 place top 3 priorities on education, having fun and drinking and casual relationships, showcasing hypergamous instincts for future "partner."

In economics, we have a term called "price signal." Its defined as how brands or companies want to signal to their customers their worth based on how much price they charge. For example, what does the name Tiffany and co conjures up in your mind when you hear it? Exactly.

Similarly, the price signals women collectively send to young men today are this: Don't take us women seriously because I suuuure don't about you. Must be 6 ft tall, have six packs, and massive dick to please me. Please our hedonistic tendencies because we women are never going to commit unless we have no choice. High maintenance, Non permanence, Family man are suckers who should completely sacrifice for his girl despite feminism and "equality", Nothing you produce is enough. Sex is only reserved for the top 20% men, players, cheats, prolific players, abusers, law breakers and sociopaths who don't care about the wellbeing of women in general.

Is it any wonder why young men today are not all that into choosing many women for LTR? The culture today is anti male and we still expect men to take ALL the responsibilities, risks, and even face liabilities (thanks to #metoo movement and other regressive shit that caused even larger divide among sexes)

In conclusion:

Like a typical young woman, you have a type and go after men who are not really into you. Maybe you ignored the redflags he showed you because he's too hot for not doing due diligence.
You want men with options to choose you despite not bothering to win him over or convince him why you are better than the other chicks he's seeing.
You are probably a victim of our modern day cultural trends that abhor young men to be family men so most young men worth their salt don't even think about LTR's with women much less you in particular.

Kamaloso · 2021-06-21T22:22:14+00:00

I know you describe yourself as attractive, but my instinct is it's your looks. I can't see any other reason guys would be fading out like that on you if you are as you say you are. Obviously you sound like a great partner in every other way. And the non-answer they give you about you being a great woman and there's someone out there for you is very typical of what someone who's not attractive enough would be told.

TheJim66 · 2021-06-21T22:05:48+00:00

Looks, niceness and low n count. If you are ok on these and don't aim for way out of your league you'll do fine.

Timing is VERY important. If he is not ready to marry , he won't marry you even if you are a unicorn.

DisastrousSundae · 2021-06-21T22:07:47+00:00

You are probably coming off as if you have no standards.

lingualistic · 2021-06-21T23:26:14+00:00

First of all, you need to get to steppin the moment you realize they’re trying to bare minimum breadcrumb you. Do not let them coast. Leave them. A relationship should start with him trying his hardest to make you happy and impress you. Nothing less is acceptable. When you show them you’ll accept less, that’s what you’ll get. The girl who demands the world will get that.

realadvicenobs · 2021-06-21T22:07:42+00:00

that's a long long list, but a lot of those qualities are important, show you're high value.

how would you rate your attractiveness (face and body) out of 10
how old are you
where do you live? city or suburb?

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-06-21T22:27:29+00:00

Really all depends on the man and the context in which he meets these women in.

I'd say that if the guy senses that the woman doesn't really know what she wants, is immature, lacking in life experience, but still polite, kind and attractive with a few minor redeeming qualities, then she's going to be a temporary girlfriend. I've let women like this go because I'm not looking for a temporary girlfriend.

Then there are the situations where the guy sense that this woman in some way is going to be a good relationship partner and good match for him. They have similar interests, they talk effortlessly, both are obviously interested in the other, and she has promising goals and a future set out already.

Then there's the situations where a guy doesn't know much about a woman at all but some feeling inside of him is pulling him toward a particular woman, which could either end up being an awesome relationship or a disaster.

To answer your question, though, it's usually the top two descriptions.

Barneysparky · 2021-06-21T23:08:18+00:00

I'm going to guess you don't love bomb.

Younger men often "fall in love" with young women who wrap their entire lives around them.

You are at that age where guys will fall for that, then look for a more rational all-around partner when that relationship falls apart.

throwaway31942705 · 2021-06-22T00:44:28+00:00

I am a man, I'll state that in advance so you can take - or ignore - my perspective with that in mind.

If the girl in your photo is you, quite frankly you are lovely. You can tell a lot from the way someone writes and articulates their thoughts and yours tell me you are educated and with a coherent mind, both positive traits in a potential life companion.

I am not usually inclined to give away compliments so don't take the above as the usual sugar-coated lie you are worried to be fed when you voice your concerns. I guess I am trying to say that if who you are and what you look like are truthful, I would be interested myself if I were to meet you in real life.

Perhaps you have been just unlucky to meet non compatible men. The only advice I feel to give is to open up to men who don't approach you, and not for lack of interest. Those who do are more often than not falling under the category of men you are having issues with. If not approaching yourself, try giving strong non-subtle indicators of interest.

In the modern world love is a just an affair for attractive people. I think you stand more than a fair shot.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-06-22T03:23:56+00:00

Men invest into women that he believes will pay off in livelong happiness mutually. Some women are nice but so self centered and conceited that having faith in them for the long run is irrational.

MOLONGU · 2021-06-22T04:07:39+00:00

The difference is how attractive she is her personality and to some extent where the man is in his life.

I have always dated to pass time because I just wasn't ready to settle down,get married or have a family.

At this point in my life a woman would have to convince me to commit,really convince me basically she would have to ask me to marry her,I have no reason to do so since marriage doesn't mean anything to me but if I loved a woman and that's something she wanted I would consider it depending on how many red flags she has.

People change grow , learn and mature. If I ever date again I'm sure I will be a better partner in the future than I was in the past.

thisplaceisashes · 2021-06-21T22:47:11+00:00

You’re in the wrong place for a balanced answer. Most of the men telling you about your supposed faults couldn’t get a date if they were all that was left

ConsistentSeaweed214 · 2021-06-21T21:59:31+00:00

Idk if this is the sub to ask this type of question, most men here can't get a single date let alone multiple, as such "investing" in a woman is clearly out of the question.

iiiinfinityyyy · 2021-06-21T22:17:00+00:00

If she's someone I can see as a wife who'll raise my kids well

Emervila · 2021-06-21T22:27:33+00:00

Type of men: not all men seek LTR, but they'll let you know right off the bat they don't want commitment. Don't ask commitment from these men

Now answering your question

high value category (good job, attractive and aging well, fit, nerdy, good family, well dressed, cool hobbies, friendly, supportive, emotionally stable, have standards and opinions, growth oriented, patient, adventurous, reliable, playful/funny, responsible, hornball, good listener, confident, great social circle, etc etc,)

You don't. This is who you are but what men care is "what you bring to the table" a lot of women are similar to you and have all this and bring nothing to the table, moreover they take it as a granted wall-street investment and want 1,2 or 3 dollars in return for every dollar they bring to the table. ANY man will leave you and make an LTR with a Lower value women if that woman brings more to the table than you.

HVM is a wife material, healthy reproductively, fairly attractive female who brings materials, know-how and effort to the table in order to build the common project know as family.

Dirty_Purity · 2021-06-21T22:34:45+00:00

For me it makes no sense to even think about it. Investment in women nowadays is a pretty much venture investment. And I am not a gambling type.

However, from what I saw in this life I could say that many men date sluts and marry prudes. It is a little bit of extreme generalization of course but I sure that it makes priorities understandable.

Lateralanouncer · 2021-06-22T01:30:49+00:00

For me. I will take a 6 over an 8 with these traits. A lady on the street a freak in the sheets and is my biggest cheerleader. Being.my cheerleader is the most.important as I'm on my grind she keeps.me going. If I slip that encouragement keeps.me going. Then Loyalty. She needs to be able to.work a room full of men while carrying my.name. the men should leave the interaction with her with a sense of envy. (Competitive men rate men by their woman)

A lady on the streets (long term) is the opposite to a woman with the 1000 cock stare or an insta butt model that is for the streets (casual).

redditradishman · 2021-06-21T22:00:39+00:00

In the traits I noticed you had good job as the first one.

pisssssssssssxyz · 2021-06-21T22:04:27+00:00

If she doesn’t bore the fuck out of me and can actually hold an intellectually stimulating conversation she’s already better than 99% of the rest. Add in personal responsibility and a lack of neuroticism and you have a winning recipe!

The woman we pass the time with are standoffish, uninteresting, and unpleasant people in general. They’re chill in the moment, but you would not want to wake up next to that for the rest of your life.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-06-21T23:36:29+00:00

OK but..

What are your negative qualities?

How often do you have fights in your relationships?

The older a girl gets - the more her value goes down.

How old are you? How old are these 'new girls' that have replaced you?

Are these girls in better shape than you? Are they skinnier?

For me personally I've had sex with tons of black girls, Mexican girls, chubby girls, women 30-30+ years old etc etc...

But they're definitely not my type for a relationship etc.

Relationship material - 25 and younger, white, Asian, or some other exotic and skinny.

Who wants to be seen in public with a fat girl?

obiwanjacobi · 2021-06-21T22:44:04+00:00

aging well

Found it

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Special-Armadillo-99 · 2021-06-21T22:36:25+00:00

How attractive and in demand are the men you're going for

Hoopy223 · 2021-06-21T22:50:45+00:00

That all depends on the man and your dynamic.

Most men are investors because they do not have dating ADD or lots of options. They don’t go on many dates, meet many women etc so they will at least try to commit for awhile to see how things go.

Some guys date multiples but thats really rare.

Then theres goals. If you want kids, that sort of thing.

To me it sounds like you want guys who aren’t really crazy about you or maybe your relationship goals do not align.

Slyfer_Seven · 2021-06-21T23:02:46+00:00

Are asking in general, or about you specifically?

IOportA · 2021-06-21T23:11:08+00:00

20-30 pounds.

lingualistic · 2021-06-21T23:28:40+00:00

Also, do you leave them or do they leave you? Sometimes if you leave them they’ll realize they fucked up being so low effort and try to fix it for the next girl.

psypD · 2021-06-22T01:40:49+00:00

The kind of woman you date to pass time is the type of woman for which you don't go all dumb and delusional and begin to think she is NAWALT. It's all in one's head and where one is in that moment.

xFallacyx69 · 2021-06-22T01:52:03+00:00

I don’t want to marry a psycho bitch, so I don’t date em or even pretend to… but most men will put up with her as long as she puts out.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-06-22T02:28:33+00:00

Are they pursuing you then going cold?

Or are you pursuing them and then they go cold?

Smooth_Potato_4014 · 2021-06-22T03:37:54+00:00

The amount of men who are able and willing to only date a woman "to pass time" is in single digit%.

pongaminbloom · 2021-06-22T03:58:22+00:00

It doesn't matter what random men answer (especially on a sub dominated by the chronically single). It matters what the men you are dating would answer. Are they looking for something serious with you, or just passing time?

If they say what you want to hear, but their actions don't match their words, CONTROL+ ALT+DELETE.

I've found that men are highly influenced what men before them have done, said, and thought. If you tell them about problems getting men to commit, they will become biased to think you are not a keeper, or at the very least, that they have no competition for you as far as LTRs are concerned. These dudes on here have never met you, but they are still making assumptions, like that all the men you dated must have been out of your league. Take note:

Trying to get a guy you don't know well to counter your insecurities is the best way to make him re-enforce them. He's going to base his opinion of you largely on what you have told him an on what he percieves people who (he thinks) know you think.

When you talk about how men have treated you, you are also setting the bar for them. The better they think you are usually treated, the better they will treat you.

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801735 · 2021-06-21T22:13:30+00:00

I run into the same thing a lot in my dating life where men I date kind of half-ass our relationship then spoil and commit to the next woman.

~~What~~ WHO is the common denominator here?

ladies men value

There are no ladies. But there are a lot of femfails, who don't seem to know what to do with their wo(mb)-, nor deserve the -man, obviously. What else does your post imply?

From most perspectives I seem to fall into a high value category

Whose perspectives? Could it be someone has been (and still is) lying to you?

and aging well,

NEXT!

but that's not how I'm getting treated when dating.

And? Does he OWE you anything? Woman up.

My exes usually seem to coast with me

despite being super compatible

Pick ONLY one. Choose wisely.

"I don't know but you're a great woman, there's someone out there for you." which is about as helpful as you can imagine.

Just be yourself or woman the fuck up, female. What would you tell a guy in your shoes? Well?

Is there a difference for men or is it all timing?

You're OLD. Your chances are diving faster than you'd like them to. It's unstoppable. Climate doesn't help you, either. Guys you want are checking out of the "game". Consider the possibility of you having become only meat and not commitment worthy. A bit of if by your own (many) faults and a lot by guys not giving half a single fuck anymore.

Is it an inexplicable sensation or something she does?

This may sound harsh, but you asking questions are just missed opportunities to empty his balls, after having fed him, (both) extremely well.

What makes a potential partner stand out as deserving better treatment?

Definitely not asking this question, especially not by a chick who claims to have "aging well" (it's ageD, btw, dear, you're not "olding", you're old).

Perhaps doing like guys are doing in astoundingly increasing numbers, enjoying life, is not a wrong thing to suggest to you.

* iirc it's not allowed to ask same sex questions on this sub, so I presume OP is a femfail.

Title	What is the difference between the kind of woman a man dates to pass the time and the woman he invests in and commits to?
Author	booklessandwanting
Upvotes	6
Comments	202
Date	June 21, 2021 9:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/o56nzx/what_is_the_difference_between_the_kind_of_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-difference-between-the-kind-of-woman-a.785833 https://theredarchive.com/post/785833

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