Confession

warrior_up · 2024-01-23T18:24:56+00:00

Never underestimate a woman’s ability to rationalize her own bad behavior

probebeta · 2024-01-23T05:31:53+00:00

My ex would go to great lengths to try and hide that she's ever done anything on the side. Now that we're separated she tries to do everything possible to stick it to my face that she has moved on and is with someone. She loves the reputation, she's doing the right thing and whatever happened is my fault and other people have to buy this.

People aren't stupid! So wish her the best... When we reconnect for kids graduation we will see where I am and where she will be!

whiskey_piker · 2024-01-23T03:11:18+00:00

Why would you need a confession? just serve the papers.

Relative-Movie-9409 · 2024-01-22T20:29:18+00:00

Pffffffttttt I didn’t even get a confession.

She confessed it to everyone I knew though.

Luckily a buddy of mine decided to pull out his phone and record her on speaker phone spilling the beans to my buddy’s girlfriend.

But confess to me, to my face? Not an option lol.

Adventurous_Fact2083 · 2024-01-22T18:24:01+00:00

Hired PI or have someone to mimic her phone but if caught that’s felony charges.

Ok_Perception_1836 · 2024-01-22T16:08:28+00:00

To reinforce what others have said, you won't get it. Confessions require accountability. Cheaters hate accountability. You won't get a confession or an apology unless they are desperate to come back. But don't ever let them come back, no matter how much you want to. You weren't their first choice and you never will be again. You can never trust them.

I made the mistake of trying. I got back with my girlfriend of three years who cheated. We got married, had two kids, bought a house. 18 months ago I caught her cheating again. It's always in the back of their minds that they can do better and that you are temporary.

dudefromyork · 2024-01-22T09:58:36+00:00

You will never get the whole truth. It took me a long time and quite a bit of therapy. The odds are that whatever you think your STB ex has been doing it’s likely worse than you think and had been going on for longer. You are going to have to deal with the fact that you will never know.

It’s absolutely maddening right now but I can tell you that in 12-18 months you will not even give it more than a passing thought.

All you can do now is knuckle down and work hard with your lawyer so as to get as fair a deal as possible in your divorce. Game face on now. If she’ll lie to you and cheat on you while you’re married you need to be ready for what she’ll try and do when you’re not.

People get through this and come out better the other side. Just try and let it go (..and maybe get some help from a therapist if you can?)

rsmiley77 · 2024-01-22T07:42:43+00:00

Bring receipts. Have the proof right there. Many ways to get proof. For me it was call & texts records on my cell phone bill. Do you have an iPhone and share the same Apple ID? You can get all the texts from the other phone by simply checking a box in settings. My ex did this to me to try and dig up shit on me. Find my to double check locations. Finally go through credit card bills

Of course if you are doing these things the relationship is probably way her and your energy would be better served just moving on. Sorry you’re going through this.

CRobinsFly · 2024-01-22T07:30:33+00:00

This is one of those instances in life when I think the idiom "you make your own truth/reality", applies.

You may never have the actual answer and you may always be missing all of the data pieces, so just conclude whatever you want if it will help you. You need to just move on from what actually happened because it doesn't undo anything that's been done.

I chose to believe that my ex cheated on me. She has vehemently denied it in the limited confrontations I had with her on it. But she was behaving very suspiciously before she said she was done, including one evening when she'd disappeared "outside" for about 30 minutes during an argument when it was single digits outside and she was wearing booty shorts - no way she went for a jog or just sat in the cold. She was also able to find a new boyfriend, who's been with her now for nearly two years, just weeks after she kicked me to the curb. I have concluded she cheated on me at least once and I ultimately don't care now.

roman_erudite · 2024-01-22T06:15:58+00:00

I didn't. And I don't care (except that if there's no infidelity then I don't have to worry about hpv, for which there's no test for males). My problems with her were her abuse, selfishness and irresponsibility so even if infidelity is not a factor I still want her gone.

To that end, I don't care. I pity anyone who has to deal with the parasite. They do not know what they're walking into. Pr they deserve each other. So I don't even care.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-22T05:57:20+00:00

I found evidence, she'd confess to what I found and then keep lying. After the decision to leave was made, I stopped confronting her after that. Confronting her always hurt me way more than it did her. Hell I think she enjoyed seeing me angry. I realized I had to stop letting that vampire feed on me. All things associated with affairs suck including confrontations/confessions. You, as a non affair person, think that you would want to confess if you wronged your spouse in such a manner....their brains don't work that way. Things like honor, accountability, that matter to us, have no impact. They lack the shame necessary to ever offer a meaningful confession. We waste our time expecting one from them.

strutt3r · 2024-01-22T05:18:38+00:00

My ex never admitted anything outside of what she was caught red handed with and she tried to gaslight me about those as well. Whatever else she got away with she'd sooner die than tell me, but the good news is I no longer care.

Dry_Dimension_4707 · 2024-01-22T04:00:11+00:00

Someone in my family is currently involved in this same Mexican standoff. She knows. He won’t come clean, not entirely. We can’t control what another person does or what they choose to disclose or not disclose. But you can control how you respond. If you’ve already given her divorce papers then you’ve made your decision. She may never give you the closure you need by confessing, but you’ve got your answer. It may have to be enough.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-01-22T03:29:05+00:00

If you know, you know. Proceed. What will her admission give you? Just a waste of mental and emotional energy.

TheSwedishEagle · 2024-01-22T02:40:39+00:00

Why? Do you have doubts? If you have no doubt then stop pursuing it.

hwiegob · 2024-01-22T02:26:30+00:00

Easy. You don’t. Let it go and move on with life.

Like many other times, you can put your energy into proving yourself right or you can be happy. Not both.

sentrybot619 · 2024-01-22T02:25:51+00:00

"Look, admit it or don't admit it. I know you cheated. Our marriage is over. If you want to deflect blame to me and drag me through the mud, I'll be happy to oblige the fight, and the only thing you'll win is more people knowing the truth"

keencone · 2024-01-22T01:40:29+00:00

It doesn’t matter and you’re better off not knowing… assume the absolute worst, but don’t let it impact how you move. The bottom line is that you’ve been discarded and disrespected so act accordingly and channel the emotion into practical solutions… don’t ignore the emotions or hurt, just keep them contained as a bulwark to self-doubt and uncertainty.

EraveXK · 2024-01-22T01:33:08+00:00

My friend found out and threatened her that he would tell me. Feb 24th it’ll be a year since the divorce. I did not want, or get details. I’ve been that person in the past and it’s not worth it. Let it go and move along. Best advice, workout. If you already do, workout more.

906lane · 2024-01-22T01:03:47+00:00

Let it go already. Why are you so adamant in finding more proof and wanted her to confess. If you know she cheated and have verified this already no need to put yourself in turmoil and pain. Under no circumstances should a man stay married if his wife has been sleeping and sucking off another man period. We all as a man what nasty things a women will let a new man do to her when she finds him sexually attractive.

Fyfel · 2024-01-22T01:01:15+00:00

Accept that you’ll never know everything. Even if she actually disclosed everything the trust is still broken you’ll always have doubts.

boltmaker12 · 2024-01-22T00:51:52+00:00

Mine came out with the truth once she realized she wanted a divorce but was too scared to do it herself. She unloaded on me what she had been up to for the past 8 years. I had only been aware of the past 6 months.

foookie · 2024-01-22T00:32:12+00:00

At best you might get trickle truth and extreme minimizing. You will never know the full extent of her betrayal.

Grey rock the fuck out of her, delete everything, block on social media and if you have kids only communicate about critical issues and custody matters, and only through text.

Remember this person is not your friend! They don’t care or love you at all, in fact they took your love and trust and wiped their ass with it, do they feel longing for used toilet paper? Of course not, they feel nothing except for the rush of this new sneaky relationship.

If you get to the point of shared custody, ideally you have a third party for pick up and drop off.

Cleanse yourself of this filth of a person, consider them dead, because essentially they are. The person who you thought you knew no longer exists, and it’s possible that they have always been this way.

We tend to concede and overlook so many things, you can’t see the forest for the trees when you’re in the thick of it.

Not many men would devastate and obliterate their lives for a piece of strange ass, women are professionals at the destruction of their former lives.

Unlike men, they usually need an emotional connection and bond with the affair partner, that’s what makes it so final.

They have to discard without emotion, all their emotions are for the new guy. They only come back if it doesn’t work out, or if they can find you of use, emotionally or more often security and financially.

Don’t waste any more thoughts or feelings on them. The world is full of women, women that will desire you and treat you right! Have an abundance mindset.

With distance and time and experience with other women the pain will lessen, the scar is for life though.

And always remember. A woman should want you more than you want her, any other dynamic and it’s doomed. Keep your heart guarded, never love them more than they love you.

And always be prepared to walk away!!

i_am_buzz_lightyear · 2024-01-21T23:59:46+00:00

I got loose proof through call records, frequency and length. That made the red flags clear. I confronted her, got gaslit, they're just friends, wherever. I went off on her. She cried saying she just lost a good friend and it's my fault that she had to cut off this friendship.

Cherry on top was that I bought her a new phone. I told her she could have it when she handed hers over. A couple weeks later she did. Keep in mind the relationship was "over," as she said. So, I guess she didn't mind that she left all the texts and shit on there from him (clearly she deleted some, as conversations didn't make sense all the time), but she also left it signed into her accounts too.

Long story short -- one morning, a few days later, she had left for work, I just set the kids up with breakfast. Something bothered me from the day before, so I went and turned the phone on. Opened Instagram and she was on a call with him. Messages before that were about him jacking off to her. The night prior they were on a one hour video call.

I took that shit to the church and had them confront them both. The church shocked her. I get yelled at. Again, my fault. The next day she wanted to reconcile.

Here's where it really hurts... I believed her, still, after this. I said ok. I set boundaries. Told her to come clean. Tell the kids they won't see your friend anymore, etc, etc. She did, but she LIED. Over and over and over. I was trickle truthed for months about the details of the affair. It was so incredibly mentally fucked up. Every time I caught her in a lie it was like ripping open a wound, re stabbing it, and rounding it out larger.

Over 3-4 months after the church ended it, it went from friends, to meeting for lunch, to meeting at work, to meeting on weekends, to kissing, to fingering where SHE had to stop HIM, and finally to sex where she admitted to having an orgasm.

I called it quits then. I couldn't handle it anymore. Forget that I'm her husband and we have two little kids... She is a truly awful human for repeatedly hurting someone like that.

I have a mountain of evidence now, but it doesn't matter in a no fault state.

TLDR - you don't want to know. It will be lies anyway and they hurt.

Lawlers_Law · 2024-01-21T22:40:26+00:00

Don't bother.... she'll just gaslight you. Let it go and focus on yourself.

Classic-Ad8157 · 2024-01-21T22:37:02+00:00

Don’t bother hunting for the truth, it will come out in the wash. I had my suspicions when my STBXW started silencing her phone and going off radar when she went to conferences while I stayed home with the kids.

Three weeks before she served me, a very “unique” gift showed up at the house that wasn’t my style (she purchased for someone else). She lied and said it was for me, but never gave it to me. Do I care? Kinda, but I’m happier without her sorry ass in my daily life.

If she lied to me, that’s on her conscience and not mine.

l3tsR0LL · 2024-01-21T22:16:34+00:00

In my state it doesn't even matter. She gets half even if she is guilty of stuff. I was told the only exception is child abuse.

Crafty-Way-6860 · 2024-01-21T22:14:02+00:00

Set up a voice activated recorder in her car or in the house. Too far? Maybe. I think she went further.

Intrepid_Raisin6446 · 2024-01-21T21:58:20+00:00

Women will take their secrets to the grave. In some cases the dirt doesn’t come out until the divorce is finalized.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-01-21T21:56:31+00:00

I never got what I would consider a true confession. She was visiting her family before we started a family, and was going to be there for 3 months total (last month I was going over as well). Two weeks in, after going out drinking with her friends, she cuts off contact with me saying she needs time to think if she wants to come home.

I find pictures of her online with a guy; of course, I'm an idiot, and kept pushign off the obvious. It was first them out in a group setting sitting next to each other. Then it was them at a dinner restaurant together. Then it was them at a bar together. Then them at a nightclub together dancing. Then them at a bed and breakfast. Finally, what made me unable to deny it anymore was them in a hotel room together.

When I confronted her, she first denied it. I said I had a picture of them at a hotel. She said that was the first time, and since they were both living with their parents, they just needed somewhere to talk about religion.

I then told her I had them at a bed and breakfast the previous week. She said she was depressed and she met him at church and they just went there to see nature.

I said I had seen them in a night club. She then said she had just done it after our last talk, but that was the first time.

I then pointed out I had them together a month earlier. She then accused me of stalking her.

She said she never cheated, but she 'wanted to'. She said she would talk when she got home next week.

Two days later she goes and posts more pictures in a hotel room. I confront her again, she says I'm accusing her of cheating when she's not and I should just 'divorce her already as I'm abusing her'

When she got back, she kept saying she 'never had sex with him, but she she could see why I would call it cheating' I told her that BS.

The most I ever got was our final talk, when it got really heated, she said 'you know why I cheated I you? It's because you made your whole life about me and it put pressure on me'.

She never told me anything more than the above. She wouldn't say who he was, how they met, but she did say she intended to go back to him.

Well, from even my own public searching of him, he was unemployed, live with his mother, did a lot of drugs, and was sleeping with plenty of women, so she eventually gave up on that idea and kept stringing me along until she found someone else here to take care of, and then she served me papers

Joocewayne · 2024-01-21T21:38:46+00:00

I don’t think a confession is likely. Based on my experience and those of men I know, the wives often contort their adultery into being the husband’s fault anyway.

Mine never admitted even though I found out. I calmly came home one day and said, you’re an adulterer. This separation for reconciliation was a lie. She then had a screaming, throwing stuff tantrum. If you really loved me, you would want me to be happy!

Say what? She has never admitted a thing. She has repeatedly stated I WILL NOT BE BLAMED.

She filed. I wanted to work through it. There is not a lot of logic there, just purely emotion driven contortion of the narrative in their own selfish minds.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-21T21:20:53+00:00

Are you in at fault state? If no then it doesn’t really matter. She never will confess. But the evidence is in her phone man. Deleted photos, whatever, it’s hard for cheaters to keep a 100% clean phone.

Title	Confession
Author	Slow_Complex9685
Upvotes	41
Comments	59
Date	January 21, 2024 9:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/19cdusc/confession/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/confession.1243497 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243497

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