Filed yesterday

TheOneWhoDidntCum · 2025-03-27T13:27:57+00:00

She a cheater for sure

RedWineStrat · 2024-04-14T15:13:13+00:00

Good luck man, time to move on. Don't get sucked up in everyone's theories, they don't know your personal situation. Filing this month myself.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-04-12T10:46:59+00:00

This sounds like cheater talk bro

brok_zenuwe · 2024-04-11T09:17:49+00:00

"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" is a crock of shit. Love is a choice you make every day. As men we make the mistake of asking what we can do to make women happy. It's not possible, and they lose respect for all our trying. Stand up to them and lead them, or they will resent you for "having to be the lead" instead. Nice guy/white knight/simp -type behavior doesn't work long-term.

GrimStreaker15 · 2024-04-10T15:01:11+00:00

Hey Ryan,

I know the pain and confusion you are feeling right now. You feel like your entire future is gone, and your past was a lie. There are times you feel like this is your fault somehow, or you should have done something different. But, believe me, you are going to be alright.

In the beginning, you are going through so many emotions, and it's almost impossible to keep your thoughts and emotions in check. This is normal and part of the process. Acknowledge the fact that you are going through a grieving process, and it's OK for you to feel these emotions.

The best advice I got on day one was to get angry "not outwardly" and realize that everything is up for grabs now. She will attempt to use your emotions and the facade of being friends and still caring about you against you to take as much of what you built together against you.

Once the divorce starts, she will be planning and working on getting as much of the items and assets and leaving you as little as possible.

Start writing a journal of everything discussed each day and every agreement made. Don't agree to anything until you get a lawyer and get advice from them. Because she has most definitely already spoken to one and most likely retained one for herself. Also, save all bank staments back as far as you can, phone records as far back as you can. Get everything undocumented, such as gold, silver, or family airlooms that are valuable and give them to a friend or family member who you trust. But, be careful and make sure they won't rat you out. But, if there is a record of it, leave it in the house or where it is. Because that can be used against you. But, if there is no record of it, get it out of there and store it somewhere.

She is not your friend now, no matter what she says. She is using that as a tactic against you to manipulate you. You have to get mad and realize that asap. She will use every tool at her disposal to get as much as she can. Once they make the decision to leave, they only think about their own interests and what they can get of value. Get angry now and stop seeing her as a friend. She is not, and she will only care about her own financial interests from this point on.

Also, don't show any emotions or send long texts or emails. Keep them simple and only the basic facts you need to convey. Those will be used against you once things start getting ugly and disagreements arise. Any emotional emails or texts can be used in court to give her more credibility and make her case strong when in front of a judge. Also, be aware that she is most likely recording any and all conversations you will be having from here on out.

After 2 decades of marriage and friendship, if she can pick up and leave you, then she is capable of anything. She's not your friend anymore and will screw you over from here on out until the divorce is over. You are in a fighting ring now, and you better be ready to fight and defend yourself from all angles of attack. Because she has had months, maybe even years, training for this fight. You need to be smart right now and protect yourself.

All that being said, you are going to be alright. The first few months will be tough, and you will be having days where you feel like you are in a boat at sea during a hurricane. Your boat will be thrown around and constantly in danger of capsizeing. Just keep your hands firmly on the wheel and keep it upright. Because this storm will pass and the storm will subside and blue sky's are just beyond the horizon.

The priorities "for yourself" should be as follows:

Go to the gym every day for an hour or 2. Get in there and put your frustrations into working out and hitting the weights like an animal. That is where you do your therapy. That negative energy and emotions need to be channeled into something positive. The gym is your temple, church, or just a sanctuary. It pays off so much and gives you a foundation to build upon. Plus, working out builds and sheers up your self-confidence and releases endorphins in your body that will counter act depression better than any prescription.

Next, don't talk to her about the divorce after business hours, if at all possible, during the weekends. Take that time for yourself, and don't let that bleed into your personal time to process this divorce.

And finally, don't drink during time or do any drugs. Keep sober and don't engage in any negative activities. Just do positive things for yourself or other people.

It's gonna be OK, my dude. We have all been there and made it through it. Just come to us if you need to vent or get advice. We believe in you and are here for you.

Great men are forged in fire. It's the privilege of cheating ex-wives to light the flame!.

Substantial-Ant-4010 · 2024-04-10T01:49:22+00:00

I'm right there with you. It took us a year after it was "over" for us to split. She moved out in January. They don't always cheat. Sometimes a relationship just stops working. We were married 34 years. I'm trying to be in a better place, but it sucks. Try to embrace the suck, and become a better person. There is some really good advice on r/Divorce_Men but there are also a lot of bitter divorced men, that believe all women are cheating whores. Don't get sucked into the negative. Find something to focus on as best you can, and stay out of your head as much as possible. You will have some dark days ahead of you. Take it one day at a time, and keep moving forward, even if is from a step back that you took yesterday. Reach out to your friends, do what you can. It will take longer than you think to heal, take your time. You need some time apart to heal and to decide if you want to be a friend, or just civil to her. Tell yourself you will be happy again some day. Best of luck!

Initial_Topic_4989 · 2024-04-09T22:47:29+00:00

There is someone else in the picture, mine tried that crap with me and it turned out to be that she was having an affair.

Either way don't be her friend

Reflog1791 · 2024-04-09T22:37:49+00:00

Very sad. She’s not getting the tingles from you anymore. Some new bozo caught her attention. Maybe she’s divorcing you before jumping to the next monkey branch. Rare but admirable.

Your solution is get buff. Running is good but it’s not a substitute for being buff. In this day and age it’s damn near impossible to keep a woman interested for 2 decades.

My advice is upgrade everything in your life. Replace your wife with a hotter girlfriend and ignore your stbx. She will be blowing up your phone to get back together. By that point you won’t want to.

Remarkable_Egg492 · 2024-04-09T22:34:31+00:00

So who's the other man? I heard this phrase recently. Men level up in life by getting better jobs, making more money, etc. Women tend to level up in regards to the men they have relationships with. It's a sad fact but many of us have realized this and moved on. Screw that whore, move on, and continue to level up. She'll only bring you down at this point. Good luck!

pieceone4us · 2024-04-09T22:26:00+00:00

We filed last month, go back next month to finalize I guess. Still don’t know how I’m going to get through this, so I definitely feel your pain. Deleting all social media so I can’t see anything of her or what she’s posts has helped. I thought I was good and messed up by reactivating them, now back to being pissed and confused.

rhett342 · 2024-04-09T22:07:06+00:00

Was the sex bad? Is that why you're divorcing or is it a personality thing? If it was a personality thing then why would you want to be friends with her? A friend wouldn't rip your life apart like this.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-04-09T18:46:21+00:00

She put you in the friend zone bro

idiskfla · 2024-04-09T18:27:32+00:00

She might be your best friend, but she no longer wants you to be her best friend.

Based on what you’ve shared and assuming you didn’t abuse her or abuse yourself, it’s highly likely that there’s someone else in the picture. She might not be dating the guy. She might not even be in any sort of intimate relationship with the guy. But she had an emotional connection with someone (at work, a friend of a friend, someone online), and she’ll wait until enough time has past (in most cases) to make things official with him so she doesn’t look like a cheater.

She also prob believes she can get you back with the snap of a finger if the dating world isn’t what she fantasizes, so she has no fear of losing you (aka monkeybranching).

This will hurt. It will suck. It’s pain. It’s hell.

But the sooner you accept it’s over, the less painful it will be.

Start going to the gym. Now.

Start getting your finances / legal strategy in order. Now.

Start dressing better / improving hygiene / eating healthier / organizing your office. Now.

Pursue something new and important in your career or in your personal life. Now.

This won’t be easy. But whether you want it to be hard and quick or extremely hard and slow is up to you. I say this as someone who personally chose the latter route because I was too afraid to choose the former and didn’t want to give up on “us”.

Push that button and move on as quickly as you can.

captainchippsixx · 2024-04-09T17:33:10+00:00

Dude. You have to shake it off today!

First off, There is already another dude in her head if not in the picture.

Here is what’s going to happen. She will keep being nice and until bam she is going to hit you again. Be it, surprise I have a lawyer and I want more, or this is my boyfriend and oh no I just met him, I wasn’t dating him before I told you I wanted a divorce. I forgot I emptied that account? Yes y I had to get new cloths and lingerie with the shared crest card

She doesn’t respect you. She is not your friend anymore. Time to say fuck it my friend.

buntopolis · 2024-04-09T16:13:09+00:00

Don’t be friends. She’s not your friend.

CosetteGrey · 2024-04-09T16:07:56+00:00

maybe she's not a good friend.

Maseworld · 2024-04-09T16:00:24+00:00

Sounds like she looking for a new dude. Cant make her stay. Just let her learn the hard way.

IceDue123 · 2024-04-09T15:20:43+00:00

I was in a similar situatio. It hurt and didn’t make sense, until I learned to was another guy in the picture. I’m betting it’s the same for you. Sorry.

Its tough to believe because she was your best friend (mine was too) but she now has a new best friend and you are just in the way.

im four years out and life is good. My buddy just recently said that I’m probably better off now. Three years ago I would have vehemently disagreed, but I had to say he’s right.

As unique as you think your situation is, you are one in many millions, and we all came out all right. You will too, it just takes time.

SomeoneInQld · 2024-04-09T14:39:46+00:00

I just wished that I had read more posts like this earlier in my marriage, so maybe I would have been more attentive and thoughtful to her and not ended up divorced.

I have spoken to a few of my mates and warned them what it is like on this 'side' of a divorce.

I also spoke to a few mates of mine who were divorced and said that maybe they should have shared their stories more with their mates, so that we knew what it was like on this side, so that maybe we could change our behaviour before it was too late so that we also didn't end up divorced.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-09T14:39:35+00:00

Her explanation sounds a whole lot like "I love you but I'm not in love with you" which is woman-ese for "I'm fucking someone else".

Has she been going on girls nights out frequently? Has she recently traveled/vacationed with her girlfriends? Has she recently hit the gym and improved her looks?

Hiker_Ryan · 2024-04-09T14:40:51+00:00

We live in Oregon and they allow you to file as copetitioner if you are in an agreement on splitting everything and there’s not going to be a need for a trial. Since we are friends and are very amicable with each other, this is a good option for us because it reduces court filing fees and theoretically reduces how long it will take, so even though this sucks, maybe we’ll get through it quicker

sveltecheese · 2024-04-09T21:22:15+00:00

Haven’t filed yet but in the same place. It’s awful.

Title	Filed yesterday
Author	Hiker_Ryan
Upvotes	42
Comments	91
Date	April 9, 2024 2:32 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bztnc1/filed_yesterday/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/filed-yesterday.1514575 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514575

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