How do you cope with the depression?

techrmd3 · 2023-12-15T21:36:22+00:00

My suggestions are:

DivorceCare (go to as many meetings as you can, one week I went to 6)
Get a very intensive Learning Goal started - I chose to learn a new language
Reach out to friends to talk through your experiences with divorcing, it helps you process the feelings, thoughts and possible actions
Thought about AI enabled therapy? try jung-gpt.com I have not used this one but I did use a similar one that is no longer online (maybe this is it's 2.0?) anyway try it
go to the gym, don't buy a membership go to local city gym or local YMCA pay a day rate and GO get out move
setup a serious sleep routine my routine was all Melatonin 15 minutes before bed, OTC sleep pills right before getting in bed, reading in bed some light fiction, nod off, turn out light go to sleep (get a sleep routine)

good luck

HereinPA1 · 2023-12-15T21:22:47+00:00

Man, I’m still feeling it and I’m six months in. One month in and I was a constant wreck.

I joined a yoga studio and that’s great. Took a motorcycle safety class and got my license, gym. All of that.

I did go on an SSRI and that has helped me even out the real bad spells.

I am so much better than I was 5 months ago and 5 months from now may seem forever for you, but you’ll get there. Take it day by day, feel all the feels, and don’t rush through it.

Capable-Profile4425 · 2023-12-15T22:55:04+00:00

First: don’t beat yourself up. This is a hard thing to go through, second only to death. This is a major loss and the grieving process is not linear. It takes years, and there will be tough times and easier times.

Second: understand that the only way out is THROUGH. There are no shortcuts, which means you have to allow yourself to sit with your feelings when they come. Don’t always try to distract yourself from them, or you’ll never fully process your grief. Journal, reflect, and learn to understand what you are feeling and why. Yes, it’s difficult confronting your feelings and the events that occurred that brought them on. But you’ll never be able to come out the other side as a whole, self-reliant, confident individual capable of creating a happy, full life for themselves.

Make lists of things you’d like to do FOR YOURSELF. I am well aware that it may not feel like it now, but you have the opportunity to create and control what your life looks like from now on. Try new things, get back to old hobbies, reconnect with friends and family.

Get into therapy. Seriously, it's one of the greatest tools available to you, especially to help you get through one of the hardest life events you'll ever deal with.

The depression will subside, and it will come back again, over and over again, for a long time. Over time, it will become less severe and less frequent. Just keep reaching out for support, youre going yo be okay, people survive this all the time.

BigSkyHiker · 2023-12-15T23:20:50+00:00

Sorry for what you are going through - welcome to the club that nobody wanted to join. I am yet one more voice for being patient with yourself, allowing yourself to feel your emotions, therapy, a healthy lifestyle, sleep, journaling, and building a support network. I am 6 months into this process and still have tough days but I was an emotional dumpster fire for the first 3 months. It does get better, but it feels like an endless cycle of 1 step forward - 3 steps back. You will be ok - always remember that! Best wishes for you on your healing journey, my friend

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2023-12-15T21:54:12+00:00

Tip one - be easy on yourself.

Tip two - do new things

Tip three - doing nothing at times is fine

Tip four - keep on eye on your online time. It’s chews life up & doesn’t assist your mental health.

Tip five - this too will pass. Sit out the time.

Good luck brother.

dadplup · 2023-12-15T22:44:06+00:00

We separated 2 years ago last September and got divorced 6 months later, we were married for almost 19 years, as of now she's moved on and it seems like she's on a relationship with someone else. There are days I feel very low but I know the divorce had to happen,I go to work and spend time with my daughter, i don't have plans to remarry ever again unless the right person comes along, and even then, I had to learn to make peace with myself

The_Usual_Suspect___ · 2023-12-16T02:11:57+00:00

Two years later champ, it doesn't gett better, I lift weights, learn new crap, pushed away something new, so real it scared the crap out of me. Doing drugs. Staring at the ceiling is my weekend therapy.

All I can say is keep going. Guy I do boxing with looked at me today as I told him I want to die.

He said if you're going to die, die living.... Keep fighting king....just keep going bc to be a man these days is to grapple with sorrow every min every day, twice on Sundays...

thro281 · 2023-12-17T14:29:58+00:00

-Friends. (song lyric) How many of us have them?

-Gym, trails, pavement, mat. Hit them

-Meditation. Learn to do it

-Books. Read them

-Work. Lean in on it

-Affirmations. Believe them.

-Time. Okay eventually we all get back into equilibrium like a thermostat. As time passes you will get better. Admittedly time passes slower when you are going through this.

Good luck

someguyinpa52 · 2023-12-17T15:51:04+00:00

Man... I feel your pain as I am right in the middle of it. The crazy part is - compared to other stories that I've heard, my situation is relatively easy - we are both agreeable to it and I expect it to go relatively smooth and hopefully we can come out on the other and as some-what friends as we will have to co-parent our two older kids. With that being said - this hit me like a ton of bricks and it's probably the hardest emotional thing that I've had to deal with in my life. I have known since October, but we haven't even told the kids yet as we did not want to disrupt the school year (plan to tell after xmas and before school starts up). We are going through mediation and I expect everything to be over in a couple months, with me hopefully moving out by the end of January. I was married for 20 years and this is a major life change for sure. I don't think there is an easy answer for dealing with this. For me, going to the gym helps, taking long walks with my dog, trying to get out with friends when I'm able to. There are days where I'm in a pretty good mood and look forward to what life has ahead of me (hope of finding new love, planned travel, etc.) and then there are days where I am a big ball of emotions. I went to lunch with a co-worker last week and he gave me a very generous christmas gift along with a very nice card with a hand written note. I swear I almost lost it right there as it was so super nice during this time of emotional turmoil. The best thing that I can say is to try to keep your mind occupied with something - working out, playing video games, what ever you can do. That will help for sure, but I think at the end of the day - it's a process. A very long process that simply takes time to go through. I am hopeful I can come out on the other side in a good state. May even sign up for therapy after I get my new place as I've heard that can help. Anyway... Best of luck my friend. I feel your pain and this is really tough.

One other thought - if you are on instagram, follow sadhguru. He is an Indian man with very wise advice. Not a magical cure but he helps you to look at lifes challenges in a different way.

rhett342 · 2023-12-15T22:48:38+00:00

Just give it time and it'll change to anger. At least that's what I've done.

ThrowRAcq4444 · 2023-12-16T04:22:47+00:00

I get on reddit and see how many subreddits I can get banned in. /s

PokerFriend247 · 2023-12-16T05:47:52+00:00

Find hobbies that are fun and provide hits of dopa. (Username checks out 4 me. )

This can me a mix of competitive board gaming online or Board games Chess.

physical racket sports and fitness related activities help with serotonin levels and healthy eating in gut area.

This is your second chance.

I mourn the loss of my plan and devastation/ destruction that has occurred and will occur when dust settles.

But in meantime….. fun fun fun. Get to know the real you, mini experiments of what you like. Try that meet-up group Try that sport ( everyone starts as a beginner sometime )

Sever Anxiety and depression and on meds.

I started by just walking 10 mins daily… and Emotion = Energy in Motion. (Tony Robbins)

Tony Robbins: 'It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.'

This won’t cure depression but it’s a decision for me. My choice and my life.

I hope this inspires you to take action. You learn You adapt .., and change yourself

Wish you strength, a little more joy and better times ahead. 💪🏽

Be pragmatic and stoic about the situation. NEVEr EVER GIvE UP., 🙏🏽

soontobesolo · 2023-12-16T20:35:47+00:00

Gym was huge for me. I picked one with a strong community of folks my age. It got the energy out, made me feel better and more confident, and I loved seeing my gym friends every morning. (still do!)

Therapy too, of course.

ragingredditir · 2023-12-16T01:53:30+00:00

It’s okay to need this time to just exist and we have all been there. Allow yourself that time to just survive and get through each day. Especially right now, this is a tough time of the year. Be kind to your body. But give yourself a deadline and give yourself goals. You can’t get too comfortable and get stuck there.

369isfine · 2023-12-16T01:54:23+00:00

Two years in and I don’t know what to tell ya. I’ve tried friends but it’s hard to see people with work and now all my friends have their own families. Tried hobbies and hiking and getting outside but it feels empty without sharing things and just brings back memories. Lately I haven’t had the motivation to do anything and have been sleeping away the last several months which only makes it harder the deeper i get into self isolation. I wish you the best. Keep trying until you find something that works.

ww3historian · 2023-12-16T07:07:35+00:00

Go on Hinge and Bumble and start talking to some honeys

ApprehensiveTiger683 · 2023-12-16T11:02:49+00:00

Why do men always get the go to the gym advice? I hate the gym. Sure as hell aint gonna do something i hate.

I surrounded myself with friends and family. Had friends over every weekend for dinner. That got me over most of it. Just dont go solitude. That is really killing.

Gunslinger1925 · 2023-12-17T23:52:57+00:00

I feel your pain 100%, brother. I'm one week in, and I feel completely shattered. Even after today, which was mostly a good day. But now I'm home, with my kids... and she's still out with her f-n mistress... just like she is every f-n night.

Oh yeah, I'm documenting that. Interestingly, I've looked at trying some new things. One thing in particular, singing. I've never tried that before. But my youngest asked one day on the way home, so I figured what the hell. Probably sound like crap, but it was therapeutic. Did it Friday when my anxiety started to spike.

There's other things I'm probably going to try as I work through this.

The gym has also helped too. I see the changes in my waistline in the two weeks I've been going.

But yeah, I still wonder if I'm going to survive this.

icemountainisnextome · 2023-12-15T22:24:53+00:00

3 months in here and still a puddle of sadness and depression. I don't have any nearby friends so it's just PC gaming that helps distract from the pain. So to answer your question, I'm not. Just waiting for time to pass by long enough I guess.

FitCondition754 · 2023-12-15T23:32:42+00:00

I can say with absolute certainty that it will get better. I'm 1 year out since d day and I'm able to function rather well these days. It still comes and goes. Today for instance, I was triggered but it only lasted about 20 minutes. I have moved on finally, it took a while but I have actually found a beautiful and absolutely amazing woman that everything seems to line up with. Even better is she actually agrees with a lot of red pill content. She thinks these modern women are absolutely foolish. I'm taking my time but seriously if this is real then I just may take the dive again... IF ITS REAL.

But all in all, you just take it a day at a time and it will get better!

WearyYogurtcloset589 · 2023-12-16T00:27:50+00:00

Plz read the last post from this redditor.

Beneficial_Hand2496

She has been going through it for 10 months,but now she is in a much better place.

Plz take a moment to read it.

Greedy_Temperature33 · 2023-12-16T01:03:52+00:00

Thanks, brother. Just hearing that it’ll get easier helps - particularly from someone who’s been through it. Much love, brother.

Thin_Radish_3439 · 2023-12-16T01:12:51+00:00

I'm there with you. Big fight Monday and things have been bad for some time. I said I'm done and she took it and ran with it like a dog with a bone. Refuses to talk just screams I'm done and fu. It's hard but remember she's not one in a million she's one of a million. This is my second round. It's not easier the second time. Hang in there we'll get through it.

BudFox_LA · 2023-12-16T01:58:51+00:00

Fuck the pain away bud

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2023-12-16T02:37:13+00:00

Don't recommend but unfortunately I have been hitting the bottle, hard. After work every day and all weekend.

Acherna · 2023-12-16T03:16:34+00:00

Keto diet has helped a ton. No carbs. Only meat or eggs or bone broth

Training_Ad1368 · 2023-12-16T05:13:26+00:00

Find some friends, a beer or two. Dad jokes and stay busy.

PokerFriend247 · 2023-12-16T05:57:04+00:00

What is depression? Ted ED video Run time - 4 Minutes 29 seconds.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2023-12-16T09:27:08+00:00

Also be careful. There r so many ppl with disgusting virus out there. I was talking to someone on FB, she finally said that she was HIV positive but takes medication. Now I’m sorry for her situation I feel terrible but I have already been through so much and this is the lady thing I need.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-12-16T14:14:48+00:00

It’s been a year since we seperated and my divorce got finalized this week. I wouldn’t say I feel depressed but I’m very jaded and being around couples that are lovey dovey just makes my blood boil

AxeMuley · 2023-12-16T15:51:44+00:00

There is so much good advice and support on this thread. I am going through this too, and found some peace just reading everyone’s thoughts. It sucks. We didn’t plan this for ourselves. But we must move forward and take really good care of ourselves. Spoil yourselves. Buy what you want. I heard someone here got a motorcycle license. Gym, learn a language, therapy. Each day do something that pleases you. I just went to the gym with my two sons and worked out this week. We are starting a new weekly workout together. I am looking forward to more gym time with my sons.

FigurativeLasso · 2023-12-16T21:08:53+00:00

I started dating someone a few months after D-Day (Separated in august). It wasn’t intentional - I was on the apps having casual hookups and when I met this girl, we just really clicked. She also recently got out of a LTR and wasn’t looking for anything either, so we both joke about how surprising this situation is for both of us.

Everyone said not to, but it’s helped me move on and she’s super cool and understanding about my situation. There’s not a one-size-fits-all formula unfortunately

Other than that, just surrounding myself with family and friends and attending weekly therapy and DivorceCare sessions has been great too

NothingIsEverEnough · 2023-12-16T21:58:05+00:00

Nature. Can you be out in nature more? Without any devices with you. That’s liberating.

Wellbutrin(medication) worked well for me. It gave me the energy I needed.

Get your testosterone checked and consider upping that. Makes you feel a bit more alive.

ProcedureAltruistic3 · 2023-12-17T01:06:30+00:00

I'm at a year and almost a half, second holiday season with the kids splitting time on Christmas etc. I have ups and downs still. I catch myself saying I can't believe she did this. She's practically engaged and we aren't finalized yet so I know she's not thinking about me lol. I decided a few months ago that I needed a Hobbie. To be completely honest what made me realize this is how great I got at laundry, and how disappointed I was when there was no laundry to fold one night. All I can think was how sad that was but then I realized I got used to the repetition of it and keeping myself busy. I went in for a couple of boxes of grown up Legos and while that was incredibly satisfying that gets very expensive. I decided that I'm going to try a few things that I've always wanted to do I also get back into some things I used to do. I used to play darts a few times a week and I gave it up completely when I met her 17 years ago. I'd like to go find out if I'm still any good. To sum up I think keeping busy is the only thing that's helped with the depression. When I feel like I've accomplished something I don't feel quite as bad about being alone and I don't feel quite as disposed of. I think that's what the gym does for a lot of people but it was never my thing.

cbigut · 2023-12-17T07:27:28+00:00

Going through the exact same emotions and timeline as you right now. I’ve been spending a lot of time reinvesting in hobbies I gave up on while married. I’ve also spent a lot of time exercising. I keep having to tell myself that if I’m going to be miserable either way, I might as well paint my warhammer army and run while I’m miserable

bkdad75 · 2023-12-20T19:24:52+00:00

It's easy to think you have to do some big new brave thing to start your new life. Do something small. Something only slightly uncomfortable, that moves you in the right direction just a bit. That builds your confidence, and then the next thing is less small.

Title	How do you cope with the depression?
Author	Greedy_Temperature33
Upvotes	24
Comments	72
Date	December 15, 2023 9:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18jadpx/how_do_you_cope_with_the_depression/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-cope-with-the-depression.1240868 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240868

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