Maybe once is enough?

BatGuano52 · 2026-02-09T03:46:28+00:00

I'm 51, going through my divorce still (ex is dragging it out, almost 2 years now).

6 months ago, I would have told you that I was done with getting married, I wouldn't say never, but it wasn't something I was planning.

I did want to meet a good woman to spend my life with.

I then met my now ex-girlfriend, and the good parts about her changed my mind.

The good parts were great and she was checking all the boxes, unfortunately she also checked a couple of boxes in the "Cannot have" column.

I'm definitely going to date again if I meet the right woman.

If I meet another woman who checks all the right boxes but none of the "Cannot have" boxes, I'm not dead set on marriage, big I'm definitely open to the idea.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2026-02-06T01:24:42+00:00

It's perfectly fine. I'm 50 and would never get married again. Except maybe to a Princess who came with a dowry of 5,000 acres and an alliance with Duke of Norbury-Montalbano with 500 knights and a few castles and monopolies on flour mills, ha!

computergeek89 · 2026-02-05T17:01:34+00:00

I am with you. I am also 56 and will not be starting a new life with anyone else.

ng_rddt · 2026-02-05T13:50:21+00:00

One important element to consider is companionship. I think it becomes even more important as we get older because of the financial and medical uncertainty that comes with aging. If you are a couple, with two sources of income, it is much less likely you will end up homeless or without health insurance. Only 28% of people in the US over 65 live alone. The key is to build a healthy relationship with a partner who complements you in a positive way.

Emphasis on build, healthy and positive.

retired337 · 2026-02-05T04:03:14+00:00

I married (first and only) at 35 and divorced at 55. Dated off and on for 10 years. It just never felt right for another long term relationship or marriage. The things you go through with your wife- buying a home, starting and raising a family, job promotions, family holidays and trips - are over. Now it would just be to have someone to be with. But at 65 Ive decided that’s it. Im done. Im focusing on me, my child and my family and friends.

According-Designer15 · 2026-02-05T01:44:34+00:00

Plenty of guys land here. You gave 26 years to building a family and raising your son well. That's not nothing. Now you get to decide what the next chapter looks like without anyone else's input.

Some men jump back into dating because they think they're supposed to. Others realize they actually like the quiet and the freedom to build life on their own terms. Neither one is wrong.

The question isn't whether you should date again.... it's whether you actually want to, or if you're just wondering if you're supposed to want to. Those are different things.

Give yourself permission to just exist for a while. If the pull to connect with someone shows up, you'll know. If it doesn't, that's fine too. You already did the hard work. Now you get to choose what matters.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-05T01:21:29+00:00

I'm early 50s and busy with divorce after the same amount of years married as you.
After losing more than half my assets in this divorce I definitely don't want to lose half again by getting married again. I have kids so been there done that.
Now I just have girlfriends until they start acting up and disrespecting me, then I move on to the next.
I don't mind ending up alone or not having the drama of being with a girlfriend, I can entertain myself and am happy to be by myself. At this stage I know who I am and I won't change for no one.

darealyst · 2026-02-04T22:15:04+00:00

Its really tough to justify dating after 45. I just can't get attracted to women my age, and I don't want some younger woman that wants to bring half-siblings into my world. A 30 something fwb is about all I can really justify.

Gattsama · 2026-02-04T19:17:28+00:00

I never dated, first serious girlfriend, virgin when we met, together for 17 years married 12 years. Years. We were never healthy, I ultimately filed for divorce. I am now 51 years old and have had a girlfriend for the last couple years.who's been fantastic.

I am never marrying again. And I think I've pretty much missed out on having kids. The question is, what are your goals in life. I don't need a woman to be in my life to be joyous, complete and fulfilled. At best women are a nice addition to what I'm doing in my core function in life.

I like companionship. I like exploring and traveling, and it's nice to do that with somebody who is fun to be with, supportive, I can expose them to new things, it highlights and makes that new experience more enjoyable.

But I think the key is having really firm boundaries. And also vetting. My primary am I? My mistake in the failed marriage was overly committing without properly vetting. Most guys do not vet women at all, we just kind of take whatever we can get, then after a few years of dating figure 'Well I guess I should marry her.'

Love the girlfriend, but she's not more important than my life and I will never make anyone else more important than my life. I'm on a certain path in life, and if she can accentuate that, support that, or follow me on that; that's great. But if our paths diverge, then our paths diverge.

Take the time to heal, recover, then decide what kind of life you want to live. There's nothing wrong with never being involved in a serious relationship again, and there's certainly nothing wrong with not being in short-term 'fun' relationships either. The key thing is to find whatever works best for you and your journey forward.

syro23 · 2026-02-04T18:36:49+00:00

Is once enough? well at your age, what is the advantages to getting married? what are disadvantages?

Ecstatic_Ad6519 · 2026-02-04T16:19:36+00:00

Marriage is fucked in almost all over the world now, and I don't wanna just date for religious reasons. So yeah

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-02-04T16:01:46+00:00

Once is DEF enough.

I found myself, while in the throngs of love making, wanting to be part of something bigger than me (like a family unit) again, but marriage again? Involving the state again? Endangering my estate again?

Niope. Nagga bro.

Naggahappen.

Boglehead101 · 2026-02-04T14:24:04+00:00

Like you dated a lot, 56 also, going through divorce. Started dating, met a wonderful woman who treats me so well. Life is good.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2026-02-04T14:10:54+00:00

I am 56m. My divorce will be final soon. Don’t feel like dating. Will never remarry. Every relationship I have been in shows me why women can’t be trusted.

jkw118 · 2026-02-04T13:59:12+00:00

So im 49... I dated some.. I found a gf.. whom we get along great someday we will move in together.. I was very upfront about not wanting to get married again.and she has accepted that.

We have even talked about that if we ever did, it would be when we were in our 70s/80s for medical/financial reasons...

jalopkoala · 2026-02-04T13:53:07+00:00

Dating ≠ marriage

Take some time for yourself. Relationships can take a million forms. I have real friends where we also have benefits. I’m 42 and poly and have two very dear committed partners and we raise our kids separately and live apart.

But forget the poly thing there will be women your age that want their independence or entanglement that aligns with what you want. Just get out there and make it clear what you are looking for once it is known.

My partners dad is in his 70s and his girlfriend lives in Florida and him in New Jersey. Seeing each other a week or so every other month is exactly what they want. They both own their own homes. Their finances are independent. They are there for each other in hard times. They have lots of fun.

acg34 · 2026-02-04T13:48:22+00:00

I’m in the same boat you’re in. If I meet someone fine, if not, that’s fine, too. I’ll never get married again.

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-02-04T13:47:40+00:00

Taking your time to self reflect is healthy and helpful. Once you can see your part in the demise of your marriage you will be able to correct yourself and avoid bringing the same problems into any future relationships. Take your time and remember that your happiness matters.

Best of luck your best life is ahead

will23188 · 2026-02-04T13:42:52+00:00

I was married for 33 years and I'm 59. I still want to date, but I'm adverse to any committed relationship right now. Remarriage will never happen, I'm done with that shit😄

DivorceCoachGio · 2026-02-04T13:40:49+00:00

26 years is a Hall of Fame run. If you’re enjoying the peace, own it! Solo life isn't giving up, it's a victory lap. Your time, your rules.

JealousTea3615 · 2026-02-04T13:36:57+00:00

That’s me. I lost interest in the drama and angst that came with men and marriage. I’m calm now. Focused on the things that matter to me.

ItsHowItisNow2 · 2026-02-04T12:59:57+00:00

That would be me…and not regretted at all.

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-02-04T12:55:35+00:00

I was the same way, ran through a bunch of women but never really fell head over heals until I met my ex-wife. Didn't get married until I was 38. Yeah, I haven't had any desire to date. Sure, it would be nice to have some tail but after that she can kick rocks, no more relationships for me and definitely no marriage.

I'll never understand why men remarry - didn't you learn the lesson the first time?

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-04T12:45:34+00:00

I'm about your age and same relationship duration, but I'm eight years post-divorce. I would never marry again. As Jim Carrey joked: Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I want to get the government involved so you can't leave.

When women ask me what I'm looking for in a relationship, I tell them I'm just dating. Set that boundary early and it simplifies your life.

Make sure you take time for reconstruction post-divorce. Took about a year for me.

EndAutomatic9186 · 2026-02-04T12:20:56+00:00

I'm 40 and when I was cheated on and got divorced I didn't want to date again but I went on the apps for about a week to see how it was like and am now dating a nice woman.

So I think its all about your mindset and how you are. Take some time for yourself see if you like it. There's no rush to anything.

Nervous-Alfalfa8416 · 2026-02-04T12:19:34+00:00

Very similar situation. I'm 55, together for 26 years, married 13. One daughter . I ask myself the same question. I definitely miss female company(to an extent).

Really don't know If I can cohabit again, and all the associated ball ache that goes with it. Also the idea of getting into another LTR and the same thing happening again down the line? No chance, I protect myself this time.

mesi130 · 2026-02-04T12:16:42+00:00

I didn’t date for 10 years then found myself ready to date.

Title	Maybe once is enough?
Author	Accurate-Pilot-5666
Upvotes	44
Comments	43
Date	February 4, 2026 9:56 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qvkisr/maybe_once_is_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/maybe-once-is-enough.1572683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572683

Comments