Why do the responsible ones end up paying?

roypdx · 2023-06-07T01:38:30+00:00

Because the States family courts don't want the irresponsible spouse on welfare. Period. That's all it's really about.

ClassicTrauma · 2023-06-07T00:44:47+00:00

It’s a crooked system man. I feel for you. Going through the same bs right now

extramediumweaksauce · 2023-06-07T01:20:17+00:00

At least in the US being exploitative always pays off. Always.

Grand-Expression-493 · 2023-06-07T00:53:53+00:00

Because, and I kid you not, this is what the proponents of that way will say: you ready?? Ahem ahem

You were the responsible one, clean credit whatever else, is because your SO stayed home, managed everything, kids etc that enabled you do to have your career.

It's a full time job.

Crazy right! But post this in the divorce sub and be ready to be rained on.

AnonJetlag · 2023-06-07T00:44:38+00:00

I am convinced that the system does not reward good men on purpose.

Adventurous_Tie_4464 · 2023-06-07T01:08:16+00:00

I wouldn’t spend time trying to figure it out. Lots of bad dads out there just abandon their kids, no emotional support or a dollar of financial help. Meanwhile this board is full of men fighting till their last breath just to even see their kids.

I guess life isn’t fair. Play the long game. Work on building long term relationships with your kids. Your a dad for 50 years not just the 18 that get argued about on this board. The race is long and in the end it is only with yourself. Be the best person and Dad you can be and strive to be better than the person you were yesterday.

jimsmythee · 2023-06-07T02:10:42+00:00

I was in a 11 year marriage getting divorced. 5 years and 2 kids into our marriage she found prescription pills.

She refused to work, as now all of our lives revolved around getting her more and more pills.

In divorce she wanted everything. Every last dime. Because she said she was “too sick to work.”

But the fortunes favored me and the judge didn’t award her any alimony. Told her to get a job, and I got 50/50 custody.

If I got a judge that was more sympathetic to her problems? I could have been straddled with crippling alimony.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2023-06-07T01:23:08+00:00

The answer is actually pretty simple.

There was a day, when it wasn’t common for women to go into the workplace. It was the norm of society that they stayed home. So the father was the breadwinner.

And very frequently, probably 99 times out of 100, When there was a divorce, the father would leave wife and kids and take his income with him.

That was a very extreme world. The pendulum swung in the fathers favor. So the legislator changed it and made the pendulum swing the other way.

this is a big system, a broken system, and it takes a long time to change. But it does change…

Wolfjak · 2023-06-07T04:05:34+00:00

Marriage has undergone drastic changes in the last 50 years. What used to be a life-long commitment, unbreakable barring the most severe circumstances, has been relegislated into something entirely new thanks to the lobbying efforts of radical feminists and the divorce industry. In trying to make divorce “fail-safe” for homemaker or lower-earner spouses, the bad ones included, society has made marriage “unsafe” for virtually everyone else.

Marriage was a worthy goal for a man about 50 years ago. Today, not so much. Some things changed in our culture: legalized abortion, no-fault divorce, domestic violence laws and the concept of marital rape. The changes themselves were not wrong, except the principal benefactor of these changes are modern women.

And modern women have a sense of entitlement that is not possible to satisfy. They expect to have it all - and they are being told that they should have it all - that their whim and feelings are most important. Somehow they expect to juggle a marriage, career, parenting and social life with no hassle - and when it doesn't work, the husband is the first to suffer. We live in a world where arguing with your wife is considered emotional abuse, telling her that she is spending too much is being a control freak, and wanting regular sex is misogyny. These same women cannot cook, clean or handle the kids without stressing out, but we men are expected to make it better.

Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this scrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. – Charles Schwab

Marriage today has the potential to be the most damaging decision a man can make in his life – it’s a legal extortion scheme. You’re betting a woman half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever. Marriage is handing a woman an axe, then putting your head on a chopping block in the trust that she won’t cut it off. It’s not reciprocal. The modern state of matrimony has become the legal equivalent of gambling. Getting married is like betting half your stuff she won’t cheat on you. No matter what she contributed, or did not contribute to the marriage, half of your stuff is hers. If you are not married, she has no claim on your assets, nor you on hers. That fact alone makes rejecting marriage the smartest financial move a man can make, and lets you avoid career slavery. Marriage used to be a business and social partnership for the accumulation and conservation of wealth and the raising of children. Now marriage is the new retirement pension for modern women, rewarding them for breaking a contract. A woman that won’t take your name in a marriage will gladly take your house in a divorce. You can get the same effect of marriage by selling your house, giving all your money away and have someone castrate you. There is no incentive for men to get married. Society has stacked the deck against men in modern marriage.

Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave. – Jim Carrey

acg34 · 2023-06-07T02:36:34+00:00

I went through it. It messed me up for a while. I thought I was doing well because I didn’t want her back. But there was more to getting over the divorce than just that. I realized the divorce was the best thing that happened to me. Got a toxic narcissist out of my life. My credit rating has gone up 200 points since the divorce 😎

Crafty_Maintenance75 · 2023-06-07T14:54:41+00:00

I’m the responsible wife and my ex never wanted to work because his wife has a good salary. He’s rewarded $2.2 million from this divorce. I will never forgive him until the day I die.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2023-06-07T15:14:45+00:00

As a saver, I was punished heavily during the divorce. She spent all she had, zero in savings, no retirement. We both make about the same. The court saw my 401k that i had saved over 10 years in, gave her part of that, as well as gave her the house we owned to make it "50/50" while I was forced to move into a shitty apartment and see my son 4 days a month. It's all about maintaining her life, while men/fathers get the shaft. I was almost homeless because of it, courts do not care what happens to the man or whether he can live after.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2023-06-07T16:58:37+00:00

Because, in most cases, such men failed to make themselves their own mental point of origin. These men bought into traditional gender roles and sacrificed, sacrificed, and sacrificed. Society had long ago abandoned traditional gender roles (especially for women) and such men ended up victims to psychic vampires. As a result, such men ended up being selected by avaricious, crappy women who just want resources.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-06-07T05:42:33+00:00

You're preaching to the preacher, OP. Once I realized this was going on in court, I was shocked. Very often in my divorce, I used the term "perverse incentive".

It's a term from economics. It means you're giving people incentives to do the OPPOSITE of what they should do. It's really insane.

If you're divorcing your wife because she's a financial blackhole, divorce just makes the problem worse. You can't escape it.

captainchippsixx · 2023-06-07T11:56:30+00:00

That’s why you have to fight dirty at times.
You can stay on the high road too much. I learned the hard way as well.

I pay for 2 households, mine and the ex. Yeah still no FT job after 4 years. But neither of us is living in luxury. She is just stupid.

Before my parents passed, I had to take care of them from long distance with their medical, housing and well being. I look after my brother in the same way, managing his finances.

Here is my big bullet point lessons: 1. Take the high ground and stay there. Meaning take the lead on divorce and negotiate everything. No freebie assets. You what the furniture. Sure. That’s $1k to me. 2. Asap, put daylight on the divorce to everyone. Vampire ex’s don’t want you to talk. They can control the narrative and say all the bad things about you and they are a victim. 3. Have plans ready in case of evil ex vamp tactics. Meaning use your knowledge of her history and weaknesses to leverage results for a fair divorce. Keep any damning emails, texts, photos ready to go. Sometimes you may have to embellish to keep her on the defensive. Never let a evil ex vamp take the high ground.

yosemitesam00 · 2023-06-07T01:55:15+00:00

Because that's what was and is taught to boys/men. That worked in the past, but then things changed. What was taught to boys did not change. Trying to adhere to traditional values will get you screwed.

Fun-Possible7676 · 2023-06-07T02:41:58+00:00

For the same reason the strong must protect the weak

TipHeftyMan · 2023-06-07T05:21:34+00:00

Because that’s what the contract of marriage is in the eyes of the law, you agree to look after each other forever.

We signed a contract which favours one who breaks it if they are the less wealthy.

I wish they actually presented the terms and conditions when you got married!

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-06-07T07:37:33+00:00

Because same as they washed their hands of Loons via closing asylums which kept productive society safe and went for “care in the community” so now you get to deal with the crazies - they washed their hands off useless unproductive single moms lounging about in dark alleys behind bars by roping in boring , hard-working sorts like yourself to “shoulder” the state’s (via the taxes you already pay) responsibility for the weaker crazier less productive elements of society.

… 🤐 but at least you don’t have to serve as actual cannon fodder (yet) for all your Privilege keeping the sabertooth 🐅 off them all the way since the Cave . So there’s that . Yay!

throwaway2020198 · 2023-06-07T14:53:26+00:00

Truth!

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-06-07T15:52:25+00:00

Because they didn't control the treasury. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/588e5o/gain\_control\_of\_the\_treasury/

pk2at · 2023-06-07T16:36:10+00:00

You were not just responsible but also foolish enough to disclose all your finances and cooperate despite hearing time and again the system was biased against men

NBDad · 2023-06-07T23:42:07+00:00

Because you allowed, condoned and presumably supported the behavior while you were with her. *shrug* That's the way it is.

Background_Pilot_158 · 2023-06-08T04:10:14+00:00

Yep. Because we’re the responsible ones so the government makes us take care of the other person so the government doesn’t have to.

Title	Why do the responsible ones end up paying?
Author	Ok-Cat1446
Upvotes	59
Comments	45
Date	June 7, 2023 12:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/142y6y6/why_do_the_responsible_ones_end_up_paying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-the-responsible-ones-end-up-paying.1221518 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221518

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