Audacity of Fathers

vagesta · 2021-06-03T06:46:17+00:00

It’s not uncommon for women to develop allergies to things they weren’t previously allergic to before pregnancy.

Being highly allergic to something for life because a lvm got a woman pregnant sounds horrifying.

vbych76 · 2021-06-03T06:48:47+00:00

If you ask a man he will say that we, women, wanted the child more. So be aware of the signs, if a man is not with you on all appointments, without having to ask him, if he is not proactively researching doctors, assisting you with injections, testing himself, he is not a father, but a sperm donor. Also if he's not reading the literature, feeding you at all times, doing housework or hire a person/company, encouraging you to go to pre birth courses and is not allowing you to discuss your discomforts freely with him,friends, relatives or a therapist, he will be much worse after the baby birth. DON'T BELIEVE WORDS, BELIEVE ACTIONS.

Platipus6 · 2021-06-03T07:23:47+00:00

Being clueless about the whole process, refusing to learn or take it seriously, and clinging to stupid stereotypes, disinformation, or bad advice from his mother (whom he believes more).

Thinking that we just pop out a kid and it will be our complete responsibility, we'll be fine within a week and life will go back to normal immediately, only there will be a small, annoying blob nearby for 4-5 years until it can talk and gets interesting to him.

He needs his rest for his 9-5 job and won't be getting up for night feedings or diaper changes.

SAHM are lazy parasites who do nothing. Gets a panicked look on his face if you suggest leaving the kid with him for one afternoon. Will hold it until it cries or poops then immediately hands it back. Gets sulky, sullen or jealous when you pay attention to it though.

I'm not convinced many men understand they're creating a human life and that there will be a third person in their relationship.

curlywurlyprincess · 2021-06-03T07:55:37+00:00

Men are so ungrateful. I am not getting pregnant unless he proves himself to be high value and reliable. I am not putting my life at risk for some worthless guy

Davina33 · 2021-06-03T07:19:34+00:00

It really is. I think back on my mother's experiences and it makes me weep. My stepfather met her whilst she was pregnant with me. She said one minute he would get up in the middle of the night to cook her steak or prawns, as this is what she was craving with me. The next he bottled her over the head and beat her. He grew progressively worse as she had my three brothers over the following five years. I just don't understand it. You have a woman giving you the most precious thing on earth, life! Yet this is what you do? Total scum.

Personally I am childfree, I have never wanted children but I respect those that do, especially women. It's probably just as well as I've spent 90% of my child bearing years on birth deforming, serious immunosuppressants drugs. It's hard enough bringing up children, but I imagine even harder for those of who have so many health problems. I'm not sure most men deserve to have their genes passed on. Their too busy on OLD looking for a "better" woman to fall on their dick.

Papaverinum · 2021-06-03T08:00:09+00:00

If I were a man and my woman was pregnant, I'd do everything I could to make her happy, safe, healthy and comfortable! This requires literaly only basic empathy, but then again we're not people in men's eyes.

azureangel35 · 2021-06-03T11:23:28+00:00

99.9% just want a child for the legacy. I've only met 2 men who truly adored and wanted children badly. even most father's will tell you their wives wanted kids more. it's so completely not worth it when they just lie cheat and leave.

starfighter07 · 2021-06-03T09:03:19+00:00

Most men don't know how pregnancy, post partum and baby caring work anyway.... and they certainly don't want to know.

I will always remember when one of my relatives gave birth, she decided to breastfeed and her husband acted shock and merely disgusted when he realized breastfeeding cannot be control or ""stopped"" especially when the baby is crying. And after learning that, instead of normalize it, he would alwats complain about how inconvenient it is, how weird it is... dude it's breastfeeding, grow up.

And it's a little little exemple of the many things men don't know and want to use against us when they are aware of it.

LR_today · 2021-06-03T11:49:01+00:00

My ex said he wanted me to get a better paying job so he didn't end up "paying for everything for a kid", by that he meant food, clothes, etc. He makes $150K a year with basically no expenses but was worried what a child would cost him and if I would pay for half of everything making a third of his income.

Yeah how about you hang onto your money and be buried with it since you will be alone.

betsybasset · 2021-06-03T10:10:09+00:00

There's a special hell reserved for this kind of scrotes.

These 🤡 won't exist without their mothers.

FrenchHeel · 2021-06-03T11:19:42+00:00

Don’t forget

Reduced earning potential and career opportunities

Not only is there a wage gap for women, it is worse for mothers

16February2021 · 2021-06-03T11:25:35+00:00

And then men have audacity to complain for women to be picky about their partners

GlitterMermaid4 · 2021-06-03T09:47:19+00:00

My personal side effects from being pregnant 5 times and having 4 kids

Fucked back

Screwed my hips so bad by the end of the last 2 pregnancies I had to go to physio weekly the last few months to get my back tapped and could barely walk

My wrists and thumbs screwed up and 6 years on I still have issues with them

Chronically exhausted cause I’m looking after the kids alone

Get told I’m selfish for wanting their dad to have the baby for one night overnight now she’s 1 and takes bottles

Absolutely broke because I can’t get a job that pays enough to cover rent and childcare for 4 kids let alone food and everything else so I’m struggling on Centrelink while doing University online and looking after the kids so in a couple of years when most of them are in school I can hopefully afford to work and be qualified enough to get a good job

Got PPD bad every kid and I’m still struggling getting my mh back to good again

Labor is absolutely hell I wished I would die to stop the pain and cried and screamed the whole time

One of the labor’s resulted in a LOT of tearing internally and externally that took over 4 months to fully heal but of course the ex was pushing to have sex before I was fully healed cause he had needs

Two of my kids have extra needs which is a lot to deal with as a single parent because I wasn’t careful enough with choosing who I had kids with

sweet_birthday_babyy · 2021-06-03T11:11:39+00:00

Pregnancy hormones and other side effects fucked up my back, and two c-sections fucked up my abs. During pregnancy I would feel tired and want to rest and he would accuse me of being lazy...

vbych76 · 2021-06-03T12:22:27+00:00

We forget to mention the propaganda that is literally everywhere- that the parenthood changes men for the better. That makes them more mature, damn they even start to receive a bigger paycheck as a consequence. It doesn't work like that.If he was a shit on a stick before, better believe it, he will show you all his bad behaviors, everything he hid and didn't dare to do before.

2020na · 2021-06-03T12:01:29+00:00

I ended up with a desmoid tumor where I lost half of my stomach muscles from removal. No man is worth that. The child, and only the child is worth it.

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-06-03T12:03:47+00:00

My ex husband made me play board games while I was in labour because he was bored. I hate board games at the best of times...I was an idiot. I know.

thebonecarrier · 2021-06-03T11:18:52+00:00

My XH started an affair sometime between me getting pregnant and our baby turning one, when he left to be with the other woman.

He blamed me, saying we hadn't had good sex in two years. The same period of time it took me to gestate and birth an infant, recover physically and mentally, before even taking a moment to breathe.

Three days after giving birth, I sat in the baby's room rocking him to sleep with tears rolling down uncontrollably my face. XH walked in, handed me a list of chores, and said "This is your half".

His behaviour from the moment of conception demonstrated pure contempt and disgust for womanhood and motherhood. The bottom line? He resented the baby for taking away his bang maid.

These deadbeat dads don't want to parent, but they force the unnatural separation of mother and infant by fighting for shared custody to avoid paying child support, which is abuse by proxy.

Aromatic-Owl8808 · 2021-06-03T06:53:23+00:00

This makes me think of Tristan Thompson

spinsterchachkies · 2021-06-03T06:39:50+00:00

I am sure being a mother is great. The bond that you can have with your child must be a wonderful experience. I just wouldn’t want a father there to ruin that personally

t3ddi · 2021-06-03T13:03:47+00:00

And they want you to do this in many cases in which they cannot adequately financially/emotionally support you. I am not a pez dispenser.

TheDameWithoutASmile · 2021-06-03T10:54:21+00:00

This is tangential, but so important: moms do not have to live with incontinence. No, really. People treat it as a given, but there are pelvic floor therapists that your insurance may cover, and it's generally agreed that while short-term incontinence after birth is expected, long-term/permanent incontinence, while common, isn't normal. It can be fixed. And no, just "do kegels" isn't the same as PT.

So just a PSA there.

As for the rest... yes. I've been in and out of the hospital for HG, my hips ache all the time, I have heartbutn all the time, I ended up with a severe kidney infection and was denied pain medication for an ungodly amount of time because it might hurt the baby, and hate hate hate every minute of this and still have 5 weeks to go. Do not do it unless you have great support, either in terms of a HV partner, or if you're doing it solo, family/friends/hired help. Pregnancy is the most miserable, painful, interminable experience of my life. I don't regret the result, but had I known it would be like this, I would honestly have never done it.

chrysanthe-mumm · 2021-06-03T13:46:31+00:00

I have an absolutely massive amount of respect for mothers and the sacrifices they make for their children, but this post outlines one of the biggest reasons I’ll never have kids. I opted for sterilization a while ago and the peace of mind it gives me is incredible, especially given the constant war on women’s autonomy.

namasdating · 2021-06-03T08:28:10+00:00

Once you have a child you never sleep again and are constantly tired

awhileagonow · 2021-06-03T16:07:47+00:00

I think as much if not more than the physical and emotional impact of pregnancy and birth is the way that your status in society changes. Becoming a mother brings an almost insupportable load in terms of obligations and expectations. You are forever after judged by your position as a mother: being a good mother is difficult and undervalued, being a bad mother is the worst thing a woman can be. Most of the time you can't do right for doing wrong and you are always assessed in relation to your children and how well you manage and nurture your family unit. Psychologically it's quite some weight to bear.

Then as a mother seeking relationships especially romance or anything 'for you' is judged really harshly. I was a single parent from the start and remember people discussing how I wouldn't be able to date, it was too risky in case I accidentally brought a paedophile home. I remember the realisation that people would think badly of me even for ordinary, natural things like wanting a partner. And the whole way through men judge you. The father of your child judges you for your flaws and failings, real or imagined. The men in your family judge you (in my case for being a single parent). And when you do try and date, men judge you. You are already at a disadvantage, of lower value, and have to fight uphill against the prejudice against women with children as being poor desperate losers with terrible decision making ability. There is so much negativity around motherhood in our society I almost can't think of anything positive to say about the socio-cultural attitudes towards it.

katiekat0214 · 2021-06-03T13:27:34+00:00

I'm 53, and an early articulator childfree woman. Knew from single digits that I wanted to be married and have a happy marriage; also knew from single digits I did not want to have children. If previous lives are real, I opted out HARD this incarnation, more than likely due to any/all of the above. Best decision of my entire life, bar none, with getting my degrees a very definite second. I've talked to a lot of people, and some people "just knew" they wanted to be parents; I admire them. For those of us who know we don't want kids and make sure we don't have them, we deserve admiration too, for knowing our own minds, and staying super strong in the face of unthinking pro-natalist propaganda shoved at us from girlhood. Stay strong, queens. Know your mind. Know what you do and do not want. You do have the right to change your mind at any time, also.

EclecticBarbarella · 2021-06-03T14:31:33+00:00

And sometimes it’s not even an ask. A lot of times it’s just expected.

modernmedusaa · 2021-06-03T17:47:24+00:00

Yes and also use declining birth rates to your advantage- there’s more men wanting kids than women willing to have them. Over the last ten years it’s been men bringing up kids /marriage to me lol. Except I refuse to have them with LVM or any man I don’t see a longterm future with.

Women who want kids should be extra ruthless and make sure they can cover their own backs first and pick a man that would at least be mature /caring /generous enough to co parent with should things go wrong. That means NO broke men. NO immature clowns. A man with father qualities- well educated, responsible and not racist /sexist.

So if they REALLY want children for the right reasons they will show you they are generous, caring, mature and responsible. And continue to do so after the honeymoon phase ( 3-6 months).

And don’t fall into forever gf trap thinking a plaster baby will patch up your dwindling 8 year relationship. Only have kids because you want them- not because a man does and is throwing an ultimatum he will leave if you don’t.

imtryingtotryhere · 2021-06-04T14:00:47+00:00

this is why women and girls are kept in the dark about pregnancy, risks, labor, and side effects.. they don't want us to know the truth.

The_Moon_Piece · 2021-06-05T07:19:57+00:00

When I got engaged to my ex, my dad’s side of the family had some celebration I can’t remember and my dad got drunk. My mom had passed away a few years back, so I drove him. On the way back to his place, he started telling me that I should never have kids because I had ruined my mother’s body and she couldn’t please him anymore. My mom was the ultimate pickme, and she did so much for this man. He had the audacity to talk about her that way. Fuck him.

Title	Audacity of Fathers
Author	luvmyvulvaxoxo
Upvotes	461
Comments	86
Date	June 3, 2021 4:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nr4xai/audacity_of_fathers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/audacity-of-fathers.773032 https://theredarchive.com/post/773032

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