Men puts more thought into a high-school sweetheart proposal than the "proposal" to his current wife. Of course the onus gets put on the woman and she gets told to cOmUNicatE.

Galathillion · 2021-12-01T22:07:52+00:00

Things that stood out to me:

5 years together and 1 child later and then he decides to "propose".
The lack of effort on his part is astounding, and poor OP is absolutely right in feeling slighted.
When confronted about it, he does not acknowledge his shameful behaviour and spouts excuses.

It's disgusting how men can stay with you for the convenience, while clearly showing signs they do not value you but are content enough in having you waste your life by their side.

2340000 · 2021-12-01T22:14:57+00:00

He told her she didn't get his 100% effort because his mom died before their first date? They've been together more than 5 years😒. And OP's all "wE need to learn how to romance", wE this, wE that.

That LVM is not worth his weight in gold! My ex did this shit all the time.

Me: Why are you low effort and emotionally abusive?

Him: My mom forgot my 5th birthday.

Sis needs to move the fuck on.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-12-01T22:13:34+00:00

It sounds like he considers her his “sure thing” so he doesn’t give her the Queen treatment she deserves. The lesson to the rest of us is to continue to have expectations. He doesn’t need to rent out a baseball stadium or hire the local symphony orchestra, but his proposal (and all the small things entailed in day to day life) should show consideration and effort. We should never settle for a man coming home with a ring and basically emoting, “You’re gonna say yes anyways. Why do I have to act like this is a big deal? Like you’re a big deal?”

millennialpink2000 · 2021-12-01T23:04:46+00:00

Guys need to be scared they'll lose you, or they'll never put in any effort. And a guy is only scared of losing a woman he actually likes.

Zurflu · 2021-12-01T22:24:16+00:00

Omg, he blames not proposing on being sad from his mom having cancer in the past 😳🤣

Platipus6 · 2021-12-01T22:33:39+00:00

She stuck around and gave emotional support when his mum got cancer, now she's all over the emotional labor of planning her own proposal. Christ.

Start how you mean to go on, they sure as shit will.

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-12-01T22:52:01+00:00

He learned that his mum had cancer again and still went on a date? Gross arsehole.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-01T22:27:01+00:00

He wasn't in the right frame of mind to start a relationship with at the very beginning with his mum passing. The ruthless strategy would be to blockand delete him right at the beginning. In a more empathic way of course, but this relationship should have never happened.

elainejay82 · 2021-12-02T00:37:41+00:00

The reason his proposal was so "meh" is because he unfortunately felt "meh" about marrying her, period.

Men show you how they feel. It's real simple, actually.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-12-02T00:00:21+00:00

So, she went through his mother's cancer with him, supported him, gave him a child and 5 years of her life and all she deserved is a ring with no word while she was vacuuming?

What a slap in the face 🤦‍♀️ I'm offended on her behalf. And I guarantee there will be no romance whatsoever, only more resentment on her side and even more gaslighting from him.

cutiebranch · 2021-12-02T01:46:45+00:00

Dating 5 years with a 1 year old….

Guy put in no effort because even after she was pregnant, even while she was nursing his child, he was looking for other options.

alpinepunch2021 · 2021-12-02T03:14:42+00:00

I can't imagine on what grounds he could possibly get defensive. The fact that he put more effort into a woman he barely knew from highschool than the literal mother of his child is insane to me. His excuse doesn't even make any sense either - if he was so depressed over his mother that he couldn't experience honeymoon feelings then why date anyone at all? The whole reason people initially start dating new people is because of the honeymoon feelings to begin with. Like in this thread people have brought up the fact that dating while you're grieving is imprudent, but my point is that it also just doesn't make sense as an explanation of his motivations. If you were really grieving to such an extent that you couldn't experience romantic love, you just wouldn't want to date.

GoldandGlowing · 2021-12-02T02:17:38+00:00

Man willing continues a first date when his mom was diagnosed with cancer, continues to use this as an excuse to placehold his baby’s mom.

radfem_babe · 2021-12-02T04:34:06+00:00

5 years is too long to wait for a proposal. And never have a child with a man that you aren't married too.

Buttercup5555 · 2021-12-02T05:43:30+00:00

I'm sorry but this is disgusting to me. He is making a farfetched rationalization here. Because of a less than ideal first date 5+ years ago and his mom passing he is now low effort with his proposal? I don't get it. She has been by his side at the most difficult time in his life and birthed their baby, if anything he should be extremely high effort for her.

But, he is entitled and taking her for granted so there's that.

JulyParade · 2021-12-02T06:03:46+00:00

He proposed because people kept asking him when they were going to get married. He couldn't care less. Nothing is going to "turn around" for her. Maybe she'll get an "hey beautiful" text sometime.

xfelugirlx · 2021-12-02T06:25:44+00:00

Girl stop gaslighting yourself. He doesn’t love you that much, if he didn’t do it that itself speaks volumesss. You begging him to do a bare minimum is pathetic. Just dump him

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-12-02T02:55:33+00:00

Pathetic really. I’m embarrassed for her

daisy_0720 · 2021-12-02T05:54:43+00:00

Ah yes, the classic "blame a sick relative for my shitty behavior" excuse...

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-12-02T13:18:29+00:00

That wasn’t a proposal, that was a resignation and acknowledgment that he realized he could not do better so he settled and begrudgingly handed her a ring. Then they did a perfunctory ceremony. This guy is King Low Effort. There will be no learning to romance each other, that time has passed because you accepted a shittier bottom rung offer, so that’s where the bar for your relationship has been set and will stay.

bizzybumblebee · 2021-12-02T02:06:44+00:00

lol what a clown

scorchedsouI · 2021-12-02T08:11:52+00:00

He just doesn't really like her all that much. No amount of communication can change that. At worst he'll grow resentful because she expects him to behave in a way that doesn't come naturally to him with her. She deserves to be romanced but you can't negotiate desire, and she needs to come to terms with this.

Her worst mistake is having a child with a man who doesn't love her. It makes leaving him and moving on much harder.

lansburysoda · 2021-12-01T23:57:07+00:00

It’s because he settled for her.

VanessaViews · 2021-12-02T07:20:14+00:00

No you set a standard. It was just very low and he knew the minimum he could do and get away with and he's been doing that ever since.

sassyheather · 2021-12-03T08:56:27+00:00

All I could read was “blah blah blah somehow I ended up thinking it’s a mutual problem so I am also at fault”

sleepysiri · 2021-12-03T16:09:58+00:00

So his mom dies and his first instinct is to find a replacement.

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