No man is ‘seemingly HV’ — he simply did the bare minimum on the first couple of dates. Stop labeling men HV too EARLY on!

VelvetKnuckleduster · 2021-11-11T16:10:41+00:00

When you prematurely label a man High Value you're potentially putting the blinkers on yourself for when red flags do start popping up and that's how you end up with "I cook and clean and wipe his ass and he doesn't answer my texts during the week but he remembered my birthday". It's natural to want to see the best in people, especially a potential partner, but it's also natural to want to think the best of yourself so if he already has the label you'll be more inclined to overlook problems to maintain the status quo and avoid facing the fact that maybe you judged poorly.

High Value is supposed to mean he adds significant value to your life, so reserve the title for when you're consistently reaping the benefits of having him around. Until then, he's Neutral value or maybe Positive value.

millions_ofpeachs4me · 2021-11-11T18:23:25+00:00

You’re spot on, but I think it goes further. Putting the HV label on any human is a bad idea; a person either exhibits high value or low value behavior.

This is an important distinction. Even the most pornsick, filthy, worthless POS or the most violent, abusive bastard (and their respective female equivalents) have moments where they show incredibly high value behavior. Even the most emphatic, kind, attentive man will have his graceless moments. It’s a matter of whether the good outweighs the bad for you.

My bigger point is that high and low value are both relative to what one is looking for, and putting your partner in a box called “HV” will cloud your judgement as to whether he truly is making your life better.

electroloop · 2021-11-11T15:34:00+00:00

THANK YOU.

The most shocking story a user posted a couple of days ago is how her "HV" partner of THREE YEARS gave her an STI!

The mask will drop eventually for many, MANY men. A majority of men are master manipulators. Try to take sex out of the equation, come down with a serious illness, or be in a rut of some sort. Most men that were deemed "HV" will disappear.

asocialsocialite · 2021-11-11T17:52:00+00:00

There's a lot of low-key Pickmeisha's that truly believe that their guy is HV.

They're not HV. You haven't read the handbook enough. You don't want to vet because *~*feelings*~* and vetting is such a hard process.

I get that the feelings happen, however, FDS encourages you to IGNORE THAT SHIT. It's strategy for a reason. You can't strategize well when you've been dickmatized.

LR_today · 2021-11-11T15:29:11+00:00

This was my mistake on the last guy. Who they are in the first month or 2-3 dates is not who he is. I think it's confusing to a lot of women because I don't know about you, but I am who I am and stay that way!

mashibeans · 2021-11-11T20:06:37+00:00

Yeah, this seems to happen in waves, whenever we get an influx of newbies who either barely read the handbook, did NOT read the handbook (report these, everyone), and/or are still pickmes in many ways and insist on dating instead of first focusing on improving their relationship with themselves.

Sorry not sorry, but tons of newbies are NOT ready to start dating any time soon after finding FDS. It takes time to unlearn all the pick stuff, how to recognize red flags AND accept them as red flags, acknowledge and accept that NO, there's no magic trick or timeline that "assures" a man is HV, that vetting is a lifetime process and you have to be ready to walk away the moment the man reveals his true LV colors, even years into a relationship, and so many more things that lots of newbies do not want or cannot accept.

There's a LOT of info in our sub, and I can say about every other day I find out about all the ways men ruin things with their depraved ways. All that stuff you have to actually process, and that takes a while, and that's just step one of leveling up. And leveling up itself requires time and consistent effort.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-11-11T17:37:37+00:00

That's right, people are so complex, you have to be very careful not to gleefully put anyone into an HV category way too soon.

He could be a perfect gentleman, with a great career, financially well off, generous, with great hobbies, who treats you like a lady and helps those in need. He even volunteers in children hospital and animal shelter!

HV man, at last, right?

Wrong.

He has a little secret folder on his computer with pictures of dead girls to which he masturbates every night.

Or he is frequent at a local sex shop in search for anyone with a similar kink to engage in some deprived hookup.

Or he has a whole family with a whole wife and kids and even a hamster in another city/ state/ country who he is hiding from you.

Or he is a highly functioning alcoholic/sex addict/porn addict/ gambler /and so on, and so forth.

The thing is you don't know him and will not know for a really long time.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-11-11T21:54:01+00:00

Wait until your sick, with a cold or whatever. See how he acts then. Anything else is potentially an act.

plomerst · 2021-11-11T15:43:33+00:00

Right. Instead of “innocent until proven guilty” it’s “scrote until prove high value” for me.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-11-11T22:47:16+00:00

Cannot agree more. Also labelling a man as "potential high value" tends to get you focused on one man, when you should be seeing others too.

seraphinelysion · 2021-11-11T17:50:13+00:00

ALL MEN are LV at best, NV at worst until proven otherwise. Sorry not sorry this has to be the case, but time and time again men prove to be shitty human beings incapable of thinking women are human beings or deserving of respect. It's up to men to change that narrative if they don't like the stereotype they painted for themselves.

LadyM2 · 2021-11-11T17:41:30+00:00

Too many pickmes out there, even in this sub. I still remember that post where a woman called her BF high value because he gave her his stuffed animal when she was sick. I was like what the f**k is going on here? Do people even have standards?

repurposedschleem · 2021-11-11T15:50:01+00:00

Yup! But I wonder how do we word this concept: say, a year in, he’s been nothing but wonderful and if nothing ever changed would be “HV.” But, we, cautious as we should be, are wanting to communicate that we’re aware and ready for the possible mask slip? I’ve used the phrase “so-far HVM” but wonder if there is something more accurate out there

Teaisnowcold · 2021-11-11T15:20:11+00:00

I realized this and noticed how I often wanted to label men as "HV" even though there were clear red flags and things they just weren't doing right...sigh. I think it comes from loneliness and my need for intimacy, so currently working on getting more caring girlfriends.

ilikedogsbutmenmore · 2021-11-12T07:05:23+00:00

Rule is: guilty of being a LVM until proven innocent!!

Glass-Trade8008 · 2021-11-11T18:43:38+00:00

I always felt like the "seemingly HV" distinction was redundant. It goes without saying that you think he may have the potential to be high value or you would have already blocked and deleted him. After years of being together, then maybe the word seemingly high value can be said in place of high value. Because I think high value can only safely be said at someone's eulogy.

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-12T04:09:45+00:00

Amen to this, most of then just pretend and then u see the real face

AliceArcherLorde · 2021-11-12T08:16:00+00:00

I think I've HVd too early on so many times that I've run out of enthusiasm for dating. Has anyone else experienced this where you just can't conjure any interest or momentum to get invested in dating? And do you have a strategy that works to get kick started again?

toothfairyyx · 2021-11-11T15:37:01+00:00

Yes, couldn’t have said it better myself. Don’t mistake early charm for consistent effort, and DO NOT put him on a pedestal. Date 1 - he’s on his best behavior ladies, and the mask usually slips. Never stop vetting.

mmpotpie78 · 2021-11-12T05:14:20+00:00

This post and the responses in this thread are gold!!

Title	No man is ‘seemingly HV’ — he simply did the bare minimum on the first couple of dates. Stop labeling men HV too EARLY on!
Author	arnezuara
Upvotes	987
Comments	47
Date	November 11, 2021 3:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qrnbkj/no_man_is_seemingly_hv_he_simply_did_the_bare/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/no-man-is-seemingly-hv-he-simply-did-the-bare.1084664 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084664

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